25 Days, 50 Cities, And More Than 600 Consecutive Hours As A Family...
The Amazing Race 8 : Finale
Previously, Bonghammer, Bertie van Munster, and Company had an idea to create a family version of The Amazing Race. Now, I was not among those folks who immediately reject the idea - I was in fact receptive to seeing a different version of the Race since I thought the show was becoming a little too formulaic for its own good. However, while I had no problems with kiddies on the Race, I had issues with nearly everything else about the Race. Someone thought it was a great idea to dumb down the Race so that there were a million bunching points here and there to make sure that any opportunity of a Family overtaking another Family was reduced as much as possible. While Detour options and Roadblock tasks in previous seasons weren't too exciting at all times, this time around things became ridiculous when Families ended up cycling party bikes, searching for BP stations, taking photos with costumed actors, and driving non-stop in vehicles where the gas is paid for. Wait, there's more! We had a non-elimination leg where the Whining Weevils were stripped of money, and this was followed by a leg where they only needed money to enter Yellowstone Park! Anyway, if you want a recap of the entire season, maybe you can reread the recaps of this season because recapping the banality of this season makes me want to cry.
We are down to the last three Families: the desperately attention-craving Lunzes, the forgettable Blandsens, and the walking encyclopedia of redneck jokes, the Whining Weevils. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters were eliminated in the previous episode when they fell behind the Whining Weevils inbetween building a teepee (which was okay), searching for balls in a golf course (please kill me, somebody), and waiting in line to dress up in costumes and take pictures with "Buffalo Bill" (kill me please and make it quick). Three Families remain, who will take the money and how can I write to them to ask them to compensate me on the time I've wasted watching them get rich, blah blah blah, find out in this episode.
Philo steps before the camera to explain that he is at the Pit Stop of the previous leg of the Race, the Green Meadow Ranch in "eastern Montana", which is surely one of the most exciting places in the world because the Lunzes are acting like they are auditioning for the new Idiots Gone Wild video along with Mr Blandsen while the Whining Weevils huddle in a corner and pray to the Lord to turn these disgusting heretics into pillars of salt. Philo wonders whether things will get ugly between the Lunzes and the Blandsens now that they are competing for a million dollars. What, they were competing for something else in the previous legs? Philo also wonders whether the Whining Weevils will somehow turn into something resembling human beings. The answer to all his questions is a resounding "No, we don't care, but gee, thanks for the package, dude!" Let's just get the Race started, shall we?
3:04 am. The Blandsens are ready to leave. The clue, if I can call that piece of paper that, tells them that they are given tickets for their flight to Montreal, Canada, along with the flight schedule. Gee, will the Blandsens figure out what to do with those tickets? The suspense is killing me. At Montreal, the Blandsens are directed to take a cab (what, no chauffeurs?) to the Underground City where they will have to look for the clue stand at the basement of the CDP Capital building. Philo tries to pass the Underground City as a "subterranean complex" with an exciting-sounding "maze of tunnels" when the Underground City is pretty much a shopping complex hub. Now, if they release a few hungry bears in the Underground City to welcome the Families, then we're talking. As the Blandsens take off to the Billings airport, they discuss the flight they are given - a Northwest flight - and the possibility of locating better alternatives to this flight. As Enema or Emoria or Edema the daughter says, they are "prepared" to get their hands on a million dollars. What a coincidence - I am prepared to get my hands on a million dollars since the day I learned to count as well!
3:08 am. Not content with dorking around in a blatant manner to remind their future hausfrau groupies that they don't do that mature thing well, they now reveal that they call themselves Team Who Dey. At least these guys have their uses then: they are easy sources of income for the likes of 50 Cent and other fake thugs who sell their brand of developed-for-MTV street/ghetto music and culture to gullible middle-class whitebread twits like these people. I bet the Lunzes think that they as hip and cool like dat because they wear their expensive Suge Knight-branded baseball caps the way these faux-thugs on MTV do. The Lunzes look at maps, talk about winning the money, and basically pretend that they are thinking very hard and planning deep and thoroughly when in truth they are just following the clue's instructions to go from this place to that place, all accommodations and transportation provided for.
