Wow, it's the eleventh season already. Funny how time flies: when I started this website, the first season of this show had yet to air. The eleventh season is a special one, or so the show would like me to believe, because it's the All-Stars season. Even when I'm watching our host Philo "Please Don't Get Overexposed Like Tim Gunn, I Beg You" Koughie in the first few seconds of this episode, I still can't believe they actually put together an All-Stars version of the Race. I don't know what to think, since All-Stars will either be a very good or a very bad idea - Ambore winning All-Stars Survivor and the wretched Mike Boogie winning Big Brother All Stars come to mind - but by the end of this episode, I'm starting to get all amped up for the rest of the season. Let's get started, shall we?

The episode opens at a beach and I get an aerial shot of Philo emerging at the roof of one of those buildings in Miami Beach. He points out that he's at, of course, Miami, Florida, which he calls "the gateway to the Americas". Especially if you're from down south of the border looking for a job, I hear. He welcomes everyone to the "first ever" All-Stars edition. Wait, there's going to be a second one? For the love of whatever, if there is a second version of All-Stars, please put Jon and Kris from season six in there because I hear one more deranged fan of this show moaning online about how the personality-free Jon and Kris were somehow "robbed" of a place in this Race, I will seriously throw up.

Philo introduces now the eleven most "memorable" Teams (memorable - all those perpetually whining stupid Kris and Jon fans out there should look up the meaning of that word in the dictionary one of these days) and the camera cuts to ten people forming a pyramid on jet-skis with the lady at the top of the pyramid holding aloft a small flag of America. For a moment I go, "Whoa! The Teams must have spent a long of time training to get that pyramid formation done properly! Impressive!" until I come to my senses and realize that those are trained professionals hired to give the introductions of the Teams in this season a special "something". Yes, yes, I know, Jon and Kris can do that pyramid thing all by themselves and they can walk on water too but they are not on the Race so suck on it, losers. The actual Teams are on their way to the starting point in motorboats. Who are these special people? Let's find out with Philo.

Hey, the Frat Bastards from season, Kevin and Drew, are here. They are the "lifelong friends from New York", although since the first season they have both settled down (not with each other, of course). Kevin tells the camera that they have five years to get out of shape so they're probably more of a circle now when they were an oval back then. Alas, they really are in a pretty bad shape, as I shall soon find out.

The Robcouple just have to show up when the dust of the latest pearl clutching about their behavior has barely settled down. Thankfully I don't actually live in the same house with people who assume that I am morally bankrupt because I am a fan of a Team that they claim to have "tainted the integrity of the Race" so I'm actually looking forward to see what they will do this time around. Ambore tells the camera that they have been married for a year and a half now. Long-suffering TV-watchers in America sigh deeply and say through gritted teeth, "We know. You won't let us forget that in the last two years." The Robfather reminds everyone that they came in second the last time around (yes, he's still smarting from that) and now he promises to bring a "new bag of tricks", maybe some kind of superpower that will prevent planes from stopping in the middle of departure to pick up other Teams. Ambore says with a chuckle that other Teams have copied their old tricks so they now have new tricks. Can you keep up with them? The Robfather jokes that he has created a monster in Ambore. Some people out there clutch at their hearts, terrified for a second that there will be a special two-hour TV show after this season to "celebrate" the arrival of the Robjunior (which, of course, they will watch and Tivo and recap in detail in their favorite online haunts so that they can tell everyone how much they hate the Robcouple and they will never, ever want to see another show with them again), until they realize that he's not talking about that kind of monster.

The IVFs Uchenna and Joyce are Racing too. Uchenna says to the camera that they may have won the seventh season but gee, life is still hard because they have no child and Joyce adds that they are still looking for that "secret to a long and lasting happy marriage". Which may or may not explain Joyce's obvious chest augmentation. But no doubt, she's doing that for a noble reason, being what she claims she is, probably to keep the marriage strong and what not. Anyway, is she saying that they can find this "secret" during their second time around on this Race? It looks like the secret to happiness is two million dollars, not one, if I am to believe the IVFs here. Does this mean that if they don't win, they will be miserable and divorced and childless forever and ever? Oh dear, all the other Teams have better let the IVFs win because the IVFs are such good people and they deserve the money!

The Christinas, fresh from their fourth placing in the previous season, are back as well. Dustin and Kandice talk about how Racing this time around is "a little bit intimidating" because it's like Racing against their "teachers" who have mastered all kinds of tricks that they apparently haven't.

The Guidos, Bill and Joe, are next and they hold up their ugly little dog for the benefit of those who never watched the first season that they name the Team after the dog, Guido. They claim that they are "two gay grandpas", which apparently automatically exclude them from being alpha males, and if you believe that they are harmless and docile people, you really haven't watched the first season, have you?

Ah, next is the Team that single-handedly made this show a big hit during season five. The cousins Charla and Mirna are back! They are one of my favorite Teams ever, I tell you, because they are mean, bitchy, sneaky, and vicious in a way that can never be beat. Charla points to the camera out how famous she has been after the fifth season and Mirna says that the Friends of Gulliver or FoGs are going to win this time around. You know, I can actually see that happen because what that killed them the last time around was a delayed flight. These two unlikely villains really know how to work the airports and cabs when they have their backs against the wall. Besides, Charla will bite the ankles of people who underestimate them, so there. I'm so disappointed that the C+Cs aren't here. Mirna needs Colin around to set her off so beautifully.

The Coala Bears are back when they have just won a huge amount of stuff from Rosie O'Donnell after last season. I like them, I do, but I don't think they can be in any way considered a good Team so I am not too happy to see them again. Mary says that a "new door" has opened for them since the Race. Yes, and I think it's called "Door #5" which, when opened by Rosie, reveals a brand new trailer made from solid gold. David says to the camera that Mary is more "confident" about Racing this time around. For the sake of his eardrums, I hope she's less strident as well. Mary says that she's going to do things differently this time around. She won't need any alliances because she doesn't need anyone giving first place to her. That's good to hear, because without the Russells in this Race, I don't think she'll find many people in this Race who are willing to give her first place.

The Tokens, Teri and Ian, are from the third season. Because only four people out there sat through season three, now is as good a time as any for Ian to point out that they came in second after losing to the charming Flo and her punching bag Zach by a mere three minutes. Ian also says that their bickering defines who they are. That and Teri's scary paper underwear. Teri says that the Tokens will come in first this time around. "We're back!" says Ian.

Hey, it's Oswald and Danny, the Cha-Cha-Chas. They were so adorable back in the second season and they are back for more of their deceptively lackadaisal brand of Racing. I think Oswald has bulked up a little since season two because he's certainly wider this time at the shoulders. I approve. Oswald reveals that the two of them had some kind of "fight", as he puts it, sometime ago that caused them to live apart for about a year. But hey, they're back together as "platonic husband and husband". Danny says that it's because they respect each other and not, like some cynical cold-hearted people would suggest, because they respect a million dollars.

