Previously, a pageant queen was hailed as the true icon of American beauty, thus starting a flood of nasty jokes among cynics about how this show no longer was about fashion as much as it was about pandering to the Southern marms that think they have good taste in fashion because they like shiny, shiny things with plenty of frills and gee-gaws. Vincent was an ass, Angela was a twit, but because Malan designed a dress that looked like poo, he got cut. Meanwhile, the prom dressmaker Kayne, together with the Barbie dressmaker Robert, emerged with the winning design which was not what Tara said she wanted but she loved it best because it had a cute heart-shaped top and it has plenty of fabrics that make her look like a walking Barbie doll. To top it off, Nina praised Kayne for being so inventive as to completely overrode Tara's wishes. And brace yourself, people, this episode gets even better: the Fashionistas design for the dogs. Literally.

The sun rises over Apartment 16E, shining right at Alison who is stretching while standing in front of the glass panes in her leather wrap thingie. I think she fell asleep in that outfit. In Apartment 28F, Kayne shows that he sleeps without a shirt and teases all those sweet young ladies and grannies who adore his boyish face that he may be wearing only boxers under those sheets. Boxers, of course, never briefs because briefs are only worn by those terrible heathens in Europe where fashion is never as good as it is in America, oh no. He tells the camera that it is good to have immunity that comes with his previous win because it means that he can send anything down the Runway but of course he will not do that as he is not like that, the usual. I think he's reading from the same script as Keith did in the previous episode.

In another Apartment, Robert and Bradley are enjoying some peace and quiet in the kitchen area. Robert is telling Bradley that Malan's departure only "confirms" that one of them will be leaving every other few days or so. What, he thinks Heidi was lying about sending Fashionistas home? Robert goes on to say that it is so "weird" to see people leave when you are starting to know them. Robert also adds that Malan is a great roommate. Don't ask me if Malan is a great roommate because he has the decency to leave so early and therefore give Robert, Bradley, and Michael more space to live in. It can't be Malan's laugh that makes him so endearing to Robert, surely, just as Robert's general quality of conversations surely can't make him the life of the party. Bradley, in the meantime, just murmurs inaudibly and makes some sounds of agreement now and then as Robert prattles on like a gay "Good day!" postcard with a beer gut. I like Bradley more and more.

Over to Apartment 34G. Katherine looks like she's having some runny nose as she gets ready to leave for Parsons. She tells the camera that she doesn't think that Malan deserved to go home but she doesn't think that she is responsible for that dress either. While I agree with her "Better him than me!" attitude, I am amused that she has openly stated on air that she thinks the judges were wrong in booting Malan.

After listening to the rivetting soundbites of Kayne, Robert, and Katherine - excellent conversationalists, all of them! - the show cuts to Parsons for Heidi to show up and do her thing. Heidi comes out and without much ado reveals that the Fashionistas will be making an outfit "inspired by one of fashion's hottest accessories". Ooh, ooh, I know this one! Dead foxes and raccoons, right, for the fur and all? Judging from Laura's evil-sounding laughter, that's what she seems to be thinking anyway. Heidi however keeps the suspense hanging by saying that Tim will be the one to explain more about this challenge the next morning. Heidi now brings out Kayne's model Katia and Malan's model Moon. Eh, what happened to the model swap thingie? Maybe the model swap free-for-all will only take place once every few challenges, I suppose. Anyway, Kayne is asked whether he wants to exchange Katia for Moon. Kayne predictably chooses to stick with Katia so Moon, who didn't even take the Runway in the previous challenge, is sent back to the wardrobe. Sigh, there goes one of the three or four models of this season who are even a little interesting rather than generic and bland. Heidi then banishes the Fashionistas away from the Runway.

By the way, is it written in their contracts that the Fashionistas must raise their hands a little and wave like silly babies as they say goodbye to Heidi whenever she feels like acting like a ten-year old girl on the Runway towards them?

I hope these Fashionistas spend their day wiser than their nights because nighttime sees Kayne in Apartment 28F wondering aloud what this accessory that Heidi was talking about earlier could be. Keith just listens as he looks hot while doing... whatever he is doing. Katherine is in the apartment, nodding as Kayne babbles. I think Kayne and Keith are preparing something for a meal with some of the Fashionistas from other Apartments. Keith just mumbles to Kayne as a response, "Uh, I don't know... I guess there's stuff..." Bonnie tells the camera that everyone is wondering what the accessory could be. Knowing this show, I'd say that the accessory is something instantly recognizable by middle-class America the same way that middle-class America will not howl in laughter when this show solemnly christens the institution of Miss America as the crowning glory in the American ideal of beauty. That rules out things like iPods, Japanese robots, headless but otherwise anatomically correct mannequins, imported starving babies from third world countries, and midgets. What would appeal to the grandmothers and Southern belles watching this show? Let's see... Thomas Kinkade figurines are too obvious in their pandering to the audience. Oh, I know, how about cats and dogs?

Indeed, it's a party at Apartment 28F when the ladies of Apartment 34G join the men for a light meal. Uli wonders whether shoes are involved. Over at Apartment 16E, it's also a party as the men of the other Apartment that until now has not been identified by this show join the ladies of this Apartment to speculate about the nature of this accessory. Two simultaneous parties thrown to speculate about the challenge? How coincidental. I'm sure these scenes of forced rapport are not staged or anything! Michael mumbles to Alison, who looks like she's trying not to fall asleep, that he hopes that they can finally "do something" in this challenge. Well, if that is what he is looking for, he's on the wrong show. Allison slurs an agreement and Bradley, who is sitting on the floor near those two, thinks that this challenge will test their "versatility". Again, if that is what he believes, he's on the wrong show. And who says stuff like this: "I think that they want to see versatility!" Remember how Chloe said in the last season that the producers wanted the Fashionistas to "do it naturally"? I think this is what she means: the Fashionistas acting in staged scenes while mouthing obviously scripted lines designed to let the audience believe that talent actually matters in this show. Yeah, I'm such a conspiracy theorist. What can I say? A blatantly manipulated show like this one can do that to me.

Michael tells the camera that he is "just excited" and he is ready to hear what the next challenge is. He wastes his screentime just to tell me that?

Morning finally comes. It's 6:00 am when Laura picks up this note that has been pushed under the door of Apartment 28F. As Laura demonstrates that she is not wearing anything under her tank top and it must be very cold in that Apartment, she pretends to call out to the other "girls" who are apparently behind her that they have a message. I love how she then opens the door to enter the Apartment after she has picked up the message. Over at the mysterious unidentified Apartment, Robert reads aloud the message to Michael and Bradley, no doubt because he's the only one who can say three words without slurring them all up. The message is a typewritten note from Tim asking the Fashionistas to meet him at Central Park. Laura reads aloud the note to Alison and Angela who are actually trying to burrow under their sheets to get away from that horrible voice that is preventing them for sleeping peacefully. Alison's eyes, however, open wide at once when Laura says loudly that surely Heidi is talking about "horses" as the hottest accessory in fashion. I know there are stables in Central Park, but I don't think horses are all the rage in fashion spreads lately. Besides, the middle class folks watching this show aren't familiar with horses.

The Fashionistas leave for the Central Park, Laura appropriately enough dressed in tight riding pants in case she has to ride a horse or something. Kayne tells the camera that he doesn't know where they are going or how far they have to go. It's the same stupid thing these Fashionistas are obliged to say wherever they have to make a field trip on this show but this time, the script doesn't make sense because these Fashionistas do know where they are going. Their message comes with a map. What, this show is stupid? What gives you such an impression? Vincent says that he doesn't know what they will have to do in Central Park. Okay, at least what he is saying makes sense. Uli tells the camera that she is hoping for a brunch buffet but alas, if she expects this show to spend any cent making the Fashionistas comfortable as the Fashionistas are exploited like PT Barnum's performing monkeys for entertainment, she is doomed to disappointment.

