This is the start of the tenth season of The Amazing Race. Wow, can you believe that this show was nearly cancelled some three years ago?

There's the Space Needle, there's Philo "Are We Ready To Be Amazing, Baby?" Koughie, and wa-hey, we're in Seattle, the largest city in the Pacific Northwest region of America! Philo walks out on the deck of a boat as he explains that this "thriving metropolis" known as the Emerald City will be the starting point of this leg of the Race. Ah yes, a starting point. Shall we start again, Philo, and forget the painful memories such as the BoHo Boys and the Whining Weevils and the unbearable boredom that was the previous two seasons melded into one blur of blah? Philo babbles about twelve Teams on a Race around the world, the usual, and then tells me to look at where the seaplanes are coming. Ooh, why seaplanes? Are they going to drop the Teams in the middle of the Pacific and ask them to swim up to the boat? Alas, not really, the seaplanes are a fancy way of dropping the Teams off at the starting point. But first, let's meet the Teams that will either thrill, torment, or bore me for the next two months or so.

First off is a Team that I'm convinced comprises a human being and a robot. No, the robot is not a reference to our triathlete lady Sarah who is born with one leg shorter than the other and therefore wears an artificial leg. It's her "new boyfriend" Peter that gives me the robotic vibe. For now, SaR2D2 and Pe3P0 here are the "newly dating triathletes". As SaR2D2 talks about how they train together for the Hawaii Iron Man competition, there's Pe3P0 just beside her thrusting his chest forward to the camera and looking way too self-conscious about being on TV. I suppose one can say that perhaps Pe3P0 is just not used to being filmed so he would understandably pose so stiffly on camera in this manner. SaR2D2 tries to come off as creepy as Pe3P0 by saying that Pe3P0 is the guy that makes those artificial legs like the one she is using right now so he can take care of her like she always wants a man to take care of her, only with his way with metallic legs, he can take care of her like no man ever can! That's nice dear, but is sleeping with Pe3P0 as messed-up as sleeping with one's shrink? Curious minds want to know! Meanwhile, Pe3P0 says that Sarah is the first woman he trusts his heart with. Methinks she may very well be his first ever girlfriend as well. A living and breathing girlfriend, at any rate. Anyway, the Team Android is all about SaR2D2's prosthetic leg and how Pe3P0 is going to latch on to it in his Necronomican ambitions for fame and glory. It will be either amusing in a trainwreck manner or painful to see how this relationship develop on the Race.

Next are the Ummahs. I don't know what else to call Sa'eed and Bilal because their selling point in this Race is that they are Muslims. They pose before a mosque, they talk about being determined to stop during various points in the Race when it's time to fulfil their obligation to pray five times a day, and they talk about how they put their religion over everything else. In short, the Ummahs and the show are acting as if people have never seen a Muslim on TV before. A part of me cringes when I see Bilal and Sa'eed with their beard and traditional garbs because these two men definitely don't go around looking like stereotypical Arabic Muslims outside the Race, I'd bet. Why sell the stereotype down everyone's throat? Why not just be a Muslim as well as an ordinary guy who doesn't talk about Allah every five minutes? Then again, being Muslims is the Ummahs' shtick to get on the Race so I don't think they will stop reminding people that they are Muslims in their confessionals anytime soon.

Rob and Kimberly are the obligatory dating Team who want to test their relationship on the Race. He has this stupid hairstyle going on where he likes to grab a handful of gel and slicks his hair so that he looks like some sad loser who has never outgrown Grease. And all those guys who have never outgrown Grease tend to be gay so Kimberly really should think carefully if she ever finds that Danny Zuko knock-off outfit from eBay that he spent their life savings on. He says that she is controlling but needs to understand that he's also a human being, blah blah blah, the usual. I can't think of a nickname for these two. I can't be bothered to, to be honest. How about Team Whatever?

Dusty and Kandice are the beauty queens that form Team Christina. I have this suspicion that the Christinas and the Jessicas from Treasure Hunters must have once upon a time drawn lots to determine who would get to be on this Race while the others would have to settle for Treasure Hunters. And goodness, these two met in 2005 when Dusty became Miss California while Kandice became Miss New York. Still, they would like to pretend that they aren't just cast solely for their appearances by insisting that they are competitive and best friends, the usual. I'll be very shocked if these two don't have a meltdown followed by a "I hate you, bitch!" shriekfest at each other sometime later into the season.

David and Mary, Team Coala Bears, are the obligatory married-couple Team as well as the adorable fish-out-of-water Team. He's a coal miner and she's a housewife. When they speak, it is clear even before they mention it that they're from Kentucky. I have to love that ridiculously fake scene where David is nearly "crushed" by that small rubble landslide on his "daily shift" down in some mine shaft. David talks about how the Coala Bears are tougher than the other Teams and Mary talks about how surprised she was when David courted her because she found him so cute while she thought herself as "normal". That's so sweet. Let's all be nice, people, and not make nasty jokes about David being used to doing things in the dark. She's okay and she also looks adorable rather than plain. I'm not sure about him yet but it helps that I can't understand half of what they are saying in their thick accent on this show.

Ooh, there are some Asian boys coming out from the next seaplane. Between these two and the the guys on Survivor Cook Islands, I'm really starting to believe that the two shows cast together and then throw dice or toss coins to determine which contestants go to which show. Erwin and Godwin are brothers who love to go to the gym to pump iron and all until their bodies are so shiny and granite-hard that the only way one can tell them apart is that Godwin has short hair while Erwin wears glasses and sports shoulder-length hair. Heaven helps the poor sucker trying to tell them apart when the lights are out. Godwin insists that they aren't meatheads though because he went to NYU while Erwin points out that he earned his Masters from Harvard. Okay, that will surely win over the mothers of the women they are trying to marry but in the context of this Race, I'm more interested in knowing how fast they'll ditch those annoying tank-tops and start running around in very short shorts. What shall I call this Team? Okay, in honor of the first ever Hollywood Asian beefcake Russell Wong, I'll call them the Russells.

Next up is the father-daughter Team of Duke and Lauren. A melodramatic crescendo of Really Sad Music swells as Duke cries just as melodramatically while he talks about how he still harbors some disappointment in Lauren. Why, did she do a Papa Don't Preach on him in the past? In a way, yes - she's a lesbian out and proud but Duke was unable to accept that aspect of her to the point that they didn't talk for a few months. A chance to win a million dollars has finally brought them together to, er, spend "quality time" together. There's a shot of Duke walking along a beach with Lauren and who I'd presume is her significant other. Between that crying from Duke and this scene, I wonder how long these two have been practising at their shtick. I'm calling them Team D&D. Hey, don't look at me like that. D&D is a play on "Dad" and not what you think it means! I'm sticking to that story to my very last breath, so there!

Hello, Vipul and Arti! Their selling shtick to get on the Race is that they are Indian Americans and it's their lucky day when the casting people of this show decide that since Survivor is looking for more minority contestants than the usual allocated two spots, they may as well as cast more minority contestants on the Race as well. These two talk about following Indian culture while trying to live the American dream. Arti explains that they want to do the Race to exorcise their inner wildness before they settle down and "start a beautiful family" (as Vipul would say). I can't help thinking that I've seen that cute babyfaced Vipul on Goodness Gracious Me before, heh. Can I call this Team the Royal Masala? Of course I can.

Kellie and Jamie are the Debbies, cheerleaders who can tumble and jump in unison. Says Kellie, "You could put us in a cardboard box and we'd find a way to have fun!" I'm sure many guys would love to pay good money to see what kind of fun those two would get into when they are in a cardbox box. Says Jamie, "We both have the personalities that we could have a conversation with a doorknob!" You know what, I'd love to see the Debbies have a conversation with a doorknob. What will they talk about, I wonder?

When I first saw the next Team of James and Tyler, I thought they were twin brothers who also model like the Zoolander Twins back in season three. The Bennies however have a more juicy story to tell: they were drug addicts who met in rehab and later do twin-porn together! No, not really about the twin-porn, they model. Wait a minute, isn't this comparable to having stopped drinking only to then work as bartenders in an all-you-can-drink watering hole? James is the one that looks like the third Riker twin while Tyler is the one that looks like a Parisian upgrade of Steve Buscemi... or is it the other way around? At this point I can't really tell, oh dear. Tyler (I think) talks about being strong and learning their inner strengths during recovery, blah blah blah. Come on guys, this is not some inspirational talk show so let's can all that "I'm a model but I'm clean! These needle tracks? Just tattoos, I assure you!" talk. How soon before I get a Bennies-Russells shirtless throwdown?

