Dire Straits And Dead Weight
Survivor Cook Islands: Episode 2


Yum!

To sum up the previous episode, we have four tribes dived by race in Mark Burnetto's latest and obvious desperate attempt to get people to watch this show. Unfortunately for him, people didn't seem to be too interested as the ratings revealed. The Latin-American tribe Aitu and the Asian-American tribe of Puka did pretty well in the Reward-cum-Immunity Challenge while the Caucasian tribe of Raro and the African-American tribe Hiki landed in the bottom two of the four tribes. The Hikis ended up at Tribal Council where Nathan and Sekou were sucker-punched by the three women in the tribe when Sekou was voted out despite the two men's confident prediction that they were too important to the tribe to be even on the chopping block.

So here we are, at day four. Over at Manihiki, Nate is trying hard to get some fire started using the flint they had received at the end of the previous Tribal Council but so far he is having no success. He explains to the camera that they need to get a fire going since they have to boil their water or they will have all those funky parasites growing in their system. The three women are watching Nate as he works. Sundra tells the camera that the Hikis are not just frustrated by their inability to start a fire, they are also not happy about the fact that they are surely not representing African-Americans well on the show. Well, that's what you get by placing too much importance on the worth of your presence on a stupid TV show. This show sure isn't 60 Minutes. Stephannie says to the camera that they seem to be using the flint in a correct manner so she doesn't understand why they can't start a fire.

Later, Rebecca take over from Nathan in working the flint. She manages to get a small spark started and wonders aloud to the others what she should do next. The Hikis add some husk and dry grass to the spark and next thing they know, they have a fire started. There are some happy celebration going around with Nathan jumping up and down and laughing out loud as he cries, "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! We got fire!" Nathan tells the camera that he is so happy that the "chicks" of the tribe "stepped up" to be the tough broads like he knows they can be - is that why he agreed to vote one of these women out in the previous episode? - so he is so happy. Poor Sekou must be so unhappy that his presence in the tribe - of the lack of - turns out to be such a non-issue at the end of the day. Nathan yells at the fire, "Burn, baby, burn!" He's quite a literal fellow, isn't he? As the Hikis begin boiling a bucket of water over the fire, Rebecca tells the camera that this has been a great day for the Hikis because they worked as a team and they managed to get a fire started. Surely, this can only mean that they will be alright from now on!

Ooh, it's a veritable montage of hot male flesh and close-ups of ladies in bikini over at Aitutaki as the Aitus whose names aren't Billy spend the morning catching fish and crabs for their breakfast. JP looks like he needs to wear a bra in his confessionals but those biceps aren't bad at all, I must say. He says that there is no shortage of fish and what-not in their beach, which is obvious since they are at a freaking tourist resort rather than any halfway harsh natural environment, and points out that they manage to catch "eight... nine fish and seven to eight clams, big ones". Not bad at all for a bunch of aspiring actors and wannabe-models! I love how JP asks Cristina whether the women "got crabs". Judging from the rumors about the person on this show that he eventually hooks up and gets down and dirty with, I don't think he should be worried too much about any woman having crabs, if you know what I mean. JP goes on to tell the camera that "Latinos" are good workers because "it" is in their blood "and" is part of their heritage. If he says so, of course. Oh, and there's Billy. He carries the bucket containing the haul of the day as the Aitus return to their camp.

Back at camp, Cristina tells JP, Ozzy, and Cecilia about how she was shot while on duty as a cop. Apparently they nearly amputated her arm or something. Ozzy however looks like he's trying to figure out what language Cristina is speaking in. Cecilia, the only one of the three listening to Cristina that looks like she has an intelligent thought in her head, tells the camera that she thinks Cristina is a "super strong woman" and a role model for the rest of the Aitus. Ozzy begs to differ. What happens is that there are many "wild chickens" all over the place and the Aitus have been trying to figure out a way to catch some of them for dinner. So apparently they not only have plenty of fish and clams but also "wild chickens" on their beach? Wow, talk about harsh conditions these people have to live in! For the next season, this show may as well take place in the backyard of a five-star hotel on some island. Anyway, Cristina has this idea about creating a trap for those chickens that seems to be inspired by too many Looney Tunes cartoons - a net will fall on some hapless chicken when it steps under the trap. Ozzy says facetiously, "Oh, you wanna do that way?" Ozzy tells the camera that it takes an effort not to shoot down all of Cristina's ideas but her ideas are clearly impractical. He believes that this clearly shows that Cristina has not been camping or living it up outdoors, presumably to the extent that Ozzy has. Ozzy offers his own idea of a trap that involves concepts like "stretch it wide across here" and "create a pump". Then again, he could also easily be talking about his constipation problems, hmm. JP says that it's a good idea that Ozzy has - especially when it's all about pumps and stretching it wide - so Ozzy walks away with a smug look while Cristina tells the camera that every idea has to be either Ozzy's or nobody's. Ozzy on his part tells the camera that he and she don't get along because he thinks that she's a cop and also because he's younger than she is and she's therefore not too happy when a younger person comes up and shows her how wrong she is. At least, he would feel this way if, say, a fourteen-year old shows up and trumps him in the ideas department, so he's projecting on Cristina in this case in a manner that may or may not be right.

