Something Cruel Is About To Happen... Real Soon
Survivor Fiji: Episode 1


Yum! Look, there's a seaplane flying over an island. Are we at... Pearl Islands? Cook Islands? Can anyone tell? Nope, we're in "the Fiji Islands", says our host Jeff "Probably Nothing" Proboscis who's in the seaplane yelling to the camera and trying his best to look like a real-life rugged superhero. He goes on to remind me why the location this time around is Fiji. No, not because we want to see the Survivors as naked as prime time television will allow, or at least we pretend that this is not the reason at all. No, it's because there were once upon a time rampant cannibalism here - cue close-in on a fake very red skeleton - and sharks and otters and bats and "formidable warriors" and more. He makes it seem as if the Survivors will be attacked by angry sharks, insane otters, vampire bats, and stereotype Fiji warriors in grass skirts and carrying huge axes, but of course, if previous seasons are anything to go by, what I will get instead are a bunch of lazy losers sitting around camp moaning that there's no food and they are hungry.

As Probby's seaplane flies over a raft being paddled by nineteen people, Probby says that there are nineteen Survivors from "an extreme cross-section" of America. What's an "extreme cross-section" and how extreme, really? Probby is starting to sound like a sleazy salesman, using all kinds of impressive-sounding words that signify nothing. He claims that there is a "former homeless street performer" - is that a polite way to describe a prostitute? - as well as a "Harvard lawyer". I don't know what the fuss about a "Harvard lawyer" is. There's at least one lawyer in every Mark Burnetto show and look at how crazy many of these lawyers turn out to be. Probby also claims that the Survivors face such an intense "fear of the unknown" that one Survivor quit just before they all began rowing to their camps. Yeah, that is believable. As if there are any surprises on this show that can actually catch anyone off-guard by now. Probby then announces that Janu Island is back, with "hundreds of deadly sea snakes". Promises, promises. Probby also reveals that there are two hidden Immunity Idols out there. Oh great, now there is a chance that two people I cannot stand will find those stupid things and lasting on the show way past their shelf life. "Thirty-nine days, nineteen people, one Survivor," Probby yells with all the fake enthusiasm of a Viagra spam, and then the season has officially begun.

The nineteen people who will grace the screen hoping to get it rich and make it big have reached the beach and they are now mingling and hugging with useful subtitles coming on to help me realize that these people are saying things like "Hi, what's up man?" to each other instead of, say, "Motherfucker, I'm gonna rip your tongue out of your mouth with my bare hands!" Edgardo, "ad executive", tells the camera in an animated manner that may need some getting used to on my part before I can fully understand him thanks to his accent that he's surprised that all nineteen of them are in the same place instead of being separated into tribe. Well, he can blame that on that unidentified quitter. That quitter ruins everything! Oh, and a Chinese fellow introduces himself as Yau-Man to a man named Boo. Oh, that scene is a politically incorrect joke waiting to happen but I'm not going there.

Meanwhile, someone who looks like the love child of Erik Estrada, Sylvester Stallone, and a raccoon gets dubious compliments comparing him to Sylvester Stallone. Meet James, "bartender", who says that people can't seem to remember his name and instead call him Rocky. "So Rocky will suffice," he tells the camera. He has a Boston accent. Whether he'll measure up to another Bostonian on this show, I guess only time will tell.

The nineteen people decide that now that they have all done the obligatory be-nice thing, they may as well just walk around. Perhaps they believe Probby is playing hide-and-seek with them and the first one that finds him will win the first Immunity Idol. As they wander around like a bunch of lemmings that have just emigrated to Fiji, Boo tells the camera that well, it's not like they have anything better to do so they may as well explore the island. They find water and much excitement ensues. Rocky babbles something to the camera that I can't catch - something about running around, not knowing what to say, checking... um, something - as they also find a cave and believe that they have found their shelter. Anthony, "expert witness locater", says that the cave is big and therefore it's a "blessing". He adds that they find some papaya, banana and lemon trees near the cave so they are all "stoked".