Say hello to the Wisterias, Lyn and Karlyn. They just don't share the same three alphabets in their names, they are also single mothers and lifelong friends. Not lifelong friends in a Tyler and James way of course. They are also the obligatory African-American Team, although with the Ummahs, the Royal Massala, and the Russells on board this season I shouldn't complain about the casting too much. They're from Alabama and they say that they are independent, although Karlyn admits that it will be nice to have a man around when she needs someone to get rid of spiders in the house.

And finally, we have the Merry Melodies Team of Tom and Jerry, oops, I mean, Terry. All there is to say about these two are that they are trying very hard to be like the Guidos and they are the openly gay duo as opposed to the ambiguously gay Bennies.

Okay, so we've met our Teams, let's see them stand in the usual half-circle formation on Sand Point Head overlooking Lake Washington as they get ready for Philo's word that will allow them to go and win a million dollars. Apart from the usual spiel about how the Race works, Philo also tells the Teams that their vehicles are waiting for them at the nearby parking lot as usual. He also cautions the Teams that they may think that they know what will happen but there are some surprises on this particular Race. Is it just me or this show is a little too eager in promoting its twists that it has in store for everyone this season?

There it is: Philo tells them to travel safe (which is easy given the spoonfed transportation the show favors nowadays) and then go! The Teams start running down the hillslope with the obligatory trip and fall by someone (this season Duke gets the coveted honor). Meanwhile, Sarah is running fine in her own pace while Peter holds her hand and says very loudly, "I got ya! I got ya!" She happens to be running in a different direction so he pulls her hand in the right direction as he adds, "Right here!"

Several Teams reach their bags at the bottom of the Hill and tear open the clue that is placed on one of those bags. Teams must travel to Beijing, the capital city of China. However, they can only get on one of the two flights available to them - an United Airlines 875 that departs at 1:22 pm or Korean Air 26 that departs at 2:00 pm. Tickets are available on a first-come first-served basis. Also mentioned on the clue is the fact that each Team is given $66 on this leg of the Race. Woo-hoos and yee-haws go around as the Teams act excited about going to Beijing. A dash to the vehicles ensues with the Bennies leaving the Park first. The Ummahs leave next with Bilal going "Allahu akbar!" ("Allah is the greatest!"). Hmm, that's an odd phrase to use in a situation like this ("Syukur alhamdulillah!" or "Praise Allah!" is what my Muslim friends will say in such a situation), but maybe they do things differently in America.

Back to the Race, the Russells are the next to leave with Erwin at the back seat telling Godwin who's driving to follow the Teams who are in the lead until they reach the I-5. The Merry Melodies take off and the Debbies, after some initial difficulties in getting their vehicle started, follow. With that, the credits roll and the Race has officially started.

As the three leading Teams head off on the road, Godwin brings up the fact that they are going back to the "homeland" before adding that hey, they're not Chinese. The Christinas back at the Park are having difficulties with their vehicle but they are in good company as the Coala Bears and the D&Ds are also having troubles in getting their vehicle started. It is always not reassuring to see Teams having problems with vehicles this early on the Race. Ahead, the Bennies pull over at a 7-11 to ask for directions, allowing the Ummahs to zoom past ahead of them. This gives Bilal another chance to cry "Allahu akbar!" as Sa'eed tells in a confessional that Bilal is the competitive one while he's the one that sits back and lets things flow naturally. He also believes that their differences in personality will serve them well on this Race. Sigh. The Ummahs spot the turn to the I-5. The Russells and the Merry Melodies however charge straight ahead while the Debbies also spot and make the correct turn. The Russells spot the Debbies (who are just behind them) making that turn and Godwin wonders whether he has missed the turn. Erwin reassures him that the "5" should be "up here" according to his map. Meanwhile, the Whatevers are also on the wrong track although Rob notices this only after he spots the sign below the overhead road that he is currently on. That ruins his appreciation of the vehicle he is driving and causes him to tell Kimberly to "please" watch the road signs. I still can't get over his silly hair. The Wisterias are on the right road though. Lyn says that she's never been to China. Karlyn at the backseat chirps that people in China will love them because of the movie Forrest Gump. I loathe that movie so I don't remember too much about the movie to understand the punchline Karlyn is going for, I'm afraid.

Pe3P0 is telling SaR2D2 while he drives that the other Teams are apparently looking at SaR2D2 in some funny way that tells him how they believe that she cannot handle being on the Race. That's what he'd like her to think, of course, because it will inflate his own sense of self-importance, like he's the important guardian angel and protector of wee helpless SaR2D2 here and allows SaR2D2 to believe that she needs him more than ever to protect her against the big bad world. SaR2D2 launches into a "I'm tougher than they think" speech for the camera that will be more convincing if SaR2D2 is four feet tall and has never taken part in a zillion triathlaton competitions before. Or if Pe3P0 isn't posed beside her with his nose all flared up like he's hoping to come off on TV like a great superheroic defender of peg-legged damosels in distress. The Royal Masala also make the correct turn as they tell the camera how much in love they are. Arti and Vipul come off as a down-to-earth and sweet couple following the bizarre sense of wrongness that the Androids are bringing on to the Race. I don't know what the Coala Bears are saying and I can only hope that I will get used to their thick accent soon enough to understand them. I believe Mary tells David that she doesn't have a map so she can't tell him which way he should turn. Why doesn't she have a map when every Team seen so far seem to have one? Strange. David pulls the vehicle over and asks someone for directions. He is told instead to get on "the 99 South". While he's asking, the D&Ds overtake them and I learn that Lauren calls the Coala Bears "Kentucky".

As Bilal talks about being hungry and wanting "Chinese food" (heh), the I-5 turns out to be not such a good idea after all since an accident is causing a traffic jam. While the Ummahs, the Wisterias, and the Royal Masala decide to wait until traffic eases up, Pe3P0 successfully maneuvres the Androids vehicle to move around the clogged-up traffic via a side road that allows him to get back on the I-5 beyond the accident site. On the 99 South, Mary is saying that she doesn't think this route is faster than the I-5 when David tells her to be quiet. There doesn't seem to be anything resembling anger in his tone though, so that's okay, especially when I consider the fact that David is probably trying to concentrate on watching the signs on the road while Mary, who can't help since she said earlier that she didn't have a map, is just prattling and being somewhat pessimistic in the backseat. Mary tells the camera that the man always take charge where the Coala Bears are from but on the Race, she hopes that he will understand that they both need to work together "50-50". There you go - the storyarc of this Team. I hope David will be at the very least not a jerk if he can't be a sensitive and understanding man to his wife for the rest of the Race. Back to the Race, Mary tells David somewhat sharply that he should better start listening to her if he wants to win the Race.

Back on the I-5, the Christinas manage to weave their vehicle in and out of exit lanes until they pass the accident site. Ahead, the Androids are at the Thrifty carpark, hopping onto the bus that will take them to the relevant terminal. Back on the road, the Ummahs are dropping "Alhamdullilah!" like they are paid twenty cents for every time they remind the audience that they are Muslims. The thing that bothers me is that they are dropping those words with a regularity that feels fake and forced. Maybe they are excited to be on TV, I don't know, but it is overkill to go "Alhamdullilah!" ("Thank God!") and "Allahu akbar!" ten or twenty times in every scene they have on TV. Yes, Sa'eed and Bilal are Muslims. I get it. Enough already! Anyway, Sa'eed hopes that they will get on the first plane. Yes, and so does every Team out there, really. Bilal in the driver's seat quickly adds, "Insya Allah!" ("God willing!") Sigh.

Philo's voiceover comes on to remind everything that six Teams can board United Airlines 875 while the remaining six Teams will board Korean Air 26. The second flight however will land in China "nearly a full hour later" than the first flight.

The Androids get out of the bus and walk into the terminal looking for the United Airlines counter. Cue SaR2D2 huffing and puffing as she walks up the escalator. Pe3P0 must be unaware that the camera is on them because otherwise I'm sure he would have carried her bag for her while making sure that everyone watching him knows what he is doing. At the carpark, the Coala Bears and the Christinas have arrived and they board the same bus, so they are getting acquainted with each other. Mary asks the Christinas how the two ladies meet and the Christinas explains that they met at Miss America since they are Misses California and New York. Mary goes, "Oh, you all are beautiful! Wow!" while her husband and the two Christinas laugh politely as if the idea of two women meeting on Miss America and then competing on The Amazing Race is a little too obvious when it comes to the fact that they are stunt-casted for their looks. Still, if you ask me, getting cast on this show for being pretty is better than getting cast on this show because the show hopes that you will end up slapping your partner in the face. Anyway, these two Teams along with the Androids end up getting their seats on the United Airlines flight.