At any rate, Ozzy's trap seems to be actually a much more practical modification of Cristina's original idea in that instead of the chicken being hauled up in the air by the net, the net instead keeps the chicken trapped on the ground. This trap works, allowing the Aitus to roast a chicken over the fire later that day. Ozzy tells the camera that he is confident that he has demonstrated his worth to the rest of his tribe. Ah yes, the "You're Nothing Without Me" gameplay. Let's hope he is much better at this than, say, Sekou. Cristina walks off to be alone. The others realize she's not with them come chicken-munching time and suspect that Cristina must be upset or something. Then again, maybe she's just fond of the chicken and can't bear to eat it?

Chicken-trapping is also high on the priority list of the Puka tribe. Their trap is a box that is propped up by a stick. When a chicken steps under the box to peck at some coconuts left by the Pukas, Yul who is hiding quietly in the nearby bushes will pull a string attached to the stick and cause the box to fall and trap the poor chicken under it. The other Pukas seem to be preparing breakfast as they too watch quietly to see whether the chickens fall for the bait. It turns out that two chickens end up being caught by the trap. Brad quickly runs over to hug Yul on the pretense of wanting to give him a high-five, that hussy. I have to admire him for his sneaky tactics though because I truly understand his motivations. Becky tells the camera that it's great that they don't have to start the day hungry or anything. Gee, talk about stating the obvious. She then goes to to give some confessional about how smart Yul is.

I have some doubts about the "smart" part when during some private moments of bonding on the beach between Yul and Becky, Yul tells the camera that because Becky is a lawyer who does non-profit work quite often she clearly doesn't need the million dollars so he can't trust her when it comes to the game. What kind of logic is that? Has it ever occurred to her that she may need the money desperately because she does non-profit work often? Becky can easily go, "Oh no! I was too idealistic and now I'm so behind in my rent that I need money, like, two months ago so I'm going on to Survivor to escape my creditors and get me some instant cash!" Anyway, those two talk about an alliance and Becky tells the camera that they have a bond because they're both Korean and he's like an olde brother to her. She's saying the last bit, I suspect, to stop their parents from quickly getting in touch after watch this show and arranging a marriage between the two of them.

Over at Rarotonga, "Papa Bear" as Parvati calls Jonathan, returns from Janu Island to be greeted by three shrieking and jumping women on the beach. Oh, and Adam is there too. It's becoming easy to overlook him, I realize, because apart from his generic blond/dumb himbo looks, he doesn't seem to have much to recommend him when it comes to being an interesting person on this show. The Raros share a group hug and Jonathan tells the camera that while he thinks he may have come off as arrogant to the others, they seem to be as happy to see him as he is to see them. He's assuming that they are sincere, of course, in their joy. As he tells the others that he searched for but didn't find Waldo the hidden Immunity Idol, Jonathan tells the camera that he is dismayed to realize that the other Raros hadn't done anything in the two days since he left for Janu Island. He asks the other Raros about the shelter and realizes that they still haven't made a floor for it. The camera cuts to Flika chopping clumsily away at some wood while Candice and Parvati examine each other's face, as if to answer Jonathan's unspoken question as to what these people had been doing while he was away. He soon has Flika with him working away at gathering and cutting wood to set up this floor.

As Flika explains to the camera, Adam and Candice however aren't keen on building a floor for the shelter. Those two probably believe that all they need to feel comfortable at night is the presence of the other person. Flika thinks those two and Parvati are just wasting time. She approaches Adam and asks him about helping out as Jonathan looks out. Adam tells her bluntly that he thinks that "it's the dumbest thing to be doing this". He doesn't understand why they just can't sleep on the ground. "Why do you think we will sleep better when it's raised from the ground?" asks Adam. Flika explains reasonably that the ground can get wet and cold. Jonathan, listening in, has this "Oh boy, Dumb City here we come!" expression on his face. Adam still insists that raising the shelter won't change the fact that it will be cold and wet. The notion that he doesn't have to sleep on the cold and wet ground if they have a floor for their shelter seems to elude him.