Some people decide to see what is "up there", so they start making their way up a slope. Meet Dre, who says that on this "beach", he's going by Dreamz. Is this because he's a big Jennifer Hudson fan? As those people make their trek, he breaks the ice by saying, "I'm a natural Fujian... Fijian. Fijian, Fijian, you know what I mean?" No, I don't. I think he must be making some kind of pun that has gone completely over my head. It's the "z" in Dreamz, I tell you, it distracts me and I can't see a pun anymore whenever I come across one. Anyway, Dreamz continues to say to the camera that his nickname is "a name of striving achievement". If he says so, I suppose. "Up there", the people get to see the whole panoramic view of the island. Earl, another "ad executive", says that this situation is comparable to buying a new house so naturally he wants to see "everything" about the "new house". Of course, you have the choice of not buying a house while Earl doesn't have the option of buying another island, so I don't think the comparison is valid. Besides, he'll be staying with eighteen obnoxious people in that "new house" so I don't know why he's so happy. It will be like Thanksgiving that lasts for three months but feels like three years instead. He and Dreamz seem to be competing to see who is the new King of Fiji.

Back at the camp, Cassandra and Yau-Man are struggling to open some coconuts. Cassandra, "college administrator", tells the camera that her previous experience in outdoor activities extended less than fifty feet off the road. She predictably says that she's out of her league when it comes to braving the artificial dangers of the Fijian wilderness. She picks up a coconut and sits down on a stone beside Yau-Man. Yau-Man, trying to rip the outer husk from his coconut, tells her that it is "a test of patience" to be trying to open a coconut with any "implements". Ooh, I'm in love with his vocabulary. I want one! Cassandra chuckles. She chuckles again when he adds, "But believe me, it's worth it." She asks him whether he has opened coconuts without any tools and he admits that he has, explaining that he grew up "in the island of Borneo". She sounds fascinated and asks him where the island is. He tells her that the island has similar vegetation to this island. Hmm, I see a difference in the frequency of the communication channel. As they both work on their coconuts, Yau-Man ("computer engineer") tells the camera that he's trying to "prove himself", especially to the buff young guys, that he is worth keeping around because he knows how to live in such an environment. After all, as he says, the older guy always gets voted off first. Yau-Man's plan is worth a giving a shot since it's not like there is any other better plan at the moment, although that plan certainly didn't work out too well for Bruce two seasons back.

When Yau-Man has finished removing the husk from his coconut, he impales it on a sharp branch to crack it open and then passes it around. Meanwhile, Edgardo takes off his shirt as he talks to Anthony. How nice, he's trying to keep me awake. Those two men wonder how the tribes will be formed. The fact that there are nineteen of them clearly makes these two men wonder. Anthony, who speaks really rapidly, tells the camera that they are all looking for some kind of clue as to what they should do next. A pot, a flag with their tribe name... anything that resembles a clue as to what they are supposed to do next. He wonders where Probby is.

Well, there's a seaplane flying towards them some time later and someone - I'm supposed to think it's Probby but it doesn't look like Probby at all in my repeated viewings of this episode - moves to stand on the right pontoon and drops a crate down. The crate has a little parachute to help it fall in a camera-friendly slowness into the sea. Most of the younger guys and women paddle out to the raft to get it because it takes this many people to drag a crate back to camp. An Asian woman watching the proceedings calls these gung-ho youngsters her hero as they bring back the crate. Cassandra tells the camera that everyone has his or her own great ideas as to what the crate may contain. She hopes there are some machetes and something that will help them start a fire.

So now the question is how they will open the crate. The others cheer as Rocky starts bashing the crate onto a rock. That method doesn't work. Then Boo - at least, I think it's Boo, I can't really tell who is who at this early stage of the episode - comes over and the two men now lift the stone to bash it over the crate. No, this method doesn't work as well. Edgardo tells the camera that it is rather absurd to watch so many strong guys hammering and punching the crate in vain but then comes Yau-Man who opens the crate without much effort. Heh. Yau-Man lifts the crate and whacks one corner of the crate against the rock a few times. Lo, the crate opens as if by magic! Edgardo chuckles to the camera, saying that Yau-Man takes all of ten seconds to crack the crate open. Meanwhile, Earl pats Yau-Man in the back and says that it takes a "real man" to open the crate. Yau-Man tells the camera that it's all a matter of "simple physics" to aim for the crate's weakest points, the corners. I hope he doesn't say these things to the others that often because that could be misconstrued as Yau-Man being a know-it-all. You know how weird and over-sensitive people can get on this show sometimes, after all, and Yau-Man seems to be another one of the many old coots on this show that may end up having some communication problems with his tribe mates.