The fact that Teams have to park at the Thrifty carpark becomes relevant, and not because Thrifty paid some money to have their brand name prominently shown in this episode, when the Ummahs and the Debbies confuse the carpark with the rental car return which is also at the airport (an understandable mistake if you ask me, especially when they are driving rented vehicles to the airport) and end up wasting time looking for the correct Thrifty. They end up being directed to the correct Thrifty by workers at the booths. Meanwhile, the Royal Masala, the Wisterias, and the Bennies end up at the correct Thrifty (do the Bennies have to look so bewildered in their vehicles?) so they beat the previous two Teams to the punch despite the two Teams having arrived earlier at the airport.

The Russells show up next and they too head over to the rental car return. So do the Whatevers, with Rob hilariously mocking Kimberly for not knowing that Thrifty is supposed to be a car return service. Note to self: stop finding Rob's side profile so easy on the eyes. Kimberly says that she doesn't rent cars so Rob can't expect her to know that. She doesn't think that they are heading in the right way. Little does she know, really. The D&Ds show up with Duke still excited that they are actually going to China. It's China, people! The exotic Orient! The Russells are meandering around the car park when they spot a Team (not sure which one since it's never made clear in this episode) and decide to "risk" following them. The Whatevers are meanwhile arguing about whether Rob should drive into the hourly parking area and on the bright side, Kimberly is standing firm against Rob lifting his voice at her. And finally, the Merry Melodies show up at the correct Thrifty and board the bus to the relevant terminal. This leaves the poor Russells and Whatevers stuck in a queue at the exit of the car park area, although on the bright side, they like the Ummahs and the Debbies before them end up getting their directions to the correct Thrifty from the staff manning these booths.

Forming a line at the United Airlines counter are the Bennies, the D&Ds and the Wisterias. They are joined by the Debbies and the Royal Masala where the two Teams then say hi to each other. Vipul introduces himself as "Vipul... of the People!" which tickles me to no end. The Debbies take a while to digest Vipul's statement and realize that the man knows his rhymes before laughing in unison. The Bennies get their tickets and so do the D&Ds. The D&Ds learn from the ticket lady that there are "not too many seats" left on the flight and are pleased about that fact. As the Wisterias make their reservations, the D&Ds bump into the Debbies where they say hi to each other. The Debbies ask the D&Ds whether those two are dating or something. Hmm, Duke does sport a handsome beard. Anyway, Lauren tells the Debbies that Duke's her father and the Debbies once again laugh in that way that only cheerleaders can. Just to cover up the awkwardness, Duke says that he's been trying to ask Lauren out for years and succeeds in making things even more awkward. The Wisterias get their tickets. It turns out that they have the last seats available so the Royal Masala and the Debbies have to head over to the Korean Airline counter.

They meet the Ummahs and the Merry Melodies at that counter. As the Merry Melodies get tickets, the Royal Masala and the Ummahs get acquainted in a way that will push forward the Pakistan-India diplomatic relationships quite a distance but Bilal tells the Debbies that he can't shake Kellie's hand since she's a woman. I don't know what to make of this scene since many Muslims I know will not hesitate to shake a woman's hand. Being alone with a single woman unchaperoned or making more intimate physical contact with her that are not allowed. Anyway, to cover up the potential awkwardness of the botched attempt at handshake, Kellie wonders good-naturedly what happens if she tries to shake Bilal's hand without him knowing it. If he is in such a state that he can't see Kellie shaking his hand, I'd say that Kellie may as well steal his wallet in the process. Or peek to see whether he's wearing any underwear that is different from that of the rest of the world. I'm just saying, okay? Bilal thinks that it's okay though if Kellie shakes his hand without him knowing it. As the Debbies get their tickets, they wonder whether Muslims believe in Buddha and conclude that they don't know. At least these sweet young ladies are upfront about their shortcomings.

The Whatevers and the Russells show up at the terminal where the Russells then proceed to take out water guns and squirt the other Teams that they come across. I have nothing against men in their late-twenties playing with water guns but I do question the wisdom of producing said guns in airports unless they are eager for men in uniform to drag them away and conduct body cavity searches on them. Some people like that kind of thing, I hear. Sure enough, an airport security fellow shows up to confiscate the guns. The Bennies, seated a safe distance away, laugh because they know of much less painful ways to ask and receive a full body cavity search from men in uniform.

Some minor drama ensues when the other Teams with seats on the United Airlines 875 flight see the Androids getting to board the flight earlier. Apparently SaR2D2 gets to use her leg as an excuse to get her Team on earlier. The Bennies protest that it is not fair that the Androids get to do this while Pe3P0 voices over that the Androids intend to use Sarah's apparent state of physical handicap to their advantage as much as possible on this Race. There's that, I suppose, but the Teams are all boarding the same flight, so I don't see any particular "advantange" on this situation apart from provoking needless antagonism from the other Teams. It's not as if being first to board the flight gets the Androids choice picks of the seats available. As the United Airlines 875 gets ready for take off, Philo recaps that the Teams on that flight are the Androids, the Bennies, the Coala Bears, the Wisterias, the Christinas, and the D&Ds.

Do you notice that the Ummahs are Muslims? You don't? Well, the show takes a moment to show them praying in the airport as they wait for the Korean Air flight to be ready for boarding. When the flight is ready for boarding, Philo recaps that the Merry Melodies, the Ummahs, the Debbies, the Whatevers, the Russells, and the Royal Masala are going to be on this flight and they will reach Beijing about an hour behind the Teams on the first flight.

Or maybe not, as we move on to Beijing where the Teams on the United Airlines 825 arrive at 8:22pm, their flight having been delayed for some reason. The Androids decide to run ahead of the other Teams, leading the Wisterias to snort aloud that SaR2D2 can run the Iron Man but apparently the poor dear can't wait in line. Waiting in line is hard though! Think of the pressure on poor SaR2D2's stumpy little leg when she has to stand there for hours! The D&Ds are the first to come out of the airport. They get a cab and ask the driver to take them to the Kunming district where the Gold House Restaurant is located. They marvel at the sights of Beijing along the way. The Androids are next to get a cab, followed by the Wisterias and the Coala Bears in that order. The Coala Bears are awed by Beijing, with Mary finding it gorgeous and Dave finding it "huge". Trust a man to be fixated on size. Mary tells the camera that she has never left Kentucky and Tennessee before so she's overwhelmed by the fact that she's actually in Beijing. She compares her situation to dropping a "thirty-year old baby into the world" and telling this baby, "Just go!" It's nice to remember once in a while that there are some real people and not aspiring actors on the Race. Speaking of which, the Christinas finally leave the airport in a cab, with them saying as they leave that people are staring at them so they feel just like "tourists". The Bennies finally leave, saying that they are "a little behind". In their cab, they have this bizarre thing going on where one of them says, "We'll get it on! Get it on!" and the other follows, "Till the break of dawn!" The two of them then laugh mirthlessly, as if they are so drained of energy that even the act of trying to make a joke is killing them. Maybe they are not happy because the custom officers have confiscated all the drugs they have tried to hide on their bodies? I suppose that's why they are the last to leave the airport.

On the road, the D&Ds are happy. The Androids don't like the fact that their cab is slow and other Teams are overtaking them. As they spot the Wisterias, Pe3P0 announces that the Wisterias don't like them because the Androids can outrun them. That's oversimplifying the dislike, don't you think? The Wisterias on the other intend to Yield the Androids the first opportunity they have because they don't like how SaR2D2 is using her disability to get ahead of other Teams on this Race. Well, look at the bright side, they can always sneak into the Androids' room at the Pit Stop and hide all her artificial legs.

It is 9:00 pm when the Korean Air 26 flight lands in Beijing. The Teams leave with the Merry Melodies first, then the Debbies, the Whatevers who claim to be rejuvenated by the fact that they are now in Beijing and ready to rumble, the Ummahs, the Royal Masala who hope to catch up with the Teams from the first flight, and the Russells who find it "strange" that China looks like Korea only with "more Chinese characters". I think the Russells should consider working with the United Nations.