Another Team from season three is back - Jill and John Vito. Only this time around, they are no longer engaged. Jill reminisces to the camera about how she met John Vito and mentions how her brother died in 9/11 as well. That 9/11 matter, no matter how tragic it is, is still not relevant to the Race now as it wasn't relevant back then. She briefly says regarding to their break-up that she and John Vito were supposed to engaged but they just... didn't. No, I don't think it's because John Vito has turned into a zombie. I know he doesn't look too good this time around but... oy, you people are so mean, I tell you. Where's the love? Because she has to say something that sound sweet and nice to the camera, Jill adds that she's however open to "anything" that may come up between her and John Vito. John Vito adds that he hopes that they will become closer again but they will take things one day at a time on this Race. Every season needs a "maybe, maybe not" Team, after all, so the JVJs may as well be that Team this time around.

And finally, there is a completely new Team made up of members from different Teams in season nine: Eric from the Freaky Fratboys and Danielle from the Pink Poodles had hooked up after that season and after a few drunken shags believe that it is a good idea to get together and do this Race together. What shall I call them? I can't be bothered to think too hard so I'll just go with the DanEs. Philo claims that Eric and Danielle "fell in love" after the end of season nine. Am I evil to say that I don't believe him? Eric is balding, he wears two nipple rings, and Danielle doesn't think that there's anything going on between him and Jeremy? Silly girl, she'll learn fast enough. The DanEs are predictably the "Will they make it with their relationship intact?" Team of this season. Oh, and if you don't want to be spoiled, do not check out Danielle's MySpace where you can see the current status of this relationship and reasonably deduce from there whether they make it all the way to first place or not.

At a most picturesque corner of the Charles Deering Estate, the Teams are assembled in the now familiar half-circle formation around Philo as he gives his usual spiel about traveling safe and making sure to argue as much as possible so that the editors can portray them in the loudest manner possible. Note to self: Philo isn't so hot when he's deliberately arching his eyebrows as much as possible because self-conscious pandering to fans isn't sexy. Philo also tries to make this particular opening babble more dramatic and sinister by telling the Teams to study the "fierce competitors" that will be Racing with them. I'm surprised no Team burst out laughing when their eyes fall on the Coala Bears. Philo also reminds them that some of them are supposed to be friends while others are enemies (unfortunately, this Race loses out a lot in that quarter when they can't get Colin to be on this Race to square off against Mirna). And with that, Philo tells them to go.

As with all previous seasons, the first clue is placed among their bags which are located on the ground a distance away behind Philo. It must be a first in the history of this show because nobody trips during the dash. At least one person would trip in every previous season, after all. The JVJs, the IVFs, and the Coala Bears are the first Teams to reach their bags while - surprise - Charla is falling behind the others. The first clue tells the Teams to fly to Quito, the capital city of Ecuador. A bit of trivia: this is the second highest capital city in the world after La Paz in Bolivia. The Teams then run towards the parked vehicles nearby that they will use to get to the Miami International Airport. Mirna for some reason turns to the camera and squeals, "We're in the Race again, baby!" (maybe she's mocking Colin who's stuck at home with a pregnant Christie as a prelude to the postcards she will be sending Colin in the future) before telling Charla who is somewhere behind her that Charla is doing great. Charla actually runs past Drew who looks like he's already in pain. They don't mention this on the show, but I understand that he had sustained some injury right before the Race which explains why he will look like he's close to death for the rest of this episode.

Ba-ba-bam, the first Team to hit the road are the Cha-Cha-Chas, with Danny pointing out to the camera that he lives here and he often goes to the Airport for various reasons so this Team has some homeground advantage in this particular moment. Oswald predicts that the other Teams will try to follow the Cha-Cha-Chas. He's psychic, because at that very moment Jill is barking at John Vito to follow the Cha-Cha-Chas and don't let them out of his sight. Next Team out are the Robcouple and then the Guidos. The Christinas decide to "take a little bit of a chance" by following the Guidos. The IVFs are next. In what seems like clearly a scene created just for the cameras, Joyce squeals to Uchenna that she can't believe they are doing the Race again while he replies by saying that he can't imagine they are getting "a chance of a lifetime" twice. Joyce squeals again and with that, the show has officially started.

On the road, the Cha-Cha-Chas are leading because everyone behind them is following them. Danny says that he's out of breath already. Oswald deadpans that he's told Danny several times already, less martinis and more cardio. Well, judging from Oswald's newfound shoulders and biceps, he's definitely doing more cardio. Yes, I approve whole-heartedly. The JVJs agree that it's great to be back and to the camera, Jill says that they still love and care for each other. She adds that hopefully this love and caring will work to their advantage in the Race. I don't know what she's talking about. Nobody has ever won the Race using the power of love before, no matter how many times the IVFs insist that they won during the seventh season because Jesus loves them so much.

The Robfather asks Ambore about the flights they have to choose from and Ambore tells him that they can either board Copa Airlines or American Airlines. This may be an All-Stars Race but clearly the show will be damned before they let these Teams find their own flights. Meanwhile, the Guidos demonstrate that they have mastered ventriloquism since I last saw them on TV because I can hear one of them say that clearly he's not in shape like he thought he was and the other person laughing, but in that particular scene both the Guidos are not moving their lips. Wow, that trick will come in handy soon enough, I'm sure, hmmph. Then, Joe says - he's really speaking now, as in his lips are moving and all - that it's a good thing that they come down to Miami every seven years. Bill laughs. The Guidos are so cute, although I think I like them better when they are being all sneaky and evil. Meanwhile, the Christinas talk about how they do not want to be perceived as beauty queens or blondes. Perhaps they should have colored their hair before the Race and not speak at all for the rest of the Race if that is the case. The Christinas also want to be the first all-female Team to win the Race. Actually, an all-female Team already won the first season of the Asian version of this show by the time this episode airs, so the poor Christinas may want to rethink their motive, maybe into being the first all-blonde beauty queen Team to win the Race. They are so happy that "the girls are back". The rest of the world yawn and say, "But we just saw you two, like, yesterday. Why can't you go away a little longer so that we get a chance to miss you?"

