1.03
Unan1mous: Episode 3


Aaaah! Where we last left off, Kelly decides that she doesn't want to play the game anymore after someone has clearly lied about voting for Steve and she wants out. Adam self-righteously declares that Kelly is being selfish for wanting to cut "Steve's" money in half. When we begin, JD reminds Kelly that the money will be slashed into half should she leave and asks the other Herd members to say what they want to say to Kelly or forever hold their peace. Jonathan tells Kelly, somewhat bizarrely, that Kelly should stay for one more day so that he will leave the next day. He is speaking in a loud and stuttering manner and Adam is shouting to Kelly over Jonathan so I'm not really sure what he is trying to say. Perhaps he and Kelly have some agreement that is not shown previously due to the heavily edited format of this show?

Adam begs Kelly to stay for one more night, but he makes the mistake of telling Kelly to do what he calls "the only selfless thing" she will ever do. Kelly immediately goes, oh no, she has done plenty of selfless things in the past! Adam quickuly backtracks and says that this will be Kelly's opportunity to "do a selfless act on a major scale". Huh? If this is some kind of strategy on Adam's part to prevent the money from being slashed to half, he's doing a bad job at persuading Kelly to stay. Kelly correctly tells him that her staying here so that Steve will get the money doesn't register on a "major scale" at all. Adam again backtracks and says that hey, it's a selfless act on a major scale to "someone else"! Kelly pooh-poohs him, saying there is no honor about thieves so she's out of here while the rest of them can fight for the money. Vanessa insists that this isn't about honor, it's about "caring for somebody". At this point I am laughing hysterically at how ridiculous these people are being. Are they so desperate to pretend that there is some deeper moral significance behind them wanting to stay? Oh sure, they are all staying here to give Steve the money. They aren't trying to win the money for themselves! Guffaw.

JD asks Kelly whether her decision is final. She says it is. JD then allows her to leave, while the prize money quickly gets slashed from $1,492,296 to $746,148. Ouch. JD scolds the Nerd, saying that "this" will be a lesson to them. They need the others to give them the money! Cooperate and work as a team or they will all lose! Of course, JD neglects to mention that only one person in the team can win so technically all but one person are losers at the end of the day. Jamie declares that they have all "lost" already. In the meantime, Kelly waves at the others and walks out of the Bunker.

Steve tells the camera that he doesn't understand Kelly at all because she's "mean, ugly, and hateful". Is this because she has cost him seven grand? "Bottom line," Steve says, displaying a more attractive sarcastic side of him that he has never shown until now, "$750,000 is walking out with her!" Jameson doesn't mince his words at all to the camera as he cries happily, "Ding dong! The witch is dead!" As Kelly leaves, she tells the camera that money is the root of all evil (money forced her to pretend to be a bankrupt, you see) and the Bunker is "pure hell". She says that she's "glad" to be out of the Bunker. Oh, me too!

Back in the Bunker, JD tells the other Herd members that Richard is now eligible again to play. This leads to Richard cursing, causing the others to ask him why he is acting like a complete nutcase. Um, maybe because he is a nutcase? Just guessing, really. Richard is not happy because he knows that the others will now suspect him of sabotaging the vote so that he can go back into the game. This will only work if he can somehow predict that Kelly will leave, which I doubt, but the other Herd members are only looking for someone to blame so Richard becomes the suspected person that lied about voting for Steve.

JD banishes them from the Inner Circle but suspicions mostly about Richard continue to run high. Jamie tells Tarah that she feels sick about having to keep playing the game. Note that she never of course offers to walk out or anything. Maybe the cure for her illnesses are very expensive so she has to stay and play the game as well. As Jamie complains to Tarah about the lies going around the place that are making her sick, Tarah hilariously fakes a cough into her fist, not that Jamie gets her drift or anything since she keeps babbling on and on about the immoral aspects of this game. As Jameson joins Tarah and Jamie, Tarah says that Richard lied about his vote and she doesn't want to be near Richard at all. "I don't want to be a part of him!" she tells Jameson fiercely, completely unaware of the fact that Richard would most likely be flattered that she even considered being "a part" of him in the first place. Jameson suggests that they vote him off. It seems like the Herd knows in advance that they have to vote someone off again soon, this time around without having to play games like guessing whose secret they find the most distasteful, hmmm.