After the camera briefly pans on a bizarre scene of two people playing badminton in the middle of the night on the pavement, the show now catches up with the D&Ds who are the first to arrive at the Gold House Restaurant. They discover that it's now time for a Roadblock. Philo explains that the person taking the Roadblock must muster the "intestinal fortitude" to "indulge in a Chinese delicacy": fish eyeballs. That Racer will be given a bowl of stewed fish heads and he or she will have to eat all the eyeballs in the dish using a pair of chopsticks to dig out the eyes. Duke takes this one for the Team. The Wisterias show up next and Karlyn takes this one because she's the only one, it seems, that eats Chinese food, heh. As Lauren laughs at the sight of her father eating eyeballs and telling him melodramatically, "I love you! Welcome to China!", Duke and Lyn give a few obligatory "Ugh!" and "Eeuw!" but they seem to be handling their dinner pretty well. The Androids show up next and Pe3P0 takes this one. He thinks the eyeballs are "gnarly", whatever that means. SaR2D2 tells him to "just eat and swallow, don't chew". The eyeballs by the way can be pretty big since the one Pe3P0 is putting into his mouth is of the size of a grape.

Karlynn chokes a little but she is the first to finish eating all the eyeballs in her dish. The Wisterias get their clue from the Roadblock supervisor which tells them to head over in a cab to the Meridian Gate in the Forbidden City. Philo explains that the Forbidden City was once "the seat of China's imperial government" and the Meridian Gate is actually one of the entrances to the Forbidden City. There is a kiosk at the Meridian Gate from where Teams will pick a card bearing their departure time for the next morning. Philo also promises a "big surprise" for the Teams when they reach the kiosk. Oh dear, it looks like the "big surprise" is not for the viewers because we are already forewarned by Philo to expect a twist.

The Wisterias run out to get a cab while Duke finishes up shortly after for the D&Ds to rush out too. In the cab, the D&Ds read the clue and it turns out that they too are warned that a big surprise awaits them. Lauren wonders whether someone will be eliminated this early in the Race. Both she and her father go pretty much, "Nah! Not so soon!" Thanks, editors, for giving away the big surprise even before it has happened! And finally, Pe3P0 finishes up his meal.

The Christinas are, appropriately enough, discussing how hungry they are when their cab shows up at the wrong restaurant, oops. I don't know if those two manage to order some dim sum though. The Coala Bears however show up at the correct Gold House Restaurant and Mary takes this one. She comically tries to dig out the eyes without having to touch the fish head and drops the eyeball into the stew in her first attempt. As the Christinas wander into a tea house and realizes that the sheepish young man in that tea house has no idea where the Gold House Restaurant is, the Bennies show up at the Restaurant and James takes this one. For the first time on this Race Tyler looks really excited at the opportunity to see James put slimy stuff into his mouth. They come in just as Mary is trying to figure out how to use her chopsticks. They point out that Mary already has eaten "five or six" eyeballs. Just as the Bennies get down to business though, Mary is already done and the Coala Bears run for the exit with David grabbing both their bags. He may be an old-school Man Is Always Right kind of guy but he's not above doing things to help out the wife, which is reassuring.

As the Coala Bears exit the Restaurant, the Debbies from the second flight show up. It looks like the Teams from the second flight have already caught up with the Teams on the first flight. And as the Debbies head inside the restaurant, the Bennies are leaving. The Debbies are pleased that the first flight wasn't that much ahead of their flight. The Coala Bears are still struggling to find a cab when the Bennies manage to find one of their own. The Coala Bears eventually manage to find a cab driver who knows where the Forbidden City is - or at least one who knows what the place is called in English, heh - and Mary tells the driver, "Real fast! Kwai, kwai!" Her pronounciation is off but Mary nonetheless is using the correct Mandarin word for "fast", so I don't know why the show chooses to pretend that Mary said "quack, quack" instead. Maybe "Real Fast! Kwai, Kwai!" isn't as catchy an episode title. Back at the Restaurant, the Merry Melodies show up and Terry takes one for his Team just as one of the Debbies is finishing up her dinner. The Christinas are in the meantime doing what seems like a survey of restaurants all over Beijing. It is perplexing how those people they encounter all claim never to have heard of the Gold House Restaurant. It could be that these people try not to direct potential clients to a rival restaurant, I suppose, although I don't think many Chinese people, who are very guarded when it comes to doing things in public that may reflect badly on them, will lie like this when there are cameras on them. Eventually they locate a helpful fellow who is willing to follow them and show them the way to the Restaurant.

Back on the road, the straggling Teams of the Whatevers, the Royal Masala, the Russells, and the Ummahs are all not happy about their positioning in the Race and blame their cab drivers for being slow when they are not talking about how worried they are. Rob offers to tip the cab driver if he drives faster. That must have worked because the Whatevers reach the Gold House Restaurant just as the Christinas show up. Rob and one of the Christinas take one for their respective Teams. It's chow time. Ahead at the Forbidden City, the D&Ds' cab driver takes them to the wrong entrance. The Wisterias also end up in the same boat. The Androids on the other hand end up at the Meridian Gate where they take the 7:00 am departure time. The Wisterias and the D&Ds eventually locate the Meridian Gate and the kiosk so they too take the 7:00 am departure time. There is one more slot for the 7:00 am departure time and the Bennies show up to take this one. I'm sure you'll be surprised to hear them call the Forbidden City "Ninjaland". These two and the Russells are going a long way in showing everyone that they aren't just walking slabs of meat.

As Rob and Dustin or Kandice (I can't tell them apart, sorry) chow down their eyeballs, the Royal Masala show up. Vipul is going to be the one doing this Roadblock. The Christina bravely says that the eyeballs aren't that bad even as she tries not to gag. The poor dear. Rob on the other hand flat out calls the eyeballs "disgusting" while Arti recoils at the sight of the dish and tells Vipul that she is so glad that he's the one doing the Roadblock.

Ahead at the Meridian Gate, the Coala Bears are dropped by their cab driver at a spot a little farther ahead than usual so they have to walk and end up being beaten to the kiosk by the Merry Melodies and the Debbies. All three Teams manage to get the 7:15 am departure time however so there's no harm done to the Coala Bears in this instance. Somewhere behind, the Russells realize that they are dropped off at the wrong restaurant. At the Gold House Restaurant, the Christinas are done with the Roadblock, causing Kimberly to whine at Rob that they have been beaten by "the blondes". As the Russells try to get anyone to direct them to the Restaurant, the Ummahs show up at the Restaurant, prompting Kimberly to go, "The Muslims are here!" Well, the Ummahs make a big show about being Muslims so I can't blame her for identifying them as such. Arti calls them "the Beards" by the way. Bilal takes this Roadblock for the Ummahs. They must be grateful that they don't have to eat pork which is a very real possibility given that they are in China. Rob and Vipul finish up as Bilal begins to eat. The Russells eventually manage to get some directions to the Restaurant while Arti wishes the Ummahs good luck as the Royal Masala leave the place.

At the Meridian Gate, the Christinas obtain the last 7:15 am slot and talk about how disheartening it is to be beaten to the punch by two Teams that took the later flight. Well, it's not really their fault since they had bad cab driver luck but yes, it's still a disheartening situation. Still, 7:15 am isn't that bad when you think about how the Teams from the second flight manage to catch up with the Teams from the first flight despite the thirtysomething minutes separating the two flights. Back at the Restaurant, Bilal is done. As they leave in their cab, Bilal hilariously tells the camera, "I'm from Cleveland, Ohio! What do I know about chopsticks?" I understand, I really do. The Russells finally show up at the Restaurant, with Erwin taking this one and finding the eyeballs "not too tasty". What, the chef didn't add enough pepper or something?

At the Meridian Gate, the Whatevers have to settle for a 7:30 am departure time. By the way, there are only three cards for the 7:30 am departure time. The last card is a sinister-looking thing bearing the words "Last Team". Somewhere else, both the Ummahs and the Royal Masala are having cab problems since their drivers don't seem to know where to go. However, the Royal Masala, correctly deducing that they are facing a language barrier issue here, wisely take their cab driver along with them after they have stopped at a hotel and get a staff member to tell the driver in Mandarin the way to get there. Meanwhile, Erwin is done with his dinner. It's now a race to the kiosk among the three Teams, at this point where it's obvious a Team is getting eliminated or the show won't create so much suspense here with all that dramatic music and all. Predictably, the Royal Masala show up at the kiosk next to take the second 7:30 am departure time slot. The Ummahs must be really lost because the Russells are the ones to show up next to take the final 7:30 am slot.

