The Chain
Survivor Amazon: Episode 9


Yum! Last week, Queen Hippodeena rallies the troops to oust Dr Dave. This week, it seems as if Butch is on the chopping block, isn't it? Think again. This show has somehow crossed the Twilight Zone and it is now turning into some He Man: Masters Of The Universe cartoon. With King Dick gone, it is only a matter of time before the lowly rabble turn onto each other. In today's episode of All My Gruesome Survivors, Jabba makes a move on Shameless Shawna's ex, Alex, prompting Queen Hippodeena to order his execution. Jabba takes it onto herself to tattle, and the resulting mess result in the shameful expulsion of the once-mighty Queen Hippodeena.

I love this show. It is no longer Survivor as much as a schoolyard catfight. It is amazing how each week we see the men or the women in a good position to take control and finish off the other side. Last week, it seems that the women are in control while the men cannibalize each other to impress the women. This week, the women cannibalize each other in a nasty catfight to keep their walking skeleton stud. I have no idea where Mark Burnetto find this bunch of mentally stunted, shallow, spiteful, repulsive, arrogant, and delusional creatures, but I must say, bravo my man. You have outdone, outskank, outgross yourself this time around. This season is the most enjoyable ever, although I'm sure at the end of the show, I will hate people even more than ever. And if Jabba or High D wins the million dollars, I will personally personally send hate mail to you written in bile.

Something's funny going on in Camp Jackanapes. It's still dark on the morning of day twenty-five, but Queen Elfreda and Rat Boy are already up and they are walking off quietly to some distant area. Damn, Rat Boy sure got guts to want to be alone with that scary guy. Spy music comes on as Rat Boy fills Queen Elfreda's head with nonsense and (in his own words) "wild goose chase" so that Queen Elfreda will be kept too busy to even get a clue on the Five For Stupid Alliance. He tells Queen Elfreda that it's guys versus gals, the moon is made of cheese, and if he turns on his heels, pinch his nose, and lick his nose with his tongue, his penis will grow another six inches.

Then Queen Elfreda will pass the information to Butch, his fishing buddy now that Dr Dave is gone. He tells Butch not to "initiate contact" unless Queen Elfreda is the one doing the initiation. Here's a sample of their bizarre conversation:

"It's a chain," Queen Elfreda tells Butch.

Butch nods. "It's a chain."

"I initiate all communication."

"You initiate all communication."

"I decide how much information you get."

"You decide how much information I get."

In other words, shut up and bite the pillow. Butch nods and talks to the camera about a chain and how this chain is choking everybody to death. No, really, he talks about how they are all pieces on a chain and as the pieces slowly fall apart one by one, Butch here will slowly hope to cling on to the next remaining piece on the chain. So much for "Believe in yourself". I knew it: teachers are all liars. They say if I work hard and graduate with a power degree, I will get a good job and live happily ever after. Damn them all. Hey, what happened to that "Believe in yourself" banner anyway?

The way I see it, Butch is wrong. There are actually three chains, all linked together by Queen Hippodeena. One is the obvious Five For Stupid chain: Queen Hippodeena - Alex - Jabba - Heidi - Rat Boy. The other is the Pawns Are Stupid chain: Queen Hippodeena - Rat Boy - Queen Elfreda - Butch. The last chain is Queen Hippodeena - C Girl. As this week shows, Queen Hippodeena's downfall will cause these chains to break apart and the Jackanapes Revolution once more in tatters. The Four For Stupid chain is now the new Robespierre, and C Girl, Butch, and Queen Elfreda will have to find their own way to survive in the new order.

Rat Boy boasts about his doings to the other members even as Queen Elfreda and Butch are doing their Get Smart! impersonation on their boat. Jabba and Rat Boy snigger and mock that Queen Elfreda is going to kill them all. This is the one and only time I wish these two are psychic.

Later in the morning, the Morons have tree mail. The missive says something about "smell the aroma of victory". If that's an inside joke, I'm so not getting it. Everyone wonders what the prize will be. Aroma... aroma... "Coffee?" Rat Boy suggests. As we shall see later, bingo.