4:02 am. The Whining Weevils get to leave. Mrs Weevil says that well, everyone underestimated them at first and they are here now so what do you know. This Race is so contrived this season with all that bunchings however so it's hard to claim that they are a really strong racing Family if that's what Mrs Weevil is trying to say. Rolly says that he likes being underestimated. Boy, are they in for a lovely surprise when they realize that people don't underestimate them as much as they overestimate their own strengths in the Race. Mrs Weevil talks about Rolly growing up in this Race and acting like a "real man". Poor Rolly. Mrs Weevil comes off like a mother who will keep clinging to and suffocating him for a long time to come. Then I remember how stupid he is and I don't feel so sorry for him anymore.
At the airport, the Blandsens learn that the Northwest flight has stops at Minneapolis and Toronto. They ask for a quicker flight and learns of a direct flight to Montreal from Minneapolis. Naturally, they make reservations on that flight. This flight will get them to Montreal ten minutes ahead of the Northwest flight, which doesn't seem much, but remember, there are two stops in the Northwest flight and therefore there are higher chances for delays in that flight. "We're pretty confident this is the earliest flight into Montreal!" says one of the Blandsen daughters. They board their flight which takes off just as the Lunzes show up at the airport and wonder what happened to the Blandsens. Now I'm puzzled as to why the Blandsens' flight will only arrive ten minutes ahead of the other flight if this supposedly faster flight takes off this early. Nick calls up a travel agent while they are all waiting for their flight and learns that there is a direct flight from Toronto to Montreal. Even better, this flight lands fifty minutes ahead of the Blandsens. They reserve their tickets for this flight and are told to pay up for them in Toronto. The Whining Weevils show up later and they also learn of this flight. They too ask for tickets for that flight.
Hello, Toronto. Aww, their bid to host the 2008 Olympics didn't succeed but I'm sure the pain of not seeing Alexandre Despatie modeling the latest in too-small Speedos in their backyard will be lessened considerably by the fact that they will be visited by three of this season's most finest Families. The Lunzes and the Whining Weevils dash through the airport to the ticket counter for their tickets. Here, Alex the Goo-Goo Eye Lunz and Rolly Weevil manage to collide into each other. Alex places his hand on Rolly's back, maybe to steady that guy the instinctive way a sane person would do when a smaller guy crashes into him by accident, but Mrs Weevil shrieks to Alex to get his hand off Rolly. She proceeds to tell her daughters that Alex tried to push Rolly down so poor Rolly was so lucky that his mother was there to save him from that evil monster. Alex on the other says with maybe a little irritation to the camera that Rolly is lucky that Alex didn't break his arm or something in the collision and adds that it hurt though when Rolly crashed into him, heh. "Well, it felt like he grabbed my bookbag and swung me!" he says. I'm shocked that Goo-Goo Alex knows what a bookbag is in the first place. He seems to me more like a knapsack person. Megan thinks that the Whining Weevils are a bunch of "rude and obnoxious" people and things are becoming personal between them from now on. Newsflash, Megan: things have become personal a long time ago, at least on the Whining Weevils' end. Still, the Lunzes queue up like the good little darlings they are for their tickets while Mrs Weevil decides to approach a ticket officer and manages to get her entire clan into the ticket office where they manage to procure tickets ahead of the Lunzes who are still in queue. Hmm, I must file this in my memory so that I know what to do the next time I don't feel like queuing up in the Toronto airport. Still, despite the Whining Weevils' pathetic prayers that there will be no tickets left for the Lunzes on that flight, the Lunzes manage to get their tickets also. Philo steps out to explain that these two Families are expected to land in Montreal at 4:10 pm while the Blandsens will land at 5:00 pm.
Hello, Montreal. The Whining Weevils manage to get a cab driver, Ted, who refuses to risk his life driving faster for them but the Whining Weevils like him enough for Rebecca to act like he's Austin Powers and she's the idiot who thinks that the movie is cool. On the other hand, the Lunzes' cab driver is willing to drive fast as long as his palm is graced with the almighty dollar. In other news, the Blandsens' flight experiences some vaguely-described delay that will see them landing at Montreal only at 5:25 pm. La, la, la, ho-hum.