As the Fashionistas stand in two rows (nearly positioned according to height and all as per the director's wishes), Laura tells the camera that she doesn't know what to expect. I know. This episode is so exciting! The suspense is killing me! Michael says that they are all just standing there waiting for Tim and adds that "it is cold as shit". If his you-know-what is cold, he's best see a doctor quickly. As dramatic violins play to a crescendo, the show ruins the suspense by having Bradley reveal Tim's entrance. Bradley, the doofus who can barely speak clearly if his life depends on it! So the suspense is ruined as Bradley haw-shucks that Tim shows up soon over "this little gnoll" with many toy doggies (corgis, pomeranians, and more) straining at the leashes he is holding in both his hands. These toy-doggies are wearing those disgusting little T-shirts that some dog lovers can't enough of. The Fashionistas naturally act over-the-top excited at the sight of Tim and those toy dogs. Bradley, Kayne, and Jeffrey insist that Tim with those doggies is the most awesome thing ever. Oh please, as if I don't know that Jeffrey eats doggies for snacks. Who is he trying to fool?

Tim says that these dogs are the "hottest fashion accessories" mentioned by Heidi the day before while I try to remember the time when dogs were last relevant to the industry. Is Tim talking about dog fur? Anyway, Tim says that he has thirteen doggies with him, one for each Fashionista, so the Fashionistas can come forward and choose one dog as a muse.

Laura makes a face as she voices over that she is not a dog person. To the camera, she says that she's 42 and has five children to take care of so she generally does not have the "emotional energy" to take care of a dog. I know. I'm a dog person but I can see where she is coming from. She should consider trading those five kids for five puppies though. I speak from experience when I say that the puppies can be trained to behave so much easier. Besides, she's only required to consort with her doggie muse for a few days at most. If the worst comes to pass, she can always hold up a shirt stained with dog poo and announce that her design is inspired by her muse in the most primal manner possible.

Uli is in tears as she tells the camera that she has picked a pugdog named Einstein, explaining that she has never had a dog but if she has one, it'll be just like Einstein. As the camera zooms in on Roger picking a hairy furball and Vincent grabbing a fluffy woolly rug by the neck, Jeffrey tells the camera that the Fashionistas pick "themselves" as muses. Does this mean that he picks an ostrich masquerading as a puppy for his muse? Jeffrey picks out Keith as an example of his words, apparently because Keith picks a skinny dog with an elegant long furry mane. Keith brushes this mane as he talks to the camera about how he loves "rare things" and so this "rare dog" is "pretty" to him. "Come to Papa!" he says to the camera. Meanwhile, Bradley has a poodle and he tells Alison that he is not a poodle. Alison, stroking the head of her furball chuckles and says that she's more inspired by Bradley's poodle than her own dog. Bradley insists that he's not inspired by his poodle. As Alison explains to the camera, this leads to Alison switching her dog Stanley with Bradley's. She laughs because she thinks Stanley looks exactly like Bradley. Hmm, she's right.

Meanwhile, Laura tosses her pomeranian into her handbag, telling a puzzled Tim and a bemused Michael that she doesn't want to "touch it". She'll regret her decision when her dog ruins her handbag by doing you-know-what. Still, Laura shows off her cute little dog to the camera as she says that this dog is the last one left so she gets it by default. Does this mean that she will die when she goes home and her kids start asking for a dog? Tim finally calls a stop of the rampant dog-cuddling taking place by asking the Fashionistas to follow him back to Parsons where they will learn more from him about the details of the challenge. Why can't Tim just bring the dogs to the Sweatshop, you ask? Ah, but that would mean that we would be robbed of a chance to see Tim and a bunch of dogs as fanservice. This show, after all, is all about Tim.

To what must be Laura's deepest disappointment, Tim explains back at the Sweatshop that the challenge is to create a "womenswear outfit" inspired by the dog each Fashionista is paired with rather than an outfit out of the dog. There goes poor Laura's idea for this cute little fur coat with the dog's dried intestines as a splendid necklace to go along with it. As Tim babbles about the Fashionistas having to think "narratively", the camera pans to some of the Fashionistas and their doggies. I'm shocked that Kayne imagines that he's similar in any way to this poodle. Angela's dog looks uncannily like Oscar the Grouch, which shows that she at least has some shred of self-awareness about her personality, heh. Tim babbles some more about the Fashionistas having to think about using the dog as an inspiration about the owner - what kind of woman she is, where she is going, that sort of thing. Tim also tells the Fashionista that they have to design a complementary outfit for the dog to go along with their dress. A very unenthusiastic "Yay!" greets Tim at this announcement. Tim also explains that the Fashionistas have two days to complete this challenge and $150 for materials. He'll give them half an hour to sketch before corraling them and marshalling them to Mood. Starting from... now!

11:31 am. Robert tries to get his stumpy werewolf Chanel to stand still in order for him to photograph it. Laura lovingly shoves her pomeranian away when it walks over her sketchpad and I bet she is being this restrained only because the camera is on her. Bradley rubs unelegantly at his nose. Oh no, is he discovering that he is allergic to dogs? Meanwhile, Alison explains to the camera that she envisions a design for a "fashionista" who travels the world based on her poodle Pepito and she intends to create a mini-motorcycle jacket for Pepito to go along with her design. 11:45 am. Robert is trying to get his werewolf to stay in one place.

Angela's dog Patty Cake is more well-behaved than Robert's werewolf because Patty Cake at least sits still as Angela snaps photos of it. Angela babbles to the camera that her design will be for this "British headmistress of an art camp in Paris called Jubilee Jumbles". Huh? While she's on a roll, why not give this headmistress a Spanish boyfriend who runs a bistro selling Ecuadorian coffee somewhere in Italy? As the camera zooms in a Patty Cake who seems to have this "Tell me this woman is joking! She's joking, right? Right?" expression on its face, Angela goes on to say that the British headmistress is going to throw a party for Patty Cake. Ah, so basically Angela is designing a party dress for a woman. All that mention of art galleries and European countries are Angela's oh-so-ridiculous attempt to sound trendy to the camera only to come off like she has read too many Enid Blyton stories.

Keith calls his dog Morgan "super exotic". To the camera, he says that all Morgan needs is a big collar and a chain. "Please don't make me make something stupid for Morgan!" he says in his typical condescending and arrogant way to the camera. I suppose the fact that a mere collar and chain thingie would be very simple and take very little time to produce - in fact, one can just use something from the Macy accessory wall! - has nothing to do with his decision, not at all. Meanwhile, Laura looks increasingly harried as her dog keeps wanting to play when all she wants to do is to sketch and Robert starts calling Chanel rude names when Chanel just won't stay still to be photographed. Elsewhere, Vincent fits what looks like a crown onto his dog while singing about what a "handsome" and "good boy" his dog is. The camera cuts to a poodle scampering away as another dog - implied to be Vincent's by the editors - begins growling in displeasure. Katherine wants her dog to tell her whether it likes her sketch. Does she really want to know the truth?

Tim then shows up to announce that it's time to go shopping.

On to Mood. As the Fashionistas go about selecting fabrics, Alison tells the camera that she knows what she wants so she heads straight away to the appropriate aisles. Uli explains to the camera that she intends to make something colorful. She selects a brownish leopard-like print which she admits is a bit of a risk because not everyone can wear something like what she has in mind. I think Uli is on to Nina Garcia - that dumb cow will be the first to wonder why a dress looks "unwearable" and Uli knows this. Kayne meanwhile explains to the camera that he selects this "gorgeous Missoni print" - a yellow fabric with plenty of colorful whorls. He calls it "gorgeous". My bedsheet looks exactly like that "gorgeous" fabric so I'm not sure if I agree with him. He bumps into Laura and Robert when he then shows off his purchase. Robert obligingly praises Kayne's selection before pulling up his pale pinkish tweed fabric for the others to admire. Kayne goes all oh-so-pretty.