Jameson tells the camera that he is "furious" at Richard's "outburst" at the Inner Circle. Unless there are more to Richard's actions than the curse shown on TV, Jameson is overreacting just a little bit to Richard, methinks. Jameson says that he knows now why Richard is an "outcast" in "real life". Oh please. After this season is over and everything is revealed to be fake, Richard is going to get all the ladies or guys or both if that's what he likes while Jameson will have to resort to doing a bargain bin version of The Surreal Life with Kelly.

As the remaining Herd members sit in the living space for chit-chat, Adam is talking about how wonderful it is just to see Steve's reaction when he gets the money. Adam is either some creepy guy so in love with Steve that he's looking for bunnies to boil in Steve's name or he's the worst liar in the world. Jonathan brings up the possibility that Kelly ruined the previous vote, which doesn't make sense if you think about it because if Kelly threw the vote, she obviously wanted to win the money. But Kelly left, so... But it's clear that the Herd is not looking for logic as much as some straw to grasp while they try to reconcile themselves with the fact that they have to lie to get the money for themselves. Steve optimistically says that an unanimous vote will be reached easier since Kelly is gone. I don't know how he imagines that Kelly being gone will make everyone else happier to make him rich. What a twit. Vanessa tries to bring up the "Richard is crazy" thing again but Adam surprisingly defends Richard by saying that Richard is feeling betrayed because everyone else is lashing out at him.

Richard is either the most clueless person around when it comes to reading the room he's in or he just doesn't care, which makes him a totally cool guy in my book. I adore him, yes, and you can snigger at me all you want. I have thick skin. Being a fan of reality TV show weirdos do that to me. I say this because Richard now joins the conversation and looms over them as he says in his best halting mad man voice that it is so strange that he is made to look like the guilty party in this case. Richard then tells the others that on top of them now thinking the worst of him, he has also been humiliated previously so now he wants everyone to know that he deserves the money. Jameson chuckles in disbelief as Richard continues to say that he has suffered the most out of everyone in the Bunker. Steve drives me into another bout of laughter when he tells the camera that he is slowly convincing the others to vote unanimously for him when here comes Richard, whom he calls a "whole bunch cuckoo - not a little, a whole bunch!", to distract the others from his plan. I like Steve better when I know he's just playing the others.

Can I say that I am really digging Richard's stubble? Really, mad guys are hawt. He tells Tarah and the others that he has been honest all along but he gets kicked in the ass as a result so now he's going to think of the money as his. Adam tells him, "Don't get your hopes up, kid!" I don't like Adam. He's such a slimy conman. And Richard is hot. He gives the others his crazy-man blank stare and I thank this show that nobody that gets kicked out will leave, therefore allowing me to bask in the crazy of that adorable nutcase.

The next morning, Jamie is - or claims to be - very sick. She has a migraine, she is throwing up, and she has no energy. I shriek in laughter when who has to come wish Jamie good morning but Richard. Obviously Jamie does not want to see that guy at all and here he comes, oozing crazy all over the place as he says in his best Norman-loves-Mommy tone whether Jamie will "survive", as if he is hoping to see her die sometime soon, preferably by lunchtime. Jamie cries to the camera about her headaches. Remember, she had a panic attack shortly before she entered the Bunker, heh. She struggles to get out of bed and join the others when the female announcer's voice comes on over the loudspeakers and orders them to congregate at the Inner Circle. Richard says in his oh-so-funny crazy manner that Jamie is sick due to the stress of the game. If he keeps going to her side more often to ask her whether she thinks she will survive the day, I'm sure she will be up and jumping in no time.

JD comes on air and sarcastically tells the Herd that surely they have noticed the effect of the game on some people, like Jamie who has become sick as a result. How nice of Jonathan to tell the camera that there is a possibility that Jamie is just pretending to be sick. He should know, the Mr Testicular Cancer that he is. JD tells Vanessa that things went out of control when she was the leader, so obviously it's now time to elect a new leader. Vanessa is like, fine, THANK GOD. JD elects Adam as the new team leader and Adam doesn't look too pleased but not too unhappy either. Adam is the guy that goes with the flow, doncha know. JD says that Adam's responsibilities include "initiating and moderating group discussions" and he suggests that Adam begin by setting down the criteria as to how the Herd should decide on who is most "deserving" of the money.

Adam, the imaginative guy that he is, obediently decides to do what JD suggested. Jamie goes back to bed while Adam and the others, as Adam tells the camera, work on "refocusing" on why one needs the money and why the others should give this person the money. Obviously these good and moral people are not taking "Because I love money so give me the money or I will personally make your lives hell for the rest of your stay here!" for an answer. Adam says that everyone should tell the others why they want the money and there should be no interruption by other people while this person is talking. Jameson suggests that they use an object (in this case a silver ball) and the person holding this object will be the only person that can speak.