At the train station, the Whining Weevils tell Ted to stay there and wait while they run inside the Underground City to search for the clue stand. They manage to spot it hidden away in a corner behind a wall after following the signs to the CDP Capital building. It's time for a Detour. Philo explains that in "Curl It", the Family must travel to McGill Arena - shouldn't that be the McConnell Arena in McGill University? - and all four Family members must score in the popular Canadian sport "curling" - which is to say, the granite stone must land between the hog and back line on the curling track. "Roll It" involves the Family using "traditional lumberjack tools" in a nearby arboretum to move four logs along a track. The Whining Weevils will curl and return to their cab. Ted tells them that he knows where the McGill Arena is and they treat him like he's the new messiah who has come to marry Mrs Weevil and make sure that they will never be without a Daddy ever again. The Lunzes, in the meanwhile, enter the Underground City but fail to locate the clue stand.
The Blandsens land at 5:25 pm. Even when they are running late, there is nothing much to say about them. Let's go back to the Whining Weevils, who reach what Ted says is the right place, hopefully, only to find the place all chained up. The folks at the University must have heard that the Whining Weevils are coming. The Lunzes are becoming more confused when they start running back up and end up at the entrance to the Underground City, not knowing what they should do to locate this mysterious clue stand. They finally locate the clue stand in their second time exploring the place. Thinking that curling can't be too hard, they choose that Detour option. Unfortunately, their cab driver has no idea where McGill Arena is. Maybe he knows it as, oh, the McConnell Arena?
The Blandsens get a cab to take them to the Underground City. There is still nothing much to say about these people. Elsewhere, Ted gets directions to McGill Arena by calling up his buddy and learns that it's actually near to where the cab is at the moment. The camera zooms in on the gold crucifix he is wearing, as if it is trying to say that all Christians are like the Whining Weevils - bitch crazy - and I should convert to Scientology or something. A passerby tells the Lunzes where the Arena is and as the cab takes off in that direction, the Lunz Lugheads think that McGill University is full of "sexy babies". I think I am too highbrow for their brand of humor. It's quite sad, really, how these people seem to step out of an Archie comic strip. Ahead, Ted is giving the Whining Weevils hints at curling. I guess he didn't receive the memo about not speaking to the Antichrist clan. The Lunzes eventually end up at the same wrong building that Ted took the Whining Weevils, so there must be something very wrong with the wordings on the clue. Rebecca Weevil succeeds in her curling and now Mrs Weevil takes over. The Blandsens also miss the clue stand in their first rushed dash through the Underground City but they find it the second time around. I think the Lunzes and the Blandsens must have osmotically absorbed each other's mental lethargy after being in each other's company so frequently. They don't think they can curl so they'll roll instead. Mr Blandsen must be cheered by having another opportunity to whine about how slow and pathetic he is.
The Whining Weevils all finish their Detour. Curling may be a fun sport to play but watching it on TV, at least on this show, is a perfect antidote to sleepless nights. Why curling and not, oh, lumberjack toss or something, I will never know. They receive their clue telling them to travel some 26 miles to the American Pavillion which was built for the Expo in 1967. It's a big spherical structure, one of those useless things that people spent a lot of money building just for bragging rights. Families will have to climb up the Pavillion and collect their clue. Ted decides to help the Whining Weevils further by making some pertinent phone calls on their behalf. Ted is so going to hell, I tell you.
Goo-Goo Alex starts his shot and misses, getting his siblings to call him all sorts of names for pansy just like these Lunz Lugheads' limited circuitry program them to do. He tries again and succeeds. Elsewhere, Mr Blandsen and a daughter try to move the logs after watching some professionals demonstrate how it should be done. There is still nothing to say about them. They are just here, they just do, that's all. Somewhere else, Ted tries to cozy up to the gullible Whining Weevils by claiming that he's a Christian when they ask him (to the Whining Weevils, when you mention God you are automatically a Christian, which may explain how they think they are good Christians when they are anything but that - they do mention God often, after all). Elsewhere, Goo-Goo Eyes announces that he loves curling as his siblings make good progress with the game. Megan finishes up and they get their clue. Goo-Goo Eyes says that he wants to build his own curling ring, making sure to let people know that he wants to build it in Cincinnati, Ohio. Yes, and he will build an Ohio Pavillion to crown the Mutated Testicle Monument of Utah that he plans to build on his own World's Even Bigger Giant Office Chair. This guy wants to go to medical school, people. One day, he will be granted the rights into inject who-knows-what into our bodies. Be very afraid of the Goo-Goo Eyes. Mr Blandsen and his bland daughter complete hauling the first log. Zzzzz. I think this is the most boring finale ever.