Also on the road, Danielle giggles to Eric that she always feels nauseous during long-distance travel on the road. Eric in the driver's seat frowns, probably realizing that on the Race there is no way he can, say, run off to the bar or take out to trash to escape her when she begins to prattle on and on. Eric tells the camera that the DanEs will be fine as long as she remembers that he's in charge. Danielle chuckles and agrees that he's the boss. She clearly thinks that he's joking. He probably begs to differ. They pass the IVFs who decide to just follow the DanEs apparently because Joyce knows that the DanEs live around Miami. Somewhere on the road, the Tokens are discussing "the boat" - the boat they were on earlier, I think - and Ian says that the boat is cool because it reminds him of the boats used by drug dealers in a typical episode of Miami Vice. Ah yes, I also remember how those boats tend to blow up in that TV show. To the camera, those two show off the work Teri has done to her face as Ian talks about how he was once an undercover narcotics cop which taught him how to think on his feet so he hopes that his experience will come in useful on the Race. After all, you never know when you have to disguise yourself as another person! As the Tokens pass several vehicles, Ian like a military officer barks at Joyce to give him the lowdown on who they have overtaken. Joyce reports that they have passed the IVFs and the "Pink and Eric". "Hoo-rah!" goes Ian. Like the Cha-Cha-Chas and the Guidos, he's trying to play up a shtick a little bit thicker than usual. This is the second chance they have on being famous, after all, so that's probably to be expected.

Oh, here are the Coala Bears and they overtake the IVFs and the DanEs. Danielle wonders aloud to Eric how the Coala Bears know where to go. Good question. Clearly she has watched the previous season. Well, Mary explains to the camera that the Coala Bears are following the Tokens because they know that the Tokens are a "couple of Floridians". If you are keeping count, that means we have the Cha-Cha-Chas, the DanEs, and now the Tokens who are apparently locals of Florida. Florida is clearly the place where reality contestants move to when they retire from the TV screen. Ahead, Ian points out that they are approaching Runway 8/26 and Teri tells him to take it. The Coala Bears follow and apparently a few other Teams as well because Danielle points out to Eric that some other Teams have taken the "other exit". Eric tells her that there are more than one way to head to the Airport. Of course, and that includes the wrong way as well. The IVFs follow the DanEs because as Joyce says, the DanEs live here in Florida. The FoGs opt to take the 8/26 as well and then spend some time talking about how Charla outran Drew back at the Charles Deering Estate. And finally, trailing behind are the Frat Bastards where Drew complains that he must surely look like a fool to be outran by "everyone" on TV. He tells Kevin that he can't run while carrying his backpack. Who knows, he probably can't run even without that backpack as well. Poor Drew.

Ahead, the Cha-Cha-Chas realize that they have reached the Airport when they spot those cute signs with airplanes on them by the road. "You're doing great! You're awesome!" Oswald tells Danny. Danny tells Oswald to "keep stoking" him because he likes it when Oswald does that. The JVJs are just behind and the Robcouple are behind the JVJs. The Robfather however decides to hit the gas because he wants to be the first at the Airport, maybe to bribe the people at the door to block the other Teams from entering. Oswald is pretty much, hello, the Cha-Cha-Chas took them all the way here and now the Robcouple are trying to move ahead of them so, hello. The Robfather tells the camera to "mark" his words because the Robcouple did not "drag" their "asses" back on the Race to come in second. So maybe they will come in last then. Or next-to-last? Promises, promises. Ambore tells the Robfather to make a turn, thinking that the turn will take them to the Airport Fast Park. Oops, it isn't. The JVJs nearly follow the Robcouple but they realize the Robcouple made a wrong turn just in time.

The Cha-Cha-Chas happily zoom past the two Teams after realizing which way not to turn, reaching the Fast Park first and chuckling about how "this" is what happens when someone other than they are in the lead. Ten minutes into the show and Teams are showboating about who the boss is already, my goodness. The JVJs are the next to reach the Fast Park but they are in luck: a shuttle passes the spot where they park their vehicle and they board it before any other Team. Naturally they tell the driver not to pick any other Team up. The Cha-Cha-Chas spend some time looking for a parking space so they only get out of their vehicle just as the Robcouple are moving in on a nearby parking space. Both Teams head towards the same shuttle, with the Robcouple making it first. But because the Robfather feels that he owes them a favor as the Cha-Cha-Chas did lead them all the way to the Airport, he tells the shuttle driver to stop and pick the Cha-Cha-Chas up. He voices over that this is his first "kind gesture" so far and it nearly kills him to do it. Wait a minute, his first kind gesture? Is he saying that he will do more kind gestures later down the road? I can't wait. Danny gets to zing the Robcouple as the two Teams take their seats, saying that he has heard how the Robcouple have gone ahead and bought themselves a cable channel.

Back on the road, the FoGs drive past the Coala Bears and then the Tokens. Teri calls the FoGs by the nickname given to them by the Grumpy Fat Slobs back in their season, "Mirna and Schmirna". She then wonders whether the Tokens have a nickname. I can suggest a few if that's what she's hoping. Ian hopes that they are called "the Big Kahunas". He's being very nice to Teri. I'm not used to this Ian, to be honest, it's a little disconcerting.

In the shuttle on the way to the Airport, Jill rather breathlessly tells John Vito that they can board either Copa Airlines which leaves at 3:30 pm and American Airlines which leaves at 3:50 pm. Here, Philo voices over that despite departing for Quito twenty minutes behind the Copa Airlines flight, the American Airlines flight actually arrives at Quito two hours earlier. The JVJs realize that the American Airlines counter is at Concourse A while the Copa Airlines counter is at Concourse D, so they may as well get off at Concourse A and check out American Airlines first. Meanwhile, in the other shuttle, the Cha-Cha-Chas and the Robcouple discuss the flights. Ambore points out what should have been obvious - the flight that leaves first need not necessarily arrives at Quito first. Danny calls to the driver, asking whether they will reach Copa or American Airlines first. American Airlines, of course, since it's on Concourse A, so the two Teams decide to stop at that particular counter first. There, they learn that the 3:50 pm flight is scheduled to arrive at 7:50 pm while the Copa Airlines flight is scheduled to arrive only at 9:45 pm. The three Teams therefore opt for the American Airlines flight.

As the FoGs look for a parking space at the Fast Park, the Tokens are already getting their bags from their vehicle. The Coala Bears have arrived as well. The FoGs begin screaming at a shuttle to bus the moment they spot it and they scream all the time as they rush for it. Fortunately the shuttle stops for them or they will have to scream even louder. The Tokens are already in that shuttle when the FoGs make their boisterous entrance with Mirna telling the driver, "Rapido! Rapido!". I think she's forgotten in her excitement that she's still in America. Ian, hearing Mirna, goes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" in exactly the way you'd think. As the shuttle leaves, the Coala Bears finally get out of their vehicle with their bags so they are too late to catch that one. The Guidos show up at that moment, just in time to see David chasing after another shuttle. They don't sound pleased. I can understand - it must be embarrassing to realize that David and Mary have beaten them to the punch. The Christinas are just behind the Guidos and they spot the Coala Bears boarding that shuttle. They go, "Wow!" because they are amazed that the Coala Bears actually beat them to a shuttle. The Coala Bears forbid their driver from picking up any other Team on that shuttle and the driver, probably scared of Mary, obeys without question.