Inside the crate are a map as well as some supplies. There is also a parchment containing instructions for the Survivors to use the supplies and lumber indicated on a spot on their map to build a structure as indicated by an accompanying blueprint. They are startled to discover that the instructions mention the building of a toilet. There is also a flint, with the instruction parchment reminding them to use it to boil water that is meant for drinking. Anthony explains to the camera that they will be building a camp that has a toilet, a kitchen, and even a picnic table. Alex, the "attorney" (presumably from Harvard), tells the camera that the whole task sounds cool until he starts having second thoughts about it. He is sure that something cruel is going to happen soon.

Later that day, they discover the lumber stashed on a hilltop. As Rocky explains (among other things I cannot decipher - it seems like every man featured so far on this show cannot speak in a way that I can easily follow!) to the camera, everything they need to build a sturdy shelter is there. These materials are labeled accordingly ("roof thatch" and "main shelter framing" for example) so that nobody will get the funny idea of, say, digging a hole in the ground to create a super shelter of unparalleled brilliance. Burnetto can never go wrong underestimating the intelligence of his Survivors, after all. Someone - Rocky, I believe - starts taking stock of what they have by hollering out the name of each item. There are Basmati rice, a pot, a pail of nails, hammer, and oh yes, the toilet seat. Meanwhile, Erica ("non-profit fundraiser") tells the camera that no Survivor even has this much before. "It's too easy," she says, adding that she's sure that a "curveball" is coming up next.

The Asian woman, Sylvia, starts telling people what to do. She is, after all, an architect. She tells the camera that the others pretty much hand her the blueprint and ask her to figure out what they should do. She explains that the cave is "the location" of the shelter (although they are building the shelter outside the cave and not inside it like she seems to be suggesting here) and they will also be building an outhouse and a kitchen. She seems pleased to be given the task of directing things, although as usual, there will be people who will blame her for bossing them around. Gary ("school bus driver" and the other old coot aside from Yau-Man) says to the camera that Sylvia is "dominating" everything. Well, she's supposed to tell them what to do, so I don't know how she's supposed to do this without "dominating" the project, sheesh. Of course, it doesn't help matters when Sylvia later surveys the progress made so far and tells Rocky that a pillar thingie they are setting up is "a little bit askew". Rocky has no idea what "askew" means and Sylvia helpfully tells him that it's "an architectural term" which means "not orthogonal". Oh, Sylvia. I know. If Rocky doesn't know what "askew" mean, does she truly expect him to know what "orthogonal" means? She's teasing him though, although in this case there is always a danger of Rocky taking offense and assuming that she's insulting him. However, Rocky seems to take this fairly well, saying that she is using too many "big words". She finally says it's "not ninety degrees".

A younger Asian woman manages to use the flint to start a fire and there are plenty of exciting hoots from the others when this happens. Edgardo tells the camera that everyone at first works hard to prove that they will be useful around the place but as the day goes on, some people begin to "talk". As if to prove Edgardo right, Erica and "Jess" isolate themselves for some private chit-chat. Erica explains to the camera that she wants to talk to people to see what is "bothering" them so that she can "find her place" on the tribe. What will she say if these people say that the only thing bothering them is Erica? This mysterious Jess, however, is willing to talk to Erica. Jess tells Erica that they need "a guy" so they are clearly planning some core alliance of three. Erica tells the camera that she's going to talk plans and alliances with as many people as she can. She sounds like she has many things that she wants to do, but something tells me that she has no idea what she is doing.

Back at camp, the water is boiled and Dreamz complains that the water is too hot. Huh? Edgardo, bless him, mutters audibly for Dreamz to hear that Dreamz is just being stupid and Dreamz is like, "What?" Oh, come, Dreamz, what happened to all that striving for success talk? Strive to drink, man! Don't let the temperature hold you back! Sylvia meanwhile keeps telling those who would listen that they should get back to work. She has guts, I'd give her that. If they vote her off by the end of this episode, she can play the martyr and say that she sacrificed a million dollars for the comfort of those ingrates. Fortunately for her, Anthony offers a voice of support as he urges the others to get back to work in a more diplomatic manner.

Unfortunately, it looks like they can't finish their work in time because that night it rains and these Survivors have to huddle under sheets and blankets while calling themselves dumb and their ordeal "un-Survivor". Yes, getting caught in the rain is something that has never happened before on this show! Sylvia "jokes" that maybe they should think about setting up the roof of the shelter the next morning. No one laughs with her. Sylvia is the kind of person who must never ever crack a joke on this show because people can always take it the wrong way. Watch as she gets voted out one of these days for being a bossy motormouth.