The Whining Weevils reach the Pavillion and after some drama about not locating the stairs, they run up to the clue stand. Their clue tells them to head over to an industrial park six miles away and locate "la porte J", which is French for "door J". Boy, how tricky. My French is limited to cusses and few rudimentary words and while I don't know what "porte" is, I can immediately guess correctly that it means a door with the letter J on it. This show doesn't want to hurt its contestants too much by making them think, which seems stupid until I consider the mental frailty of the likes of the Whining Weevils and the Lunz Lugheads. Perhaps the show should consider casting people with more intelligence than a pea for future seasons? Back to the Whining Weevils, once more Ted shows the way. Ted is definitely going to hell. Behind, the Lunzes experience a temporary culture soak when they realize that Goo-Goo Eyes - the one that wants to go to medical school, remember this - is telling the driver to go faster in Spanish ("Andale!") when he should be telling the driver in French. Since their French is no doubt limited to Pepe LePewisms, they stick to English. They have no idea what to look for when it comes to the American Pavillion but rationalize that it should look "old" since 1967 takes place like, 500 years ago, and therefore they should look for old people to ask. Move along now, people. There is no intelligent lifeform in that direction. The remaining two Blandsen daughters are doing their thing until Mr Blandsen decides to offer some unwanted advice, where the man is then told to "chill out". Yeah, that's all that is from the Blandsens. They finish hauling the second log. Two more to go.
The Whining Weevils, in the lead, announces that God sent Ted directly to them. It will serve Ted right if they don't want to let him out of their clutches after this. The Lunzes finally learn from a 600-year old corpse that the spherical structure that is right in front of them is the American Pavillion. The Blandsens finish up hauling the remaining two logs in amazing speed if the editing is to be believed and they are on their way to the American Pavillion. Their cab driver seems to know where that place is, so that's good. The Whining Weevils locate Door J at the industrial park thanks to Ted and they learn that it's now time for a Roadblock where someone has to complete a trapeze stunt, aided by professionals of course. Predictably, Rolly has to do this one while the three Weevil women will hold hands and complete the power of three or something. Rolly is told to hang from his knees, arch his back, and look behind him. That sounds like either a good escape plan from his mother, a typical posture adopted in a future lucrative career not sanctioned by Jesus, or both. Have fun, Rolly! The Lunzes have no problems climbing stairs - shocking, I know - and they mutter that they have to tell their "doofus" cab driver specifically where to go. The world is definitely going to the dogs when we have to tell our cab drivers exactly where we want to go. What happened to the good old days when they just read our minds? The Blandsens are still in the Race, yawn.
Rolly hangs from his knees, arches his back, and some people who should know better squeal and post in their favorite online "Let's exchange pictures of shirtless Harry Potter" forums, "He is so hot!!!!!" The Whining Weevils now have to make a gruelling two-mile journey to Stade Olympique - or is that "Fuque You Olympique, Love Montreal"? - and get their next clue there. At the Stade, they will hop into golf carts and drive inside to get their next clue. Oh, golf carts! Golf carts are the bomb! This season is now saved! Mrs Weevil brags in the cab that Rolly can do "anything". Whether I care about this "anything" is a different story. The Lunzes reach Door J and while Megan says that she doesn't mind doing the Roadblock, Goo-Goo Eyes does it instead. Maybe they all know that Goo-Goo Eyes can afford to sustain any brain injury, unlike Megan who obviously inherited the 50% of the collective brainpower of this clan that hasn't gone to Nick. Alex slips at his first try and the Lunzes cheer. Are they cheering for him to dash his brains out? Alex gets it done in the second try and they are off. Two miles! Can their resolve withstand such a gruelling and demanding voyage? The Blandsens are next.