The Guidos have to settle for the next shuttle which they later have to share with the Christinas. These two Teams look at their clues and agree to go for Copa Airlines because that flight departs from Miami earlier. Ahead, Mary is telling David that it is so obvious that they have to pick the 3:30 pm flight because it leaves earlier so David should stop arguing with her. She's going to be so embarrassed in a short while. Meanwhile, the FoGs get off at the American but the Tokens remain on the shuttle, opting to go for Copa. The FoGs catch up with the three Teams who are standing in queue at the American Airlines counter and are pleased when Oswald informs them that the American Airlines flight will arrive significantly earlier than the Copa Airlines flight.

Still on road, Joyce is apologizing profusely in a tearful voice to Uchenna because apparently she gave him the wrong directions. Uchenna doesn't seem to be listening, only making a face and a quiet exclamation of what I'm sure is a very rude word. The Frat Bastards are lost as well. Drew says dryly, his skin a deathly white pallor, that they have been going around in circles. In a clearly edited sequence that want me to believe that he's responding to Drew's statement about going in circles, Kevin at the back tells Drew to shut up. Drew says sarcastically that ooh, Kevin asks him to shut up. To the camera, Drew mentions about dying. I can believe him. I mean, just look at his face. This is one person who should be recuperating and taking things nice and easy instead of being on the Race.

Over at the Copa Airlines counter, Mary happily purchases tickets for the Coala Bears and then David asks about the flights and realizes that this flight arrives much later at Quito compared to the American Airlines flight. Honestly, I sometimes feel that Mary will have better served her Team if she would listen to David instead of just rolling over him and insisting that they do things her way. Since the Coala Bears cannot return the tickets they have purchased, they are stuck on that particular flight. "No way!" groans Mary. No way, indeed.

The Coala Bears get even more bizarre. The Christinas show up at the Copa Airlines counter with the Tokens and the Guidos just behind the Christinas. The Coala Bears act happy to see the Christinas while the Christinas voices over that clearly the Coala Bears don't look that pleased to see the Christinas. Oh dear, the Coala Bears are not very good at being sneaky? Color me shocked! Mary tells the Christinas that the Copa Airlines flight is the best and the fastest flight. To the camera, David says that this Race is wild so they have to do what they have to do. Or something like that. As the Christinas wonder whether the Coala Bears are telling them the truth, David goes to whisper to the Tokens that the Tokens should board the American Airlines flight instead. Naturally, the Tokens quickly go to the American Airlines counter. The Guidos, clearly having witnessed the whispering between David and the Tokens, put two and two together and follow after telling the Christinas where they are going. The Christinas, who also have seen the whispering and the Tokens walking towards the exit, ask the person behind the counter about the flights and learn that the American Airlines flight is faster. So the Christinas make their way after the Tokens and the Guidos as well, leaving the Coala Bears looking really stupid as a result. I don't really understand what the Coala Bears are thinking here.

Over at the American Airlines counter, Mirna is performing some kind of weird flirtation with Oswald as she "worries" about some Team coming up behind the FoGs and push the two dainty ladies out of the way. Pushing is so tiresome. Why not just get one person in the Team to grab Charla and run away so that Mirna will give chase, letting the other person in the Team a chance to take the FoGs' place in the queue? Oswald, must be thinking "Amateur!" right then in his mind, tells Mirna that naturally he will protect them from any ill-mannered brutes that may come their way. Mirna and Charla act like Oswald is so cute and heroic so he kisses the cheeks and foreheads of the the two ladies. Ooh, those sneaky ladies, they sure know how to get their hands on their men!

When the Tokens show up, Oswald protectively puts a hand around Charla and tells the Tokens that the FoGs are here first. Oh, he's so gallant. The JVJs and the Robcouple finally get their tickets. The Cha-Cha-Chas get theirs too soon after. By this time the Guidos and the Christinas have also showed up. The Guidos ask the Cha-Cha-Chas what the chances of the Guidos getting on that flight are and they are told that the flight is "pretty full". Oh dear.

The Coala Bears are wandering around the airport when they spot the Robcouple who are making the most of their time reading and picking up travel guides and maps that they intend to purchase. David shakes the Robcouple's hands and calls them "Rob and Kim". You may remember that there are indeed a Team with Rob and Kim in the previous season. At any rate, the Coala Bears profess to the camera that they are big fans of the Robcouple and David adds that meeting them makes the Coala Bears feel as if they have already won the Race. I guess that means the Coala Bears won't be so disappointed if they get eliminated by the end of this leg. Isn't it annoying how they don't even need to be on the Race to feel as if they have won? They could have asked Rosie to set them up with the Robcouple and let another Team take their place on the Race, hmmph! The Coala Bears take turn to hug the Robfather who looks at the camera with a bemused "Are you kidding me?" expression.

Back at the American Airlines counter, the DanEs finally show up behind the Guidos. When Eric learns from the Guidos how many Teams there are ahead of the DanEs, he turns to Danielle and tells her, "We suck." As the Tokens and the FoGs get their tickets, the Christinas hope aloud that they can get on the flight as well. Clearly they are tempting fate with that statement because the moment the Tokens get their tickets, the gentleman behind the counter announces that there are no more seats available on that flight. Teri turns with suspicious alacrity to says right at the Christinas' faces, "No seats!" I think she enjoys telling them that more than she would admit.

The Copa Airlines flight is now ready for boarding. Philo reminds everyone that this flight will take the Coala Bears, the IVFs, the Guidos, the Christinas, the DanEs, and the Frat Bastards to Quito. It will arrive some two hours behind the American Airlines flight which will carry the JVJs, the Robcouple, the Cha-Cha-Chas, the FoGs, and the Tokens. It also turns out that the Copa Airlines flight takes longer to reach Quito due to a stop at Panama City. Philo also explains that in Quito, Teams must take a cab to Plaza San Francisco where their next clue awaits.