Laura, wanting to be praised for her selection as well, shows off her purchases, some brownish and pale greenish fabrics and invites gushing praises by saying most demurely that her purchases are so "tasteful" compared to the two men's. Robert ribs back that Laura always confuse style for taste "as usual" as Laura laughs. Kayne, however, is not amused as he frowns at the camera and complains that Laura's taste is "vanilla" while his is "Rocky Road". Oh dear, I see glimmers of Dan Vossovic in Kayne - a guy with mediocre tastes and unoriginal sense of style thinking that he's all that and more. Kayne is "Rocky Road"? This guy designs dresses for prom events and beauty pageants, for heaven's sake! If Laura is "vanilla", her brand of vanilla will appeal to clients that matter: upper crust society ladies that love their furs and elegant dinner jackets - women who have money to spend on clothes with high price tags. Tim calls the shopping to a close shortly after and the scene ends with Kayne and Robert doing one of their comedic thingie that as usual doesn't work with me. What can I say? I'm more into cynical wit while Kayne is more into Carebear-like church boy jokes that are too obvious for me. I think Robert, without Kayne, can be quite bitchy in a way that would appeal to me, just like how Nick would be more tolerable to me if he isn't with Dan because when he's with Dan he sinks into Dan's level and becomes intolerably self-righteous.

Back at the Sweatshop, it's now six hours until the end of day one. It looks like this isn't exactly a two-day challenge as much as it is a challenge where the Fashionistas have to do everything they can in what time they have within two days. As the Fashionistas begin working, Katherine tells Bradley that her dress has to be perfect. What can Bradley say to that other than a yes? Katherine tells the camera that she has never made a dress of this nature before. She explains that she is more familiar with designing casual womenswear and sports clothes. But she wants to be the best designer here, she claims, so she wants to prove that her dress and her taste are good. That's quite odd, going from claiming about how worried she is to announcing that she wants to be the best in the game. It's like me saying that I can't swim well but I'm going to win a gold medal in the upcoming Olympics swimming competitions.

As Angela works, she explains to the camera that the skirt of her design will be "silk taffeta" in "spring-y colors" apparently because Patty Cake was born in the spring. How does she know this? I think she's talking out of her hind end as usual. Angela goes on to say that she went "balls out" during the shopping. What, did she beat away those people who were trying to grab the fabrics that she wanted? No, Angela's idea of "balls out" is to go buy as many prints as she can get her hands on for what she calls "rosettes" for her design.

My theory about Robert blunting his wry and cynical sense of humor around Kayne is proven to be true when Robert gives this confessional where he mockingly describes his design to be that for Chanel's owner who is this "Park Avenue princess" that has recently checked into rehab. He goes on to say that he finds the idea of coming up with stories to explain a design pretty silly. "I hate them! I think they're stupid!" he declares with a smile. Oh, me too, me too.

Thirty minutes until the end of day one. As the other Fashionistas work, poor Bradley however seems to be at loss as to what he is doing. As Bradley caresses his fabrics wonderingly as if he can't remember why he has purchased them, Keith tells the camera that Bradley lives in his own "daydreamy world" and the man also has time management issues. However, Bradley isn't as confused as Keith would believe. He is actually thinking hard, he explains to the camera, because he realizes that his original design will be very difficult to produce within the time limit of this challenge and now he has to come up with a different design. As he tells a sympathetic Alison who has approached him, he thinks he can "shift", no problem, he is just worried that things will no doubt be very hectic for him tomorrow. Then Vincent hollers that it's time to go home. The clock shows 12:10 am as the Fashionistas file out. Kayne is doing this zombie walk thingie, another one of his too-obvious kiddie-like idea of a joke that has me rolling up my eyes.

Morning. Among the montage of the Fashionistas in the morning, it is revealed that Michael sleeps with the sheets covering every part of him apart from his lower legs and feet. Well, I suppose they have to show him on the camera once in a while to remind me that he's on the show. Bradley puts on what seems like a more tasteful version of Nick's Judge Dredd shades and he gets complimented dryly on them by Robert and Michael. Vincent tells the camera that "this" is the second day of the "dog challenge" and there is no doubt in his mind that "it is going to come down to the wires". What is he babbling about? What is coming down the wires? His brain? Hey, editors, can we please have confessionals that at least make sense on this show?

The clock in the background shows the time as 9:55 am when the Fashionistas walk into the Sweatshop. As they resume working, Jeffrey tells the camera that there is no difference between designing for a dog and designing for a person. Oh come on, that's an overgeneralization. He sells clothes to Britney Spears and ugly tattooed rich kids who think that they are now "cool" if they wear tattoos and use their parents' credit cards to buy coke, so that principle may work for him, but I don't think other designers can use that same philosophy since they may be designing for clients with more esoteric tastes. He shocks me when he says that the other Fashionsistas have good designs that represent their individual sense of style. He then floors me by saying that he happens to think that he loves his own design best. Not "My design is the best!" but he loves his own design best. Oh my God, Jeffrey is being nice here. What is going on, people? Have pigs started to fly?

Meanwhile, Vincent giggles as he shows off what seems like a terribly uncomfortable black polka-dot body suit that he has made for his dog to Jeffrey. Jeffrey laughs too, although I believe that he isn't laughing for the same reason that Vincent is laughing. Vincent is laughing because he believes that his design is the best ever. He tells the camera that the other Fashionistas are underestimating the importance of designing an outfit for the dog but he's not like them, oh no. Vincent makes plenty of sense when he tells the camera that the dog's outfit and the dress should go together but he then ruins everything by laughing at his own brilliance. Vincent is not just being annoying here, he is becoming over-the-top creepy with the way he seems to become aroused by his own delusions of grandeur. Is he playing up his character? I hope so because otherwise he has to be really in need of gratification if he has to make himself get off on his own designs. No one should be that lacking in life, surely! Right now Vincent is that stupid guy who often ends up being the only person in the world who thinks he's brilliant and funny. He will be a tragic person to be pitied if he isn't so bloody annoying to watch.

12:21 pm. Someone off-camera - I'm pretty sure it's Alison - asks Bradley how his design is coming. Bradley says that he thinks so, yes, and Alison is happy for him. Bradley explains to the camera that he is designing from scratch all over again because he has ditched his previous idea. Some off-camera - Robert, I believe - announces to everyone that Bradley's birthday arrives the next day. Laura goes, "Oh my God!" and says that they should give him a "happy clap". Every other Fashionista doesn't seem to care too much as they continue working, other than Jeffrey who wonders aloud how "horrible" it will be if Bradley goes home on his birthday. Of course he will say that. Vincent says that Bradley will then have his birthday party somewhere else and laughs at his own joke like it's the funniest thing ever. Keith decides to prove that he is a nicer person than the two of them by saying to the camera, "God help us all, I hope Bradley is not out but he is taking way too long with his garment and I don't know what the hell is going on." But being Keith, he compensates for his uncharacteristic show of concern by adding that Bradley should have stuck with his original idea because it can't be worse than what Angela is doing. The show doesn't reveal much of what Angela is doing other than there are some purple fabrics involved, though. Keith describes the dress as something "right out of a dog show" like a "big bag of Skittles". "It's purple and pink and... scary!" he says before bursting into laughter right before the camera. I'm sorry, folks, but I can watch that scene of him laughing again and again. Sigh, I'm such a sucker, I know.

In the sewing room, Keith looks for a sewing machine that he can use. He spots a machine that is not in use located beside Jeffrey and starts asking about it in a way that has to be seen to be believed. The show doesn't say anything about this but after repeated watchings of this episode, I believe two Fashionistas are assigned one sewing machine because I could later see a name tag by the machine Keith wants that carry the names of Angela and Alison. I believe that Keith shares a machine with another person, most likely Michael, and Michael is using the machine currently, hence Keith's search for another machine that he can use. He's being very bitchy as if the other Fashionistas have deliberately poured itch powder into his underwear. This kind of behavior is similar to that of a drunk or someone who is high because otherwise there doesn't seem to be any reason for him to antagonize people like that. Not that I am suggesting here that Keith is drunk or on drugs, of course. He could merely be very annoyed that the other person he shares a sewing machine with is taking a long time with his work or something, who knows? Jeffrey tells the camera that he can't believe what an egostical fellow Keith is. That isn't arrogance from Keith, that's crazy antisocial behavior. Oh, and shouldn't Jeffrey be getting a new phrase tattooed somewhere on his body? "Hi, pot, I'm kettle!"?