The Whining Weevils have reached the Stade. They climb into a golf cart but they can't seem to find their way inside the Stade. Those Canadian buildings seem determined to keep these folks out, I tell you. The Lunzes ask for directions to the Stade. One of the Blandsen daughters perform the Roadblock. Mr Blandsen, realizing that ten minutes have passed without talking about his infirmary, wonders how he will fare in the Roadblock. His daughters tell him that he will go splat and create a crater in Montreal. One of the daughters look repulsed at the idea of seeing "Dad's flabby body flying through the air". Oh please. Gravity will claim her soon - I hope she is ready for it instead of, oh, sending her flabby body flying through the air out of the top of the Mutant Testicle Monument of Utah in a vain attempt to get people to remember her two minutes after this episode ends. Ahead, the Whining Weevils are considering the possibility of ramming down a locked double-door with their golf cart because they can't find the door that will let them inside the stadium despite having studied the map of the area. Rebecca tries but the sanctity of the Stade will not be violated so easily by these hussies. Eventually they locate the door - an opening, actually. The Lunzes and the Blandsens are hot on their tails. The Whining Weevils locate the clue stand where they learn that of the 56,000 seats in the Stade, there are only three seats with departure times stuck to them. One has a departure time of 5:45 am, one at 5:50 am, and the last one at 5:55 am. Wow, a five minute difference - a lot can happen in that time! It's obvious that the Race designers want to toy with the Families and get them running around frantically for nothing while the audience laugh their heads off or something because the Families don't know that there is only a five-minute difference between the three departure times. Even better, the bunching in all but name will see the Families being flied the next morning to a "mystery destination". The Whining Weevils, predictably, evokes the name of the Lord. The Lord, already besieged by idiots calling him to strike Randal of The Apprentice 4 dead because he dares prevent that use-free Rebecca from getting a chance at becoming Donald Trump's newest mistress, decides to swear off reality TV forever and watch reruns of Gilligan's Island instead.
The Whining Weevils aren't amused when the Blandsens and Lunzes make their presence known loudly. By the way, they call the Lunzes "GI Janes". What's the rationale behind that, other than "Duh, the Whining Weevils are stupid, that's why!"? Mrs Weevil thinks that it is unfair that the other Families have caught up with them. Well, it's as fair or unfair as when the Whining Weevils caught up with the others due to bunching two episodes back but Mrs Weevil naturally can't see that. The Lunzes and the Blandsens search. Mr Blandsen complains that he has hurt a toe and he predicts that the toe will worsen tomorrow. I wonder whether he will announce that he has contracted a hantavirus infection the next day.
All three Families have asked their cab drivers to wait for them. Realizing now that this search will take some time, they decide to head back to collect their bags and pay their cab drivers off. Ted tells the Whining Weevils to stay positive. I hope his five seconds of fame is worth selling his soul in helping the Whining Weevils for. While doing this, the Lunzes and the Whining Weevils again encounter each other. Rolly calls Megan "thunder thighs", insinuating that she takes up all the space in the entrance, which causes a Lunz Lughead to respond by calling Rolly "Rolly-Polly". Naturally the Whining Weevils can't believe how disgustingly rude the Lunzes are and cluck loudly about this. The Lunzes want the Whining Weevils to go down. Megan wants to punch the Whining Weevils in the face. Good riddance to bad rubbish, et cetera, that kind of thing. Sigh. All this petty fighting was so much more enjoyable when it involved a hotheaded stumpy called Colin, a harridan called Brobbie, spittings, accusations of being psycho, and hilarious taunts back in Season Five. Say, have those two gotten married yet?