Day two, morning. Anthony begins the day by chopping some wood. He's such a workhorse, isn't he? And such a good-looking young man too. I'll try not to like him so much in case he gets booted like, oh, the next episode. After Yul won in Cook Islands, I'm sure I've used up all my luck when it comes to rooting for winners for the next three seasons at the very least. He says in self-depreciating humor to the camera that their shelter is half-done: they have half a floor and no roof. Later that morning, Yau-Man is seen telling Erica that they need to bring down everything that they haven't brought down from the material and lumber pile they have found yesterday and that is what these people do. As Sylvia gets to work supervising things, Yau-Man seems to have appointed himself the chief of refreshments as he sets up an impromptu kiosk and hands half a coconut to Earl. He tells Earl to hold on to the "cup" as Earl remarks that "this" is like "Flintstones". Yau-Man then pours some tea into that "cup", causing Earl to tell the camera that Yau-Man is a "keeper" because he thinks of everything. It turns out that Yau-Man has boiled some "tea" using lemons and Earl tells him that he's like the Professor of Gilligan's Island. Is it just me or these two remind me of Bobby and Bruce from two seasons back?

The camera closes in on the blue print, where amusingly enough there is a "Front door included" written prominently in the lower right corner. Someone has scribbled "NOT" after the "door" in that sentence. The mysterious Jess turns out to be Jessica, a "fashion stylist", who tells the camera that everyone is bonding and she doesn't know if that is a good thing or not. She prefers everyone to hate each other from the start? Rita, whose occupation is "single mom", believe it or not, says that it's not even two days and they are all buddy-wuddies already, at least until they get the "next set of instruction". When, I suppose, heads will roll at Rita's command. As the Survivors assemble a roof on their shelter, the younger Asian lady Michelle chirps in a manner that I find very annoyingly girlish that they will have a kitchen, yadda yadda yadda. I suppose they have to show her saying something, even if she's just repeating what others have said several times already. As they have breakfast, Dreamz mistakenly calls Stacy "Lucy". Wait, there's a Stacy on this show? Where did she come from? Jessica tells the camera that she is happy with how things are, comparing their situation to a "Fiji vacation", but she is also slightly worried about what will happen next.

If the whole Swiss Family Robinson happy hour isn't nauseating enough by now, these people finally finish their shelter and hook up a "Home Sweet Home" sign. Dreamz gives an acceptance speech that I believe is supposed to be funny. To the camera, Dreamz says, as inspirational music swells in the background, that he was once homeless and he ate out of trashcans and such when he was seven, so he actually finds this current situation better than his previous circumstance. He seems to be implying that he is still homeless. If this is the case, I must admire his tenacity for finding the time and resource to get casted on this show. Homeless people everywhere should look up to Dreamz. Dreamz concludes the lovely inspirational confession by saying that he wishes that he can bring his family to live in that shelter. His family, I'm sure, must be thinking, "Hell, no. Just bring back the million bucks!"

That night, there are some chuckles and jests as some people joke about the nickname "Dreamz". I can make out Rocky and Michelle among these people because of his accent and her high pitch. Dreamz is asleep, or is pretending to at the very least, until he hears this and demands to know who is talking about him. "Was that a Chinese person who said that?" he asks in clearly a joking manner. I should point out that Michelle turns out to be lying next to him and she too laughs along with him. Dreamz says that it's his way to be playful so that people will notice him. I guess that's his way of saying that he can be an obnoxious showboating attention-hog. He now starts doing his mock-threatening thing that has a few people smiling weakly the way one would smile instead of being rude and rolling up the eyes. A woman asks him to "simmer down" so that she can sleep but he only increases his volume because, as he puts it, someone asking him to be quiet only adds "fuel" to his "fire". Is this where I make some joke about him being homeless because nobody can stand living next door to him? No? Too nasty? Okay.