Adam now says that the decision to make the floor for the shelter should be a group decision and points out that so far Jonathan and Flika have not asked the other Raros' opinion about the decision. He looks to his two followers to back him up. However, Parvati says in a half-hearted manner that she thinks it will be more comfortable to have a floor for the shelter. Besides, work on it has already begun so she thinks they may as well finish it up. Adam still insists that it is "dumb" to build a floor for the shelter. He'd prefer that they do not "waste energy" just to make the shelter look nicer. The floor, after all, is only a decorative thing. Here I am thinking that I have seen all kinds of idiocy after twelve seasons of this show when Adam shows up, oh boy.

Jonathan tells the camera that Adam is hungry and in a bad mood so the man doesn't see that other people have "needs" that he doesn't care much for. Don't make excuses for Adam, Jonathan. Some people just can't help being an idiot. Meanwhile, Candice tells Adam to be careful about turning Jonathan against him. Adam simply says that he won't do that. The sad thing is, I think Adam genuinely believes that he was being reasonable about not wanting to get the floor made. He must have thought that he was very diplomatic in handling the matter. Oh well.



Day five, Aitutaki. JP holds up his spear to show off the three or so fish he's caught earlier that morning to the two women and Ozzy. Where's Billy? JP turns his head and gives a pointed look at Billy who's lying on his back on the boat and from all appearances having a nice nap. Billy tells the camera that he's just trying to conserve his energy since he doesn't have as much to spare as his fitter tribemates. I wonder whether he's gauged the extent of their level of understanding for his behavior before he decides to do this. Billy also says that since the others are so much better at catching fish, plucking coconuts, and all for the tribe, he may as well sit back and enjoy their efforts while letting them catch fish and all. Well, there's that, I suppose, but many people generally do not take well to having a parasite living off their efforts, and it may just be the case with the other Aitus.

Ozzy tells Billy to go clean their fishing net and Billy slowly hauls his butt off the log he is sitting on. The editing wants me to think that Billy is reluctant to work but for all I know, he may just be normally this slow in doing things. Ozzy asks Billy to go work because he wants to bitch about Billy. He tells the other Aitus that it is difficult that "everyone" is not pulling their weight around the camp. To the camera, he claims that he hates to tell people what to do because it is tiring - although judging so far from what I've seen of him in this episode, I'd say that he loves bossing people around - but he has to tell Billy what to do all the time. He drops the word "irony" in this confessional in a manner that suggests, clearly, that the real irony of the situation is Ozzy's lack of self-awareness. Ozzy tells Billy that they have to "do the floor today" and Billy mumbles his agreement. Then cue a scene of people working around while Billy picks up some leaves slowly. Ozzy sees Billy, shakes his head, and buries his machete hard in some palm tree. It looks like every season of this show must have some "so-and-so is lazy" drama and Billy is bringing the lazy choo-choo train into the station right on schedule.

Later that day, Cristina and Cecilia sit with Billy by the beach. Cristina tries to tell Billy that they all have to pull their weight in the tribe. Billy nods but I don't think he gets the unspoken message she is sending him, that the other Aitus think he's not doing enough around the place. He goes on to tell them that he doesn't feel like he's part of the tribe, maybe because while he's "Hispanic" like the rest of them, he feels that heavy metal is more of his culture. Poor Billy, Burnetto robbed the man of his moment of glory when he denied Billy a place on his other show for wannabe rock stars and put him on this show instead. At any rate, the two women reassure him that they will try to make him feel as if he's part of the tribe.

Over at Puka Puka, Cao Boi heals Jenny of her headache the same way he did with Brad in the previous episode. Cao Boi tells the camera that all his friends eventually end up with the red mark on their foreheads at some point in their lives. Yes, but for Jenny's sake, maybe he should add that all of these friends are still hearty and hale. Jenny tells the camera that she had a headache after working in the sun so she went to Cao Boi. She asked him not to give her that red mark he gave Brad - that's assuming Cao Boi can choose to dispense or retain the red mark thingies like a badge of honor, of course - but she gets the others telling her that she has the mark. She's fine with that, though.