8:05 pm. It is dark when the American Airlines flight arrive at Quito. Teams scramble to where the cabs are. The Cha-Cha-Chas, who know Spanish and therefore have no problems communicating with cab drivers, left the airport in a cab first. Meanwhile, Mirna is shrieking at the people in the airport to make way for her and Charla and she is still quite loud when the FoGs are leaving the airport in their cab, telling the driver to rapido and "step on it". I love how she injects a ridiculously exaggerated Latin accent to her "step on it", as if she is a villainess in some James Bond movie. The JVJs and the Robcouple leave next with much less drama. The Robfather naturally asks their driver whether he knows a short cut and Robcouple's cab driver tells him that the driver indeed knows of one. He grins. And finally, the Tokens leave, with Ian playfully doing an impersonation of Mirna and going "Rapido! Rapido!" Teri is not happy that they have dropped to last although why she's complaining I have no idea. It's late. There's bound to be an operation hour bunch or something of that nature once they reach Plaza San Francisco. There's really no need to break a neck - or a cab driver's neck in this instance - to be the first to reach the Plaza.

In their cab, Oswald tells the camera that his hands are "clammy" and his face is going through "menopause". Meanwhile, Mirna is urging her driver, "Must rapido! Rapido!" And my favorite, she makes this "Not enough!" shaking gesture with her hand as she tells the driver in her adorably cartoonish Latin accent, "This is too little with rapido!" You have to listen to how she says that line to realize how hysterically funny that particular scene. The JVJs happily pass the FoGs, which of course drives the FoGs even more frenzied. As Mirna goes "Rapido!", Charla offers the cab driver more money to go faster. The cab driver is grinning, no doubt thinking about what adorable lunatics her passengers are.

The Robcouple are the first to reach the clue stand in the Plaza because it turns out that their driver does indeed know a short cut. The Cha-Cha-Chas spot the Robcouple as their cab pulls up at the Plaza and they are like, oh well, the Robcouple beat us to the punch, whatever. The JVJs are the next to show up, also not happy to see the Robcouple. And also not happy to see the Robcouple are the FoGs who are the next to show up. Meanwhile, the Robcouple realize from their clue that they have to get a cab to Pim's, a restaurant located some three miles from where they are. At Pim's, Teams will pull one number from a board and the maitre d' will hand them a corresponding pamphlet tucked inside a menu that has their departure time the next morning. There are three departure time available: 7:00 am, 7:15 am, and 7:30 am. The four Teams return to their cabs after getting their clues, with Charla happily thinking that they will get to eat soon. In their cab, the JVJs wonder how the Robcouple manage to beat everyone else to the Plaza. It is only natural that people arrive in the same order than they left! Finally, after everyone has left, the Tokens finally show up to collect their clue.

The Robcouple pull up at Pim's first and they collect the first number. Sure enough, they will leave at 7:00 am the next day. The JVJs are next, also getting a 7:00 am departure time. The FoGs actually reach Pim's just seconds ahead of the Cha-Cha-Chas. Like the Robcouple and the JVJs, both Teams get the 7:00 am departure time. Or as Oswald puts it, "the sunrise special". The Teams realize that they have to sleep on these bunk beds laid out in a small area outside Pim's. Mirna presses her bed as she asks in a worried tone, "Are there bugs in there?" This is from the same lady who was worried that touching beef would lead her to contract mad cow's disease back in her season, if you can remember. The Robcouple wander off by themselves, no doubt to plot for world domination and more.

Because there is some time to kill on this show, it's time for a second round of "Let's Beat The Robcouple" open season. In a confessional, Ambore says that the Robcouple don't have any Team they want to Race against, but she's certain that every other Team on this Race view them as the Team to beat. Let's see what the other Teams think in their respective confessionals. Oswald says that the Cha-Cha-Chas know the Robcouple because, as he puts it, "Obviously because we live on this planet." I see a sitcom in the works for the Cha-Cha-Chas and the Robcouple. Mirna agrees to that the Robcouple is the Team to beat. John Vito would like to speak on behalf of all America when he says that everyone has had enough of the Robcouple. Probably, but I'm sure all of them will happily trade places with the Robcouple when it comes to extending their fifteen minutes to, well, forty-minutes or so. The Robfather and Ambore smooch in a discreet corner and he then tells her (clearly playing to the camera) that he'd thought they have lost their touch after two years but now he's sure that they still have "it". It's too early to tell, isn't it?

Back at the Pim's dormitory, the Tokens show up and they realize that they are the odd ones out of this group because they get the 7:15 am departure time while the other Teams are all leaving at 7:00 am the next day. Ian says to Teri that it's a good thing that there is still one more flight behind them.

Speaking of which, the Copa Airlines flight lands at 9:41 pm. This flight actually arrives earlier than scheduled but I'm sure that's no consolation to the Teams on this flight, heh. They should be happy, though, because a two hour gap between the first and last Team has been decreased to a mere fifteen minute gap thanks to the bunching at Pim's. The Christinas are the first Team to dash into a cab and out of the airport. The Guidos, who are behind them, can only laugh in their cab, saying that the Christinas clearly are not tired yet while the Guidos are the Gutsy Grannies - remember them from season two? - of this Race. I'm still not used to this nice and funny version of the Guidos. I suspect that I can really like this improved and probably artificial version of the Guidos though if they stick around long enough. The rest of the pack are the DanEs, the IVFs, the Coala Bears, and the Frat Bastards in that order. The Frat Bastards are banking in going from worst to first like they have done in their previous Race, although Drew looks like he's struggling just to breathe in that cab.

Over at Pim's, it's dinner time where the Robfather and Ambore make some remarks that they are confident will cause the other Teams to laugh in a forced manner while boiling with resentment inside and these Teams laugh in a forced manner while boiling with resentment inside.

Meanwhile, at Plaza San Francisco, the Team that shows up first are the Christinas. The Guidos are next, followed by the DanEs and the IVFs. The Coala Bears are right behind. In fact, the Coala Bears actually overtake the DanEs due to the DanEs' cab driver being apparently a bit slow when it comes to driving. The DanEs act like it's the end of the world to be beaten by the Coala Bears... which, come to think of it, is a pretty embarrassing situation alright. And finally, the Frat Bastards show up. On their way back to the rented van after collecting their clue, Drew unfortunately falls and starts groaning, having apparently injured his left leg since he's now shaking that leg in the air. Kevin calls Drew to get up as dramatic music plays. Drew slowly gets back on his feet. In the van, Drew explains that he's hurt his shoulder while rolling on the ground after his fall. He really looks like he's in pain. Again, I wonder why he's on the Race and why they let him be on the Race. I like this Team and I wish I can see them again under a better circumstance.