The Ummahs, stuck with the "Last Team" card, meet Philo at the finishing mat. Despite optimistic hope that they are just checking in, the Ummahs are told that they are indeed eliminated from the Race. For dramatic effects, the other Teams are gathered around to watch as the Ummahs get eliminated. After all, it isn't as good if the Ummahs are eliminated quietly. Let's do it with fanfare! It's a Big Twist after all. Philo says that there would be "surprises" in this Race so yes, this isn't a Pit Stop but the Ummahs are eliminated. The Ummahs predictably describe their elimination as something determined by the Creator. Come on guys, it's okay to say Allah.

And to top off the dramatic boo-hoo, some other Teams weigh in on the elimination. The Bennies think that the Ummahs are pretty good guys. Well, that's insightful. The Coala Bears say that they should all "expect the unexpected". Hey, that phrase says familiar. Please tell me these two are not related in any way to Chicken George. The Russells say that they will now take nothing for granted on the Race and will take things day by day. I don't know why SaR2D2 is crying but she says that it is very sad and she'd be so heartbroken if she's eliminated at this early stage of the Race. Really, why is she sobbing again? She doesn't know the Ummahs that well and I think she has to be really melodramatic to start eek-eek-eek'ing over the Ummahs' elimination since she barely knows them. As the Teams are start acting as if the Ummahs have been sentenced to permanent exile for coming in last and nobody will ever see them again, Philo acts like a killjoy by reminding everyone watching this show that there is still more to come in this episode so we shouldn't be overcome by tears, turn off the TV, and go drown our sorrows in wine before flinging ourselves off a parapet.

Morning. At 7:00 am, the first four Teams of the Androids, the Wisterias, the D&Ds, and the Bennies stand at the pavement all ready to leave. They rip open their clues and realize that they have to get into the "sidecars" of some "World War 2 motorbikes" and tell the local to take them to 14 Hou Hai North Bank Road. A man described by Philo as the pedicab manager will hand them their next clue.

As the Androids run over to the row of bikes waiting for the Teams, SaR2D2 tells the camera thatthe leg she is wearing was leaking hydraulics fluid that morning. Not that it will actually cause any hurt to her, it will just make it "harder" for her to run. Pe3P0 explains that this is comparable to cycling a bike when the back tire has a slow leak. What the Androids are trying to say is that the hydraulic fluid, or oil in simple terms, allows SaR2D2 to move her artificial leg the way our leg moves while reducing the friction that occurs when the metallic parts rub against each other. With less hydraulic fluid in the control unit in that artificial leg, SaR2D2 will find it increasingly harder to move at her usual pace. Pe3P0 can't fix this problem, unfortunately. SaR2D2 says that she'll just have to be tougher then. Here's what I don't understand. Why aren't these two prepared with a Plan B like a spare control unit when such a problem occurs? I can't imagine that this is the first time her artificial leg has a leak nor can I believe that Pe3P0 has no backup plan for such an incident. They are athletes after all, which means SaR2D2's artificial legs often experience plenty of intense friction and use. Please don't tell me that this is the first time she experiences such a problem!

As the D&DS run across the street to the bike, they talk about how good they are in making progress so far. Impressive, really, how well these two are getting along just two day into the Race. Tell me again in a week or two about how well they are getting along, maybe then I will be impressed. The Wisterias tell the camera that they believe some Teams are "put out" by how well they did in the "first round". I have no idea what makes them think that. Did the other Teams leave a note under the door saying "Fatties go home!" or something? Since we have no more Muslims on this show, we need another oddity to gawk at so here are the Bennies. James puts a comforting arm around Tyler, in a non-gay way of course, as Tyler, his voice hinting at a sob, talks about how hard it is to overcome their drug addiction problem and how therefore we all have a fighter inside each of us. Or something like that. Throughout Tyler's speech, James is nodding non-stop like he really wants everyone watching this show to view him as someone with a fighter inside his body. No, don't ask me whether that someone inside his body is named Tyler. You people are so perverted, I tell you. Anyway, those two say in unison that they'll never give up. And never let go. Tyler jumps, James jumps. Is that right, guys? They'll never let go. They'll never let go.

I don't know why they make all those local drivers wear shades and look like stereotypical Chinatown gangsters but hey, the Teams are soon getting into the sidecars of the bikes and telling these locals to go, go, go. They are all excited to be starring in their own personal movie, "Riding In The Sidecar With My Best Friend" or something like that. At 7:15 am, the second batch of Teams comprising the Merry Melodies, the Debbies, the Christinas, and the Coala Bears are allowed loose on the streets of Beijing. Ahead at 14 Hou Hai North Bank Road, a row of pedicabs wait by the roadside as the Androids show up. The other three Teams are just behind them.

As to be expected, these Teams now learn that it's time for a Detour. Philo steps out in a dishy-looking body-hugging bright red shirt to explain that the choice is between "Labor" and "Leisure". "Labour" will require the Team to take a pedicab and travel about a mile to this market with a name that sounds like "Randy Lee" to me. I can't read Chinese so I'm afraid the large sign in Chinese is no help to me. Oh well, whatever the name of this market is, it is the place where the Team will then use "traditional Chinese bricks and methods", as opposed to modern Chinese bricks and methods I suppose, and pave the 45 square foot section of a pavement in a specific pattern. Philo insists that this task is physically demanding. Maybe each brick weighs a ton. In "Leisure", Teams travel two miles or so in the pedicab to the popular Beihai Park where Teams must participate in what Philo calls a "new Chinese relaxation exercise called Tai-chi Bai Long". Actually, it's called Tai-chi Bai Long Qiu and it's a form of Tai-chi Quan exercise that involves balancing a ball on a racquet. I'm thinking of taking up classes because I hear it's very good in helping me get rid of all those pains and aches in the body that comes with old age. But enough about me anyway. Philo says that Teams with two left feet and no sense of rhythm or coordination may find themselves stuck in this particular Detour for a while. That is assuming that the supervisor won't make things very easy on the Teams like they always do in previous seasons, snort.

In this case, all four Teams decide to go pave bricks instead of balancing balls on racquets. The Wisterias, the D&Ds, and the Bennies for some reason find it most amusing when they tell their pedicab drivers to follow the Androids' pedicab. Er, about the "Labor" task, won't it make more sense to make the Teams to cycle themselves to the Randy Lee Market or whatever it is called? How can this Detour be called "Labour" when those pampered Teams don't even have to look up a map to determine where the Market is?

7:30 am. The final three Teams are let loose. The Whatevers tell the camera that they have received a "wake-up call" last night so they have to catch up with the others now. It must be a very obvious wake-up call, I must say. The Royal Masala tell the camera that it is "very scary" not to know what to expect. Well, in this particular case, I think the expected is more scary because one of the three Teams here has a very high chance of getting eliminated at the end of this episode. The Russells talk about how they have had "the fear of God" last night so they will "light up" today and "try to catch some Teams". Is it just me or are the Teams really overreacting to the Ummahs' elimination? It will be funny though if these Teams are constantly worried that they can be eliminated any minute in the Race. Philo can go, "Ha! You're the last to get on the bus! Eliminated!" or "Gotcha! Last to wake up today at the Pit Stop! Eliminated!" Anyway, the three Teams get into their sidecars and leave with woo-hoos all around. I learn that Vipul calls his Team "Team Karma". Hmm.

Hello, Randy Lee Market. The Androids are the first to show up while the Wisterias show up shortly after. They easily locate the pavement where the brick-laying will take place and get down to work. Philo voices over that Teams have to figure out that they have to lay the larger grey bricks to frame the square before laying down the smaller red bricks. The Teams can do this by looking at the finished squares around them or observed the progress of some local bricklayers working on the squares alongside them.

Pe3P0 immediately tells SaR2D2 to hand over the bricks so that he can lay them down and he starts by lining up the smaller red bricks. In what appears to be a pre-Race confessional, SaR2D2 says that Pe3P0 is "more hyper" than her. I think she is just trying to be polite. Pe3P0 is rather bossy as he orders SaR2D2 to do this or not do that while he does everything. Wrongly, unfortunately. Back to the confessional, SaR2D2 says that she isn't that competitive with Pe3P0 because she knows the her own "boundaries and limits". I don't believe SaR2D2 intends to make it seem as if she is afraid to go up against Pe3P0 in some respects but there you go. Then again, they are dating and of course all his flaws will be viewed as some romantic imperfections described in terms like "very confident", "demanding and has high standards", and "knowledgeable". It is only after the honeymoon that the man becomes instead "disrespectful", "obnoxious", and "patronizing" and SaR2D2 will pull off her artificial leg and beat Pe3P0 in the head repeatedly with it.