As night falls, it becomes evident one of the reasons why Cao Boi doesn't gel well with the other Pukas: he makes them feel ill at ease with his ethnic jokes. One of the reasons this can occur, I think, is due to the generation gap between Cao Boi and the other Pukas. The younger Pukas may not appreciate jokes made about their race even if these jokes originate from a fellow person of the same race because they are very conscious of how they will be portrayed on this show. Cao Boi has a sense of irreverence that, unfortunately, doesn't come with an ability to read the room and know what to and what not to babble on and on. He is telling the other Pukas as they try to sleep under their shelter about how he can change his accent a little to sound like he's speaking Hindu. Jenny, lying next to him, tells him that the comment will not go ove well. See what I mean about Asian-Americans being very self-conscious about how they come off on TV? Jenny tells him that he should stop with those ethnic jokes because he should be more sensitive to "tradition". It's quite amusing in a way for the younger Jenny to tell the older Cao Boi to respect "tradition". The other Pukas look annoyed, but that could also be due to the fact that they want to sleep while Cao Boi is prattling on and on in a very loud voice. Cao Boi says that there is nothing wrong with his sense of humor because he likes to laugh at his own self and he has no "hang-ups" about race. Yes, that's fine, but he's currently living with a tribe that does, so Cao Boi really should slow down a little and not be so in-your-face when it comes to imposing his own ways and values on the other Pukas.

At any rate, Cao Boi has a joke to tell the others, asking them what do one call a Vietnamese with three dogs. Instead of giving Cao Boi the answer (it's "a vegetarian", by the way, only the version of the joke that I hear often substitutes Vietnamese for the more accurate Chinese, heh), Brad tries to tell Cao Boi about how the five of them may get the humor behind these jokes but there is a "big picture" that Cao Boi is not seeing here, about the need to represent their communities well on TV. That's the difference between Cao Boi and the others at the end of the day. Cao Boi wants to project himself as an entertaining character on TV. The other Pukas just want to win the money and not lose face by being caught on TV doing stupid things that may embarrass them and their family members. Cao Boi feels that playing the Asian shtick will endear himself to the audience while the others clearly feel that he's demeaning the tribe by playing to stereotypes. Unless Cao Boi dials down his shtick, he's in trouble.

Cao Boi says simply that he doesn't care about what people think. He misses the point completely. The other Pukas care about what people think of them. If you can't tell by now, the other Pukas are very keen on being on their best behavior on TV and making sure that no one can find any fault with them. As Yul tells Cao Boi, they should not allow some already prejudiced people get this idea that it is okay to mock Asian-Americans because Cao Boi is doing it on TV. Cao Boi insists that a joke is a joke but Brad counters that this is not the case. At any rate, the other Pukas just want to sleep. While Cao Boi tells the camera that he doesn't believe in evading the issue of race when it comes to humor, Yul tells the camera that it isn't cool to have a sense of humor at the expense of an ethnic group.

I can see where both Cao Boi and the other Pukas are coming from. I don't appreciate the idea of another person making fun of my own race as well. But at the same time though I do feel that it is a mistake to be so serious about being some role model or something to other people that you lose all sense of humor altogether. For the first time, I probably understand why Burnetto doesn't cast more Asian-Americans on his shows: if these people are mostly like Yul, Brad, Jenny, and Becky about representing with a capital R to the point that they behave exactly like the popular stereotypes of Asian-Americans as well-behaved perfect people with tendency towards overachievements, these people won't make good TV. Case in point: have you come across many interesting interviews with Asian-American people that aren't filled with carefully worded and very guarded answers that offend as few people as possible?

At least the other Pukas aren't thinking of throwing challenges to get rid of Cao Boi which is what Ozzy is plotting to do at that moment to get rid of Billy over at Aitutaki. As Billy sleeps (snoring loudly enough for Ozzy to say that Billy makes it impossible for the others to sleep), Ozzy tells the others that they should throw the Immunity Challenge the next day so that they can boot Billy. JP tells the camera that he is glad that Ozzy brings this matter up because he's contemplating the idea of getting rid of Billy as well. Billy must have alienated the other Aitus to an amazing degree because it is always a stupid idea to throw Challenges. Why reduce your own numbers to the point that your old tribe can be Pagong'ed after the merge? Back at camp, Ozzy reassures the others that getting rid of Billy will make Aitu "stronger than ever". I don't know about making Aitu stronger, but Billy's boot will definitely make Aitu a much lighter tribe. Still, as much as Billy can possibly slow them down and cause them to tank in future Challenges since he's demonstrated that he's not exactly the fast and hardworking kind of person, it is clear that Aitu is trying to come up with reasons just to get rid of Billy. They really do not like him. Poor Billy. Cristina however is against the idea of throwing Challenges, although I'm not sure how much her disagreement stems from her compulsion to just disagree with Ozzy for the sake of it. She tells the camera that she doesn't think that she can trust Ozzy anymore. Has she ever trusted him in the first place?