The Christinas arrive at Pim's and they get the 7:15 am time. So do the Guidos when they show up and they claim to feel good about this development. They should be. Two hour gap - poof! - fifteen minutes gap. The bunch is a powerful thing. Drew is still moaning and groaning in the van and the show relishes the idea that I am at the edge of my seat watching Drew in pain. I'm not! I want someone to take Drew out of the Race and put him in a hospital! The Coala Bears are within seconds ahead of the IVFs in reaching Pim's but the IVFs have itchier fingers so they grab the last 7:15 am number while the Coala Bears have to settle for the 7:30 am departure time. David tells the camera that it sure was a "big mistake" not getting on the first plane and Mary adds, "Fifteen minutes can cost us the whole game." Wow, light is finally dawning on these two. There may be hope for them yet. Still in their van, Drew is hurting. The camera closes in on the wound on his left knee before Kevin presses a gauze over it. Drew says aloud that his shoulder is getting better. They arrive just in time to see the DanEs running out of their cab towards Pim's. Kevin reaches the number stand first but the DanEs beat Drew to it. It doesn't matter which Team gets what number though. The DanEs and the Frat Bastards will leave with the Coala Bears at 7:30 am the next morning. The DanEs tell the camera that Eric is not "comfortable" being at the "back of the pack". Wow, tell me something I don't know, people.

The Teams all get as comfortable as they can in the rather cramped dorm area in Pim's. Predictably enough, the person speaking the loudest happens to be Mirna, bless her. It's nighty-night for everyone and the lights go out.

Morning, 6:59 am. It's nice to see how the Teams leaving at this hour are kept behind Pim's gate as if they are prisoners or something, only to be allowed loose at the stipulated time. 7:00 am now. The gate opens so the Teams get to finally walk out to read their clues in front of the camera. Philo explains that Teams must now go to the Cotopaxi National Park, Ecuador's biggest mainland park, and locate the "ecological resort" Hacienda Yanahurco, which is one of the places tourists can stay when they visit the Cotopaxi National Park. The clue specifically says that Teams are "advised" to take the north entrance of the Park. Why the north entrance, you ask? I believe that it's a matter of the show wanting to help the Teams, really, because the Hacienda is nearer to the north entrance. Teams will get there by driving parked vehicles in a "nearby garage". They are given a map to help them get to their destination, which will be a journey of about 65 miles.

The four Teams begin walking along the streets looking for the "garage". The Cha-Cha-Chas are the first to locate their vehicle and hit the road, followed by the JVJs and the Robcouple in that order. The FoGs manage to find a bespectacled gentleman who apparently has agreed to follow them and show them the way to the Park, but once they are inside their vehicle, Mirna remembers that she is lousy at driving stick. Charla hilariously makes the sign of the cross as Mirna tries to coax their vehicle to life. Maybe because of Charla's pious action, the vehicle doesn't stall even once as Mirna drives them onto the road.

7:15 am. The Christinas, the Guidos, the IVFs, and the Tokens are set loose. The Guidos resolve to be faster that day as they read their clue and yet they walk slowly on the street looking for the garage. Nonetheless, they are the first Team to locate their vehicle and hit the road despite pausing for a most amusingly lethargic discussion on who should drive that vehicle. The Tokens are next and once they hit the road they overtake the Guidos who don't sound too pleased at that development. Joe sounds menacing, like the old Joe back in season one, for the first time as he growls, "How did they get in front of me?" Meanwhile, Ian in the Tokens' vehicle goes "Hoo-yah!" I think he does that every five minutes and the editors are just being kind when they show me so little of him playing to the camera. Meanwhile, Joe says aloud to the camera that it is easy to underestimate Ian because the man is "crotchety and old-looking". I'd like to imagine he's just being ironic there. The Christinas are the next to locate their vehicle and hit the road. The IVFs are also on their way, with Joyce prattling about how "crazy" Quito is even if Quito looks exactly like a typical city with cars on the streets and all. She's trying hard to be "nice" but I don't know. The IVFs are pretty boring without mysterious airplane controversies and naughty Indian barbers to give their screentime a boost.

Ahead, the 7:00 am Teams are trying to fight their way to the Park. The Cha-Cha-Chas claim to have no clue where they are going. The JVJs ask some locals but because these people cannot speak English, John Vito tells Jill impatiently that they are wasting time and may as well just get back into their vehicle and drive. The Robfather gets out of the vehicle and approaches a cab, hiring it to drive to the Park and let the Robcouple follow behind. The Cha-Cha-Chas independently come up with the same plan as the Robcouple. Oswald tells Danny as they once more begin to move that they need to hurry up. The lazy day mode is off, it's the competitive Cha-Cha-Chas on the roll now. Cool!

7:30 am. The final three Teams are finally released onto the streets of Quito. The DanEs are the first to hit the road, with Eric announcing that it's time to play "catch up". I'm sure the Race designers will make sure that they do at the start of the next leg, so he doesn't have much to worry when it comes to that. Meanwhile, the Coala Bears and the Frat Bastards arrive at the garage at the same time and Drew is trying to open the door of a particular vehicle when David comes over and announces that he has the key so the vehicle belongs to the Coala Bears, so there. Since Kevin is already opening the door to the other vehicle at this point, I don't understand what the fuss is. The Frat Bastards feel that they have to deliberately block the Coala Bears in order to stop the Coala Bears from overtaking them. That plan seems reasonable since they may feel that they are fighting with the Coala Bears to avoid coming in last, but I suspect they are just being petty when they come up with that plan.

Ahead, Mirna is introducing herself and Charla to their helpful local. "My name Mirna! My cousin name Charla!" she goes in pidgin English. Clearly our lovely Mirna believes that pidgin English is some kind of universally understood language outside America. Charla taps the fellow's shoulder like he's some slow kid and asks, "Yo soy...?" Instead of saying helpfully "A moron?" the fellow gets the hint and says that his name is Juan. I don't believe that's his name because poor Juan looks more and more worried the longer he is in the same cramped space as the FoGs. The two charming ladies say without any hint of irony to the camera that they enjoy befriending the locals because they are not afraid of these locals. I suspect it's because the locals always end up being terrified of these two. Indeed, Mirna is right now going "Excellente!" for no reason other than to show off her amazing ability to tag an "e" or an "o" to any English word to convert the language into a brand new language universally understood by people in any country in this world. Oh, how I adore the FoGs. They never fail to crack me up every time they are on the TV screen!

Somewhere, the JVJs locate a local who offers to drive and let the JVJs follow him. They are pleased with this lucky encounter with the helpful stranger and proceed to high-five each other once John Vito gets inside the vehicle. What can go wrong now, right? Somewhere else, the Robcouple spot the sign on the road indicating that they are indeed on the right road to the Park. As they happily get closer to their destination, the Robfather wonders aloud whether they are in first place. Ambore says that she has no idea. In what seems like an added voiceover taken from a confessional, she can be heard saying that other Teams could have gotten lost while trying to get to the Park. Meanwhile, the JVJs' guide pulls over and tells them to keep driving - it's only an hour or so down the road. He then runs away before the JVJs realize that he's fleeing before John Vito beats him into a meaty pulp for taking them in the wrong direction. Ahead, the Cha-Cha-Chas take the same turn that the Robcouple had taken earlier so hopefully that's the correct road or there will be two very lost and unhappy Teams as a result. Danny happily goes "La-la-la-la!" in a way that has to be heard as he drives along the happy road to the Park.