Laura has an ax to grind with Keith too since the last week, or so she tells the camera. The camera cuts to a somewhat confusing scene of Laura complaining to Michael that Keith told her that he had a seam "this long" to sew. I don't know what she is complaining about because the editors of this show are still as stupid as ever. Laura also complains that Keith is using threads that apparently belong to Laura and Michael. Michael tells the camera that Keith just takes over any "damn sewing machine" as he pleases. To be fair to Keith, he did ask, even if he didn't ask very nicely. By the way, in this scene, Keith is using a different sewing machine than the one he was asking about in the previous scene.

Laura now approaches Keith along with Michael to confront that man about what seems like a case of Keith using the sewing machine Michael is using before Michael is finished with it. I've rewatched this scene three times and I think this is what Laura is complaining about. Keith asks Michael whether he has any problems with Keith using the man's machine and Michael says no. He has more to say, which is why he shouldn't have said no in the first place. Keith cuts him off however when he turns to Laura and asks whether she needs to use the machine. Laura says no. She too has more to say but Keith cuts her off by asking her why she is mad when Michael has just said that he has no problems with Keith using the machine and she doesn't want to use it either. Laura says finally, "I am just trying to protect my man!" Hmm, what is this? Is something going on between Laura and Michael that is not shown on TV? The editors of this show are so bloody stupid. Will it kill them to show a confrontation coherently instead of forcing me to rewatch the scene to try to figure out why Laura and Keith are screaming at each other? Gosh, they are such inept buffoons.

Finally Keith abandons the machine to Michael and tells Laura to stuff it when she begins to follow him to scold him further. To the camera, Laura says that Keith is becoming "mean" and "very arrogant". She thinks Keith is being a "major shithead in the workroom". Keith meanwhile calls Laura as "bad mommy" to the camera, saying that his mother is a "good mommy". Maybe it's not wise to bring up his own mother in light of his own behavior, I'm just saying. Bradley tells the camera that clearly there is some "spiciness" between Laura and Keith. No, Bradley, that may be true between Michael and Laura but I'd say "bloodbath in the making" is more apt to describe the situation between Laura and Keith. Bradley does this cute "see no evil, hear no evil" thing with his hands first over his eyes and then his ears as he adds that he just wants to finish his own work so he's just going to mind his own business. Smart man.

Two hours until deadline. Now that it's way late for the Fashionistas to do anything decent to repair their work, up pops the ever useful Tim Gunn to tell them where they have gotten their designs all wrong. He first approaches an unnaturally upbeat Katherine who shows up what looks like a yellow-green bra on a mannequin. Tim asks Katherine what her dog Talulah is going to wear and Katherine explains that the dog will be wearing "a little hooded doggie sweater" made to match the outfit she is working on. Tim is worried that Katherine's design is basic. Since all Katherine has to show is a bra-like thingie on a mannequin, I'd say yes, what she has so far does seem very basic, duh. Katherine suggests that she can make a hood or something. Tim rubs his hands together and says, "Katherine..." He pauses, his eyebrows all lifted like he's now hosting The Amazing Race. "Do it!" he concludes. Is he aware of how ridiculous he looks in this scene? He looks like he's about to start rubbing his hands and cackling like a Disney villain.

After he's done with Katherine, Tim moves on to Uli. Tim tells her that he had some reservations when he saw what she purchased back at Mood but now that he has seen what she is making, he's changed his mind. "It's really beautiful," he tells her. Uli says something about how her dog is a "funky cool guy" so she's designing for a "funky cool girl". When Tim compliments her design, she then quickly drops her hand-waving theatrical explanations and says simply, "Thank you!" Uli is funny. Then Tim goes over to Alison who makes Tim laugh when she shows off this cute miniature coat for her dog Pepito. Tim thinks that what she is doing is "great".

Then it's on to Keith who leans against a pillar, looking dramatically bored, as Tim praises his design as "really beautiful - it's something innovative". Laura, overhearing Keith, looks like she has just caught a whiff of something really foul. Then again, for all I know, she could have just caught whiff of something that Jeffrey, who is working behind her, has released into the air and the editors think that scene will be so great if they splice it here to give me the impression that Laura hates Keith so, so much. Back to Tim, he is however worried about Keith wanting to merely dress his dog Morgan in "spats". He reminds Keith that the challenge calls for every Fashionista to design something for the dog as well. Keith starts to say that the image he has in mind calls for the dog to be wearing as simple a outfit as possible. Tim cuts in to say that he understands what Keith is saying but he doesn't want Keith's beautiful design to be overshadowed by the judges making a fuss about Keith underdesigning for Morgan. Keith just goes, "I know! I know!" To the camera, Keith gives a long-suffering sigh and says that accessorizing the dog is "so lame". I know. I don't believe in making dogs wear clothes myself - dogs in clothes always look silly to me and my dogs, at least, hate wearing anything more than a collar - but I also believe that when you sign up for a dog show like Project Runway, you are obligated to jump and do tricks as you are instructed to. After all, Fashionistas like Keith hope to get publicity for themselves and their businesses out of their show so it's not like they are making a fool out of themselves on TV for nothing. If Keith has made his bed, he should just lie in it.

Tim now approaches Angela. Funny music plays quickly, telling me at once very subtly that this scene is going to be very amusing. Thanks, editors! Unfortunately, the editors being the inept monkeys that they are turn the volume of the music so high that the background track clashes badly with the conversation between Angela and Tim. Angela is clearly nuts at only a lesser degree when compared to Vincent because she doesn't let Tim finish a sentence. When Tim tries to say something, she quickly cuts him in midsentence. Angela will be amusing if she doesn't come off as so desperate to cover her tracks with BS at the same time. Her design looks really tacky and Tim fears that she has gone over the top. Tim asks Angela to think of a good story to describe the person wearing Angela's design when she faces the judges the next day. How about a story of a color-blind woman with bad taste? That may work. Uli, overhearing Tim, tells the camera that she is worried about Angela because when she sees "all these flower things" in Angela's designs, she has no idea what Angela is doing.

Tim now heads over to Bradley's worktable. Bradley nervously shows off what seems like a pumpkin-colored tent wrapped around a mannequin and Tim says that he doesn't get Bradley is doing. He asks Bradley to explain his design a little bit more to Tim. Bradley says, "Well, the top is, like, reflecting Stanley a little, you know..." The top is this pumpkin-colored sleeveless top with a flower-petaled collar while Stanley is a cream-colored very hairy dog. I don't think so, Bradley. Tim diplomatically tells Bradley, "If it's not pretty, it doesn't matter!" He then bluntly tells Bradley to redo the top. Bradley makes a mock hard blowing gesture, like he's the big bad wolf trying to blow down the third little pig's brick house, and Tim says yes, that's what he is telling Bradley to do. Bradley then nods, looking stoic and resigned to having to frantically rush in what little time he has left to make reparations to his design.

His mission accomplished, Tim takes his leave of the Fashionistas. The clock shows the time as 10:57 pm while Tim tells the Fashionistas that they have one hour left until deadline. As the Fashionistas continue working, Alison gives an unnecessary confessional about time passing quickly when people are working. 11:25 pm. Keith spots Uli sewing something on the side of her dog's outfit and says, "Oh my God, that's so cute! What does it say?" Uli shows off her work and says, "'Hi, Ladies!' for the judges." I think she must be told in advance that the Mighty Ogre will not be attending the Runway. If not, I hope the Mighty Ogre will not be attending the Runway or things may get uncomfortable.

As Bradley tries to work on a new top, Keith tells him, "Dude! Do an A-line dress, no sleeves, and you'll have it. Speed it up!" Ooh, Keith is being so nice at that moment. He must be sober. Bradley tells the camera that he has to start his top all over again, yadda yadda yadda, while Vincent to the camera calls Bradley the kind of fellow that "likes to jump off bridges and finds things as he falls". Vincent, on the other hand, makes me want to jump off a bridge rather than to see his face on TV. Bradley blows on his lower lip - "Brrrrrrrr!" as he sits back down to work. You know, I've seen adorable absent-minded geek scientists before but this is the first time I'm seeing an adorable absent-minded geek fashion designer on TV. Cool.