Day six, Rarotonga. They have tree-mail, which is good because now something is going to happen and I can take a brief break from recapping the stupid things these nitwits are saying or doing on this show. Sometimes it seems as if the plot is the same every season, only more stupid, doesn't it? Anyway, Adam reads aloud the tree-mail aloud in exactly the way one would expect a dim-witted himbo to do, the tree-mail gushing something about being bound by loyalty and belts and ropes in the language of horribly bad poetry. The tree-mail comes with two wrist leashes that Flika is currently wearing for kicks. Puka Puka guess that this Challenge will involve them being tied up together while Nate over at Manihiki says to the camera that the Hikis must win this Challenge since they have only four members while the others have five.

Over at Aitutaki, Cristina tells Ozzy and later the camera that she is still not sure why they want to boot Billy who will be important to them in the long run. Ozzy however insists that Billy can only be detrimental to the Aitus. Later, JP and Cecilia join them and JP chimes in that Cristina should start thinking about the game because Billy will boot her out. By magic, I suppose. JP also points out that Billy is off on his own when he should be with them. Eh, but didn't they pretty much admit to themselves that Billy isn't part of their clique? Ozzy tells the camera that it is better to get rid of Billy now as a way of cutting their losses. I don't understand JP and Ozzy. What kind of insane logic is this, to deliberately create a loss just to get rid of Billy because he causes them to lose? If they say that Billy is very annoying and therefore should go because Billy is driving them all crazy, I can understand the rationale at least even if I still think it is stupid to deliberately lose a tribe member at only the second Challenge of the season. But to deliberately lose so that Billy won't cause them to lose? Ai yai yai. And to think, JP and Ozzy are such pretty boys. The magic is ruined the moment these two attempt to think. Anyway, Cristina merely nods and the Aitus head off to the Challenge site, a decision may or may not been settled among them who are in the Boot Billy plot.

The Immunity-cum-Reward Challenge takes place by the beach. Jeff "In This Show, I Qualify As Intelligent" Proboscis waits until all four tribes have failed in before pointing out that Hiki had booted Sekou at the previous Tribal Council. JP looks excited and turns to his fellow Aitus to nod as if he believes that Hiki must have followed the Ozzy-JP logic train in booting Sekou out, presumably because he believes that Sekou, being bigger than your average gym rat, is like Billy in many ways.

Probby explains the Challenge. Basically he will relate three of Captain Cook's more famous seafaring expeditions. There will be test after he's done, of course. To do this test, each Tribe will be tied together and these tribe members will have to work their way through a series of obstacle courses. They will have to move under and over a log obstacle course, navigate their way through a compound where a maze is set up using poles and ropes (Probby calls this "the field of poles", which can also be a pretty interesting name for the upcoming dirty adult film starring JP and Ozzy) to collect a bag containing seven answer plaques, and go across a "two-line rope bridge". At the other end of the bridge is a board with five questions. The tribe members will match the answer plaques to these questions. The first tribe to answer all five questions correctly will win two tarps for their shelter, handy for those rainy days, while the first three tribes to correctly answer the pop quiz win parts of Albert the Immunity Idol. The last tribe will go to Tribal Council but as a consolation prize, they get to send someone from any of the three other tribes to Janu Island.

JP, saying that he is poor at memory-oriented quizzes, volunteers to sit out of this Challenge. What a big baby. He's too poopy-crap to get his hands dirty in throwing the Challenge. Then again, with Adam sitting out of the Challenge, perhaps these two men are aware that when it comes to thinking, they probably aren't the best suited to rise to the occasion. For the Pukas, the perpetually sourfaced Jenny sits out. Amusingly enough, when the tribes are discussing who to sit out, Billy wants to sit out. He offers to sit out. He all but begs to be allowed to sit out. As much as the others may be crazy to want to throw a Challenge to boot him out, he's not exactly making a good case for himself to convince them not to.