Meanwhile, the Wisterias have some minor tiff because Karlyn has this idea that they should be following some pattern while Lyn is just happy to get the work done any way they can. Karlyn however says things in a rather too-pushy manner, causing Lyn to respond in kind. In their confessional, Lyn calls Karlyn a "quick-tempered" person who needs to be in control of every situation. Meanwhile, the D&Ds show up and they realize the Bennies, who they call "surfing dudes" (no, silly, the surfing dudes showed up in the previous season - these dudes are the ex-crackheads, remember?), are just behind them. As Duke gets down to work - wisely in the empty square next to a finished pattern like Lauren tells him to - Lauren points out the order of the red bricks he has to lay down. She overlooks the grey border of larger bricks that Duke also has to lay down. It is the Bennies who realize that they have to lay down a border of grey bricks first. Soon the D&Ds and SaR2D2 catch on to the fact that they have to do the border as well, although Pe3P0 won't listen to SaR2D2 until he realizes that they are missing the border. And then she calls Pe3P0 a "total stud". Ugh, way to encourage him, SaR2D2. The Wisterias would have happily muddled along with their red bricks until they catch side of the local guy who is paving a square next to them using a grey brick. Then they too realize that they have to set down a border first.

At 14 Hou Hai North Bank Road, the second batch of Teams start to show up. The Christinas opt to lay down some bricks. The Merry Melodies and the Debbies on the other hand opt to balance a ball on a racquet. Unfortunately, the latter two Teams are soon stuck in traffic and the pedicab drivers refuse to weave around the stalled vehicles on the road. Still, the Debbies are confident that their cheerleading experience will get them through the Detour in no time. The Coala Bears opt to "do Labour".

The show then cuts to the Royal Masala going around in circles, their driver apparently confused as to where the 14 Hou Hai North Bank Road is. I'd like to think the show designers would at least try to select drivers competent enough to know where to go if they are going to put the Teams in the mercy of these drivers but I suppose after nine seasons I should have known better by now. Arti is worried that they are going around in circles. Vipul is confused too, saying that everything around him simultaneously looks the same as well as different to him. I can sympathize. Vipul tries to ask some locals for direction but unfortunately the only English words these locals apparently know is "no". Vipul contends that they are like the blind leading the blind. As the poor Royal Masala remain on the road, the Whatevers and the Russells show up at 14 Hou Hai North Bank Road where the two Teams opt to lay down bricks. Eventually the poor Royal Masala manage to find someone who knows where the pedicabs are and they reach their destination finally. They opt to lay down bricks too, if only because it's nearer to where they are.

Over at the Randy Lee Market, Pe3P0 is getting all hyperexcited from telling SaR2D2 to get him some red bricks now to calling out to Lauren to move out of his view of the example square nearby now. The D&Ds are having a hard time figuring out the design as do the Wisterias. The Bennies on the other hand are as cool as ice as they finish the task with apparently no problems - make your own jokes about the chain-gang tasks they are made to do while they are in rehab - and they get their next clue. It tells them to head over in a cab - in case some Teams decide to walk there, I suppose - to Juyongguan, the Pit Stop for this leg of the Race. Philo explains that Juyongguan is one of the gateways to the Great Wall of China. He neglects to mention that it is one of the three famous gateways, the other two being Jiayuguan and Shanhai. Philo also points out that the Pit Stop is only accessible via rope - Teams must scale up the wall using a rope that is provided in order to say hello to Philo on the finishing mat.

The Bennies hit the street but the local they meet tells them to take a bus when their clue insists that they take a cab. I wish the Race would stop deciding the transportation the Teams have to take. I don't like a Race that feels too controlled and even formulaic, and already in the first episode of this season, this leg is already familiar in its "We'll give you two different flights, then three different chartered vehicles, and we'll then eliminate one of you!" format. Back inside the market, Pe3P0 hollers, "We're done! We're done!" and then tells SaR2D2, who is not acting up at all, to calm down. How predictable. Pe3P0 then tells SaR2D2 as they leave the market that they have to go get a cab. Why does he keep talking to her like she's a child all the time? She's read the clue as well so he doesn't have to keep reminding her of what they have to do. She has an artificial leg, not an artificial brain. The Wisterias, still laying down bricks, say to each other that Pe3P0 is so annoying because he tries to "micromanage" too much so the Androids can all go kiss their behinds. Hopefully this is one way of the Wisterias saying so politely on a family show that they're going to sit their behind on top of Pe3P0's face until he shuts up.

The Bennies and the Androids are running up and down the street outside looking for cabs when the Christinas show up along the road. The Christinas spot the Bennies and this leads to a pointless confessional where they gush over how cute the Bennies are. Or, in the words of one of those ladies, "They're attractive and dangerous!" I have my doubts about the part where these guys are dangerous. These guys, I suspect, are only dangerous to you if you are a strand of hair in some place on their bodies other than their scalps that they haven't completely shaved yet. And while we're at it, why can't we have someone like, say, Mary or one of the Wisterias talking about how dangerous the Bennies are? Why does it always have to be the designated pretty people praising each other?

Back to the Market, the D&Ds are done while the Christinas set down to work and grasp quickly that they have to finish the border first. The Wisterias are still working on their square which doesn't even look half-way finished. This is not good, Lyn and Karlyn. Outside, the Androids manage to get a cab where SaR2D2 shows off her artificial leg and asks the driver to be quick since there is an "emergency". If I'm the driver, I'd be thinking, "An emergency that requires you to go to the Great Wall of China?" and deliberately drives her to the nearest madhouse instead but hey, that's just me. To the camera, SaR2D2 is pleased that they have to use cabs so often because she can then preserve the fast depleting supply of hydraulic fluid in the control unit of her artificial leg for the grand event that will be the scaling up the wall of the Great Wall. She also claims that the lie is a way to preserve the hydraulic fluid in her leg as well. If that helps her sleep better at night, hey, she can believe that all she wants. It's not as if she has to apologize for lying anyway in my opinion. She should, though, try to lie a little better. An emergency that requires her to get to the Great Wall as soon as possible is not what I'd call a good lie.

The Bennies, meanwhile, realize that the same local who had told them to take a bus earlier has led him to the bus stop despite their attempts to get him to understand that they have to take a cab. Oops. It's quite a distance to go from there to the Pit Stop - some fifty miles if I'm not mistaken - so they could be losing precious time since the D&Ds right about then are already boarding a cab. The Bennies manage to locate a cab but the driver doesn't want to take them all the way to Juyongguan. Oops again. Inside the Market, the Coala Bears show up and say hi to the Wisterias who tell them that "the stuff" is "crazy". Only for those who can't follow a pattern, I'd say. Outside, the Bennies finally find an agreeable cab driver that will take them to Juyongguan. The two unhappy lads hope that they still have "it". I'm sure they do, whatever "it" is.

The Whatevers show up at the Market just as the Wisterias finally finish up and thank the Lord for their escape. Well, I think they aren't the only ones thanking the Lord that the Wisterias don't have to suffer anymore in the Detour as they are pretty painful to watch. Surprisingly, they are currently in fourth place despite spending what seems like two hundred years or so on that Detour. They pass the Coala Bears on their way out, telling those two not to give up. Uh oh, the Coala Bears overlook the fact that they have to lay down the border. The Christinas finish up soon after the Wisterias and they leave as well. The Christinas are happy because they think they set some record time in completing their Detour. If the editing is accurate, they may be right, hmm. Outside, the Wisterias get into a cab and complain that the Detour was "horrible".

Back in the Market, the Coala Bears figure out that they have to lay down the border. Meanwhile, Kimberly realizes that the Whatevers are laying down their bricks wrongly because it seems to her that something is missing in their work. Rob however thinks that there is nothing wrong and tells the camera that he is "99.9% of the time" happy with the relationship and such a moment is that 0.1% moment when he's unhappy and as a result they (yes, he's including Kimberly in the blame game equation) take things out on each other. I can see why he is unhappy with this 0.1% because this 0.1% is the time when he's wrong and being oblivious about it and these moments always happen to end up on the show for some mysterious reasons, but I don't think he means it this way. Kimberly looks around at the completed squares around them but it is only when she spots David hauling the grey bricks to the Coala Bears' square does she realize where the Whatevers have done wrong. As the Whatevers collect the grey bricks, she throws them towards Rob, breaking some of them. He is understandably not amused. Still, these two aren't arguing in the toxic manner as some really mismatched Team members have done in the past so they are still tolerable to watch. Maybe it's still too early in the Race for the real fireworks to start.