11:57 pm. "It's horrible!" Bradley moans helplessly. Keith walks up to his worktable and tells Bradley that he has to work, work, work. Keith starts fussing with the skirt Bradley has draped on his mannequin while Bradley tells him that Bradley would rather turn in "nothing" than something he considers terrible. Keith tells Bradley, somewhat ironically if you consider Keith's own work with Morgan, that Bradley can't just turn in "nothing". "Why can't I?" asks Bradley in what seems like his own lazy drawled-out kind of petulance. "Because you just can't!" Keith tells him. "I didn't finish," protests Bradley, "you know what I mean? So it's a forfeit." To the camera, he says that he'd rather not send something down the Runway that he'd be embarrassed by. "I'm in the water," he concludes. Oops, 12:00 am now. Next thing I know, the Fashionistas are leaving the Sweatshop other than Bradley who stands in a corner doing his Madonna's Vogue strike-a-pose thing (if you've seen the music video, you'll know I mean) as he smiles absent-mindedly and looks blankly into the distance. To the camera, he says, "I mean, tomorrow is my birthday and I'm planning on not showing anything at the moment!" Back in the Sweatshop, he wraps a measuring tape around his neck and pretends to hang himself. To the camera, he chuckles. "You know, that's like... that sucks!" he says. Oh, Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Isn't he adorable? Can I see him pretend to hang himself with that measuring tape again? That's my favorite moment in this episode, apart from that scene of Keith in tighty-whities dancing to Madonna's Like A Virgin while pouting dramatically to the camera... oh what, that scene never happened.

Morning. Since they use the same montage to show the start of a new day on this show, it's apparently foggy and cloudy every morning. Close up on the women of Apartment 16E (Angela and Alison are apparently not morning people since they are never awake when the morning camera crew enters their Apartment), on to the sleepyheads in Unidentified Apartment and a sight of Robert wearing skin-colored towel yawning and stretching before the glass pane (yes, it's a towel and he's not naked, and no, don't you dare ask me whether I've squinted and peered closely while rewinding the scene a few times just to be certain), on to Apartment 28F where Keith gives this bewildering slurred rambling statement to the camera about "doing the dog challenge today". I know that, silly. Keith yawns and without much ado starts scratching his behind as he sleepily slurs to the camera that he is worried about Bradley because Bradley seems to have just given up. Back to the Unnumbered Apartment, Bradley poses with a glass of orange juice as he tells the camera that yeah, he fears that he is screwed and he'll just have to see if he's going home or not. Meanwhile, at Apartment 34G, Katherine tells the camera as she does her eyelashes that it's Bradley's birthday today and nobody wants to see him go home. Bonnie who is brushing her teeth right beside Katherine, says with her mouth still full of toothpaste that Bradley just cannot go home on his birthday. Back at Apartment 28F, Jeffrey leads his buddies out the door while Vincent moans that he doesn't feel so good. Yeah? Good. In Apartment 16E, Angela tells the other women that it's time to go to the Runway.

At the Sweatshop, Tim shows up and walks around. Is it good or bad that when the camera pans past some unidentified garments on some mannequins, I can immediately recognize Laura's even without having seen what she is making? Maybe it's good if Laura can already establish her signature style on the audience in just three episodes into the season? Or maybe it's bad because she doesn't insert enough variations in her design? I'll just have to wait and see as the season progresses, I suppose. Back to Tim, he explains that the models will show up in an hour and the Fashionistas will then have another two hours to get the models dressed up and dolled up for the Runway.

Tim then approaches Bradley, wishes the man a happy birthday, and asks Bradley how the man is doing with his work. "Scrambling... it sucks!" is all Bradley has to say about his situation. He has cut out several pieces from the same pumpkin-colored fabric he used for the previous top but he doesn't seem to have put anything together yet. Tim wonders how Bradley could end up with such a mess. Bradley merely answers by saying that Tim has asked a good question. Oh please. I can answer Tim's question. Hey, Timmy, Bradley ends up with such a mess because you told him to redo the top one hour before deadline. Do you expect him to be some Energizer battery-powered sweatshop worker that can come up with a finished top in two or three hours? Jackass. Tim then goes on to say that he is afraid to ask about Stanley. Then don't. Let's not deliberately show up at a late hour to tell Bradley to redo everything one hour before closing time and then act all shocked when Bradley hasn't done anything by 8:00 am the next morning, shall we? At least, not until we have magical elves that show up at midnight and finish tailoring the garments while the Fashionistas sleep, okay? God, Tim is such an asshole sometimes.

The clock indicates that the time is 8:19 am, which makes Tim's "shock" that Bradley hadn't magically finished sewing a brand new top from the 11:00 pm to 12:00 am hour last night even more ridiculous. If Tim is shocked because a day has passed and Bradley hadn't done anything, that's reasonable. But this? Give me a freaking break and spare me the whole "Tim Gunn is so honest, so beyond reproach!" spiel. Bradley is scurrying around, randomly saying things like "Mayday! Mayday!" aloud to himself, as Robert tells the camera that Bradley is running around like a "man without a country". 9:07 am. Bradley voices over that he needs to finish the blouse and an outfit for his dog. "I'm not in a good spot with this. I'm just totally screwed!" he voices over as a conclusion while he continues to scramble and try to beat the clock.

The models show up and mingle with their Fashionistas. Poor Bradley shows off the still unsewn pieces of fabrics on the table and tells his model Clarissa that he may not have anything for her to wear but he's doing his best to make sure that she does. Clarissa seems surprised, wondering whether she will have to go naked down the Runway. Bradley "assures" her that she may not even be going down the Runway at all and they will just have to see how everything turns out with his design. Clarissa quickly takes off the cap she is wearing and tells Bradley that she "really" doesn't want to go home. Bradley tells the camera that seeing Clarissa's reaction makes him realize that it isn't just his dream that's on the line and apparently that motivates him more. To Clarissa, as Bradley adjusts what looks like a finished top (at last) on his mannequin, he asks her whether she wants to get naked. Here? Sure! I... what, he's not talking to me? Oh, drats.

Dolling up at the dolly house time. Eyeliners! Bronzers! Lipsticks! Robert tells the hairdresser to give his model "a sort of fun On A Clear Day You Can See Forever bob". Will you be surprised to know that Barbra Streisand starred in that movie? Another hairdresser says something that I just cannot decipher due to his thick accent but Robert clearly can as he tells the man, "When you don't see me then send me a consolation gift!" Robert is so funny without Kayne sticking to him like a humor-sucking parasite. Don't let Kayne go near him, people! Alison asks the hairdresser working on her model Toni's hair to give her a punked-out look. She tells the camera that she'd love to win this challenge because she is passionate and confident about her design. Aren't we all, dear, aren't we all. Meanwhile, Clarissa is so adorable as she tells the make-up guy working on her face that she gets to call the shots on what she'd like on her because Bradley is still working on his design. Of course, she is still cute and adorable because she's hoping to be a model. If she's an accomplished model, watch as her innocence fades and she starts flirting with much older men like the eeriely young and beautiful but clearly older than her age Melissa from the first season. Oh, I miss the models from the first season. From the adorably crazy Morgan to the curvy Lolita girl-child Melissa to the poised Martinique, there are no models so far that have ever matched them in terms of being memorable and interesting.

When the models are all dressed and dolled up, Tim sends them back into the Sweatshop with the Fashionistas' respective dogs in their arms so that the Fashionistas can now dress up the doggies. I love how Angela's dog Patty Cake turns its face away as Angela tries to kiss it. Uli's boxer just wants to stick its head on her chest between her you-know-where. Uli tells the camera that she has sewn two fabrics of "crazy colors" together and while that can be seen as a risky thing to do, she does things like this when she's at home and she's "almost pretty confident about the outfit". Almost, huh? Meanwhile, Laura coos that her dog, Sophia, is "really cute". Uh oh, should she be encouraging her kids to ask for a dog for Christmas like this? Because after seeing Laura with Sophia, those kids definitely will want a dog sooner and later. Laura is pleased that Sophia stands still while she is putting on that doggie outfit on the dog, glad that she doesn't have to strangle the dog or anything. She then asks her model Katie to agree with her that Sophia looks adorable and "perfect". Katie wisely agrees. Vincent once more acts like he's a pervert trying to molest children as he giggles at how cute his designs look on his dog. Gross. Meanwhile, Keith tells the camera that he is an excellent designer, his model and his dog are both stunning, so he has a very good chance of winning. Dang, he's so cute when he's being so cocky and arrogant like that. I want to spank him for being so naughty.