This leads Rocky to tell the camera that Dreamz keeps acting all obnoxious every ten to fifteen minutes when everyone else would rather sleep in peace. Cue Dreamz asking all white people in the shelter to raise their hands. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but isn't making racially-charged jests a dangerous thing? People may start to dislike Dreamz. Then again, maybe they already dislike Dreamz for being obnoxious, judging from some of the faces as Dreamz happily alienates everyone else. Rocky ends up asking Dreamz to come with him outside the shelter for some chat. This chat leads to some heated arguments where Dreamz naturally yells at that he never yells at people. Rocky cannot get a word in at all. Rocky tells the camera - rather insincerely, I feel, like he's putting a sensitive act that I don't buy at all - that oh, he hates it when he shows his "emotions" by yelling at Dreamz. He ends up sleeping outside the shelter. Rocky concludes his confessional by wondering what else he could have done about Dreamz. Gag Dreamz? Feed him to the sharks? Everyone take turns sitting on his face so that he can't speak? Just some ideas, really.



Day three, morning. Probby awaits at a clearing. It's time for the Reward-cum-Immunity Challenge. After the nineteen Survivors have filed in, Probby have some chit-chat which sees Jessica and Yau-Man rehashing the shelter construction and other events in the last two days. Probby asks Alex who emerges as a leader so far and Alex reasonably mentions Sylvia. Bless Sylvia, she has no clue that being a leader on this show is a thankless responsibility, so she doesn't seem to notice how eager everyone else is to let Sylvia be the leader, heh. Sylvia is invited by Probby to step forward and divide the Survivors into two tribes by asking each person to stand behind the orange or green line on the sand. Sylvia ends up dividing the others so that Cassandra, Liliana (who?), Stacy (who?), Lisi (who?), Dreamz, Boo, "Big Gary" or "Papa Smurf" (EEEEEK!), "the sexy guy in the green tank top" (Alex), and Edgardo stand behind the green line while Michelle, Erica, Rita, Jessica, "Boston" (or Rocky to you and me), Earl, Yau-Man, Anthony, and Mookie (who... wait a minute - Mookie?) end up behind the orange line. Probby hands the buffs and reveals that the green tribe is called Moto while the orange tribe is Ravu. The interesting question will be which tribe will Sylvia want to be part of. Not that she will be able to make a decision since Probby reveals that Sylvia will be banished to Janu Island and, presumably if I'm to believe Probby, the "thousands of" poisonous snakes waiting to give her a warm welcome. She will however receive a clue to Wally which is hidden in Janu Island. Sylvia will leave at that moment and she will return only that night when she will join the tribe that loses one member at Tribal Council. Sylvia takes her leave as the others offer insincere well-wishes just one vowel short of "Go kiss a viper, you bossy hag!"

With Sylvia out of the way, Probby now explains that the Challenge will involve chariot racing through the "Fijian mud bath". He's being unnecessarily dramatic, isn't he? Maybe he wants to distract people from the glaring absence of cannibalism in this episode. Two people on each tribe will be pulled on a chariot by the other members of the tribe along a quarter-mile course. There are three bags dangling along the course and these two people in the chariot must collect these bags. At the end of the course, they must grab the tribe flag and race all the way back to the starting line. Four tribe members will then use the puzzle pieces in the three bags to discover three numbers (spelled out in alphabets on the puzzle pieces). These numbers are used to determine the manner to turn the "combination wheel" device. This "combination wheel" is nothing more than a twelve-sided polygon (or a dodecagon if you're Yau-Man) wheel divided into twelve triangular compartments and in each compartment is a bundle. If the tribe turns the wheel in the correct manner, they will locate a bundle that contains a knife. The first tribe to use this knife to chop a rope and cause a tribe flag to unfurl wins the Immunity Idol. This Idol looks like a black staff with a huge skull-and-cobweb design at one end, just like Skeletor's magic wand, which is what I will call it for the rest of this season. The winning tribe also gets to stay on this beach and the shelter they have built as well as more goodies: hairnets, a bush shower, even a couch, and more. The losing tribe will go to a new beach with only a machete and a pot. Probby doesn't mention whether this is a permanent arrangement but I suspect that, similar to the current season of The Apprentice, the comfortable Camp Paradiso will be available to any winning tribe of a particular Challenge while the losing tribe will move to the Boot Camp.