Meanwhile, the Merry Melodies and the Debbies have found themselves traveling along a narrow alleyway. No doubt to cheer themselves up, the Debbies are leading the Merry Melodies, who are in the pedicab just behind them, in some clapping and cheering. The Merry Melodies keep up well, prompting the Debbies to ask them whether they are sure that they aren't cheerleaders. These two Teams are so cute and it's nice to see them trying to cheer themselves up when one of them could easily be eliminated at the end of this leg. They eventually find themselves in a square at the Beihai Park where they then proceed to try and follow the movements of the other Tai-chi Bai Long Qiu practitioners. The Teams are given rackets which they have to balance a ball on. They then have to sway the racket left and right in a slow arc in front of their body four times before sending the ball up in the air, moving one leg over the hand holding the racket, and catching the ball with the racket. The ball must stay on the racket during those sways. It's... not as easy as it looks, as the Teams soon find out.

The Russells show up at the Market and David hurriedly and good-naturedly stops them when Erwin mistakenly assumes that there is some kind of "community pile" and start grabbing bricks from the Coala Bears' pile. It is an understandable mistake given the rush of the moment and Erwin thinking that it's more sensible to take bricks from the pile nearest to their square. Both David and Erwin manage to chuckle over this mistake so there is no feathers ruffled too intensely at the end of the day. The Merry Melodies and even the Debbies are still struggling to get their movements right but they nonetheless seem to be having plenty of fun and even laughing at their own mistakes. So many people having a sense of humor about things in one episode even when they are under duress? I have almost forgotten such Teams exist on this show! Finally, the Royal Masala mercifully show up finally at the Market. It is unclear though how far behind they are compared to the Russells because the camera takes care only to focus on them and not on any Teams that may or may not be with them.

On the road, Pe3P0 is giving SaR2D2 some prep talk by telling SaR2D2 that her upper body is strong so she can climb the Wall to the Pit Stop. Is SaR2D2 gripped by uncertainties or something? She doesn't look like it. Maybe Pe3P0 is the kind of guy who likes to launch into uninvited agony uncle sessions with SaR2D2, who knows. SaR2D2 seems to like Pe3P0 when he's in his agony uncle mode, kissing him and telling the camera that the Androids should risk their hearts "a little bit" to see if they have, er, "a greater love". That's a bizarre statement to make because it seems like she's advocating some test that will strain their relationship just to see if the relationship can endure such strain. Why would anyone want to do that? Some silly women would say things like this on, say, Temptation Island and then scream and wail when their supposed boyfriends choose to make out with some hot model but SaR2D2 looks and sounds more sensible than those silly women at first glance.

The D&Ds are just behind them and realizing this, the D&Ds urge their cab driver to go faster. They are so excited when they overtake the Androids that Duke macks his lips on Lauren's cheek. Some people are too easily excited, I tell you, although since there is always a prize for coming in first in the first leg in the previous few seasons, I suppose they do have some valid reason to be excited. Duke tells the camera that he is learning a few things about Lauren, although after learning about how she likes girls, I wonder how learning anything else about her can ever measure up to the initial excitement. Well, Duke explains that he has so far learned that Lauren is "very athletic" - gee, who could have guessed that a lesbian is athletic? - and "very determined". Next week, Duke learns that Lauren is a supportive daughter. I can't wait.

And then, they're there already. Juyongguan oh Juyongguan! The two Teams start running towards the entrance. The D&Ds however pause to ask a passerby how they can get up to Juyongguan. The Androids on the other hand just breeze through right past the entrace and up a long flight of stairs with the camera paying special attention to SaR2D2 moving up the stairs with appropriate close-ups where relevant as Pe3P0 encourages her with streetwise endearments like "You do your thing, sister!" When will white guys ever learn that they sound really stupid when they try to speak like some two-bit MTV rapper? His litany goes on: "You are solid! You are condition! You are All-American!" And my favorite, "Oh crikes!" Yes, Pe3P0 has made SaR2D2 climbed a huge flight of stairs all the way to the wrong place.

Elsewhere, the D&Ds are getting directions to the correct place when the Bennies show up and decide to head in the direction the D&Ds are taking. They overtake the D&Ds and end up being the first Team to reach the rappel spot. The D&Ds are right behind them as Tyler decides to climb first. James tells the camera that he's confident about the two of them since they are both athletic, but he has even more confidence in Tyler so that makes him have more confidence in himself as well. I have to pause a while here because I've never seen two guys so in tune with their inner feelings before that they have no qualms about telling whoever watching this show that they complete each other. The Bennies are so sweet. They have moved on from crack to mending the cracks in their hearts and all, I can just go "Awwww!" and give the two of them one big hug. As Tyler begins to climb, he assures James, "I'm going to wait until you're done." James replies, "I know! I know you'll do!" Again, awwww. All that's missing is some dramatic swelling crescendo in some inspiring anthem of true love.

Meanwhile, Duke decides to go first even as the Androids finally catch up with the two Teams. Tyler and Duke realize that it isn't as easy to climb up the wall using merely a rope as it seems on TV. I think it's because each rope has all these loops made along it for one to put one's foot in but the two men instead choose to pull themselves up the rope as if they are Spiderman. SaR2D2 decides to go first and Pe3P0 tells her to use her good foot to move herself up the hoops. SaR2D2 soon bleats that she is having problems and Pe3P0 once more comes forth with more words of encouragement. Meanwhile, Tyler is nearly three-fourth up the wall. While James keep asking Tyler whether he wants to use the loops on the rope, Tyler keeps charging straight up. Duke is struggling and he's still valiantly trying to drag himself up the rope while attempting to place his feet against the wall and push himself up. That method doesn't work as well as it should. SaR2D2 is still struggling just barely a feet off the ground. As much as I often find myself creeped out by the Androids, it is nonetheless quite heartbreaking to watch as SaR2D2 keeps trying to find a foothold on the wall to push herself up but failing. Nonetheless, she makes painfully slow but sure progress up the wall, surely, unsteadily, but she's on her way.

Up, the Bennies are both at the top and they walk over to Philo, the first Team to arrive at the Pit Stop in this leg of the Race. The two VIPs, dressed like an old-time Emperor and his wife, greet the Bennies while Philo reveals that the Bennies have won $20,000 for coming in first. Then comes the part that I don't like at all: the Bennies decide to pat themselves in the back by talking about how much character they each have shown by coming in first. Apparently coming in first on this leg of the Race demonstrates all the drive they have. Seriously, that's what they say. Oh, and they also remind people that they have been through a lot. It is hard to respect them for having overcome drug addiction when they keep reminding everyone of that while exaggerating their actions as some Great Triumph thingie. Just race and shut up, okay?

The Bennies aren't the only ones with the tendency to make mountains out of molehills. As Duke makes his way to the top, Lauren starts crying because she knows Duke is suffering and she also never imagine that they will do things like this together. What thing? Like where she's crying and he's suffering? I thought that happened when she came out? As Duke reaches the top and Lauren's tears magically dry up as she now starts to climb, SaR2D2 has reached about the midway point up the wall. She whispers to herself that she has to stay strong and focused. "You find your power!" she whispers to herself. Triumphant music swells as Pe3P0 yells that he will cry if she makes it and she does. Pe3P0 makes me laugh for the first time though when he says that he will look like a wuss following SaR2D2's Chariots Of Fire moment.

The D&Ds come in second and Lauren once more talks about the importance of this Race to the two of them. It's just a Race, people. Let's not get carried away with the human symbolism stuff. This Race is about cabs, charter buses, and spoonfed directions rather than human sacrifice and dramatic valor at the end of the day. I mean, the Teams rarely interact with the locals anymore other than to ask for directions. If I want manipulative drama, I'd go watch the Special Olympics. The Androids come in third and they are equally melodramatic, as if they have single-handedly run across three continents for six months straight just to deliver a vial that contains the cure for AIDS while eluding scary terrorists.

Back at the Market, any notion that Dave wears the pants in the house is disabused when Mary berates him for not following her orders as the Coala Bears try to finish laying their bricks in the correct manner. Instead of arguing back like a stereotypical Man of the House would, Dave just goes along with her. This proves to be a pretty good move since they are soon finished and they are given their clue so that they can now be on their way to the Pit Stop. It turns out that the Royal Masala are there as well so they are not that far behind like I initially feared. Vipul and Arti seem to be working well with no arguments taking place between them. At Juyongguan, the Christinas are already starting to climb the wall. Back at the Market, the Whatevers have finished. Meanwhile, the Coala Bears just start moving in their cab when the Whatevers hit the road. The Coala Bears helpfully tell them where to stand on the pavement in order to flag down a cab. Ahead, the Wisterias have reached Juyongguan and are getting ready to climb. They are understandably nervous about their chances of success in climbing the wall. Karlyn begins to struggle to even get one feet off the ground even as the first Christina is about the reach the top.