Katherine takes snapshots of her model Amanda with the dog whose name turned out to be Talulah. She tells the camera that Tim told her the day before to make a hood for her outfit. Actually, she suggested the hood and Tim didn't disagree, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose. She reveals that the hood and the dog's outfit both need more work done before they are finished. Deciding that it is more important to finish the dog's outfit, she tells Tim that she thinks her design can do without the hood. Bradley meanwhile reveals that he has taken his previous top that Tim disliked and merely made some minor adjustment to it. "I've decided to put some lining to it," comes his voice-over as he fits the top on Clarissa. Stanley gets only a collar and I think it is happy to have only a collar. As Kayne stares creepily at his dress that Katia is wearing, Tim comes in to call for all work to be stopped. It's 12:04 pm. It's time for the Runway show.

Heidi and her invisible voiceover twin sister come out onto the Runway to greet the Fashionistas. She then introduces the judges. Ooh, it's Vera Wang again. I love her. Am I evil to hope that the Mighty Ogre will meet some Spanish gigolo, goes completely mad, and calls in to announce that he's never going to be judging for the rest of the season because he's going to on a boom-sha-ka-laking vacation, and therefore Vera Wang will sit in for him for the rest of the season? There's no getting rid of the irredeemably stupid Nina Garcia, I suppose, although things can always get worse if they bring in Anne Slowey to sit in for her. I still shudder in distaste when I recall how Anne makes Nina come off like a genius in comparison. And the third judge is Ivanka Trump, because Donald Trump insisted that Ivanka is thrown in as a package along with Tara Conner. By the way, this reminds me, I actually had a terrible nightmare the other day of the judges on this show suddenly being replaced with Donald Trump, Caroline Kepcher, and George Ross. I woke up in cold sweat and my shrink told me that the nightmares must be due to some residual unexpressed dark emotions I am feeling whenever I sit down and write the recaps for the episodes in the third season of this show. So here I am, expressing these dark emotions.

Oh yes, back to the show. I love Vincent's "What the hell?" expression and Keith's distinct eyeroll when Heidi describes Ivanka as the "VP of Development, Trump Organization". I hope you catch the latest development from Trump Organization, people. The product is all there in several glossy high-resolution photos in the September 2006 edition of Stuff magazine. As for the Runway show, it begins now.

Katia and the dog Molly come out first with Kayne's design. According to Kayne, Katia's supposed to some "rich bitch" so he's pleased that Katia comes out stomping and looking like she wants everyone to start cleaning her house for her at once. Katia is wearing sleeveless white top with a low neckline topped with a black jacket (the inside of the jacket is lined by the Missoni bedsheet that Kayne was so pleased with earlier in this episode) while the skirt is made from the Missoni bedsheet. Katia also wears a bandanna, also made from the bedsheet. Molly the dog looks like it is wrapped with the same black material used to make the jacket, seaweed around a sushi style, topped with a silly red bow. The overall effect of this design screams "tacky Las Vegas tattoo parlor pretending to be a upper-class fashionable Parisian bistro" to me, but hey, I suppose I can't expect more from a prom dressmaker. Oh no, the Baptist Church Grannies for Kayne are going after me now for daring to say anything remotely negative about their "sweet little innocent precious boy"!

Oh, I like Uli's design. Lindsay wears this fabulous halter-top sleeveless dress. The print on that dress is the highlight of this design so it's one of those designs that you have to see to fully appreciate it. The back is bare other than the lacy collar that spreads out into several strips of glittering fabric that merge with the lining material along the waist. Lindsay has a thick necklace of beads that go along very well with the dress. Uli however ruins the effect of the dress by having Lindsay wear a dull brownish jacket over the dress which distracts from the attractive cut of the dress. The dog, Einstein, wears a sausage-wrap made from the brownish leopard print fabric Uli was seen buying earlier in the episode with some fur-like trims at each end of the sausage-wrap.

Poor Danielle, Robert's model, can't get the recalcitrant Chanel to walk alongside her. Chanel obviously is too smart to blindly follow human orders like that, heh. Robert's dress looks pretty cute, all pale pinkish and all, but it's something that looks more appropriate for a walk in an upper-class neighborhood park rather than this "Parkway Avenue princess in rehab" story he is spinning. I mean, seriously, where are the puke stains? In all seriousness, I think the flowing blouse and the tweed plaid-like skirt are adorable but the whole design is also rather boring. This is a very fashionable outfit to me and I'd love to wear it if I can somehow win a few million dollars in some lottery and slim down a few pounds at the same time, but since this is supposed to be a competition, shouldn't Robert be sending something... fancier down the Runway?

Alison's design is as icy as she is blonde. I don't know how Toni's slicked-up pseudo-Mohawk like hair is supposed to go along with the design but hey, I'm not the hairdresser here. I can't really see this design well because the stupid camera people keeps zooming in on the dog Pepito and Toni's legs, ugh. From what I can see though, Toni is wearing this peach-colored dress with the fabrics around torso tailored in a way to make it seem like Toni is wearing a corset. The dress ends an inch above the knees. Toni wears black pantyhose and black fuck-me heels to give this dress a most amusing blend of classiness and mischief. She also has this jacket, white in color, that has no buttons but a clasp made in the shape of a flowery brooch. Pepito is wearing a small vest made from white fabric. Like Robert's, this is a very nice serviceable design perfect for lunches and social functions if I have killer legs that go on forever but it's not exactly the most exciting or memorable design either.

As for Bradley, well, all I can say is that the shapeless lump that is the top on Clarissa's body looks a lot like Dan's "the blossoms of the Mighty Ogre" outfit that won the inspiration challenge back in season two. It's like a pumpkin has exploded over Clarissa. Compared to the top, the skirt looks absolutely Givenchy. Stanley has only a purple collar around its neck. It looks happier than Clarissa when it's smiling on the Runway, which only goes to show that it is wrong to force dogs to wear stupid clothes. I adore Bradley when he says that it's a wonderful birthday week for him because he's not sending his model down the Runway naked. Now he hopes that his design doesn't get "swallowed in the jaws of the judges". Huh, how can one get swallowed between the jaws of a nasty creature like Nina Garcia? Shouldn't the word be "crushed" or "chewed"? Oh, Bradley and his mangled metaphors! I love that guy.

Nazri steps out next with Morgan, the two of them wearing Keith's design. I don't know if Nazri is told to hold Morgan in her hands so that the judges can't see clearly that Morgan only has a collar around its neck, but the end result is the same, heh! Nazri is wearing this beautiful dress of orange and red print. Let me put it this way: I don't know if he considered this during his shopping trip at Mood, but he has ended up choosing colors that go very well with Nazri's skin tone. It's like the dress design challenge for Nancy O'Dell back in season one, when Kara Saun ended up with something that will look beautiful on an African-American woman but hilariously terrible on a woman with complexion and skin color like Nancy, or in season two when Santino designed a dress that by chance happened to complement Iman's skin color beautifully. Here, Nazri has a beautiful shine as she shows off a dress with a dramatic flower-like collar and intricate ruchings in the top.

Yikes, Bonnie's cute bug-eyed mastiff is called Sparkles. I hate it when people give their dogs cutesy names that do not reflect their personal appearance at all. Anyway, her model Marilinda comes out with this long jacket that hides much of the black dress she is wearing underneath. Again, the camerawork prevents me from catching too much of this design as the camera zooms away from the model when she stops to show off the outfit, zooms in on the dog (who is wearing whitish sausage-wrap thingie), before zooming back out again. I think the show wants me to forget that poor Bonnie is even on this show.