The missive comes with a huge case of blowdarts, spears, bows, and arrows. Burnetto, is it wise to give Queen Elfreda these wonderful toys? Can I add in an AK-47 as well? Hopefully High D will accidentally spear herself for our amusement. Since it is obvious that the Jackanapes will have to use these weapons in the Reward Challenge, they decide to indulge in a little practice session. Queen Elfreda proceeds to start butchering the others while C Girl cheers and shoots down those who try to run away from Queen Elfreda's mighty machete of righteous vengeance. Burnetto is imprisoned for showing obscene violence on TV, this show is cancelled, and the world is a better place again. Okay, what really happened are "amusing" misfires as our Jackanapes demonstrate their ineptness. All except Queen Elfreda, that is, who looks as if he can single-handedly take down cannibals with his mighty machete. My hero.

Rat Boy says that Queen Elfreda told him later that Queen Elfreda would not try to hard to win immunity because he doesn't want people to perceive of him as a threat. Rat Boy sneers derisively, saying that at last, Queen Elfreda finally realizes how to play this game.

Reward Challenge time, as expected, sees the Jackanapes having to make their way through three rounds. The first round is a blowdart contest. The bullseye is worth ten points, the next inner circle seven, then five, then three. The four Jackanapes to score the highest will advance to the second round, where they must now throw spears at the target. Scoring is the same as previous round. Finally, two highest scorer will square off in the final round, bow and arrow. The winner will get to visit the Porn Shack from Temptation Island again, this time to enjoy Brazilian coffee and some pastries.

The blowdart round starts. C Girl scores a three. Butch removes his glasses and scores a five. Rat Boy grabs his blowdart, and Jeff Proboscis remarks that Rat Boy looks like he's going to be good at this challenge. Alex sniggers. Rat Boy blows a three. Alex is amazing, he blows a seven. Jabba blows a three. Queen Hippodeena, five. Never underestimate the power of a woman. High D blows completely out of range. I guess she doesn't teach archery during her gym classes. I bet she sucks at dodgeballs too. Queen Elfreda saunters up coolly and blows everybody away by hitting the bullseye, dead center.

Second round sees Queen Elfreda, Queen Hippodeena, and Alex squaring off. Queen Elfreda's spear doesn't aim well and misses the bullseye, scoring a seven. He is so disappointed. He'll be working on his spear for hours after this to make up for that. Queen Hippodeena can't aim her spear at all - it flies out of range and joins High D's blowdart something. I hope she doesn't kill a capibara by accident. Those adorable creatures has suffered enough at the hands of Rat Boy. Butch scores a middle range - his spear is still sturdy, so don't scoff, people. Alex's spear is mighty and his aim is true - his spear strikes home at seven.

The bow and archery round. Queen Elfreda botches his aim and his arrow strikes a three. His look of disgust is genuine: if he has any plans of deliberately botching up this challenge, he certainly isn't following through his plan here. "This guy is a nincompoop," Rat Boy sneers in a voice-over. Yeah, call that master machete-wielding, spear-throwing, arrow-shooting, blowdart-blowing potential psychopath a nincompoop some more, Rat Boy, that's a smart thing to say, yes indeed. Alex's aim is better - seven. Alex wins the reward challenge! He's drinking coffee! The world yawns.

Queen Elfreda looks on hopefully, but Alex calls Jabba to come with him. After all, he knows that Queen Elfreda will eat the goodies while Jabba will merely push the food at her plate with her fork and discreetly throw up the one nibble she takes from the doughnut when the cameraman is not looking. So it's Skeletor and Evil Lynn going to the Amazon Cafe (that's what the sign says at the Porn Shack). If coffee has laxative properties, is it safe for these two walking skeletons to indulge? Won't it kill them? Here, Jabba, have another java on me.

Jeff Proboscis leads the walking ribcages to the Cafe, where it becomes apparent that economic crunch has prevented Burnetto from hiring some Brazilian kids from the sweatshop to man the coffee machines. So it's DIY coffee-making today. They all make a cup of coffee for each and Probby shares a toast with them ("To aneroxia!") before leaving the walking ribcages alone. They gorge on coffee and croissants and Jabba lies shamelessly to Alex, "You couldn't have picked a better person to hang out with. I love to eat!"

Yeah, and I love to stick my head in the blender.

Hey, Shameless Shawna, are you watching this? Isn't your good friend Jabba the best ever? She is the one to take care of your man while you are screaming as you are clinging on to the steeple at the roof of the Loser Lodge, screaming at Danny Boy to get lost and leave you alone! We should all wish we have friends like Jabba.

Back at Camp Jackanapes, Rat Boy tosses the fishing net half-heartedly over the river onlu to see it snagged among some bushes. "Catch something, will you?" Queen Hippodeena calls out from where she is sitting on the river bank. Queen Hippodeena feels that Alex is a threat. She asks High D and C Girl what will happen if Queen Elfreda wins immunity and everything boils down to an Alex versus Butch scenario. She declares that Alex must go.

Meanwhile, the two walking ribcages are eating and eating and eating. Alex says that Jabba, High D, and Rat Boy are fun. He should know that - these three are no different from the Belly losers and media whores he used to greet at the door. I should have known better than to expect better from Alex. Once a Belly scum, always a Belly scum and Matt Booger's loser henchman. Jabba says she doesn't like Queen Hippodeena because that woman is so "different" (read: married, old, has curves, eeeeuw) from them. I hope the coffee make them both take a big dump and they have to been admitted to the ICU afterwards.

Meanwhile, Burnetto is practising his "artistic editing" by taking us back to Camp Jackanapes, where Queen Hippodeena is plotting. Actually, she isn't plotting as much as she is ordering the others to vote for Alex. Obviously King Dick's mistake hasn't made an impression on her, which is amusing because she is the one who marshalled the troops and take advantage of King Dick's hubris - the very mistake she is now committing. She says she will get back to the rest of them after she's talked to Jabba.

Rat Boy wonders if his fishing line has snagged a fish. It's actually stuck among the bushes. What a tool.

To the camera, Queen Hippodeena declares that she is in control. She is constantly thinking about strategies 24 hours a day and she has a back-up plan for each back-up clans. Picture her saying this as she sinks lower and lower into the grave that is being dug under her feet. I don't get this woman. She had them banded to ouster King Dick, yes, but that's because King Dick is obnoxious as much as Queen Hippodeena is a leader. She knows how shallow and vain her Five For Stupid Alliance is - why is she so confident that she controls the hen house? Maybe there's something the editing is not showing me, but I don't understand how this woman can survive several setbacks to her plans and still remain so arrogant and blind to her hubris.

As she walks away, High D, hugging her skeletal knees, looks around and murmurs aloud to herself, "This is so interesting." I hear Gollum cackling somewhere in the air. Interesssssssting. Presssiousssss. Maybe it's just the wind.

Skeletor and Evil Lynn finally left the Amazon Cafe. "The fun never stops," Alex says as they walk into Camp Jackanapes. "We miss you," Jabba tells the others. Alex announces that the coffee is enough just for two but they have brought back cookies for everybody. There's enough so that everyone will have two cookies each.

Rat Boy says that it is a nice gesture. At this point, Queen Elfreda and Butch are away fishing for the rest of the tribe, so this snivelling useless dickhead - pardon my language - suggests that they eat Queen Elfreda and Butch's cookies. Because those two will never know! Frankly, death by machete is too good a fate for this cowardly ugly weaselly useless moronic freak. Rat Boy says that those two are like kids looking through the window anyway: even if they know that the Four Freaks From Hell have eaten the cookies, what can they do? (Queen Elfreda, machete, spear, blowdart, you join the dots, Rat Boy.)

You know what pisses me off? Those two are out there getting fish for the rest of the tribe, and this puny little worm can't even spare two - TWO - cookies for each of them. Between his saying that he wants to get women drunk to take advantage of them and now this, he can forget about getting laid after this show and he should count his blessings if children and old ladies don't beat him bloody the next time he steps outside his parents' basement.

Alex, that fake useless shallow necrophiliac Belly worm asshole, grins, closes his ears, and says mockingly that he doesn't want to hear anything. He wants to be "fair". So Queen Elfreda and Butch never get their cookies.

You know what, I'd love to borrow Queen Elfreda's machete myself and chop off some useless wee-wee. Gawd, the shallow pettiness and artifice of these bunch of freaks! If C Girl and Queen Elfreda don't win this thing, justice is dead and there is no more good in this world.

You know what I wish to see? Butch and Queen Elfreda setting up a fire and enjoying the fish they have caught before bringing back the rejects to the trip. Instead, we see Butch get bitten by a piranha that doesn't like the idea of Butch's knife cutting it open. It dies, ah, how sad, but not before Butch gets bitten.

"How bad is it?" Queen Elfreda asks.

We see Butch's bloody fingers. "Pretty bad."

It is late evening when they make their way back to camp. Queen Elfreda announces, "Good news first: we caught some fish. Bad news: the fish is small." The others point to the cookie crumbs and Alex says that this is all they have left for the two of them. Oh well, at least they leave Butch and Queen Elfreda some crumbs - better than nothing, how sweet of them. Screw you, Alex.

High D tells Jabba to accompany her to the "bathroom" where she then proceeds to spill Queen Hippodeena's plans to Jabba. Of course, Queen Hippodeena will tell Jabba about those plans later anyway, so I don't know what High D is trying to do other than to be that too-desperate uncool chick who tries so hard to hang on to the cheerleader's coattails. Rat Boy says in a voice-over that High D considers Jabba, Alex, and she the original alliance and she is not betraying Jabba now. How adorable. High D is like Erin Boobavich to Jabba's Evil Penny - make no mistake, Jabba will definitely cut High D loose for her darling Alex, and it will be amusing to see how High D will justify this as some friendship forever thing from Jabba.

Jabba is mad. Queen Hippodeena has stabbed them in the back! Alex, vote out Alex? Oh, but doesn't that fat ugly woman know that cool and cute young people must win this game? Queen Hippodeena has "stabbed them all" in the back. How can she be "stabbed in the back" when she's not even the target - just the man she wants to sleep with after she has ditched the rival to the man's affections - is the typical kind of convoluted logic best left to Pretty Pretty Princesses to work out. Jabba calls Queen Hippodeena selfish. This coming from Jabba is way too easy to mock. She wants Queen Hippodeena out! She wants all fat, old, and ugly people out! But she worries whether Rat Boy will cooperate with them. After all, he has given Queen Hippodeena his loyalty. When Jabba considers Rat Boy as young and cute, I can say she's officially certifiably insane and we should lock her up somewhere where she will never inflict her tasteless skankface on us again. And we should lock up High D with her as well. They're turning into the worst creatures on reality TV, surpassing the usual staple of tasteless hos in Big Brother, The Bachelor, and Temptation Island. I bet even those shows are too good for Jabba and High D. Compared to those two, MoHo and Sarah Fetish from Joe Millionaire are like Girl Scouts that save kiddies from burning school buses.

Jabba tells Alex. Alex confronts Rat Boy. Rat Boy stammers but the coward that he is, he tells all. "How do you know?" he wails at Alex. "Because I'm good," Alex tells him. Nope, he doesn't hear it from a mere woman, no, no, Alex is good, he is really good, he deserves to spend the rest of his life cleaning up puke from drunks at the Belly washrooms. Alex proposes a new plan: vote off Queen Elfreda, and then Queen Hippodeena. Butch and C Girl can wait.

Rat Boy tells the camera that the game is turning hot because Alex and Queen Hippodeena are obviously believing that each is calling the shot in the tribe. Of course, Alex once called the shots all right, back when he was an inebriate alcoholic, remember Alex? Not that I like to call a guy on his past sins, but this guy in particular is an ass and I am entitled to all the cheap shots I can get. Alex, you suck. I would hope you step into a puddle of quicksand and drag Jabba, High D, and Rat Boy down with you if that doesn't mean that all four of you will end up polluting the soils of the Amazon.

The moon rises. It is night time. A good and noble spider crawls across the ground and then risks its health by taking a nice big bite out of High D's thigh. Thank you, Anansi the Magic Spider, oh thank you, thank you. I almost have tears in my eyes as I relive that glorious moment. Now call your good friend the Anaconda to come and finish the rest of the freaks. High D wails. The others run to her. Butch getting bitten by a piranha? Whatever. C Girl being eaten by sharks? Yawn. "Pretty and hot" High D getting bitten by a spider? Oh no, emergency, call the doctors! I'm so happy. I hope they have to amputate that leg. High D says that she feels "retarded". Too easy - let's just move on. Now she is complaining that the swelling has increased in size and it hurts when she touches it. Why is she touching it? I don't know. Jabba reaches down and touches her knee as well as her crotch - let's not go there - before announcing that High D is all "hot" down there. Rat Boy says that the swelling on High D's knee has grown as big as her breast and he hopes that she gets it "trained". Rat Boy, train your own swelling. You're coming off incoherent and, to use High D's favorite word, absolutely freaking "retarded".

We leave them all for the rest of the night with a parting shot of High D giggling - altogether now: "retarded" - and saying, "Stupid bug."

High D, Rat Boy, please, spiders are not "insects" or "bugs". The both of you may be insects and bugs, but spiders are arachnids. And judging from tonight, spiders are definitely the more evolved and smarter creatures in the Amazons.



Morning, day twenty-six. They already have tree-mail for the Immunity Challenge. So early in the morning? Apparently Burnetto is just as eager to get these creatures away from our TV set as I am. Alex reads the missive. Food or immunity? Jabba wonders what that means, says she knows what that means, says that she doesn't, and finally announces that she's an idiot. Ding dong, we have a winner. Queen Hippodeena flosses her teeth and says to the camera that "their" plan is to vote Queen Elfreda out first. Once that fails (that is, Queen Elfreda wins immunity), Alex will go. Because she says so. Jabba asks them if they are ready to canoe their way to the Immunity Challenge site.

I have an idea for an Immunity Challenge. Tie these people up on the ground and get a blind, deaf pilot to fly above them and haphazardly drop atomic bombs down. Last one alive wins immunity. How's that?

Alex carries High D to the site. Jeff Proboscis asks her why she is the way she is. She giggles ("retarded") and says that he will never believe it, but "Stupid spider!" She giggles again - "retarded". You know, I'm starting to like using that word. Thank you, High D. You're "retarded". Boy, that feels really good. You know what will be better? Burnetto to retitle this episode as High D Is Retarded.

Jeff Proboscis is wearing white or pale khakis and denims today because he is a pure virgin who is saving himself for Colby on their wedding night. After Colby's mother give them both her blessings, naturally. He announces that today is the Gross Food Challenge. You know what this means, right? Queen Elfreda is definitely going to ace this one - good for him! Go, Machete Matteo!

The Jackanapes stand in a line behind a table. The first course is fried Amazonian grasshoppers. Probby says that it tastes better than regular grasshoppers. Alex asks how he knows. Good question. The rule is as always: the food must be down when the contestants show him their open mouths. The first six to chow down the grasshoppers will move on to course number two.

Jabba "I Love To Eat" Lynn refuses to touch the grasshopper. C Girl starts retching and puking. Queen Elfreda is the first to take it down, followed by Queen Hippodeena and then Alex. C Girl retches some more. Butch's taken it all in. Rat Boy says that the grasshopper feels dry - he prefers the juicier sorts, I guess, he being a pro in eating bugs and all. He's in. Probby begins encouraging C Girl with some strange hand gestures and slow talks. Queen Elfreda adds, "Ooh, crunchy." No wonder C Girl chokes some more. So will I, if Queen Elfreda looms over me to encourage me to eat. But she gets it down nonetheless after a lot of difficulty. High D, at this time looking annoyed because everyone is urging C Girl on while ignoring still chewing High D, is the last so she, along with Jabba who doesn't even want to try, is out.

The next course is ten wriggling white coconut worm things. Don't worry, Probby tells them, they probably have eaten this before. (As we shall soon see in next week's recap episode, Jeanne may just have sneaked some into that yummy meal she prepared for the ladies, but they won't know that they have eaten coconut worms for sure. If they have, I'm sure we will hear a lot of it from these whiny batch of Survivors.) Four who eat all of them the fastest will advance to the next round. Queen Elfreda takes the bowl and drinks them down in what seems like a blink of an eye. Nervous laughter from us Giggles. Don't eat us, Queen Elfreda, we're not tasty. Queen Hippodeena, Alex, and C Girl quickly follow in that order, leaving Rat Boy and Butch eliminated from advancing to the next course.

Five medium-sized beetles are next. C Girl takes a bite and quickly retch once more. Queen Elfreda has no problem crunching down the beetles like gourment M&M's and tells C Girl, "Come on!" C Girl throws up. Queen Hippodeena finishes her share, and C Girl and Alex are out.

"Specially for you," Jeff Proboscis tells Queen Elfreda as he shows a live red grub thing I swear is the baby Alien thing they must have flown in from Planet Z just for Queen Elfreda. Queen Elfreda flashes that lovely Hannibal Lecter smile and my heart skips a beat as he thanks Probby for the honor. It is a disappointing Rumble of the Queens as Queen Hippodeena refuses to even try. Everyone cheers and Butch even makes a kowtow gesture as Queen Elfreda nonchalantly scoops Baby Alien Monster into his mouth and - ouch, I can't bear to go on. Aliens watching this show on their invading mothership will flee in terror because they cannot bear to face mighty Queen Elfreda. He is scary. Watch as he slowly places his fingers on his torso to chart the progress of poor Baby Alien Monster down his mighty gastrointestinal track. Ten fingers on those humongous nipples - damn that black singlet, take it off! - down the groove between those pecs, down that washboard abs with muscles that can grate human brain into mush for Queen Elfreda's special favorite dessert, Brain Gruel, down to follow those sculpted and sexy pubic arches - damn those brown shorts, take them off! - and - hey, camera man, why are you turning away? Go back to Queen Elfreda! He's going to cup his family jewels next and I want to see! What? He's not going to cup those Elfreda emeralds? No? Are you sure? I don't believe you. You lie. I hate you. I hate this show. They never let me see anything fun.

As Probby puts that Cheap Fish Bait Necklace of Immunity around Queen Elfreda's neck - careful Probby, he may bite - everyone hail the new Queen of the Amazon. Elfreda, Machete Matteo, Eaters of the Grotesque! All hail Queen Elfreda! He holds the Immunity, and rightly so. Now if only he can eat his way into a gameplan and win this thing.



Lots of plotting going on on day twenty-seven. To the camera, Queen Hippodeena says that she doesn't need immunity. Isn't this what King Dick said last week too? Alex is gone, she says. Why should she bother to eat that ugly thing when everyone is with her? "Bye bye Alex!" she hoots. Jabba tells the camera that Queen Hippodeena has "betrayed the alliance" and that she has "stabbed everyone in the back". Jabba can never forgive her! Because Jabba knows one thing we don't: all five of them can win the first place so it is unforgivable to vote out the physical threats on this show, especially if that threat is a guy and we all know women cannot live and function without a guy leading the guy, oh, so screw you Queen Hippodeena, and Alex, screw me, screw meeee!

I hate her. She is nasty.

She and Alex talk about Queen Hippodeena. Alex wonders if Queen Hippodeena wants a final four consisting of all women, while Jabba sniffs at Queen Hippodeena's assumption that she controls the game. They both agree that Rat Boy must vote with them or all will be lost.

C Girl and Rat Boy meet with Queen Hippodeena. Queen Hippodeena again repeats that Alex must go or else. Rat Boy stammers and lies ineptly about his allegiance to her - since he's so lousy a liar, I bet he will be the next to crash and burn. He's the next hubris-laden idiot after all, isn't he, after King Dick and Queen Hippodeena? "It's like we're in the mob, and that there's gonna be a hit on one of my friends, and I really have to look the other way and act like everything's 'honkey dorey," he tells the camera. "The one person who gets hit tonight will be the last person to expect it," he concludes, having made it clear that both Alex and Queen Hippodeena expects him to side with them and he can only choose one side.

He's an idiot. He chooses Alex, of course, but can't he see? He's a fourth wheel in the Four For Stupid Alliance. Queen Hippodeena will take him to the Final Three at least if he rats on Jabba and Alex, but he settles with the young and apparently 'cool' side, hoping to get accepted and score with the skeletal ribcages. He's not even in High D's "original alliance", and unless he and Alex have a solid side-deal going, I don't see how he can position himself against Alex. Alex will win immunity against Rat Boy anytime. Rat Boy is not even close to being as smart as he believes himself to be.

Night falls and we are at the Tribal Council. Look, there's Dr Dave. He walks out looking just like he was when he left. He and I will have to wear at getting him some fancy threads from the International Male catalogue.

Jeff Proboscis starts with High D. "What the heck is going on with your knee?" he asks. She giggles and says, "I wish I know." She says that her knee is getting better and in two days she'll be "good to go." She is concerned about her gameplay because her "strongest assets to this group are athletic ability and intelligence." Alex shakes his head and tries not to laugh. We laugh. "And hello? One of those is gone right now!" High D concludes with a wave of her hand. Jeff Proboscis, bless him, asks with a straight face, "Which one?"

Queen Hippodeena talks about the game in her now patented style of BS. And they all talk some more, all of which adds nothing to what we know of these characters already, so let's just skip all of it and go straight to the votes.

C Girl - Alex. Whisper whisper whisper "a threat" whisper whisper whisper. Since she is hardly featured in these last few episodes, I can only hope she is not losing her speech along with her hearing.

Butch - Queen Hippodeena. Because he does whatever Queen Elfreda tells him to and Queen Elfreda does everything Rat Boy tells him to. The chain, people, the chain!

Jabba - Queen Hippodeena. "You lied to me. You betrayed me. You screwed me. I screw you." Definitely insane, that woman. How did Queen Hippodeena betray her anyway?

Queen Hippodeena - Alex. A threat, blah blah blah.

Queen Elfreda - Queen Hippodeena. Because Rat Boy says so.

Alex - Queen Hippodeena, with a capital D and a capital A (because she's a District Attorney, geddit? Alex is so funny, haw haw snort). "You couldn’t even stick by your word for three days. I’d actually like to go against you in court any day ‘cause you are the worst liar I think I’ve ever met in my life." And that will be what, Alex? DUI? Oh, I'm much funnier than Alex, if I may say so.

High D - "Denna". I don't know who "Denna" is, just like I don't know who "Gene" is either. If Jabba is stupid, High D is the family shame that they kept chained in that walled secret room nobody dares to mention.

Rat Boy - Queen Hippodeena.

Bye, Queen Hippodeena! The camera didn't show it, but I bet Dr Dave is smirking. The hoi palloi has revolted, and this woman doesn't know what hit her. What happened to those back-up plans? Heh heh heh. Look at that sky message, Queen Hippodeena, what does it say? "Pride goes before a fall"? Heh heh heh.

And of course, C Girl is once more without allies. Big sigh from me.

Next week, the game seems to be ruled by a skeletal manslut, a delusional Barbie, her skeletal dim-witted sister-in-grotesque, and the most despicable male rodent specimen to ever walk the earth. Burnetto may as well ask me to smash my head against the TV screen. If C Girl, Queen Elfreda, and Butch get Pagonged one by one, this show has officially jumped the shark. Although there's always the machete. Use the force, Queen Elfreda, use the force!


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