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Survivor China: Episode 6


Yum! Previously, a twist saw Aaron and James moving to Zhan Hu for good while Sherea and Frosti moved over to Fei Long. However, Jaime and Peih-Gee decided that it was better for Zhan Hu to throw the next two Immunity Challenges so that they could conveniently lose two of Fei Long's strongest members while ensuring the safety of Sherea and Frosti. It was better to enter the merge at 5-5 rather than 7-3, no? Because Aaron was viewed as the more dangerous of him and James, he got the boot. Probby was not happy because someone was messing with his mancrush agenda and you can bet that he will exact retribution one day.

Day sixteen, morning, Zhan Hu. For no reason I can tell, the camera zooms in on Peih-Gee's face for a few seconds as she sleeps in the shelter. Meanwhile, James is already up and about, collecting their utensils in a pail, it seems. Peih-Gee and he exchange a cordial morning greeting. To the camera, Peih-Gee says that she feels good about having thrown the Challenge. She explains that James is fully under their control from now on. If Zhan Hu choose to throw the next Immunity Challenge, James will of course be gone. Peih-Gee goes on to say that should they merge next, they will enter the merge and hopefully they can get back Sherea and Frosti to their side.

Meanwhile, James head over to collect some water for the tribe. He tells the camera that he is at the mercy of the Zhanies but he's hoping to keep them all freshened up and comfortable so that they have "no excuse" of being tired. If they are happy, they may keep him around, he says, adding that if the Zhanies lose one more Challenge, he's gone. Someone please tell the poor dear; I think he still has no clue what the Zhanies are planning to do to him.



After the credits, we go straight to day seventeen. Morning, Fei Long. Jean-Robert is snoring in the shelter, causing poor Courtney and Denise to look ten thousand kinds of miserable. Todd and Amanda are already up, away to one side of the camp to whisper. Todd tells Amanda about Waldo and how he had three clues already. All this is supposed to stay only between them, of course. Amanda tells the camera what Todd told her in case there are people who have already forgotten what took place a minute ago and how happy she is with the news. Poor Amanda. She's so boring and banal that the editors must be looking for any kind of excuse to even feature her on this show. Todd tells Amanda that he plans to tell her about Waldo after he's found it but naturally he hasn't found it yet. Is there where I'm supposed to go, "Ha, ha, ha!"? Todd tells the camera that when they win the Reward Challenge, they will kidnap back Aaron or James so that the person will give Todd more clues to Waldo. Hmm, I guess he's assuming that Aaron or James will hand over the clue to him or Amanda over Jean-Robert, Denise, or Courtney. I think he's right.

Speaking of which, here we go to the Reward Challenge. Probby waits in what seems like a mock village for the two tribes to file in. For some reason, everyone today looks extra surly. Maybe it's the cold weather or maybe they are told to look this way or the production will take back the clothes that the production crew have clearly returned to these Survivors. So much for leaving behind all you have, eh? Anyway, because everyone looks extra surly and serious today, no one on Fei Long except maybe Todd looks noticeably shocked when Probby announces Aaron's boot from Zhan Hu.

Probby now explains the Challenge. One person from each tribe will run around this "abandoned Chinese village" to look for a "puzzle board". Once eight planks are retrieved, the tribe will then assemble the pieces on a board. What this means is that the board has slots on the side for you to push the pieces in. There are letters on the board and there are letters on each puzzle piece. Put correctly, you will get the Confucian phrase "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". The first tribe to do this wins a trip to a "nearby island that is home to a tea house" where they will get to enjoy tea and plenty of Charmin toilet paper. What, Charmin paid big bucks to be on the show so Probby may as well sell it like nobody's business. I think it says a lot that while once they had car manufacturers paying for product placement on this show, we now have instead toilet paper people doing that instead. To tie things in with the Charmin product placement, the winning tribe will also get to use some shower and "two Western toilets" (where I presume you sit instead of squat) in the tea house where they will presumably put the Charmin to good use. Only Charmin is good enough for Survivor droppings - why aren't you using Charmin today? Oh, and don't forget the kidnap-someone and Waldo clue thing as well.

Fei Long sit out Denise, Amanda, and Courtney, which means these three will be taking part in the upcoming Immunity Challenge. Is this a more subtle kind of Challenge throwing in the work? At any rate, Probby gives the word and they are all up and away.

As you can probably tell, this is a really boring thing to recap, although at one point Peih-Gee bumps into Sherea and she furtively tells Sherea that the old guys at Zhan Hu are still with her and Frosti. She asks Sherea to tell Frosti this. Sherea however doesn't say a word in response. But in the end, Zhan Hu still manages to fall behind and ultimately loses to Fei Long. Perhaps they didn't need to have tried so hard to throw the previous Immunity Challenge, heh. As expected, Fei Long "kidnap" James and head off to this amazing Western toilet in some island while poor Zhan Hu have to return to their camp empty-handed.