Michelle and Jessica are the people in the Ravu chariots while for Moto it's Lisi and Stacy. Hubby loves watching this Challenge, by the way, because Michelle is wearing these small hotpants-like shorts and she's bending over on the chariot. Oh yes, the camera makes sure that nobody can miss that sight. Why can't we have someone like Boo or Elgardo bending over like that for the camera? I want my eye candy too, dang it! For the first bag, Jessica spends a lot of time trying to undo the knot of the bag so Moto gets a big lead over Ravu. This lead is maintained all the way until the race back to the starting line, where Dreamz runs into a pole and causes the others who are pulling the chariot to take some precious time to re-equilibrate themselves. Ravu manages to get a lead over Moto until they have to put the puzzle pieces together. Mookie, Michelle, Jessica, and Erica seem to have a harder time putting them together compared to Lisi, Edgardo, Stacy, and Dreamz. Meanwhile, the likes of Alex and Earl can be seen lying the ground and even trembling as they try to catch their breath, so pulling that chariot is clearly no easy task. Moto finishes their puzzle first. They must now rotate the combination wheel 35 times clockwise, 13 times counterclockwise, and 22 times clockwise. Check out Rocky jumping up and down like a silly doofus as he cheers Ravu on, by the way. Ravu is still struggling to put the second puzzle together when Edgardo takes out the knife and cuts the rope. Moto wins Skeletor's magic wand and a luxurious stay at Camp Paradiso! Probby hands Ravu the map to the Boot Camp and invites them to join him at Trinal Council that night.

Moto, Camp Paradiso. Edgardo speaks for the Motos when he tells the camera how happy they are to go back to camp. There's a couch, after all. How can one resist the couch? As Probby promised, they discover several crates containing cutleries, cups, and plates as well as the bush shower. Even nicer, from my point of view, is the sight of a shirtless Boo. Not so nice is Dreamz once again not keeping his mouth shut. Lisi, "customer service rep", finally gets airtime as she tells the camera that life is good in Camp Paradiso but she feels that it is "ironically enough" that Sylvia, who organized the building of Camp Paradiso, is currently bossing the poisonous snakes in Janu Island. No to mention, poor Sylvia is going to be living in the Boot Camp. See, Sylvia? It rarely pays to be a leader on this show.

Speaking of Sylvia, here she is on Janu Island. Sylvia tells the camera that there are seasnakes around but I notice that Sylvia and all those snakes are never in the same scene. For all I know, Sylvia could have seen just one small snake and everything else is standard stock footage spliced in from some National Geographic documentary. Sylvia finds a tower where she can spend the night in. There's a small box containing a clue, but Sylvia discovers that her clue is a statement telling her that she can find Wally back at her camp. Cue a snake slithering on the floor of the tower. Sylvia doesn't notice it. Then again, this is probably another stock footage spliced into this scene, so who knows. Sylvia therefore has nothing to do other than to plot her future searches for Wally.

Boot Camp, Ravu. As Earl tells the camera, nobody is happy that they are living in a camp which requires them to start their shelter-making efforts all over again, especially after all their work building Camp Paradiso. As the others try to figure out what they should begin working on, Rocky tries to drum up some good feelings by telling the others how "awesome" their cave is. Erica misses the point when she tells the camera that she doesn't understand why everyone seems happy while she is "pissed off" that they are stuck here in the middle of nowhere with just a pot and a machete. The others may be feeling the same way, but no one wants to complain because there's no use complaining actually. Rita sums up the situation they face in her confessional: they have to lose one tribe member and they have to also start all over again with their shelter.

Now it's time for strategy talk, or what passes for strategy among the intellectuals in this tribe. Rocky and Erica discuss strategy among themselves. Or rather, he tells her that they have to figure out what to do for tonight. "Smell me, or what?" he asks her. She says yes and he tells her not to be sad. She says that she's just thinking. Rocky assures her that he, she, and Jessica will figure out what to do. Erica tells the camera that the three of them are "really tight" so she is confident that the three of them will "swing the whole thing". Three against six, swinging the whole thing? Methinks someone isn't really good at counting.

Rocky and Jessica now have a private talk with Earl. Earl says that "obviously it has to be a girl". Perhaps he's trying to say that the women are not as athletic as the men, but that comes out not very... polite. Rocky tells Earl that Jessica and Erica are not to be voted out. Nice one, Rocky, for showing Earl all your cards. Earl and Rocky discuss the only two options they have left, Michelle or Rita. Rocky believes that Michelle is agile and athletic and Earl agrees, calling Michelle a "monkey". That doesn't sound very polite either, hmmph. At any rate, Rita seems to be the one getting the boot at Tribal Council tonight. Earl mentions off-handedly that Erica is strong so Rita it will be. Rocky and Jessica have a discussion among themselves after Earl has left with Rocky saying that he doesn't like booting anyone but hey, it's a game. I don't know, I keep feeling that he's just putting on this Tony Danza-like act that he's a good guy for the camera. Jessica mentions to the camera that she feels confident about not being booted at Tribal Council even if she's co-bungled the puzzle-solving.