Jameson holds the ball and says that his "character" will show the others why he deserves the money. Maybe that's his way of announcing that he's going to start walking around the place naked. Adam holds the ball and says that he is a "true giver" (read: loses badly at the table) and he has nothing in his name except for his clothes (read: yes, a truly bad poker player indeed). Richard says that he has no job and he is $70,000 in debt. Really, he doesn't need a million dollars, he tells the others, even $100,000 will make a big difference in his life. Steve now talks about wanting to take care of his wife and in-laws and kids, taking pains to mention that he wants money to buy his wife medicine when they are both retired, that sly old coot. Adam is really creeping me out when he starts tearing up at Steve's sob story and telling the camera that he has promised to give Steve his vote and Steve will always have his back. Yes, he's definitely boiling bunnies in Steve's name. Richard, bless him, once again destroys the heartwarming Vote For Steve atmosphere that Steve has cleverly set up by asking for the silver ball so that he can speak. Adam complains to the camera that Richard keeps wanting the ball back so that he can speak. As Richard now shamelessly borrows Steve's plug and says that he too wants to help his family, Vanessa can't take it anymore and walks away. She tells the camera that Richard needs to shut up. As Richard now talks about how he is so poor that he can't even go out to meet people (as if these people will actually want to meet him, heh), Steve tells the camera that if he's Richard, he would have shut his mouth, opened his eyes, and laid low. I'm starting to adore Steve in this episode. How did this happen?

Later, Steve, Jonathan, and Adam bitch about Richard. Steve complains that Richard keep grabbing the ball after listening to other people's pitch to apply the pitch to himself as well. Jonathan says that Richard has embarrassed himself and Steve says that he gets no emotion from Richard other than "anger, hatefulness, bitterness, and blaming somebody else". Er, blaming somebody else is an emotion now? I love how self-righteous people can be when they have to do really selfish things on TV, like actually wanting to win. Steve proposes a final three alliance with Jonathan, and Adam. I'm not sure yet how alliances will work, but I suppose it has to do with cooperating to spoil unanimous votes and eliminating the others until there are only two people left, kinda like Survivor, I suppose.

Later, Jamie tells her audience how sick she is and asks them whether they can somehow help her feel better so that she can happily vote with them later on at the Inner Circle instead of having to leave and "cutting the money" for everyone else. Aww, look at her! She's so selfless! Is she for real? Are these people for real? They're so funny! Jameson tells the camera that he has his doubts about Jamie's sickness. Jamie however cries to the camera that she doesn't know how much more of the game that she can take. But she joins them nonetheless at the Inner Circle. Richard tells the camera that what people do here is motivated by the fact that they want to leave the Bunker and adds that they can all go home today if they come to an unanimous decision at the Inner Circle. Okay, there's that, I suppose, but maybe he should try telling me something that I don't know.

JD comes on air and points out the falling prize money to the Herd. He then stops the clock and calls for a vote. Jonathan says that he's having second thoughts about his vote since he now finds Steve a "great guy". Somehow I don't really believe that he means that. Once the votes are cast, JD reads them out. First vote, Steve. Second vote, Adam. Never mind, Steve could have cast that vote. Third vote, Vanessa. Oops, no unanimous vote yet! vanessa reveals to the camera that she, Tarah, and Jameson have a final three alliance so all of them vote separately to ensure that there are no unanimous decisions until only the three of them are left. Jameson tells the camera that the game has changed and he's glad that they didn't give Steve the money because he can't believe they actually wanted to do that. Yeah, I can't believe it too. JD reveals the remaining votes: Vanessa, Jameson, Jonathan, Tarah, and Tarah. Anyone at the table will immediately know that everyone is playing the game now and the whole swearing to give Steve is no longer being upheld. JD rubs that in by telling Steve that he receives only one vote this time around compared to seven in the previous Inner Circle vote session. Steve tells the camera that he was so close to getting the money the last time so he has nothing to say about this current situation.

JD then suggests that a reduction in the Herd's "options" could help them to an unanimous decision faster. Hey, I like this sarcastic version of JD too, Why couldn't he be like this when he was hosting those stupid kiddie game shows? It looks like after all these years, JD finally discovers that he's hotter when he's being the sarcastic nerd rather than the doofus jock. Anyway, this time around, the Herd will get to pick someone to "outcast". Yes, JD uses "outcast" as a verb.

But first, an intermission of confessionals. The question seems to be what the Herd will do if they have their way. Jonathan says that if he has his way there will be eight Playboy bunnies with him in the Bunker. Maybe our SUV-loving Tino here wants to make an aerobics video that will appeal to men of all sexual persuasions. Crazy Richard talks about how nice it will be if they can still make someone a millionaire in this show. Jameson would love to see the sun but he'd love it more if he gets to talk to his partner or, if that partner has changed the locks while he is gone, his family members (to ask for a place to crash in the meantime).

JD reveals that everyone at the Inner Circle will go to the Isolation Room and nominate one person to "outcast". The one with the most votes will be "outcast". Adam gets to nominate someone to go first and Richard announces that he wants to go first to the Isolation Room. When Adam asks why, Richard "explains" that it's because he has no votes from the others. I don't know what Richard is trying to say and neither do the others. Adam, whose IQ continues to dip each time he opens his mouth, tells Richard that it could be some game ploy by the others to give Richard no votes. Yes, a ploy to win the money for themselves, duh. Adam should check out this activity, thinking, more often. It can be a pretty cool thing to do more often, thinking. Richard insists that it is only "logical" to pick Richard first. Steve tells the camera that Richard is "as crazy as a craphouse rat". Bwahahaha, I'm using that alright. Steve continues, "He just randomly says stuff like a blithering idiot, I basically decided to let him be a product of his action, mouth, and failure." Bwahahahaha. I'm impressed at how Steve can look down on someone like that in the same breath that he uses to cry about how pathetic his family poverty is.

Adam allows Richard to go ahead to the Isolation Room, no doubt just to shut Richard up. Richard happily sits down into the Isolation Room where he faces a monitor that has JD on it. Outside, Adam asks the others what they think about Richard volunteering to go to the Isolation Room first and Jonathan thinks that maybe there is some kind of "strategy" that Richard is carrying out and the others agree with him. Adam calls Richard "fucked in the head" and tells the camera that Richard isn't "working with a full deck right now". Of course, one could also say that Adam's deck isn't that full either since he's determined, supposedly, to give Steve the money. And aren't these people becoming too paranoid for their own good? Won't it be funny if Richard ends up getting some prizes, like a trip over the Bermuda Triangle, for being the first person to enter the Isolation Room?

Anyway, back to Richard, he tells JD that he wants to "outcast" himself. Yes, he wants to take himself out of the running after declaring to all and sundry that he wants the money. I don't know or care what he is doing because I find myself too easily entertained by that crazy fellow. "I've done the dance, I don't feel like playing chess," says Richard as he mangles all kinds of hackneyed phrases to make his point. He says that he's going to "outcast" himself and let the others fight it out for the money since they clearly aren't going to give him the money. That makes sense. And while he is talking to JD, his eyes are checking out where the cameras are. Richard is such a bad actor, heh. JD tells Richard that Richard cannot nominate himself. Richard balks and points out that JD didn't say that he couldn't when JD was blabbing back in the Inner Circle. And here comes my favorite part in the entire episode. JD, clearly stumped, just stares at Richard and Richard stares back and they stare at each other while I shriek in laughter until my husband peeks into the room out of concern. Finally, Richard tells JD that the situation sucks but he'd nominate Adam. As Richard leaves, he tells JD, "I don't like this at all!" When he reaches the Inner Circle, he throws up his hands and tells the others, "It doesn't mean anything!" The others are probably thinking, "Yeah, like most of the things that come out of your mouth!"

Quickly, a montage of scenes of the Herd members entering the Isolation Room follows. Only two are shown to nominate their fellow Herd members: Jessie nominates Jonathan while Jonathan gets paranoid about voting for Richard after wondering about what kind of twist that may involve Richard since the man volunteered to go vote first so Jonathan nominates Vanessa instead. Richard seems to be doing a good job in instilling paranoia and suspicion just by, well, being himself. I wonder what havoc he will cause if he decides to, say, start greeting everyone with a smile whenever he bumps into them. The result of this vote will only be revealed in the next episode.

If you aren't watching this show, why haven't you? If you don't think too much and just go with the flow, this show is a hilarious and campy comedy that is not to be missed, especially when the usual bigtime reality TV shows are turning up to be so disappointing.


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