As Jean-Robert puts it to the camera, Fei Long and James end up at what he calls "a sweet spot in the middle of nowhere". It's actually a most picturesque island with statues and all - your typical tourist attraction spot, in other words. The main path takes them to a wooden building called, appropriately enough, "Charmin Tea House". Two sweet ladies play hostess for them as the camera zooms in on Crest toothpaste - get the same toothpaste that Jean-Robert loves to use, folks - and rolls after rolls of Charmin toilet paper. Anyway, the two ladies serve them snacks and tea. Todd orgasms to the camera about the food. Then it's off for a soak in individual bath tubs placed on a platform, although Amanda and Courtney decide to share because heaven knows, they are both skinny enough to do so. That or there aren't enough bath tubs for all of them, heh. These twits make a good show of using shampoo and all, although the brand name of the shampoo is not shown because those stingy shampoo people didn't pay for the privilege. The two ladies serve more tea as well as watermelons while the dirty people immerse themselves in water filled with their own filth. I hope Jean-Robert's watermelon falls into the water. Knowing him, he'd probably eat it anyway.

Frosti announces that this day is the best ever. Jean-Robert follows up on this by pointing out Amanda and Courtney in the same bath tub and saying that that particular bath tub is the most attractive one. Trust this fellow to make a skeevy remark when he's already skeeved enough people in his tribe. Courtney and Amanda go along good-naturedly with things. Courtney however tells the camera that she chooses the farthest bath tub from Jean-Robert because she finds him disgusting and can't wait to see him gone. The usual, in other words. Meanwhile, James decides to take a shower and happily drops his towel, causing the other Longies to make whoops of appreciation. Amanda once more gets a vapid confessional where she admires James' behind. It must be her lucky day. She gets two vapid confessionals in one episode.

Zhan Hu. My, talk about three miserable people. Jaime announces that she's "sick" of the place. Erik takes the opportunity to deliver a zinger, saying that Jaime is just tired of losing before adding that, oh, he's speaking for himself of course when he says that he's sick of losing. Heh. Peih-Gee is however disillusioned because, as she tells the others, Frosti and Sherea are doing their best not to even make eye contact with her back in the Reward Challenge. Jaime and Peih-Gee go over how things went down between their ex-tribe mates and them as Jaime tells the camera that it is so frustrating how they threw the Challenge to save Sherea and Frosti but now it looks like those two ungrateful wretches are not even a bit appreciative. Of course, one can argue that Jaime and Peih-Gee threw the Challenge for themselves as much as it was for Sherea and Frosti. Still, if you ask me, that doesn't mean these ladies are foolish for throwing the Challenge. It was a calculated risk, they knew it. Besides, even if the plan failed, so what? These three are in no worse position than they were if they won the Challenge last week, because I will bet every dime I have that Aaron and James will just jump back to their old friends come the merge.

Back to the miserable trio, Erik says that he is not confident that Frosti and Sherea on their side. They wonder what James is saying to Fei Long, but shrug that worry off. They know they don't have the numbers no matter what, now that it looks like Frosti and Sherea have jumped ship. They conclude, reasonably, that they have to win Immunity.

Back at the Charmin Tea House, the party gets slowly wrapped up as evening approaches. Todd, sitting up straight and doing his best imitation of the creepy puppets in Team America, looks around in the Tea House as he tells the camera that he often feels as if he's the only one playing the game. He's the only one constantly talking about playing the game, that's for sure. He approaches James and tells James that he can "save" James when James gives him the sealed tube Probby gave James. James is not aware of what the tube contains so he is rather taken aback when Todd announces that he knows and he can save James' "life". How dramatic, that silly Todd.

At any rate, James decides to satisfy his curiosity by walking to the back of the Tea House to open the sealed tube. Todd shakes his head in such a showboating gesture that I'm surprised nobody else calls him on it. Maybe they are too busy laughing at his delusions of grandeur behind his back. Back to James, he learns about the clue to Waldo and how he must pass this to one of his former tribe mates. To the camera, James says that Todd is the "cornerstone" of every alliance on Fei Long so he's going to have to bank his hope on that man. I wonder, if James knows that Todd is this "cornerstone", does that mean that everyone else in Fei Long is also aware of that? That means Todd's game could easily backfire, heh, when these people blame him for their boot.



Day eighteen, morning. The Longies and James are back in the Fei Long camp where James passes Todd the clue and tells Todd, "You know what to do." I hope Todd knows too. Todd promises to tell James "everything" when he finds Waldo. Does this mean that Todd is going to share Waldo with... oh, Amanda and James and everyone else who knows that he is the cornerstone of everybody? The mind boggles. Todd reads the clue on his own, which says, "There are four that surround it. And four of the same. The one etched finer could salvage the game." He deduces correctly that it is one of the four ornament thingies on the arch.