Katherine's design is next. Talulah is wearing some greenish fabric that comes with a hood. Amanda is wearing a very simple one-piece dress of light green with that bra-thing Katherine showed Tim earlier in this episode now modified to create a layer effect for the top of this dress. I can't imagine how Katherine is going to put a hood to this dress so that explains why she chose not to, I guess - she may have to redo the whole dress if she wants to make a hood for it.

Alexandra and the dog Carly come out next in Michael's designs. The dress is brown in color with the highlight being the top, which is tailored to give this impression that Alexandra only has a few strips of fabrics wrapped around her chest to offer her just enough modesty to keep her from being arrested and that if you look closely or turn your head at a certain angle, you'll be able to see through the teasing narrow slits that afford glimpses here and there of bare flesh. Michael sounds he wants to make love to his dress right there and then. He may have to fight for the use of the Runway with Vincent if that is the case. On Carly, however, the miniature dress doesn't look too good on the poor dear - it looks like it's stuffed in a shredded leather coat.

Jia and the dog Lil'a (talk about pretentious doggie names, oh my goodness) step out next in Vincent's designs. I feel so sorry for Jia that I am nearly tempted to make jokes about her throwing herself in front of a bus so that she doesn't have to wear Vincent's designs anymore. Fortunately for everyone, I do have some sense of self-restrain left, heh, although Vincent is sorely testing my restrain with his designs like this one. The best way to describe this design is that Jia is wearing a black tube top over black spandex gym shorts. Once more Vincent loves his ugly hats so Jia is wearing one. So is Lil'a. Vincent laughs over the fact that Lil'a is struggling to get the hat off its head. There's a reason for that, dweeb. Dogs aren't stupid. And for all of Vincent's brags about people overlooking their designs for the dogs, his design for Lil'a is nothing to shout about - it's a polka-dotted sausage wrap with a stupid hat.

Laura's designs are next and yes, one look at what Katie is wearing and I can tell it's Laura's. Katie is wearing this adorable pale tweed dress with horizontal and vertical stripes. The dress has a very low neckline that affords people a glimpse of the brown top Katie is wearing under it. A diamond-shaped collar of fur, tailored to make it seem as if Katie is instead wearing a necklace of fur, sets off the design. Sophia wears a very adorable miniature of that dress that goes along very well with its pomeranian furry appearance and fur color. Yes, it's somewhat similar in terms of cut and style to that dress she came up with in the first challenge but I want this dress.

Camilla and Patty Cake are up next on the Runway with Angela's designs. I don't what to say other than I have a sneaky suspicion that the Japanese will adore Angela's designs if this... thing is anything to go by. I think I know what Angela is doing - she's trying to do this experimental too-hip thing that the avant garde tend to love because only the young and hip folks will wear this kind of clothes. The sleeveless jacket looks like it's made out of garbage bags and saran wrap, exposing the model's belly considerably. The skirt looks like it's picked up from a post-apocalyptic world garbage heap and that it used to be a ballerina's skirt until the nuclear bombs exploded and melted away the ballerina's flesh. The pink tutu skirt thingie Camilla is wearing looks so ridiculous that it actually fits beautifully with the jacket. I hate to agree with Angela because she's such an annoying creature but she's right about how no one will come up with a design like hers. She certainly has very interesting asthetics, this Angela, and I actually love the discordant kind of beauty she manages to embody in this design. I look forward to seeing what she will come up with next on this show.

And finally, Jeffrey's designs, modelled by Javi and the adorable corgi Flex. Flex, hmm? Now that's an appropriate name for that chubby little creature! This design is gorgeous although people conscious about showing off their nipples may not want to wear this baby since there is no way one can wear a bra with that design. The top is pretty much near-transluscent fabric that covers only enough to pretend that the wearer cares about modesty. There is no back. A brown sash at the waist marks the point where the dress flows out into a multi-tiered skirt. The overall effect of this dress is just gorgeous. Unlike Vincent, Jeffrey can brag all he wants but he proves that with this design at least he is capable of delivering the goods. Jeffrey doesn't seem so bad after all, hmm. Flex wears a small jacket made from the same material as Jia's skirt.

With the Runway show over, the Fashionistas now stand on the Runway before the judges. Heidi calls out Alison, Bradley, Keith, Angela, Katherine, and Uli. Keith looks very worried while Uli looks surprised, heh. She then announces that those who she has not called are safe and they can proceed off the Runway. Wait a minute, Vincent isn't in the bottom three? Oh yes, I forget, they won't even pretend that he's in danger until the final five. Silly me. Heidi then brings out the six Fashionistas' models so that the Q&A can begin. Yes, the dogs as well.

Heidi starts with Uli and asks to hear Uli's story about the owner of the dog that Uli designed the dress for, blah blah blah, hello kiddies, we're now in the kindergarten and the show-and-tell session is about to begin! Uli predictably launches into a story that as stupid as this whole "let's make up a story" thing is to begin with. Uli says that her dress is for some cool and hip woman who is not afraid of colors. Uli elaborates, saying that this woman has just returned from a party last night and she is now meeting some girlfriends for lunch and more shopping. What, immediately after leaving the party? That is some hardcore party-crazy lady indeed! Ivanka says that Uli's story works for her. I know, the jokes just write themselves, don't they? Heidi loves the cut and the patterns on that dress while Vera says that the pugdog is usually a "butch" dog so she finds it "interesting" that Uli gives it such a "feminine twist". Poor Einstein looks at the camera and says telepathically, "And this is why you shouldn't force poor doggies like me to wear dumb clothes!" Heidi asks Uli to remove the jacket from Lindsay and Lindsay to turn around so that the judges can examine the back. Vera loves the back of the dress.

Katherine is now asked to tell the story of her dress. Sheesh, this is going to be very long night. Katherine talks about a sporty woman wanting something simple to wear for a Sunday brunch "with the girls". Heidi, looking at Talulah's outfit, says that she loves the dog's outfit more than the one Amanda is wearing. Ivanka chirps that the dress is wearable. What, Talulah's dress, Ivanka? No, she's talking about Amanda's dress, phew. She thinks that the dress, no matter how wearable, looks too simple to the point that it seems as if Katherine has put more time in working on Talulah's outfit than Amanda's. Katherine defends her design by saying that she wants something clean and simple for her design. Heidi says that the design should have been something that can stand out and looks amazing. "To me it's very blah," she says. Oh no, step back, Nina now opens her mouth to speak. "I don't know if you guys can see it," she begins, taking the opportunity to point out that once again Nina's super-duper magic eyes can spot something no ordinary mortals can, going on to point out that the hem in Katherine's design isn't "supposed to be like that". Like what? The camera zooms in helpfully on the hem in question. The hem looks a little uneven here and there but it's not that bad, actually. Katherine blames the sewing machines that are provided for the Fashionistas, saying that this is the only "finishing" she can do using those machines. Nina rolls up her eyes - this is the unspeakably moronic woman who wondered during the last season why Kara didn't pack her printing press into her handbag and wow Nina with Kara's skills with the printing press, mind you - and declares Katherine's "execution" as "something to be desired". Like Nina Garcia's performance as a judge on this show, I suppose.

Alison is now asked to tell her story. Alison talks about some Japanese woman who works in the fashion industry, travels "religiously" with her dog, and is now in New York Fashion Week to work as a buyer. Vera Wang quickly announces that she loves the story. Yeah, I'd bet. She also loves the hairdo on Toni because she feels that it was "touch unexpected". Heidi calls the design "on the whole, a very modern chic cool new look".