Oh, but later that day Mookie and Michelle talk to Earl about booting Jessica, saying that Jessica bungled up the puzzle-solving. Erica is there as Earl tries to weakly shift the focus from Jessica. Elsewhere, Rocky and Jessica are being silly about how they will watch out for each other. Meanwhile, Rita is telling Yau-Man that Jessica has to go not only for the whole puzzle thing (which people are conveniently forgetting that Michelle, Mookie, and Erica are also involved in) but also because of "personality" issues. Rita finds fault with Jessica "flying under the radar". Does this woman even know what that term means? How do you fly under the radar in just three days? Anyway, Yau-Man's stance is simple: keep the strong buff guys. Somewhere else, Anthony joins Erica, Mookie, Michelle, and Earl in a roundtable discussion where Earl and Mookie are arguing rather intensely about the pros and cons of booting Jessica as opposed to Rita. I don't know what happened but all of a sudden Earl seems to be on Mookie's side as Mookie tells Erica that Jessica has to go. Erica tells the camera that she will however will not write down Jessica's name. Erica tells a disbelieving Rocky that Jessica is on the chopping block and short of a miracle, she's not getting off anytime soon. Rocky seems surprised and unhappy that the three of them fail to gain a majority in a tribe of nine and says that he won't vote for Jessica either. As the Ravus get ready to head over to Tribal Council, Earl tells the camera that everyone's an actor here and anyone can be leaving.

Night, Tribal Council. Dramatic music plays as the Ravus walk towards this hilltop open-spaced platform, teasing me with the possibility of a cannibal ambush that never comes, sigh. Probby gives the usual babble about fire and life coming together and being happy before commencing the yak-yak's. After some chatter about how terrible Boot Camp is but how everyone is optimistic about things turning out to be fine at the end, Probby asks about the voting rationale. Erica says that she votes based on who will help them win Challenges. Yau-Man agrees, and rather foolishly says that he could go due to his age. Mookie says that he's thinking of who can be replaced by Sylvia. When asked, Rocky says that the person voted out will be surprised. Okay, that answers the question whether he's sincere when he's told Jessica that he would tell her if she's on the block. Rita, Mookie, and Jessica all claim to be surprised if they are voted out. Rita will understand though while the others won't, with Jessica saying that she worked hard around the camp so she won't understand why she will get the boot.

Probby now releases the Ravus to the voting booth. Michelle votes. Jessica writes down Rita's name, apologizing to Rita because voting out Rita is apparently not her idea. Well, it's clearly not the idea of anyone else in this tribe so she shouldn't feel so bad! Earl, Mookie, Erica, and Anthony vote. Yau-Man votes for Jessica, saying rather melodramatically that this isn't a personal vote, just a "mercenary one" since he's also fighting to "stay alive to fight another day". Rita and Rocky finally cast their vote. Probby happily dances his way - okay, he doesn't dance, but still - to tally the votes and he gleefully unleashes the results on the Ravus.

Mookie! Mookie looks surprised. Well, he did say he won't understand the vote, heh. Jessica! Yau-Man! But the next three votes are for Jessica so an unhappy Jessica stomps towards Probby to get her torch snuffed out by this huge snuffer. Probby taunts the Ravus about the unanimous votes for Yau-Man and Mookie and banish them from his sight after telling them to leave their torches behind.

As Jessica accuses "some people" of being backstabbers while claiming that she's still pleased nonetheless for getting to play the game, it is revealed that the stray votes for Yau-Man and Mookie come from Erica and Rocky. I'm not sure why they bother since Rocky has already broken his word to Jessica by not telling her that she's on the chopping block. They may as well vote along with the rest if you ask me. Back to Jessica, she assures everyone that her torch may be snuffed out on this show but someone else someone is lighting up another torch for her. She's talking about her family, I suppose, because anything else just makes her look delusional.

Another season, another beach, another Survivor. Business as usual.


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