The Blandsens and the Lunzes, when they get back inside the Stade, decide to work together, mostly because they don't want the Whining Weevils to get the earliest departure time. As expected, the Blandsen daughters complain that Mr Blandsen is too slow, causing him to actually show some spirit for once by telling them, "Oh, shut up! I can't get enough of this. It's going to take all freaking night. I'm going to kick somebody's ass!" Rolly lifts Rachel on his shoulders so that she can see better, although what she expects to see, I have no idea. It's not as if the departure times are painted on the seats with neon colors. "I'm going to have a smoking ass after this night, stair-stepping all night long!" says a Blandsen daughter and I have a feeling that she is hoping that Bone Lunz will get to hear her. If she's the one who mooned the Lunzes, she seems very happy to have her character on this show defined entirely by her ass. Good for her! Finally, the Lunzes find the 5:50 am. They don't know whether this is the best or the worst one (it's actually in the middle) but they decide to call it a night anyway and just hope for the best. The Blandsens locate the 5:45 am later and they see no point in looking further so they too call it a night.
The Whining Weevils now complain that they are too tired to keep looking and the whole task is stupid. Mrs Weevil decides to take a nap while Rachel tries to get the entire clan to quit the task. Boy, she's so close to the endgame and she wants to quit just like that? If she's going to be known as the stupid dumb bitch on The Amazing Race 8, the least she could do is to have a million dollars to go with the title. Rolly doesn't understand how the two most useless members of his Family want to quit just like that, causing Rebecca to tell the camera that Rolly doesn't understand because he is a man. Um, he's a fourteen year old kid. A nasty one at that. Anyway, he and Rebecca end up continuing the search and Mrs Weevil, once she has had a nice nap, joins in later. Rolly eventually locates the 5:55 am and the clan takes off straight to the airport in a cab. The other two Families wake up shortly after to do the same. All three Families sign in for their respective flights. While the Blandsens and the Lunzes chat and clown around, Mrs Weevil announces that her Family is the one to beat. Yeah, beat them out of town!
Okay, place your bets on this "mystery destination", people. Takla Mata? Mali? Guate-freaking-mala? Nope, it's Toronto. Yes, Toronto. The Blandsens, who arrive first in Toronto at a groundbreaking five-minute lead, realize that they must now locate the CN Tower, take the elevator to the top floor, and use a pair of binoculars to locate their next clue somewhere in the city. The Whining Weevils manage to overtake the Lunzes when the Lunzes are a little slow in getting their bags out of the airport. The Whining Weevils stop by a gas station for directions, where Mrs Weevil actually asks for a free map, saying that when you give freebies, apparently you will get back something. I don't know what she means by that. What is that something anyway? An egg in the face? Still, she gets her free map because there are cameras following the Whining Weevils around. Maybe the gas station people think that they are being filmed for some Candid Camera-like show. While this happens, the Lunzes manage to regain their lead over the Whining Weevils.
The Blandsens reach the CN Tower. Up they go. As the Blandsens wonder how they should go about looking for the clue stand in such a large city, the Lunzes catch up with them. Mr Blandsen gets scolded by his daughters for putting his sweaty hands on the binoculars. Poor Mr Blandsen, and they don't even ask him about his toe. I hope Mrs Blandsen is waiting for him at home with a big warm hug so that he will feel loved again. The Whining Weevils are on their way up too. Rolly, trying to be funny, asks the elevator guy about his job. The elevator guy, who hasn't found any cheese that he doesn't like, answers, "It has its ups and downs!" He uses that line a hundred times a day, I'd bet, on stupid people who asks him that question. Rolly then thinks that he has a great joke to deliver on TV. "Literally!" he says. Um, yeah, thanks for pointing out the punchline, Rolly. At least he gets it, I suppose, even if he's the last person to do so.
A Blandsen daughter spots the Race flag on a tower and the Blandsens quickly make their way down. The Lunzes quickly spot the tower and they too leave. Both Families hope that the Whining Weevils take a long time locate the flag. The Whining Weevils predictably moan and groan while begging God to help them. After who knows how long, they finally spot the flag and make their way down as well. The Lunzes manage to reach the tower in question where they collect their next clue. It's Detour time. For "Shoe", the Family must go to the Bata Shoe Museum and, with a pair of shoes in hand, locate the one woman out of the hundred there who can wear those shoes. For "Ship", the Family cross the harbor to a boat and climb up the 100-ft mast to collect a flag. The Lunzes of course pick Ship - the casting director who picked four able-bodied people to form a Family in this show must not have the word "discreet" in her personal dictionary - while the Blandsens pick Shoe. The Whining Weevils, when they show up, pick Ship. I have a hunch that Rolly will be the one to do this but when he tries to show off by hopping over a gate when they leave, he makes a fool of himself. This is going to be good, I hope.