Amanda gets a non-vapid confessional for once, although she still sounds as vapid as ever, as she explains how she pokes at the shingles around the arch to allow Todd to come up to her and grab Waldo without anyone suspecting anything. After all, poking at shingles for no reason is probably something Amanda will do on an ordinary day. Todd tries to pull Waldo down but he's not making much progress. He must have jumped out of his skin when Frosti, who has quietly walked up to them, asks Todd when he needs help in getting that thing down. Frosti begins climbing despite Todd telling Frosti that Frosti is going to "fall down and die". As Frosti starts climbing up the arch to actually start pulling down shingles for Amanda, heh, Todd tells the camera that he panics. As if I can't tell from the way his eyes bulges out like that. He can be as bad as Jaime when it comes to trying to keep a straight face.

Todd finally manages to pry Waldo off the arch. It falls to the ground and Frosti, spotting it, thinks that it has innocently fallen off the arch and reaches for it. Amanda happily steps on it, preventing Frosti from touching it, while James in the background makes a face so obvious that I'm surprised no one else suspect anything just from looking at him. Frosti asks Amanda whether he can "see" Waldo. Amanda tells the camera that this has to be the worst Waldo-retrieving session ever. I don't know about it being the worst, but I think it's one of the funniest. Todd and Amanda have no choice but to take Frosti aside and show him Waldo. Sure enough, at the back of Waldo is the message saying that this is the correct Immunity Idol. "If I can't trust you right now, I will kill you," Todd tells Frosti.

Frosti, for some reason, is happy that he is let in on the secret even when Todd tells Amanda right in front of him that they have no choice but to trust Frosti. If that isn't a sign that they are not happy to let Todd in on the secret, I don't know what is. Todd however tells the camera that the fact that he is let in on the secret clearly "cements" his position in the "group". I don't know where he gets this idea since they are not giving him Waldo or anything. In fact, they could very well get rid of him first since he knows too much. Who knows?

Todd's brilliant game plan crystallizes when he later approaches James and gives Waldo to James. The idea is for James to use Waldo when Zhan Hu throws the next Immunity Challenge, thus forcing Zhan Hu to vote out one of their own. James thinks this is a good idea, but I don't think he is well-versed in coming up with good ideas in the first place, if you know what I mean. Honestly now, is keeping James really that important to Todd's mysterious masterplan? Todd thinks that this plan will result in the boot of Jaime. Since Zhan Hu is already outnumbered come the merge, I really don't see what Todd is trying to do here. I only see that he has given a strong, buff, and athletic-looking young man a passport to the finals.

Even better, Todd tells James to take the second Waldo on the Zhan Hu camp and keep it, so that James has two Waldos and OH. MY. GOD. The only thing that makes sense from this comedy of pure moronic strategizing from Todd is James telling the camera that things are looking up for him. With two Waldos in his back pocket, it will take a miracle or a huge moment of colossal stupidity on James' part to get him kicked out of the tribe. Perhaps Todd's grand plan banks on James giving him some spare change from the million bucks James will win? Todd then tells Denise and Courtney about James' plan to throw the Challenge along with the Zhan Hus. I don't know why it is so important for Denise and Courtney to know all this. I'm starting to think that Todd isn't a genius as much as some ardent fan of this show who is desperate to get other people to acknowledge him as some kind of genius in the game. I can be wrong, I know, and Todd's plan may eventually make beautiful sense, but I doubt it. I can tell that Todd has officially lost it when he tells the camera that Denise and Courtney has to try extra-hard so that Fei Long can win since Zhan Hu may or may not throw the Challenge. He is thinking way too hard about the next few days when he should realize that James isn't important to him in the first place.

Immunity Challenge time. James rejoins Zhan Hu and Probby reveals that this Challenge is all about "traditional Chinese dishes", which is a nice way of saying gross food. The first tribe to gulp down four dishes win Chairman Mao's undying admiration. Because Denise, Courtney, and Amanda cannot sit out and therefore has to play for Fei Long, these three ladies have to step up now. They are joined by Frosti. I'd expect that this is a perfect time for another plug for those Charmin and amazin' toilet paper but I guess this show still wants to retain what little that is left of its dignity after Probby's horrible attempts at speaking Mandarin in this Challenge.