Somewhere else, the JVJs become worried that that they may be driving to the wrong (south) entrance of the Park and if that is the case, it's a long way to the correct (north) entrance since the Park is "huge". The Robcouple, ahead, are directed by a staff in the visitor lodge to make a left turn. The FoGs on the other hand realize that Juan has led them to the south entrance of the Park. Maybe he's just confused because "North-e!" (rhymes with "naughty") is not part of the Spanish language no matter how the FoGs would like to think it is. Juan tells them that they have to turn back in order to get to the north gate so Charla suggests that the FoGs may as well turn gung-ho and charge right into the south entrance. At any rate, Juan takes his leave and the FoGs actually thank him and call him their friend, which is nice even if I suspect Juan will actually be creeped out rather than thrilled to be a friend of the FoGs. He'll probably have nightmares for the next few weeks about getting phone calls in the middle of the night from Charla and Mirna.

Teri spots a sign on the road and becomes convinced that the Tokens are on the right road and they are probably "halfway there". The Guidos continue creeping me out with their "We're so sweet and nice now" routine in their vehicle as Joe says through what seems like gritted teeth that it is so nice and romantic to have just the two of them on the road while Bill makes "tut-tut" sounds while stroking Joe's hair and shoulders. It does seem as if the act of being this corny is causing Joe great pain. Embrace the dark side, Joe, stop being so nice. Unleash the evil!

Ahead, the Robcouple reach the Hacienda Yanahurco where they learn that it's now time for a Detour. Philo, with the winds making his grey shirt hug every inch of his new pecs (maybe he bought them from the same store where Joyce found her new breasts), says that the Detours, supposedly based on Ecuador's "history" and "tradition", are "Wrangle It" and "Recover It". Hah, I bet you're expecting it to be "Strangle It" instead of "Recover It", right? In "Wrangle It", Teams must lasso a supposedly wild horse and then clip down the hoofs of the horse to a "normal" length and snip down the tail using "traditional instruments" like a shiny modern-looking pair of clippers before they receive their next clue. In "Recover It", one member of the Team slips on a "historical military uniform" - probably borrowed from one of the festival performers of the Hacienda from the looks of it - and the Team will then scope out an unspecified area to locate and retrieve missing parts of that uniform (a sword, an emblem, and a button). A "general" will hand the Team their next clue once the Team show up with the completed uniform.

Believing that "animals are tough", the Robcouple opt to recover the missing items. The Robfather dons the uniform and locates a sword quickly enough - it's in a sheath that is lying horizontally on the ground somewhere in the field. However, they realize that it's not that easy to look for the emblem and the button which are small and therefore much harder to spot. "Landrover, here I come," says Danny as the Cha-Cha-Chas approach the Hacienda. As the Tokens approach the Park, having moved ahead of the JVJs and the FoGs, the Robfather becomes worried as they continue to hunt around the field. A horse neighs and the Robfather tells Ambore that clearly the horse is trying to tell them something. Finally, he says impatiently that they could have spent three hours in this Detour so they may as well switch to the other one. The wrangling Detour sounds challenging but it turns out to be a rather uneventful one as it is a local who lassos a horse and the Robcouple are aided by the locals nearby to get the horse lying on the ground. The Robfather clips the hoofs while Ambore scissors the horse's tail at the same time. The Cha-Cha-Chas are at about this time reading the clue and they opt to wrangle horses as well. "We chose to do Wrangle because I've always wanted a career in beauty," says Oswald in a confessional, adding that if he can cut the nails of a horse, he will have no problems giving anyone a manicure. I want to marry Oswald. What, I can't say that out loud? Okay then.

The Robcouple let their horse up and the horse runs off, glad to be free, just as the Cha-Cha-Chas get down to their task. The Robcouple learn that they can now travel by foot and head straight to the Pit Stop - the Mirador Cotopaxi, which is one of those names specially created just for this show because "Mirador Cotopaxi" means "the scenic beauty of the Cotopaxi". Whatever, really. At any rate, this Mirador Cotopaxi is a "lookout" as Philo calls it, at the peak of a small mountain within walking distance from the Hacienda. Philo and the VIP are waiting there. The Robcouple break into a run for the Pit Stop.

The Guidos take the now familar turn to the Park. The Cha-Cha-Chas are done with the Detour - I have no idea what they do or how they do what they did because the show just cuts straight to them letting the horse go and receiving their clue. As the Cha-Cha-Chas make a run for it, they notice another vehicle approaching. The Tokens however don't spot the Cha-Cha-Chas so as they approach the Hacienda, Ian hollers out whether there is anyone about and Teri says dryly that clearly the Tokens are the first Team to arrive. The both of them laugh as Ian says that it will be a miracle of God if that is the case. He then leads foward to look up at the sky as he addresses the Big Kahuna, "Are you listening?" How quaint. Clearly they and the Guidos went to the same image rehabilitation school prior to this Race.

Ahead, panting heavily, the Robcouple come in first place and win a trip to Canada where they will get to ski and burn off fat in a spa and such. These two are more focused on breathing to show much enthusiasm though. It's the altitude, of course - this leg takes place at some of the highest inhabited places you can ever find in this world.

The Tokens get down to do some wrangling because, as Ian says, Teri's a "horse person". Is there where I say, "I know. She's married to one!"? Somewhere behind, the DanEs are pleased because they have caught up with the IVFs and the Christinas. Eric tells the camera that he hates to lose and he's a competitive person when it comes to, you know, competitions. Um... okay. Who's next? Joyce prattles in the IVFs' vehicle about the scenery and all. Next, please. The IVFs and the Christinas eventually slow down when they come across what seems like a puddle caused by a burst pipeline. Eric drives around them, announcing that he doesn't know what "hesitate" means. Danielle chuckles. The DanEs are so fun to watch, aren't they? I'm so glad they are on this Race instead of that boring Flo and her boyfriend Drew the Zoolander Twin, I tell you.

The breathless Cha-Cha-Chas check in as team number two.

The FoGs finally stop at a lodge to ask for directions and are told that they are an hour or so away from the Hacienda. The Hacienda is, after all, much farther from the south entrance as it is from the north entrance. Behind, Drew is driving when he says to Kevin, "Peru is nice. It's beautiful out." Kevin tells Drew just as dryly, "I'm sure it's nice in Peru. We're in Ecuador." Oh, that's beautiful. At least I get this one chuckle from them before Drew drops dead at the end of this leg. They spot a bus clearly belonging to the Park on the road and excitedly decide to follow it. Meanwhile, the Coala Bears soon show up to take the turn to the Park. Mary is still nagging David non-stop and David is giving one-syllable answers, clearly not listening to a word she is saying. Mary tells him that he can't do anything if she isn't there holding David's hand. Remember the Copa Airlines flight, Mary? Who was the one who chose to get tickets for that flight without even asking for information about that flight, hmm?

The JVJs stop at a gas station and learn from the locals there that they have been led by their not-so-helpful stranger in a direction that is completely wrong. They have to go all the way back where they came from in order to begin making their way to the Park. They are not happy. Neither are the FoGs, who are driving and driving and driving and driving. Mirna wonders aloud whether they will end up driving until night arrives. Charla says wearily that she has no idea what to expect anymore.

At the Hacienda, the Tokens are done and as they leave, the DanEs and the Guidos show up. They both opt to wrangle. Then the Tokens have arrived at the finishing mat as team number three. Behind, Kevin is urging Drew to go faster while Drew is adamant that he's going as fast as he can. Kevin is worried because the Coala Bears have caught up with them. Then the Coala Bears overtake the Frat Bastards, causing Kevin to make more noise as Drew says that he has to slow down the vehicle because of some "bad experience". He's not speaking very clearly so I believe I may have misheard him. Oh well. Meanwhile, Mary says in a sarcastic manner to David that clearly he's having fun. Goodness, she told him to overtake the Frat Bastards, he did just that, and now she's taking him to task for daring to be happy? David as usual ignores her and moves along to the happy tune in his head.

A passing vehicle honked at the JVJs and Jill goes, "Oh, give it up!" She's not going to be any happier when the JVJs find themselves at the Park, but, after asking for directions at a lodge that the FoGs will recognize, learn that they are at the south entrance instead of the north entrance. Like the FoGs, they decide to charge straight ahead and hope for the best.

At the Hacienda, the DanEs are working on the horse with Danielle complaining that she's touching "poop". Hey, but if she can touch Eric... Meanwhile, the Guidos are working on their horse too when one of them says that "they" are bigger than their dog Guido's. I hope they are talking about the horse's "nails" but I don't think so, heh. The IVFs and the Christinas arrive at the Hacienda in that order and they all choose to wrangle as well. The DanEs finish up their Detour ahead of the Guidos and they are now running towards the Pit Stop. The Guidos are close behind, however. Meanwhile, the FoGs are still driving, lost and miserable. Philo checks the DanEs in as team number four. In the lostmobile of the FoGs, Charla has tears in her eyes as she tells the camera that she can't see anything. Maybe she should wipe away at the tears in her eyes then. The Guidos check in as team number five.

The Coala Bears are on the road when they spot a vehicle ahead of them. Who could it be in that vehicle? Charla spots the vehicle coming up from behind them so the FoGs are thrilled that they are actually getting somewhere. Or so they believe. Personally, if I won't be so reassured if I'm lost and I stumble upon the Coala Bears because they aren't exactly the best navigators around. Charla makes some wild "don't know" gestures with her hands as she shrieks in the general direction of the Coala Bears that the FoGs have no idea where they are going. Which is, of course, the truth. Mary finds it funny that the FoGs believe that they are lost because Mary is sure that the Coala Bears are on the right track. Or are the Coala Bears on the right track? Stay tuned! Charla happily tells Mirna that the FoGs are not last. Her face then falls as she says that they can beat the Coala Bears... her voice trails off as she tries to imagine how she and Mirna can beat the Coala Bears. "Maybe in a footrace," she finishes lamely. Mirna says in an equally resigned tone, "Yeah, right." Whatever the FoGs' flaws are, at least they know they can't outrun anyone who isn't bleeding or dying inside like, say, Drew.

The JVJs try to remain optimistic that they may not be in last place as they keep driving. Assuming that they are taking the same route as the FoGs, this means that they are considerably behind the other Teams. But perhaps they may have a chance since the Frat Bastards are on the road when their vehicle gives a lurch. Drew groans - it must hurt his body when the vehicle encounters a bump to make the vehicle lurch like that - and stops the vehicle as Kevin steps out to see what has happened to their vehicle. As Drew steps out of the vehicle to join Kevin, Kevin points out that their front right tire is flat. "What are we going t do?" asks Drew. Change the tire, perhaps?

The Christinas are done with the Detour and so are the IVFs. Back to the Frat Bastards, Drew says flatly that he is not changing a flat tire and proceeds to get back behind the wheel. I know he's in pain and not in the best of moods but dude, driving with a flat tire is crazy. Just ask Mirna's best buddy Colin. The Christinas come in at sixth place. Meanwhile, the FoGs and the Coala Bears are approaching the Hacienda. The IVFs are checked in as team number seven. The Coala Bears opt to wrangle horses. The FoGs decide to do the same, with Charla announcing that she'll hold the horse down. The show plays a loud gong at her announcement because clearly the editors don't believe that Charla can hold down a horse. How rude, really. Just they wait until Charla bites them in the ankles!

The JVJs and the Frat Bastards are still on the road, with the flat tire of the Frat Bastards' vehicle looking at the verge of falling off altogether. The Coala Bears and the FoGs are done with their Detours. Yes, Charla does hold down the horse, with the aid of some locals of course but then again, the locals help every Team so I have it to hand it to Charla, that ankle-biting lady still rocks. Meanwhile, the JVJs and the Frat Bastards are being set up for a fight to avoid elimination. The FoGs actually end up ahead of the Coala Bears as they check in as team number eight, with the Coala Bears coming in after in ninth place. The two Teams claim to be friends now because the Coala Bears are big fans of the FoGs and all that. Let me guess, the Coala Bears now feel that they have won two Races already.

And da-da-dum, the next Team to show up at the Hacienda are the Frat Bastards. The JVJs are nowhere to be seen as the Frat Bastards wrangle their Detour - in fact, the JVJs are only at that moment making that turn to the Hacienda. The Frat Bastards check in as team number ten. And only then do the JVJs show up at the Hacienda. As they wrangle their Detour, on comes their voice over where they give the predictable happy ending words that may or may not mean anything. You know, like how the Race has brought them closer, blah blah blah, the generic maudlin inspirational things every Team say when they are eliminated. I do tear up a little when John Vito has this shocked expression on his face when reality sets in and he has to accept the fact that they are eliminated at this very early stage of the Race. Really, I feel that the dismay of coming in last at the first leg and the frustration they experienced up to that point that were displayed by him and Jill feel more genuine and real than the canned "Oh, maybe we'll get back together!" yammerings they give to the camera.

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