Probby reads aloud the adventures of James Cook, which are filled with the usual genocidal rampages on local natives and other stuff that are appropriate for this particular "races schmaces, we are all brothers and sisters" edition of Survivor. I have to love how Yul cups one ear and thrusts his head forward to catch every word. That boy doesn't want to lose. Meanwhile, I think Ozzy shaves down there. His shorts sag so low below his waist and I find it hard to believe that JP can have a veritable Amazon delta down there while Ozzy is as bare as a desert. Then again, I suppose JP doesn't have a softporn acting career to think of. Yet. Anyway, if the tribes have any doubts about remembering everything Probby has said, there are books placed on tables before each tribe for them to check.

When Probby gives the word to go, Aitu is the only tribe that pause at the book to, er, get their facts straight. They take their time in doing it. The other Aitus are throwing the Challenge, oh poor Billy. I hope he's not thinking that the other Aitus have finally accepted him by showing him that they respect him enough to move at his pace. Ozzy has this smug smile on his face as he deliberately takes it slow in moving past the log obstacle course. Poor Billy, by the way, is already obviously winded so early into this Challenge. Meanwhile, Hiki falls behind slightly while Raro and Puka go head to head all the way to the test board. Probby, for some reason, only then mention that everyone in the tribe must run to the mats bearing their tribe colors once they have finished the test, causing Raro and Puka to dash frantically to their mats. Probby at first says that the Pukas come in first despite Flika's protest that the Raros stepped on the mat first. She's just saying that though because there's no way she can tell which tribe steps on the mat first. Meanwhile, Probby finally realizes that Aitu, as he puts it, is having some kind of holiday. Hiki comes in third, giving them a cause for celebration (Nate, as seems to be his style, is always exuberant in his jumping up and down). Then again, I think even without Aitu throwing the Challenge, the Hikis could have beaten the Aitus since they don't have Billy tagging along, huffing and puffing and slowing the Aitus down.

Once the dust has settled down, Probby says that he has apparently "reviewed" the tapes of the Challenge and he now concludes that Raro and Puka are both tied for first place so both tribes will be getting two tarps each. Aitu is given the chance to send someone to Janu Island so they choose Yul because, as Billy mumbles, he's the strongest man here and they all need to weaken him a bit. Yes, because you weaken someone by placing him in an island with a passport to the Final Four. As Yul leaves, Candice tells Aitu that she feels really bad for the Aitus. Billy, pretty much seeing stars before his eyes, tells Candice, "I'm next!" Thinking nothing of that statement, Candice says flippantly, "We love you!" Note that she says "we" and not "I". Billy solemnly tells her that he loves her as if at that moment his cholesterol-clogged heart is right there on his sleeves dripping with affection for the pretty and blonde Candice of his heart. Well, the poor man deserves some happiness in his life, even if it's only for a short while before his tribe heads over to Tribal Council. He knows the other Aitus have thrown the Challenge, hence his miserable statement to Candice.

Aitutaki is predictably not so unhappy a place as while poor Billy head off to alternately sulk and dream of Candice telling him that she loves him so, so much, Ozzy tells the camera that throwing the Challenge is something the Aitus have to do. I still fail to see the reasoning there. Anyway, he goes on to say that Billy can only blame himself since the man didn't want to help around and all, which to Ozzy shows a lack of commitment on Billy's part to Aitu. While that may be reasonable in a way, I still fail to see this need to get rid of Billy now. I believe Billy must have seriously rubbed off his tribemates in a very big way, although I have no idea what Billy must have done to cause Aitu to take such drastic measures. It must be part Billy and part idiocy of the other Aitus. The four Anti-Billy coalition members then stand around the fire to convince themselves that they could have beaten the Hikis back in the Challenge since the Aitus were catching up to the Hikis. That's not true, by the way, but I suppose they just want to find ways to sleep better at night.

Cristina however tells the camera that it really gets to her how the others threw the Challenge and she can only conclude that Ozzy here is one conniving fellow who also likes to boss people around. Indeed, as Cristina tries to cut open a coconut later that day, here is Ozzy to tell her the right Ozzy-patented way to cut open coconuts. It's too bad that Cristina doesn't know about Ozzy's softporn past. Not that I have a thing against softporn actors, mind you, although I always believe that if you want to see naked people, you may as well go all the way and see the really naked people in hardcore adult stuff. Why settle for less? Anyway, I'd love to see Cristina having some ammunition to toss back at Ozzy and any "of course you will know more about opening my coconuts" kind of rejoinder works better if it's tied to Ozzy's softporn movie stint. Meanwhile, poor Billy tells the camera that he knows he's pretty much on borrowed time where this game is concerned but hopes that he can find a way to convince enough people to let him stay on.

As the day drags on, Yul wades in the shallow water towards Janu Island. Ooh, he has a nice back. It's too bad that he's so determined to be all goody-goody and politically correct on this show. All that scrumptiousness needs a good dose of wit to make the heart beat faster. Yul sits somewhere on the deck of the fake shipwrecked boat and study the log book that holds the first clue to the location of Waldo, the one that Jonathan read in the last episode, as well as the second clue. The second clue tells Yul to use the mast and "an island" to form a letter - no, not by tearing down the mast with his own hands - and then block out the southern island. In this case, the mast forms the arch of an "A", which is mentioned in the first clue, while an island, if viewed between the arch, completes the "A". Yul points out that there are two possible islands that fit this particular clue. Yul then walks along a line until he can't see the southern island anymore and marks the point in the sand where the two different conditions in the clue result in an intersection. Yul proceeds to dig at these spots with his hands as well as machete. He digs and digs and digs until what do you know, he finds it. And all he has to say when he finds it is "Holy cow!" Come on, Yul, lighten up!

Waldo turns out to be a compass this time around. There are also some instructions in the package that Yul has found, explaining that Waldo is good all the way to the Final Four and any transference of Waldo to another person has to be done before Tribal Council. Won't that make it harder for Yul to palm off Waldo to another person without the other tribemates noticing that Yul and his alliance partner have disappeared for a while? Anyway, Waldo also cannot be stolen from Yul, which means nobody else can use Waldo unless Yul gives his express permission to do so. I suppose this means everyone will have to find another excuse to shove their hand into Yul's shorts while the poor man is fast asleep. I'm not sure about this, but the explanation also seems to hint that there may be more than one hidden Immunity Idols in this season. I shall find out if that's the case though. Back to Yul, he says that finding Waldo has to be the "biggest single stroke of luck" he can ever have on this show. Yes, thanks to Aitu. On the bright side, this means that Yul is going to be around for a long, long time. The season is looking up already for me! Hopefully he'll find some wit during that time. The Janu Island footage ends with Yul seated at the helm of the shipwreck like a dramatic figurehead. Is this some kind of foreshadowing? That particular scene just screams "sole Survivor" to me.

Over at Aitutaki, Cristina notices that their boiled water supply is running low so she will head over to their water tank/source to replenish their supply. She asks Billy to come along. You know, I think the other Aitus won't be so determined to think the worst of Billy if he doesn't move around with that miserable "oh, you cruel people are making me work!" expression on his face all the time. After Billy is out of hearing range, Cecilia tells JP that she feels sorry for Billy who is walking around looking like "a zombie". JP however has no sympathy for Billy because, as he tells Cecilia, he thinks Billy is an untrustworthy person. Cecilia merely looks pensive as JP repeats that he doesn't feel bad about Billy at all. Alright then.

Meanwhile, Billy and Cristina are talking. Billy complains that the Aitus threw the Challenge and played Billy for a "patsy" and Cristina confirms that this was indeed the case in the previous Challenge. Billy attempts to get Cristina onto his side by telling her that she's next if he goes. Cristina agrees with him that this may just be the case and merely smiles politely at him. Billy tells the camera that he feels that Cristina understands how he feels - Billy understands women like nobody else, remember - and she is his hope in escaping the boot come the Tribal Council tonight. Cristina once again repeats to the camera that she doesn't trust Ozzy. She tells Billy that she will speak to Cecilia about Billy later that day.

As Ozzy and JP gather coconuts, Cristina approaches Cecilia and asks the woman in Spanish whether Cecilia and Ozzy have any agreement between them. Cecilia denies this. She also notes to the camera that Cristina spoke to her in Spanish and speculates that Cristina is trying to form a partnership with her the way Cecilia deals with her partners at work. She also adds that she is honest with Cristina and she hopes that Cristina can see that and trust her back in return. To Cristina, she tells the woman that she is fine with whatever decision Cristina decides to adopt regarding Billy. Note that Cecilia never specifically agrees to go along with Cristina in whatever plan Cristina wants to carry out. Meanwhile, Ozzy tells the camera that he is certain that Billy is trying to go behind Ozzy's back to turn the vote. Like too many people that have been on this show, he acts as if it is a terrible crime for Billy to try to avoid his fate instead of lying down in defeat and accepting the inevitable. He also adds that Aitu will just die or something without him around so he pretty much dares Cristina to execute some coup that will see Ozzy being booted. I'm impressed at how cocky he can be. He must not have watched the previous seasons where tribes had happily voted off their biggest providers without having to die from starvation afterwards. Meanwhile, as the Aitus leave for Tribal Council, Billy tells the camera once again that his fate pretty much hangs on Cristina getting a few people onto her side to save Billy.

Night, Tribal Council. I normally dislike recapping Tribal Councils because the nitwits involved often don't say the things they really mean, only things they believe the others want to hear, although especially idiotic dumbasses have been to known to slip up occasionally and provide plenty of amusement for the audience. Here, during the discussion of leadership, Ozzy hilariously claims that he's not a leader, he only voices his opinions. "If I don't voice my opinion, then it's going to get done wrong," he says. That's really reassuring to hear, especially from someone who clearly wants to be an actor and makes a detour on that career path to softporn and Survivor. Ozzy also takes credit for pulling the tribe together for some beautiful teamwork although I suppose he still thinks he's not that much of a leader.

Later, Billy accuses the other Aitus of throwing the Challenge just to get rid of him. Here, Probby turns to JP, asking JP why the man sat out on a challenge that was clearly physical in nature. JP says, and I quote, "I don't believe in having to carry weight of somebody who I don't believe is trusting, and two, who doesn't carry the workload." JP, in a melodramatic fit of eyerollings and head-shakings that make him look like a Barbra Streisand impersonator on the verge of an epileptic fit, goes on to talk over Billy, accusing Billy of, and I quote, "trying to sound like he's a victim". And here I am thinking that Billy is a victim of his tribe's deliberate throwing of a Challenge to get rid of him. Does JP mean that I am imagining things all along and Billy was actually a happy member of Aitu? JP also accuses Billy, "And you know how to say the greatest things to make yourself look so damn good!" Unlike JP, I suppose, who is trying to do just that, to cover up his real excuse to get rid of Billy, only to come off like a flouncing tool in the process.

And now, Billy announces that he has found a greater prize on this show than a million dollars because he's now apparently in love. With Candice. Who apparently shares his feelings if you can believe Billy. Probby literally jumps out of his seat while Cristina and Cecilia erupt into giggles when Billy makes this melodramatic announcement. Probby, clearly thinking that Billy must have gone crazy in the last few hours, deliberately baits Billy for more humiliation by asking Billy to spill. Billy slurs about this magical rapport he and Candice shared in that One Special Moment. "I think it's just, you know, love at first sight... I think it's just a rapport thing," Billy insists and adds that he is very serious about all this. Still incredulous and at the verge of exploding into hysterical giggles, Probby asks Ozzy about his opinion on the possibility of a Billy and Candice hookup. Ozzy laughs and says that he doesn't really see it. JP flat out says that Billy is too "sketchy... just shady" when Probby asks him the same question. Is JP saying that Billy is too untrustworthy to be found attractive by a woman? I've never seen someone who gives the editors so much rope to hang himself by the second episode. JP really needs to stay very quiet and always shirtless for the rest of his stay on this show.

Cristina on the other hand says that she is skeptical about the whole Billy-Candice thing but she admits when asked by Probby that she does have a soft spot for Billy. She says that she doesn't like to see people being taken advantage of so she tries to look out for Billy in some way. That's nice of her and I think she really means what she has just said, but I wonder whether it's wise to be so pro-Billy before Ozzy and JP. Still, Billy will appreciate even a little support here, I think.

Probby now lets the Aitus vote. JP still says that he doesn't trust Billy. I think someone should really clue in JP on the actual meaning of the word "trust" because he seems to be confusing that word with something else. Billy votes for Ozzy, saying that he's only doing this as a sign of respect since Ozzy is the strongest player in the tribe. The votes of the others are not shown but when Probby reveals the votes, Billy gets three votes to Ozzy's one, enough to send him on the long and winding road to Loser Lodge. Probby sarcastically tells the remaining Aitus that they have removed someone due to his work ethics as well as his trustworthiness so the Aitus should be one happy family from now on. Hah, and pigs will fly.

In his final words, Billy points out the amusing coincidence of a heavy metal fan like him being booted from his tribe by a guy named Ozzy. At least Billy has some funny lines and will be amusing to watch, sigh, unlike the dreadful if pretty self-important bores that are JP and Ozzy. Billy also thinks that he will fare better in a tribe of heavy metal enthusiasts. As for that, I don't think so, unless the tribe is comprised of tortoises. Have fun somewhere else, Billy. This isn't the season for anyone who doesn't fit the buff and beautiful mould.


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