Round one sees Frosti and Peih-Gee squaring off over ten raw chicken hearts. Peih-Gee looks all eager to chow down but Frosti narrowly beats her in this one. Jaime and Courtney are next and their dish is waxed eel. "Oh, cool!" says Jaime. Both ladies put up a good effort here but Jaime is a bigger trooper than Courtney so the two tribes are tied now at one point each. Erik is up next against Amanda and they are going to eat baby turtles. Steamed, I suppose. Ultimately Erik swallows a little faster than Amanda so Zhan Hu leads by one point now. James and Denise are up next and their dish is the now familiar balut. James tries to throw this one and he isn't even pretending. At least he's not grinning like Jaime, I suppose, but really, I think pretty much all the jokers this season are terrible in keeping straight faces. But no matter how hard James tries to throw the challenge, Denise chokes spectacularly. You'd think that she, being a lunch lady, would be used to eating gross food by now. Then again, maybe she doesn't taste her own cooking. James finally makes a show of quitting so that Denise takes this one. It won't endear him to the other three Zhanies but at this point he has nothing to lose. Finally, Erik goes up against Frosti to eat what Probby calls a thousand-year old egg. Please. I'd bet Burnetto bought those century eggs from the market and they are not even a month old. Most century eggs look that way nowadays thanks to food coloring. Erik edges over Frosti for victory so Zhan Hu wins this one. Oh gosh, Zhan Hu wins this one!

Todd and James look like the world has crashed around them. Well, an elaborate house of cards does tend to fall apart so easily, Todd.

Back at Fei Long, Todd melodramatically announces to the camera that his plan is ruined. What plan? The one where James was supposed to get booted but Jaime ended up getting bounced instead? Todd won't even be there to savor Jaime's boot even if that happens, which makes me even more confused as to what Todd thinks he can achieve by actually giving away two - TWO! - Waldos. Todd however thinks that there is a silver lining - Fei Long can boot a former Zhan Hu member and still keep their numbers. Yes, there's that, but someone please come and explain to me why Todd gave James two Waldos. Two - TWO - Waldos. God.

The show takes me further down the rabbit hole when Todd, Amanda, and Denise decide in a private pow-wow by the water well that they can keep Frosti because they "need" him to trust them. Courtney joins them as they agree to throw Sherea out of the tribe because Sherea has no close ties with anyone in Zhan Hu. I'm confused. Won't it be better to keep someone who has no close ties to the other tribe? What is going on here? Has everyone on this tribe gone insane? Courtney, however, thinks that she'd rather boot Jean-Robert and decides to tell Sherea that she's on the block, although I don't know how this move will serve Courtney. Sherea tells the camera that she knows now that she's in trouble. Well then, at least she's now in the loop, I guess.

Courtney later presents Todd, Frosti, and Amanda with the possibility of booting Jean-Robert, saying that the man hates her. Yes, that will move them to go along with her, I tell you. Amanda says that they have to stick together so it has to be either Sherea or Frosti. Do bear in mind that she's telling Courtney this right in front of Frosti. Amanda insists that they have to stick together while Courtney insists that they have to boot Jean-Robert because Jean-Robert hates her and it's all about Courtney. Finally, Courtney has had enough and leaves with a snit, telling Todd that his scheming has come to nothing and he has given James Waldo "for no reason". Todd, naturally, has no good comeback to that one. I think he's still trying to figure out what his master plan is.

Jean-Robert gives an unnecessary confessional about how he's voting with his gut instincts and how he thinks he will be fine even if he is somewhat worried nonetheless about his position in the tribe. In other words, no one has spoken to him about the upcoming Tribal Council and he's feeling rather put out about it. And finally, some misdirection as Todd and Amanda now discuss the possibility of booting Jean-Robert because they (read: Todd) don't want to be seen as power-players. You know who these two remind me of? The Robfather and Ambore. Should these two end up in the Final Two, Amanda is going to win because Todd will get all the blame for the planning while sweet and agreeable Amanda will get all the "anyone but Todd" votes. As the Longies all get ready for Tribal Council, Todd thinks that they should get rid of Jean-Robert while Amanda wants to get rid of Sherea.

Night, Tribal Council. Nothing much happens except for Probby smugly calling Courtney on being smug and Courtney delivering a zinger to Jean-Robert, "Who do you think you are, Luke Perry?" That one could easily go to Probby as well, since he's insufferably smug and hell-bent on putting down women this season. I bet things aren't going well on the Probby-Julie homefront. Maybe she came home early one day and found Probby with all five of Colby's toes crammed inside his mouth. At any rate, when the votes take place and Probby tallies them with his He-Man fingers, Sherea and Courtney vote for Jean-Robert but everyone else sends Sherea her walking papers. Probby has nothing to say to them because he is working on his grand speech to dress down Bitches Who Can't Appreciate Real Men that we all know will come one of these days.

Sherea's final words are standard clichés about being happy and proud of what she did and how she was booted because clearly she was a big threat to everyone in Fei Long. Whatever. I'm more interested in how everyone is going to get rid of James with his two Waldos.


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