The Lunzes are taken to the Queensquay Sailing and Powerboating dockside where they are briefed by the captain of the boat before suiting up in lifejackets and heading off into the sea. The Lunzes have to man the boat themselves, by the way. The Blandsens ask for directions to the Museum while the Whining Weevils show up at the dockside shortly after the Lunzes have left. Mrs Weevil captains the boat as the Family takes off after the Lunzes. The Blandsens reach the museum where a hundred bare-footed women wait for them to maul their feet. Unfortunately, the pair of shoes the Blandsens pick don't seem to fit the women they approach, oh dear. Meanwhile, the Lunzes make good progress, as are the Whining Weevils. At the ship in question, the Lunzes decide that Bone will tackle the climb. He climbs up without much difficulties, gets the flag, and climbs back down. They must now drive some 81 miles to Queenston, hop into a jet boat, and locate their next clue which is attached to a buoy up the gorge in a Niagara whirlpool. Back at the Museum, the Blandsens moan and groan but they finally locate the woman who can wear the shoes they have picked. They are now heading to Queenston. Rolly climbs up the mast, gets the flag, and drops it down for his sisters to catch before making his way back down. They too are off. Previously, I couldn't believe that a 100-ft climb can be so devoid of suspense but I am now a believer.
In their vehicle, the Lunzes realize that they have circled the entire North America when they reach Queenston. Wow, that's so awesome. And they saw the World's Biggest Office Chair! And pedaled a party bike in a speed track! And don't forget the awesome photo with "Buffalo Bill"! A Blandsen daughter hopes that the Whining Weevils won't win because that won't be okay in her opinion. Shouldn't she be hoping that her Family win instead? So much for being neutral and above the fray, really. The Whining Weevils almost take a wrong road but realize their near-mistake in time (dang) while the Blandsens stop to ask for directions to the boat ramp in Queenston only to realize that the man has already told the Lunzes previously and he isn't too keen on repeating himself again, heh. Ahead, the Lunzes reach the boat ramp where they hop into a boat. Here are the Blandsens as well. They are having fun as the boats speed through the water, good for them. Me, I have my chocolates. Both Families are told to now let the boat driver take them to the final destination city, Lewiston in New York. Yes, the Families get chauffeured to Lewiston. How pampered of them, I must say. The Lunzes go, "Who dey!" because they are happy that they are in the lead. Who dey hell, indeed. How about a "Shut yo' mouth" for good measure? Oh, and way back, the Whining Weevils are approaching the boat ramp.
The Lunzes' boat reaches the boat ramp at Lewiston and the Lunzes realize that it's now time for a final Roadblock. Heh, this is a puzzle - the person must put together 71 puzzle pieces to complete a map of Central and North America based on their "exciting" adventures so far in this Race. I wonder whether this Roadblock is designed just for the Whining Weevils who only cared to enjoy the sight of a Pizza Hut building while mocking and insulting every other location they encountered. Nick takes this for the Lunzes while Mr Blandsen takes one for his Family. While the karmic slap on the Whining Weevils is enjoyable, recapping this Roadblock isn't as enjoyable because it's just basically who does what and who puts what puzzle piece where. Let's just say that it's really close but Nick beats Mr Blandsen to the punch. The Lunzes now run to the finish line. So yes, the Lunzes won, the Blandsens come in second shortly after the Lunzes, and when the Whining Weevils show up, the Families at the sidelines that clap do so half-heartedly while some like the Dodgers don't even bother to try. Everyone loves each other, blah blah blah, and the season is finally done for. FOREVER. THANK GOD.
A very obvious Family to win the Race is a predictable ending to a lacklustre season, which is pretty appropriate, don't you think? I mean, WOW, three able-bodied young men and a pretty capable young lady competing with Families with children and Families with out-of-shape people and actually winning the whole shebang. Who would have seen that one coming, huh? Bring on the next season. And no, I don't remember a thing about this season. It doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned.
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