At the Market, the Russells have painstakingly finished laying down nearly all of the square but there is this spot that they have no idea how to fit the bricks in. On the other hand, it seems like Arti is just standing there and making faces while Vipul is the only doing all the work, hmmm. At Beihai Park, the Debbies look bewildered and the Merry Melodies amazed when the Merry Melodies successfully - and gracefully - completed the required moves in their introductory Tai-Chi Bai Long Qiu class while the Debbies are still struggling to get things right! Nonetheless, this only fuels the Debbies' determination to get things right once and for all. The all-female Teams are doing pretty good so far in this episode. It's too early to tell, of course, but so far the two Teams are demonstrating some admirable grace under fire and a decent measure of competence as well compared to some of the embarrassing all-female Teams that have graced the previous seasons. Speaking of which, the Christinas check in with Philo as team number four. Shortly after, the Debbies have successfully completed their mastery of basic Tai-Chi Bai Long Qiu and they are happily on their way. I really laugh at their coming across Juyongguan in their clue and instead of trying to even read that word, they substitute the name with "Whatever!"

On the road, Mary is telling David that she can't believe that she's actually going to see the Great Wall of China. David tells her that they will do more than just seeing the Great Wall. "We're gonna rappel it, zip it, or something!" he tells her. Beautifully said, David. I hope they stay around for a long time because they make great placeholders for the average viewer at home like me. Ahead, Karlyn is still struggling and she is barely one feet off the ground. Still, like she said earlier, she probably lacks the strength to pull herself up. I can sympathize. Back in school, I couldn't climb on the vertical bar at the gym to pull myself up because I just don't have the upper body strength to pull myself up. Back at the Market, Arti does help out after all as she and Vipul try to fit their bricks together. Unfortunately, they aren't even halfway finished when the Russells announce that they are done. The Russells wish the Royal Masala luck when they leave, which is always a nice thing to do. Outside, the Whatevers are still looking for a cab. They finally find one... only to see the Russells waving at them from another cab! The Whatevers must have really struck out in trying to get a cab. Still, they get to tell the cab driver to just follow the Russells' cab. Let's hope, for their sake, that the Russells have a competent cab driver. The Russells yell at the Whatevers to follow them because, as they tell the Whatevers, they know exactly where they are supposed to go. Let's hope that the Russells, who haven't exactly been the most reassuring so far when it comes to the brain department, know exactly what they are saying. I also wonder: will the Russells be this generous if the Royal Masala aren't still struggling back in the Market? The Russells tell the camera that it will be "good karma" if they have allies so I guess I will never know.

As Karlyn, her feet both firmly back on the ground, try to will her body to levitate (no, it doesn't work), the Merry Melodies and the Coala Bears catch up with the Wisterias at the rappel spot in Juyongguan. As the other two Teams begin climbing, Mary watches Dave climb and encourages him by telling him to think of how hard it will be for her to climb if he's finding it hard to do so himself. His answer? Yes, it will be very hard for her. Tom has what seems like a minor breakdown at about midway up the wall as he starts saying that he's going to fall, much to Terry's alarm. Meanwhile, Karlyn finally gets herself a few inches off the ground and up the wall. Back the Market, the Royal Masala finally finish their Detour. As Karlyn struggles to move up some more and Tom freezes at midpoint, David slowly makes his way closer towards the top. Lyn tries to push Karlyn up but Karlyn's arms give way and she's back on the ground again, oh dear. But then something happened to Karlyn, I don't know what, because she then realizes that she can use the knots and the loops on the rope to aid herself up the wall and next thing I know, she's on her way to catching up with Tom who is still frozen with panic. Tom, in fact, fears that he has sprained his ankle and is actually starting to remove a loop around his foot, not the smartest thing to do when he's having a panic attack and he's quite high up from the ground. Meanwhile, David pauses to tell Mary how to climb the wall and she tells him to hurry up and just climb. She also concedes that she can't see herself climbing the wall successfully.

The Russells and the Whatevers show up at about this time. Godwin and Kimberly go first. Kimberly quickly moves up the wall, overtaking Godwin, which compels Irwin to give Rob a high-five and tell Rob, "Your girl's got game!" Rob says proudly, "I know, dude! She does!" I suddenly find myself really liking these two men. I'm a sucker for guys who love it when a gal kicks their asses. The Debbies are finally here to join the party as well with Kellie going first. Jamie tells Kellie that climbing up the wall is like doing the step-up drill in cheerleading. I love how the Debbies can see similarities in everything to cheerleading. Now that's what I call passion for the job! The Royal Masala are still in their cab, trying to keep calm, which is admirable considering how their cab driver merely blinked and said slowly and probably in a confused manner, "Wall!" when they tried to tell him where to go earlier.

At the wall, David has already reached the top and is telling Mary what to do when Mary snaps at him to be quiet and she's serious about him really being quiet. And of course, David clams up after a few token blusters on his part. These two are so amusing! Ahead of Mary, Karlyn is finally a few inches away from reaching the top. She gets no dramatic music though because she's not the one with the artificial leg on this show. Still, when Karlyn holds back tears and says disbelievingly in the direction of the camera that she actually managed to climb the wall, she really does deserve some dramatic music of triumph of her own in that scene. She actually beats Tom to the top as Tom only reaches the top shortly after Karlyn. Kimberly also reaches the top. Is it just me or Rob looks a lot like the Robfather with that helmet on his head? Godwin is not far behind Kimberly. Jamie has also reached the top by this point to join Kellie.

In quick succession, Philo quickly checks in the Whatevers as team number five and the Debbies as team number six. By this point, the Royal Masala are still on the road. Unless Lyn and Mary take a very long time to scale the wall, it seems forgone that this charming Team is pretty much done for. Vipul assures Arti that they will reach the Wall eventually. Eventually. Sigh. The Russells check in as team number seven and the very relieved Merry Melodies as team number eight. Down, poor Mary is stuck two feet or so off the ground and she is reassuring herself again and again that she can definitely climb this wall. Lyn is struggling as well but she is making steadier progress than Mary as she is soon overtaking Mary up the wall. In their cab, Arti tells the camera that she has "so many emotions going through" her at the moment that it is "unbelievable". I won't blame her if some of these emotions include an urge to kill cab drivers because this Team has really ridiculously terrible luck with cab drivers in this episode.

Ahead, Lyn finally makes it to the top. The Wisterias are team number ten and really, they deserve plenty of props for making it up the wall. It isn't easy, I can tell. They tell Philo that they felt that they had accomplished something great just climbing that wall and I feel like wiping away tears from my eyes. Sue me, I find such a sentiment more genuine and heartfelt when it's coming from everyday housewives and mothers who have never done such a thing than from athletes or ex-junkie pretty boys. Mary is still struggling and any doubt that David is going to be an asshole husband is gone from my mind when David merely tells Mary that her kids are going to be so proud of her even as she apologizes to him for being so slow. He also tells her that he loves her, which is as sweet as Mary's dry response of "Yes, I'm sure!" is too funny. Mary eventually makes it to the top and the Coala Bears are team number ten. Mary is so relieved and happy to avoid elimination that she tearfully scolds her husband for making her believe that they are last before hugging Philo so hard that he tells her to go hug her husband instead. Mary then proceeds to hug the VIPs while David says good-naturedly that Mary likes to hug everybody. Awww, they are so adorable!

So, alas, yes, the Royal Masala is the last team to arrive at the Pit Stop. Arti's such a sweet person and from what I see, she is a pretty good team player while Vipul is such an adorable man. These two manage to be so calm under fire despite the nonsense they have endured with cab drivers in this leg so I am really, really heartbroken to see them leave. They tell the camera that they love each other and in the end, it's more important that they believe in each other and they think the Race has shown them that this is such the case with them. No! Why must the adorable ones always have to go?

This particular episode is pretty unexciting when it comes to the structure of the leg because it's a formulaic rehash of spoonfed transportation and scheduled bunches by numbers that has been present in the opening episodes of the previous three seasons. Still, the cast is much better this time around because I find myself dismayed to see the Royal Masala go while I find myself liking many of these Teams, even the Whatevers and the Russells, to want to stick around and see how these Teams will fare. There may be hope for this season yet.

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