On to Angela. Heidi says that Angela's model looks like she's going exactly where Angela is going. Yup, to a Japanese rock band. Angela then talks very stupidly about the dress being designed for an assistant art director in some kid's camp in Paris. Hello? Any parent who sees the camp staff dressed up like that will quickly drag his or her kid home! How about a different story, like a Aburadako fan going to a rave party come New Year's Eve? Angela goes on and on about some party being thrown for Patty Cake the camp mascot. Heidi asks how old the kids in the camp are going to be. "Six through twelve," says Angela. Heidi correctly points out that the assistant art director, dressed in Angela's outfit, is one "hot-looking momma to work with kids". "That skirt is super short, belly out, boobies out... da-yum!" Heidi says as the other Fashionistas chuckle at Angela's expense. Heidi is so adorable when she's being catty. Nina goes on to say that she doesn't get the design or the explanation - just like she doesn't get many things in life - so she doesn't know what to say. I wish she is always this succint. Heidi thinks that the design is "very raunchy in a way". Is that good or bad considering some of the lingerie she had modelled in the past, I wonder? Vera says that the skirt is "beautifully draped" but she feels that Angela needs to work on her "style". I think this settles it once and for all the debate about whether this show is looking for a winner in terms of high fashion, experimental fashion, or hoi palloi fashion. This show wants simple and recognizable designs like the ubiquitous sleeveless one-piece knee-length backless dress.

Heidi now turns to Bradley, but first pauses to scold Stanley for being a bad boy in a manner that surely must have the three straight men watching this show feeling a little hotter than usual at that moment. Bradley says that the woman wearing his dress is a confident architect who appreciates simplicity and structure. Is that why her top has no structure? I just have to ask that, sorry! Vera then announces that she loves the idea and the color combination while Ivanka says that she loves the volume and flair. Nina wants to see the side profile of the dress, saying that she is sure that it will be fantastic. Ladies, I know that it is Bradley's birthday and it won't do to send the grannies and impressionable young girls watching this show into suicidal "this show is so mean!" theatrics, but aren't we overdoing things a little in pretending that Bradley's design is better than it actually is? Then again, Nina is the one overdoing the whole "it's so awesome, I knew that even before I see it with my own eyes!" thing so I shouldn't be so surprised, really. Nina Garcia is a dumb cow after all. You don't believe me? She looks at the rushed-job collar Bradley makes Stanley wear and calls it "amazing" and "daring". It's just a purple collar, for heaven's sake! Maybe she thinks it will look good on her?

How many more Fashionistas have yet to tell their stupid stories? It's now Keith's turn. Will I be stuck recapping this episode forever? Oh dear. Keith calls the woman wearing his design "modern, sophisticated, elegant". He then says that this woman has a dog of rare breed that she doesn't want to dress up in stupid baby clothes. Heidi says that Keith is telling her this so that she doesn't have to ask him why the dog is not wearing an outfit. Keith insists that the dog, Morgan, is "definitely styled", using his chin to gesture at the gold collar Morgan is wearing around its neck. "It is accessorized!" Heidi all but hisses as she corrects Keith. See, Keith should have put a purple cloth around Morgan's neck. Then Nina would be falling over herself announcing that Keith has taken and pulled off the risk of the century. Or maybe not, since today is not Keith's birthday, oh dear. "This is how I see it: this is how she dresses it," says Keith simply. Truly, a part of me that finds this requirement to make a doggie suit excessively silly given the time constraints of this challenge tends to agree with Keith taking a stand for his design and sticking with it. Nina says that the dress is fantastic but she expects more from Keith. Like flowers! And doggie dresses! Printing presses!

Keith may or may not be lying when he insists that he has made "many, many outfits for the dog" while Angela smirks. Nina snorts at Keith's response because she knows everything, you see. "And I thought about it a long time," Keith continues even as Alison, by all accounts his best friend on the show, now shakes her head. I think he's lying, heh. Heidi asks Keith how they will judge his work when he has no fabric that he has made on his dog. See? Purple collar. That would have solved everything. Keith simply says that there is a sash on the collar. Heidi asks him whether he made that sash. Keith goes, "Well..." Nina now says that if Keith wants to give the judges a hard time, they'll give him a hard time back too. Oh, really? How hard? Final three hard? I hear Santino is still crying with remorse over the judges' harsh treatment of his insolence towards them. All you Fashionistas better behave or Nina Garcia will make sure that she will send you straight into the top three!

Heidi gets off her seat so that she can inspect the necklace around Morgan's neck. "What are you talking about, you made this?" she snaps at Keith as she studies the necklace. "No!" Keith quickly says, pointing out a little tiny sash and saying that he made that. Heidi scowls him for making it sound like he made the whole necklace, which isn't true as Keith specifically said earlier that he made the sash, not the necklace. Heidi tells the judges that the "necklace" is actually a bracelet and it is definitely not made by Keith. Keith still has the temerity to insist that he spent a lot of time in, er, choosing the accessory for Morgan or something. Heidi repeats that she finds it hard to judge the outfit on the dog. What's to judge? What's to pretend? No one is cutting Keith today, so why not just drop the matter?

Oops, so Keith is the last one today? That means the Q&A is done? Oh good, I can end this recap soon then. Back to Heidi, she now banishes the Fashionistas temporarily so that she and the judges can rehash the same things that have been rehashed in the last fifteen to twenty minutes of this seemingly never-ending episode.

Bradley is hailed for his beautiful and original design. At the rate the show is going to pretend that there is a reason to keep Bradley on the show, I wonder whether the show will be flying in strippers for Bradley. Uli's design is loved. Katherine's design is boring. Vera loves Angela's top and skirt but the two pieces combined create an overall effect that doesn't appeal to her, and that is most reasonable thing said about Angela's design. Ivanka calls the outfit that of a "streetwalker". Again, the jokes write themselves, especially considering how Ivanka could have easily left this studio at the end of her judging stint to head straight to the Stuff photoshoot. I can see Ivanka's grand speech about female professionals making a stride in the modern business environment now: "Eeeuw, dressing like a whore is like, eeeuw, so trashy. Daddy said I'm a professional businesswoman now, which is why you guys are so lucky to look at my barely-covered boobies in a men's magazine like Stuff because I'm sure it will do men a lot of good to look at the near unclothed body of a respectable and professional businesswoman than a cheap tramp in tramp outfits!" As for Keith, oh no, bad boy, bad boy, shame on him, but ooh, what pretty clothes he has nonetheless, and how well-presented they are! Nina wants Keith bad. Hey, she has nothing to be ashamed of. That close-up on a somber Keith's face should be preceded with an advance warning because that guy is too good-looking in a mean and devilish dark bad boy manner if you ask me. And with that, Heidi decides that they have all made an unanimous decision and calls out the Fashionistas again.

Heidi does her usual "one will be out, one will be the winner" spiel and then without ado announces that Uli is the winner of challenge. Uli will have immunity from elimination in the next challenge. Uli tells the camera that she is surprised to find out that she has won in this challenge but she is glad nonetheless because having an immunity in the next challenge is the "biggest thing" she can have. Alison and Bradley are declared to be safe. Bradley sits next to Uli who tells him that she is "surprised". At her winning the challenge or, heh heh heh, Bradley being safe? Heidi then tells Keith that he would have won this challenge if he has given Morgan an outfit. As a reward for his insolence and bad behavior, the judges make good of Nina's threat and punish him severely by making him safe and sending him backstage. Keith tells the camera with this mock expression of offense that he doesn't understand why he didn't win since his dress is the only one out there with "great execution". Oh, Keith. Enjoy your punishment, you bad, bad boy. Nina can be one very merciless woman!

So it's down to Angela versus Katherine, where Katherine is given the cut for being so boring that the audience won't care if she's gone - that is, if they remember that she's even on the show in the first place. Katherine, tears in her eyes, tells the camera that she never thought she would win but she nonetheless experienced "a little bit of a shock" to be cut since she thought she did a "pretty good job". As she clears her worktable and leaves a note telling the remaining Fashionistas how much she'll miss them, she also wants everyone to know that she stands by her design, insisting that she feels that it is one of her most inspired works she has ever done on this show even if it didn't inspire the judges. Well, good for her. Now all she has to do is to be a good girl and go take part in some real fashion events where she can actually learn something to hone her abilities a little bit more before she is ready to take on the fashion world. Leave this show to the stage monkeys, the mean pretty boys, the crazies, the haughty mean girls, and the demented, alright?

Search for more rubbish: