Previously, the season kicked off with a challenge requiring our Fashionistas to take anything they can get their hands on in their Apartments to create a dress. Quickly enough, the cast are divided into Santino-wannabes - the arrogant pretty boy Keith to the loudmouth Jeffrey to the cackling Vincent - and other Fashionistas who are either cannon fodders or sane potential winners. One of these cannon fodders, the bug-eyed and very earnest but lacklustre Stacey, was booted even when there were others, like Jeffrey, who came up with worse designs than hers. Then again, Jeffrey, like his dress, provides the drama while Stacey, like her dress, doesn't. This is the Project Runway I remember! This week, which Fashionista will get the cut?

The morning sun shines over the Atlas as our Fashionistas rise and shine for the new day. As Laura and Alison look like death without any cursory warmover while they sit on their beds and wait to be fully awake, Angela is applying her mascara as she tells the camera that sure, Stacey was a really nice person and she felt bad that Stacey had to leave, but hey, somebody has to leave every week. Apartment 28F now. Keith shaves, regrettably with a singlet on, as he tells the camera that he doesn't care about the immunity that he has won in the previous challenge because he's never going to need any. He is, after all, the best, et cetera. Meanwhile, in the other men's Apartment, Malan yawns and gets ready to leave. His mood seems to have shifted from the previous episode to this one since he now tells the camera that he is happy to be on the show and he even likes the other Fashionistas. I suspect that the clip comes from his elimination confessional. The Fashionistas are now all dressed up and ready to go so they leave for the Parsons Still New School for Design. Well, what are you waiting for?

After the Fashionistas are seated by the Runway, out comes Heidi. Katherine seems to be snickering at the leather get-up Heidi is wearing, hmm. I don't blame her. Heidi doesn't have a pregnancy to excuse her clothes this time around. Without ado, Heidi tells them that the Fashionistas get to pick the models they want in this season. Yes! Now let one of the models be crazy like the infamous Morgan from the first season and we're all good to go! The models come out to stand behind Heidi and Keith, the winner of the previous challenge, gets to pick first. He sticks with Nazri, which is wise because if you ask me she's the best so far that I can see from the models in this season. Heidi now starts pulling names out of the bag she is carrying for our first of many Pick-A-Model games.

Vincent grabs Jia. Katherine grabs Amanda. Bradley picks Clarissa. Malan is the second Fashionista to stick with his model from the last challenge - he picks Moon again. Laura also sticks with her model, Katie. Bonnie goes for Marilinda. Kayne picks Katia. Angela, having lost her model to Bradley, takes Bradley's previous model Camilla. Uli picks Lindsay while Jeffrey sticks with Javi. It's now down to Alison who has to choose from the last two models left on the Runway, Candace and Toni. Toni has the better-toned body of the two so I'm not surprised that Alison picks her. That means Candace is out. She goes backstage where the models all share a group hug. That's so heartwarming if I have any idea who Candace is at this point of the show.

Back on the Runway, Heidi reveals that in this episode, the Fashionistas will be designing for "an icon of American beauty". I can see names running through the Fashionistas' minds - Gwyneth Paltrow... Marilyn Monroe... Greta Garbo... Marlene Dietriech... Angelina Jolie... - just as I can see the car crash into a tree inside their heads when Heidi brings out this "icon": Tara Conner, this year's Miss USA who will be competing in the upcoming Miss Universe at the time this episode is made. Ah, so the icon of American beauty is dumb, Republican, plastic, and blonde. Is Bravo trying to cater to a different kind of demographics nowadays? The Fashionistas of course act like they are so excited to be designing something for Tara here. Maybe they are genuinely happy, who knows, since at least it's someone who will actually wear the winning dress in a real event watched by many people rather than, say, Iman wearing the dress to an event where the only publicity stills available can be viewed by fans after keying in the Fashionista's name in the search engine at the Wireimage web site.

Tara, wearing her Miss USA coronation outfit and looking really daft in the process, explains to the Fashionistas - and admit it, you're watching her lips as closely as I do just to see whether it's really her voice on the show or they are using a voiceover - that she will be competing in the upcoming "55th Miss Universe pageant" in LA and she wants everyone to know that the evening gown competition is a "very, very important part" of the pageant because apparently it counts for one-third of the total score. And here I am thinking that the swimsuit competition is all that counts, silly old me. Tara drops the bombshell: the Fashionistas will design her evening gown and she will wear the winning design on the show. Kayne, throughout Tara's monologue, is giving Clay Aiken a run for the money with his constant running his palm over his face while gasping for breath. He tells the camera that he is "freaking excited" because he, after all, designs and sells pageant gowns for a living. Maybe he even tries on his own designs before the mirror, who knows? I know I would, if I design Barbie doll outfits for grown women. Keith, obviously rattling off a script provided by the producers, tells the camera that Miss Universe is "big" because it's viewed by "millions and millions of people" in "eighty somewhat countries". I wonder how many of these "millions and millions of people" change channels during the Q&A segment of Miss Universe. At least Manhunt is decent enough to force the male himbos to parade in Speedos while doing their Q&A, heh. Anyway, with the whole Go Watch Miss Universe commercial done with, it's time to meet Tim for some make-believe authencity that this episode needs.

In the Sweatshop, Tim once more introduces Tara Conner to the camera and supposedly to the Fashionistas. I think Tara's contract stipulates that her name cannot be mentioned without "Miss USA" tagged after it. By the way, Tim is speaking like he has marbles stuck in his throat. Could it be that his credibility is being choked out of him as he speaks? Tim now asks Tara to tell the Fashionistas what she wants in her dream evening gown design. She says that she's the second shortest contestant this year - how sad that there are some things that money can't get fixed in a surgeon's operation theatre, really - so she wants something that can make her look tall. She tosses out phrases like "earth tones" and "monochromatic tones". She doesn't want white and she doesn't want anything "plunging" because Miss Universe likes to believe that its contestants are all virgins waiting to be deflowered by an Arabian sheikh who offered the right price.

Tim now drops another "twist": the Fashionistas will be working in teams of two. Angela says to the camera that she has never worked on a gown before so she's hoping to be paired with someone who knows his or her gowns. "Like Kayne!" she says. Tim tells the Fashionistas that the Fashionistas will now spend thirty minutes to sketch and pitch their ideas to Tara and she will pick seven Fashionistas' ideas. These seven Fashionistas will then pick their team mate to work on the design.

I can talk about how stupid it is to have a team challenge at this early stage of the season, especially when team challenges on this show are always so poorly planned and so arbitarily judged that the team leader pretty much leaves every time a team is deemed to have the worst design. And since the team leader is deemed to be one of the best of the bunch in that episode since it is this person's idea that gelled with the guest, this means the show punishes one of the most talented person in that challenge while keeping a useless hanger-on in the show. But I've already said all this in the previous season so I am not going to waste time ranting about this. Besides, this show just wants everyone to watch Miss Universe because Donald Trump paid a lot of money to sponsor this episode. Fashion? Who cares? This show has already picked its final five during the casting stage and everyone else is expendable and can leave in any order, preferably in an order that generates heated water cooler talk and subsequently ratings.

Tim lets the Fashionistas off to sketch. It's 9:07 am. The camera closes in on Jeffrey's tattooed hand sketching a dress on a pad before he tells the camera that he isn't comfortable with designing a "pageant dress" because the word "pageant" to him has "weird connotations, ie JonBenet Ramsey". I know! This episode is nauseating. I'm also surprised that everything isn't filmed in shades of pink. 9:20 am. Malan tells the camera that Tara needs to stand out - although I'm sure he's not implying that she's plain or anything - so he will design something that will give an "illusion" of an hourglass figure as well as height. Oh no, poor Tara, she will be crushed to learn that she doesn't have an hourglass figure!

Oh look, Angela has planted her butt down beside Kayne and is now telling him that he needs her on his team because Tara wants something different and she can provide that difference. Or, in Angela's words, he needs Angela to "pull" him out of "that hole". So, is she saying that Tara will have flowers coming out of her back or something? Angela is missing the point here, though. Tara may say she wants something different, but at the end of the day, all she wants is a pretty dress that shows off her boobies to the highest bidder. Come up with something that she cannot fit into her tunnel vision of what a pretty dress for a pretty gal should look like and it's going to be a lonely party for two down that hole. Kayne is clearly a little annoyed by the implication that he can't do "something different". He tells the camera that Angela thinks that he is a "shoo-in" to win. Gee, I wonder what makes her think of that? Humble Kayne says that he doesn't think he is a shoo-in to win at all. Meanwhile, Malan and Jeffrey look at Angela whispering fiercely to Kayne, the expressions on their faces that of amused onlookers watching someone making a fool of herself in public. Jeffrey says that clearly Angela is just looking for a "free ride".

Here comes Tim to announce that the thirty minutes are up. Angela leaves Kayne reluctantly and gets back to her worktable as Kayne looks at the camera and whispers that she is getting on his nerves. Aw, come on, Kayne. Just as clearly some guys in the Sweatshop worship the Santino manifesto in getting a free ride to the final five, Angela clearly follows the Wendy Pepper manifesto. Not every Fashionista can actually earn their spot on this show by the virtue of his or her talent, after all! Tim now calls for the pitches to begin and picks Bradley to go first.

Bradley tells Tara that he'll do some "strapping at the back" and "some fullness on the here and there" as he moves his hands in a downwards arch, maybe petrified to say the word "chest". Tara looks dazed. Laura explains that her design sketches look "architectural" and "plain-like" because she is an architect. Michael babbles about visions and inspirations, followed by Bonnie talking about asymmetry and straps. Jeffrey pitches a design that he claims will make Tara look like some strong warrior woman. Tara smiles politely. Keith gets a little personal as he cups his hands and places them close but not really in contact with Tara's breasts as he talks about how his dress will highlight her chest. Did he listen to her earlier? She doesn't want to advertise her wares that blatantly! Keith also talks about wanting to see her legs because they are beautiful. Tara actually stifles a smile as she indulges him with an "Okay!" It is not a good day when Miss USA thinks that you are trying too hard. Katherine goes "simple and clean, elegant in front" and swears that the dress will keep Tara lean and tall. Tara looks like she wants to ask, "Better than anorexia?"

Vincent shows what seems like sketches of anenomes as he talks about how he sketches "loose". His pitch seems like a rambling one but the show cuts off quickly to Kayne's excited and earnest pitch about her sisters were in pageants too - and I'd bet he'd take part too if they would let him - and how he loves pageants and Tara and pink ponies and Carebears and children and animals and world peace. He seals his deal by saying that the dress should be about her and it should make her feel like a million bucks. Robert proposes a dress similar to Jennifer Lopez's at the Oscar when "the panels open up". Like those in a submarine, perhaps? Malan talks about silhouettes. Alison proposes a design of corset top and couture straps. Uli's design has five different layers of material. Angela on the other hand has no sketches (she wasted all her time schmoozing up to Kayne, remember) so she pretends that she is this high-faluting creative gangster who doesn't sketch. So instead Angela proposes "umpire" (heh) waists. Tara isn't keen on that, which should be of no surprise to Angela if she is as smart as she claims to be, since Tara is probably too short to pull off an empire waist. Angela then proposes gloves that go up to the elbows. Tara doesn't think much of that either.

Back at the Sweatshop, Tim reveals to the Fashionistas that Tara has made her decision. Tara reveals that she has picked the designs of Keith because she likes the lines in his design (it shows off her boobies, yay!), Uli because Tara is intrigued by the flowing layers of chiffon in that design (the sketch also shows a plunging neckline that shows off her boobies), Vincent because she likes the idea of a dress showing some "real" her - and her boobies, of course - on stage, Laura because Laura has considered how the lighting and all will work on the dress on stage (hopefully the dress will show off the boobies nicely), Malan because of the corset and the hourglass thing, Jeffrey because of the whole independent female thing (and nothing to do with the nipples poking out in his sketch, of course) and finally, Kayne because Kayne will kill to be in Tara's shoes if he could. She claims to be excited to see how the designs will show up and Tim congratulates the ones chosen to lead the teams, not adding that one of these special seven that are chosen for being so creative will be eliminated at the end of the day for being suckers enough to volunteer for this show's "Die, Tall Poppies, Die!" pogrom. By the way, Laura is wearing this dress with a plunging neckline that actually shows off how many protruding ribcages she has on her chest. I normally don't tell women to go eat burgers but watching her in that dress makes me cringe to the point that I'm telling her not to just eat a burger, she's better start eating all the fries as well.

Now it's time for Tim to draw names from his trusty "velvet bag". Hmm, I think it's the same "magic bag" from the last season. Then comes Tim's voiceover, his "I have marbles down my throat" voice, as he tells the Fashionista leaders to "choose carefully" their teammates because how the teammates work is apparently one of the criteria in the judging. You'd think this show will stick to something the apparently infallible and almighty Tim says on the show, right? Meanwhile, Uli tells the camera that she has never worked in a team before and she doesn't even know the other Fashionistas, so she is worried about who to pick. Vincent, without any hint of self-awareness whatsoever, says to the camera that "personality" is "huge" so it is important to choose the right person. Or maybe he does have some self-awareness and he's talking about picking someone to boss around?

Laura's name is called out first by Tim and she picks Michael. Kayne is next. He talks about how it is so hard to choose - of course it isn't - before picking Robert. He tells the camera that he would have chosen Angela if she hadn't bothered him during their thirty minutes of sketch time. Yes, I'm sure he would have, oh yes indeed. Give me a break. Besides, prom dressmaker and Barbie dressmaker - how can this team lose? Jeffrey picks Alison while Malan picks Katherine. Uli picks Bonnie while Keith picks Bradley. Keith explains his choice as thus: he has to choose between Bradley and Angela and hell there is no way he will pick Angela. So Bradley it is even if their asthetics are completely different. Hmm, for a while there I thought he said "ethics". Poor Vincent - hah - is left with Angela. He says that he is happy to work with "Alison". Angela corrects him and everyone laughs, Angela maybe a little forcefully. I wonder whether that "mistake" is deliberate on Vincent's word, whether he really wants to work with Alison and doesn't mind letting Angela know in a most bitchy manner that she is not his choice for a team partner.

Before Tim sends them to Mood, he explains that the teams have two days to finish the design and $300 to spend in Mood. After Tim mentions the $300, there is a most amusing two second of stony silence before the Fashionistas erupt into a bored "Whoo!" Off to Mood we go, where Keith is seen actually wrapping a fabric around his waist to see how it looks. Looking for gold fabrics with Bonnie in tow, Malan manfully pulls free a bolt of brownish fabric. To the camera, he says that he is excited about this challenge because evening gowns are, according to him, what he does best. Famous last words, I know. He picks what brown and gold fabrics, saying that the "warmth" of those tones will give her a "luminiscent quality". Brown and gold? On a blonde? Is he crazy? Meanwhile, Keith and Robert picks what Kayne describes to the camera as "iridiscent organza". He knows that Tara wanted earth tones but he hopes she would like what he picks for her nonetheless. Nearby, Jeffrey and Alison consult a color catalogue. Jeffrey sees the fabric Kayne is picking out and wonders to the camera when sherbet has become an earth tone rather than an ice-cream, heh.

Poor Vincent. Apparently all Angela does is to remind him how little time he has, thus making him more nervous than he already is. He complains to the camera about her and the editing backs him up on this. He says that he's nervous and yes, Angela is nervous as well, he understands that. "But I can't keep holding people's hands!" he complains to the camera. Angela tells the camera that she is nervous because he is the team leader and his vision doesn't "inspire" her. Hey, I know, it's Vincent we are talking about after all, but that doesn't mean she has to pull a sulky Minnie act on him now, does it? Vincent curses softly as Tim calls out that shopping is done for the day.

Back at the Sweatshop, nine hours until the end of day one, the Fashionistas settle down to work. Kayne and Robert seem to be getting along well, although they are the only ones laughing when Robert talks about how they apparently come off like some comedy show. They aren't funny, I'm afraid, just boring. Michael is already asking Laura about the waistline of her design, which is why Laura says to the camera that she picked him in the first place: she wants someone to question her work. I think she wants someone to challenge her to improve on her design and I like that. As Bonnie and Uli get to work, Bonnie hopes that this is a one-person elimination because she is worried that she may end up getting eliminated with Uli at the end of the day. She "jokes" to Uli that she wants to see people start fighting. She may get her wish in the form of Angela and Vincent.

Vincent drapes the mannequin while Angela just sits there and watch him. She asks him whether she should help him. "No, just hang!" he tells her. Again, this is one of those things he says that makes me wonder whether he's just being the absent-minded dolt or a vicious cow hiding behind his absent-minded demeanor. Vincent tells the camera that he feels bad about not giving Angela any work but he has to do something. This guy obviously cannot function in a team. Angela on the other hand says that every team is working together except hers. She feels alienated - rightfully so - and walks away from the worktable. Only then does Vincent call out her name but she's no longer there. I suspect that Vincent is familiar with such situations in his life.

Three hours until the end of day one. Bradley, looking harassed and concern, asks Keith as the two men stand before their draped mannequin whether they are certain that the dress will have a "certain elegance". Keith, opening a box of cigarettes, tells Bradley to trust him. Keith tells the camera that Bradley may be worried that Keith has immunity and therefore Keith doesn't care how the dress will turn out. Still, Keith says that Bradley should know after the last challenge that Keith is actually "good" so Bradley shouldn't be so worried. Keith assures Bradley that the dress will not be end of that man and walks off, probably to light the cigarette in peace.

Malan, meanwhile, tells Katherine that as long as one is organized, everything else will proceed accordingly. Katherine tells the camera that she is glad that Malan is her team leader because he has plenty of experience with gowns and she is learning a lot from him. Sentimental music plays as Malan now tells the camera that he is a self-taught designer. When he was thirteen, he showed his mother some sketches he made and she tossed them aside, telling him that he was just wasting his time dreaming of being a fashion designer. His eyes are suspiciously red during this confessional. Awww, that's so sad for Malan. He sees this show as his way of showing her that his designs will amount to something. Yes, second person out in the third season of this show. Poor Malan. If he has jumped up and down acting like an unpleasant drama queen instead of the well-mannered and immaculately dressed gentleman that he instead comes off as on this show, he would most likely have stayed on this show a little longer. The clock behind Malan as he works shows the time as 6:11 pm. The editors of this show are such sloppy people sometimes, I tell you.

11:14 pm now. Work, work, work! Sew, sew, sew! As Keith tells Bradley, who's working on the sewing machine (Keith most likely can't put things together as well as Bradley), that he's pleased with what Bradley is doing, Bradley puts on an obvious Filipino accent as he speaks like a sweatshop worker, "I so happy. I so happy, I almost cry." Yeah, sue me, I laugh out loud at that scene. In fact, I think I can fall in love with Bradley during that very scene. Work, work, work. Bradley manfully pours water from a mineral water bottle into his mouth only to get plenty dribbling down his neck. On top of his wit, he's now a sloppy drinker as well. Love! Malan wipes his forehead. I hope his mother is happy that he is suffering like this. Bitch!

11:49 pm. Angela, who said earlier in this episode that she has never designed a gown before, tells Vincent that she has made something like what Vincent is putting together now back when she was at college. Vincent pretty much tells her to be quiet whenever she tries to suggest something and tells the camera that since he's the leader, whatever he says goes. I have no idea why so many fans of this show demonize Angela in this scene since both of them are being very childish, but many of these fans, I suspect, believe that this show is more Pick A Gay Man I Want To Marry than Project Runway in their heads and hearts. Vincent tells Angela to stand three feet away from him. Honestly, is this how one treats a team member? Angela petulantly stands back and says that she takes one and a half foot back but he then goes ahead and moves forward the same distance. Some of the other Fashionistas chuckle upon hearing her. Vincent babbles something about how Angela's "negativity" is hurting him and how he is having some bright ideas that are "coming now! Now! It's like... I'm hitting it! Hitting it! Bam!" Well, like I've said, this guy is a lousy team player. Not that Angela is any prize either in this moment either. Two lousy team players bringing out the worst from each other. What more could anyone ask from this show?

Finally it's midnight and Uli announces that it's "sleep time". Angela watches petulantly as Vincent becomes frustrated at having to stop whatever he is doing. The Fashionistas then file out of the Sweatshop to dream of pleasant dreams back in their Apartments.

Day two now. The Fashionistas quickly settle down in the Sweatshop to resume working on their designs.

And then, hey, Tim shows up at about 9:10 pm. He pauses to check whether the camera is on him (just kidding), before proceeding to nitpick the designs in progress. His first stop is the worktable of Uli and Bonnie. As Uli shows off the work the ladies have done so far, he tells the ladies most helpfully that he loves the concept of the dress but the dress needs "perfect finishing". With shellac or paint, Tim? Tim just says, "Yes, carry on!" At the rate this self-conscious Tim goes, he'd be a parody of himself soon enough. Uli tells the camera that she thinks that Bonnie and her are doing a good job and Tara would like that dress. Tim makes his way to the worktable of Kayne and Robert where Tim points out that he doesn't like some of the ruchings the two men have done on the skirt. Kayne says in his most girlish manner that he is hoping to see Tim jump up and down in excitement. Tim says he'd most likely do that the day after. Tim then tells them, "Carry on!" That's two very self-conscious "carry on" in a breadth of five seconds. I hope nobody is playing drinking games to Tim's gratuitous use of his so-called trademark phrases!

Vincent and Angela are now visited by the Carry On Fairy. Tim says that he'd be blunt. "I'm disappointed!" he says. Another helpful critique by Tim! This man just keeps getting better and better, I tell you. Vincent simply says, "Well, that's okay!" in an oh-so-polite manner that cannot be mistaken for anything other than a middle finger to Tim. Heh, that man does mask his bitchiness behind a glib and carefree mask. Tim, no doubt told by the producers that Angela is not happy with Vincent, takes the opportunity to ask her how she feels about the dress. Angela happily steps into the trap this show lays out for her by telling Tim, "As a professional designer, I wouldn't want my name attached to this dress!" Oh, Angela. Arrogant and bitchy gay men who are either loved or redeemed with hasty manufactured redemption angles while women who are the same are assassinated by the editors to be Wendy Peppers and Zulemas. The poor dear has just played right into the editors' hands. Vincent tells the camera that Angela's comments bother him a little (read: he is so going to kill her) but he's over it. He then adds his own dig, saying that Angela is just that kind of person to backstab him. Does he have the right to expect loyalty from Angela though after the way they behave towards each other? Back to Tim, he says, "Okay! Carry on!" and moves on to the next table.

The Carry On Fairy now flits over to Malan and Katherine where he then assumes his hand on chin pose for the camera to capture to its full advantage. Malan murmurs that the bottom of the dress is a little messy as Tim pretends to ponder over the dress when in truth he's most likely thinking of what "juicy" tidbits about the unpopular Fashionistas of seasons past that he will happily share in the next obsequious interview by Advocate. As Tim tries to clean his ears with the nail of his pinkie, he mumbles that the dress looks "really heavy" like it's carved out of a "big log". Tim tells those two to be "objective" and think about what is obviously not working in that design. He then tells them to "just work... hard". Tell 'em, Tim! Spread your honest criticisms around like you do best!

Tim now announces that he will see them the next morning and tells them to, what else, carry on. I hope he doesn't believe his own hype so much that he starts using the phrase "carry on" to the point of overkill in real life. Especially in sexual situations, shudder. Can you imagine? "Ooh... carry on! Yes... carry on! Like that... carry on! Carry on! Make it work! MAKE IT WORK! YES, CAAAAARRRRRRYYYYYY ONNNNNNN!"

It's snack time where the two most sunny Fashionistas in town, Keith and Angela, discuss matters like Angela's feud with Vincent. Keith is merrily trying to get Angela to admit that she hates Vincent's guts but Angela is on to him and instead plays as if Vincent and her are getting along pretty okay. In this hilariously disjointed and heavily edited conversation, Keith tells her that she's not telling the truth and she answers in a sweetly poisonous tone that she doesn't "value" his opinion on that situation and oh yes, he's wrong. When she talks about how Vincent acts the way he does because he believes that it's his design they are working on after all, Keith gets his own back by saying in a sweetly poisonous tone that mirrors Angela's that Angela is right about the design being totally Vincent's. He then quickly takes his leave, that coward. I love these two bitter and passive-aggressive people. Let's get them drunk and put them in a cage!

Back in the Sweatshop, Malan and Katherine stare at their dress, perplexed. Katherine says aloud to him that there is "too much fabric" in that dress. She tells the camera that she has been increasingly nervous. As she suggests some alterations on the waistline that Malan doesn't agree with, Katherine tells the camera that the dress will look heavy on the Runway and she doesn't think any woman will want to wear it. To Malan, she says that she'll let Malan defend the dress if the dress is called out after the Runway. Malan simply says okay. Angela is seated nearby staring at the dress as well. I wonder why nobody asks her of her opinion on that dress.

More bustle. Laura bends down to adjust the bottom of the dress she is working on as she says in a hilarious deadpan that "this" will not do since "this", whatever it is, makes the wearer of the dress look like she's "pooping". Tara doesn't want that, of course. 10:27 pm. Uli is behind a sewing machine. Keith and Bradley find something that Keith doesn't like about the dress they are working on. Kayne and Robert continue their unfunny comedy routine. Aren't gay men supposed to be born witty? Kayne is proving to be the exception. Now that I've said that, watch as he becomes the Dan Vossovic of this season. I am always unlucky like that. 11:10 pm. Angela tells Vincent not to tell the judges that they don't have enough time to finish the dress which earns her a scolding from Vincent. He says that she has already said seven times that she doesn't want to carry any responsibility when it comes to that dress so she won't have to, even if the dress wins tomorrow. Vincent's self-righteousness may have merit if he lets her assume any responsibility for it in the first place, which he doesn't. These two are such fruitcakes. 12:00 am. The Fashionistas clear out of the Sweatshop.

Apartment 16E has Angela telling Alison and Laura that Vincent is "100%" behind his dress (as he should be, actually). Laura says that she has seen him defend "crap" on the Runway before. Damn right, that. Angela is "honestly" sure that she and Vincent will be in the bottom three. She intends to thoroughtly defend herself. She vows that "words are just going to come right out". Over at Apartment 28F, Vincent is also conducting a bitchfest. Keith tells Vincent that Angela is "as transparent as a fucking glass window". Vincent agrees and talks about Angela wanting to knife him in the back. But... come on now, does he expect her to stand by him after the way he treated her in the last two days? It takes two to spoil a party. Jeffrey calls Angela a "feminazi", although I have no idea how that word can in any way apply to Angela. Does this man know what "feminazi" means? This is comparable to someone calling an African-American a nasty word that is actually a slur on the Chinese. It is one thing to embarrass oneself by behaving like a complete ass on TV, but it's even more embarrassing when one does that while using a completely wrong slur, I tell you.

Morning. The Fashionistas congregate in the Sweatshop where Tim announces that he'll be sending in the models after he has finished addressing them. The Fashionistas have two hours to fit their dresses on their models as well as to make them look pretty. Sure enough, the models show up right after Tim is done. As the Fashionistas commence in their orgy of dress-fitting, Kayne says that his dress fits the model perfectly. Of course he's happy with his his work. He even tells his model, "You look gorgeous, sister!" He will be so much more tolerable if he isn't trying so hard to be cool and witty. He's a nice kid. Just go with that, you know? Uli and Bonnie are doing fine too. Alas, Katherine flags an SOS to the camera: she and Malan discover that their dress is about half a foot too short for their model. Katherine doesn't want to go home for something that isn't even her design. There you go. That's the whole problem with the team challenges summed up in a nutshell by Katherine. Meanwhile, Vincent continues berating Angela, now revising things to say that Angela never helped him, blah blah blah. Angela is a useless cow so far but Vincent is also proving to be a complete ass as well.

Make-up time. Laura wants her model to look more "red carpet" than "pageant". Robert wants his model's hair to have more "volume" like movie stars apparently do. Tim then shows up and calls an end to things. He wants everyone to follow him to the Runway. It's time for the show to begin. Malan expresses his worry to the camera about the dress being too short and time being too little to make the necessary adjustments.

Runway show. Heidi introduces the judges this week as "world renowned fashion designer" Vera Wang who is sitting in for the orange gasbag that is the Mighty Ogre, Nina, and of course Tara. With that, here comes the models.

Toni comes out wearing Jeffrey's design that was made by him and Alison. The dress is in best described on Jeffrey's own words, "beautifully grotesque". It is very asymmetrical. The top looks like a sleeveless tank top falling apart to expose a pair of tight green brassiere while the skirt looks like it's been kept in a box for years and it's worn now without being ironed first. I love Alison's cryptic comments about how given more time they would have made a beautiful dress but given the circumstances, the end result is exactly what she thought it would be. So, is that a good thing or not, Alison? I don't know about this dress showing off Tara's inner warrior as per Jeffrey's sales pitch. Tara in that dress will look more like she has only ten seconds to dress so she grabs the first thing she can get hold of from a pile in her laundry basket.

Nazri steps out next with Keith's design that was made by him and Bradley. It's a simple flowing pink dress that doesn't show legs or chest like Keith said it would, hmm. It's a nice dress, a simple one that doesn't really elicit wows or boos to me, and there's that.

Jia wears this horrible dress designed by Vincent and "assisted" in the making by Angela, where the green dress fits horribly at the top. I'm not fond of the color of the dress which is already drab and the boring cut only accentuates the drabness of the design. The shoulder pads are weird and the only thing noteworthy about this utterly dull design.

Katia's next in Kayne's design which Robert also assisted in creating. It's a recognizable prom dress, complete with frills and heavy pleatings in the skirt that fans out into a train behind the model. It's nice but it's also quite ordinary to me. I like the necklace Katia is wearing though. Where can I get one just like it? Macy?

Here comes Amanda with Malan's design on which Katherine also assisted on creating and... eh. I like the fabric used for the skirt - it shimmers irridiscently with each step the model takes. But the top! Maybe it's the color but I can't make out any detail about it. It looks like, to be blunt, something has slathered dung all over the model's torso. From the back, the dress looks lovely though.

Lindsay steps out in Uli's design. Bonnie helped Uli in creating this garment and the dress looks like... well, long. There are a few layers of fabrics in the skirt but other than that, this is just a pretty dress that doesn't have much to make it stand out in any way. I like this dress better when Santino designed it using so much better colors and cuts for his final Runway show in the last season.

Finally, we have Laura's design, modeled by Katie and assisted in the making by Michael. This one is, to me, the best of the bunch. It's a simple white dress decorated with sparkly stones in just the right amount without going overboard but it highlights beautifully the model's silhouette. When the light shines of the dress, what seems like a plain white dress glitters like stars in the night sky - and we're talking about a white dress, mind you, on an overly-bright stage. The dress will be a stunning sight on the actual Miss Universe stage. It's simple but at the same time very elegant and sleek looking without going overboard with the trains or fripperies or requiring six million yards of fabric to make the skirt. If Tara wants a dress that makes her look good like a glamarous adult woman instead of a girl-child dolled up in an excess of fabrics and flowers, this is the dress she should have picked. Although if I'm her, I'd have asked for the dress to be made in a darker shade, like midnight blue.

After the judges have scored the designs, the Fashionistas stand on the Runway as Heidi calls out Kayne and Robert, Malan and Katherine, Uli and Bonnie, and Vincent and Angela. The rest are told that they are safe and can leave the Runway. The models for the remaining teams on the Runway then join the Fashionistas for the Q&A session.

Tara likes Uli's design and Uli takes the opportunity to talk about how the dress is "soft" and "opens up and flows" when the model walks. Both Heidi and Tara love the back of the back. Oh I'd bet, especially when if the back dips a little lower, Tara's buttcrack will be exposed for Donald Trump to leer at. When asked by Heidi for her opinion on the dress, Bonnie babbles about how well she and Uli worked together, which doesn't answer Heidi's question at all. Vera likes the dress for its modern sensibilities as well as the colors and the "unique" layerings.

Tara loves the "sweetheart top" of Kayne's dress. Of course she would. See, pretty hearts. Ooh, hearts! Tara also claims to love the color of the dress the more she looks at the dress. See, the Fashionistas should have just ignored her desired color scheme from the beginning! Nina praises Kayne for ignoring Tara's wishes and does what he thinks is best for her. No, really, Nina says that, even saying that it's "amazing" that Kayne took the "initiative" to ignore Tara's wants and wishes. Seriously, Nina is such a daft cow. Tara then joins the sisterhood of daft cows by complimenting Kayne and Robert for listening to her "very well".

Vera says neutrally that there are many ruchings in Malan's design. Heidi likes the ruchings and finds it modern but all that ruchings come together nonetheless in a manner that doesn't feel right to Heidi. Now that I can see the details of the top thanks to the camera zooming in a little closer at the top, I agree with Heidi. Heidi thinks that there are too much going on in the top. Tara agrees - has she done anything but to parrot the other judges? - and Nina also agrees. Nina wants Malan to explain the top and Malan tries to say that he wanted to make Tara look more busty. Nina points out that Tara wants to look less busty in her evening gown. The skirt is too short and Malan explains this by pointing out that he isn't aware that Amanda's torso is longer than most models'. Vera says that it is always good to leave "a little extra" in case situations like this crop up. What can Malan say to that? When asked about the dress, Katherine loyally says that she doesn't want to go home for something that isn't her vision so please, people, send Malan home instead of her, thanks. I can't blame her for her sentiments, but I do wish she phrases her words to come off less like undignified begging with a touch of Judas. Malan graciously accepts responsibility for the design and agrees that he should be the one to leave.

As expected, Vincent quickly attempts to blame Angela for being some nightmarish useless team member, which, if you ask me, only means that he should be blamed even more for his ugly dress. He, after all, has just said that he did everything about that ugly dress, didn't he? Vincent also blames Angela for mistakes that he has to apparently correct. Again, he is just saying that Angela therefore has really nothing to do with the dress. Hilarious, isn't he? Angela blasts the dress for being too simple like a dress that Angela did back in college. Vera praises the "sweet" back but points out that the sleeves are like that of a space cadet uniform. She thinks the minimalistic design is actually interesting. Angela, not knowing when to stop, blabs that the design isn't interesting, et cetera. Oh, be quiet. Who is she to contradict Vera Wang anyway? Tara hushes her by saying that the dress is interesting because it is different and then accuses Angela of trying to lead when Vincent is the leader. Oh, be quiet. Who is she to talk when she has no idea what really happened during the garment-making process anyway? Vincent seizes the opportunity provided by Tara to blab about him being a leader and he's just so tedious and ridiculous in his misplaced self-righteous indignance. Predictably, he and the equally tedious Angela think the other person should leave.

The Q&A over, Heidi temporarily banishes the teams backstage so that she and the other judges can repeat what they have said in the last ten minutes again and again to each other. Tara thinks Vincent's gown is "classic" if they can just tape down the sleeves. This is clearly a "define 'classic', please" moment if I even harbor the slightest illusion that I should care about what this silly cow thinks. Angela is blamed for her "terrible" teamwork with Vincent, as if Vincent is this long-suffering leader terrorized by wicked Angela. This show sucks. Uli's dress is universally adored. Kayne's dress is good. Mulan's dress is slammed for poor construction and all around ugliness.

Heidi calls the teams back on the Runway. Robert is safe, so is Bonnie. And now, Tara announces the winner. Despite Uli creating a dress that Vera calls the most modern and one that is everything Tara asked for, Tara goes for Kayne's dress, apparently because it has crystals, a sweetheart top, and big poofy skirt. In short, because it's a prom dress that will make Tara look like an overgrown fifteen-year old girl. Pageant girls are nothing if not predictable, I tell you. So Kayne is the winner for this challenge and therefore immunity in the next challenge. Kayne talks about this win being a huge advancement. Uli is of course safe. Katherine is also allowed to leave the Runway. And finally, Vincent is also declared safe.

Between Angela and Malan, Heidi says that Malan failed from a design viewpoint while Angela failed from a teamwork point of view. Alas, Angela is declared safe, "just barely" (does Elizabeth Hurley know that Heidi is borrowing her catchphrases?). So it's poor teary-eyed Malan who gets the cut. Oh, Malan, next time, for freaking sake, flunk the pitch part of these group challenges on purpose because it never pays to be a team leader on Project Runway.

Look at poor Kayne, for example. He is so happy about designing a dress for Tara but look what happens in the end. After Miss Universe is over and Tara comes in fifth, her mother starts blasting the dress to the press, calling it too heavy for Tara and saying that Tara chose it because she disliked the other dresses. Apparently because Tara could have advanced further in another dress, heh. She and her mother clearly have no clue that there is a high chance that Tara would have not made it that far if the show isn't somehow obligated to have Tara on stage showing off that dress. Or that the politics behind this show always ensure that a Miss USA will end up in the top ten without fail every year even if the Miss USA in question is a donkey wearing a tiara. Oh, and that will teach Tara for putting the fates of her Miss Universe stint in the hands of reality TV show contestants who are only given two days and $300 to come up with a dress. If Tara wants a real pageant-quality dress, she should bloody well go get an actual designer who will come up with a great dress that is put together within a reasonable amount of time rather than put together in a rushed manner under duress and is created from materials of appropriate price and quality. Anyway, does it matter? Is there anyone other than Pollyannnas and people still enamored with Barbie dolls that actually expects Tara to win after seeing the other pageants she is competing against on that contest?

Awww, Malan says that he feels so ashamed for being kicked off the show. How very much like a Hong Kong person, really. He also says that he hates saying goodbye because he doesn't have many friends in real life and he loves being on this show because for a short time he feels like he's part of something good. Oh, come on, Malan, this isn't a real show to find designers. You've been screwed by team challenges and you're not the first person to be screwed nor will you be the last. Good luck in future endeavors and try not to think too much about this silly show. It's not worth the tears and the anguish. I will miss him, though - his charming insistence on dressing his best night and day and his oh-so-gentlemanly demeanor make me smile in how simultaneously pretentious and disarming they are. He's an interesting fellow that I would take over obvious headcases like Angela, Vincent, and Jeffrey anytime and anyplace. Oh well. What do I expect from an episode that attempts to pass off beauty pageants as discriminate judges of fashion anyway? All they care about are rhinestones and frills, as Tara's choice of Kayne's design demonstrates that perfectly. What-freaking-ever.

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