And... we're back! And woah, from the credits I for a moment believe that Tim Gunn is actually going to compete in this season of undoubtedly rushed and haphazard attempt to cash-in on the show's bizarrely disproportionate success in the previous season. Alas, no, such is not the case and my momentary hope is dashed completely.

This episode takes off from the end of the clip show (which I am not recapping because I don't do recaps of clip shows, reunion specials, and other filler episodes) where the lastest crop of Fashionistas, fifteen of them, are showing up at the Atlas to move in and generally play monkey to the producers' manipulations in exchange for a brief moment of superstardom.

First to show up is a 32-year old gentleman named Malan Breton. That's Breton as in "Brit-tahn" for you. Let's just say that he looks exactly like he's born to be either a high-priced gentleman's tailor, a pretentious butler, or a fashion designer. Well, here he is, on this show, with his thick and exaggerated accent and all, to tell me that he was born in Taiwan and he gets his inspirations from Hollywood's golden era when women, according to him, dressed in style and all. Ah yes, back when women are allowed to have curves instead of protruding ribcages. Is that his way of saying that he's aspiring to design stuff for Lane Bryant? Malan claims that he has raw talent which apparently sets him apart from the other designers, whose talents I'd presume are either cooked, polished, or refined, heh. Malan also laughs like he's an unironic version of Austin Powers. The poor dear. He's never going to endear himself to children and sweet old grannies with that laugh. Malan enters his apartment and, spotting some flowers, claims that it's bad feng shui to have fake flowers in the house. I take a peek at my handy feng shui manual and discover that it's bad to talk out of one's bum as well. Malan really doesn't need to try so hard to be "original". All he needs to do is to keep laughing.

"Hello there! I'm Michael!" says the African-American man wearing a baseball cap as he walks into the apartment to join Malan. He looks pretty hot from his side profile but once I see his face, uh oh, take away the iced water, sweetie, because I don't think I need some any more. He's Michael Knight, 28, and he talks about wanting to penetrate the fashion industry via the music industry. Translation: he designs those bling-bling outfits one can typically find in those MTV videos of rappers-of-the-moment. He says that this show is his ticket to become a "motherfucking fashion star". That's nice but I suspect that he will have to face Santino in a caged deathmatch before he can make it as one. He tries to chat with Malan but Malan is more interested in being vague so that he can pretend he's "mysterious" like that when he's not cackling. Poor Michael.

Joining them are two men who look like what you would get if you split Jay into two, with one guy getting the skinny good looks while the other gets the shortness and bitchiness. They are the unfortunately named Bradley Baumkirchner, who's 31, and the generically named Robert Best who's 36.

A lady who looks like she's more of those fashion magazine staff type or at least the person who buys the overpriced clothes these designers put out show up carrying a few Louis Vuitton cases. Those cases won't endear her to the gay men watching this show as much as they make those men want to steal those bags from her, I suspect. She's Laura Bennett, a forty-two year old architect whose passion is of course in fashion. Ah yes, if they are not architects, they are lawyers. There's one every season. She says that she never "dresses down" even if she has five children, one of whom seems way too out-of-control with a baseball bat if you ask me, because she thinks that you will go straight to hell if you start wearing sweatpants and all. Or something like that. I think she's right.

As Laura sits prettily in her apartment, she is joined by a more outgoing-looking woman who at first glance seems like Nina Garcia's older sister until she takes off her shades and looks at least ten years younger. She's 33-year old Angela Kessler who hails from "a farm in the middle of quote unquote nowhere". Why she feels the need to say "quote unquote" I will never know. Maybe home-schooling in the farm is very strict when it comes to punctuation. She hopes that this show will give her some visibility, which is of course a more reasonable and rational expectation than wanting to be a "motherfucking fashion star". She and Laura laugh over the joke that people have nothing to do in Ohio.

"Hi!" says forty-year old Stacey Estrella as she joins the two ladies. And, er, that's it for Stacey.

"How many fashion designers does it take to open a door?" asks a spiky-haired blond guy in a leather jacket and jeans as he struggles with the knob. The door knob, you perverts. The answer is, of course, none. They'll just scream and wring their hands until someone else opens the door for them. Hey, watch where you're throwing the eggs, people. This guy is Kayne Gillaspie (he doesn't want to use his first name, Jonathan, in his budding career), a 27-year old co-owner of a "prom pageant boutique" in Oklahoma. Now, now, no "Clay Aiken must be a regular in his shop" jokes, please. I hear his fans are also big fans of this show so let's not get me into trouble, okay? His audition video sees him screaming about wire hangers, which is of course a "tribute" to the movie that every gay man in the world apparently watches at least six times before they reach adulthood. You know which movie, I'm sure. Kayne wants to prove that apparently you can be from any part of the country and still make it in the fashion world. I'm shocked to hear that. Here I am thinking that you have to be genetically gay, male (or failing that, a woman looking more manly than your average man), and French to qualify as a fashion designer. Kayne is breaking down ignorance and prejudices already five seconds of his boyish cute face showing up on my TV. I'm in awe.

Following him is the hooded bed-jumping Jeffrey Sebelia. I hope this 36-year old man is either a Satanist or he has a conjoined Siamese twin growing out of his scalp because a 36-year old man wearing a hooded jacket like that is even more pathetic than Nick wearing his Judge Dredd shades and cockerel hairstyles. Those tattoos forming a chokehold motif around his neck is cool though. I can see that Jeffrey is driving many of those Livejournaling sweet little virginal girls that watch this show and aspire to be fashionable wedding gown designers into hysterics - you can always tell when a teenybopper is squealing because chances are, she's squealing about Evil Things like tattoos, earrings, and smoking habits when she's not issuing fatwas on beautiful women, fat women, and skinny women everywhere - but I find the tattoos pretty interesting. Better than the stupid hooded jacket shtick, at the very least. Jeffrey then ruins his street creds forever by saying that he makes clothes for rock stars and name drops Jennifer Lopez and Britney Spears as his clients. Are we talking about rock stars or stars with rocks for brains? Jeffrey owns the Costa Nostra fashion line but feels that his line isn't as successful as he thinks it should be so here he is.

49-year old Vincent Libretti, who looks like a typical soccer dad who wakes up one day to realize that he's flaming gay and he really wants to sleep with the hunky seventeen-year old son of his neighbor, does just that, and is now setting up a home with that kid next door to Tim Gunn, shows up next and Jeffrey wears those stupid "shock buzzer" things to surprise Vincent. I'm starting to think that those tattoos around Jeffrey's neck must be made by the keepers at some loonybin, perhaps a message like "Stay the hell away!" to warn the unwary from coming close to that pathetic fellow. 36-year old and still playing such unoriginal kiddie tricks? What an amateur. As for Vincent, he doesn't get anything more as an introduction for the audience than this scene. In his case, that's like "the best has yet to come". If you listen carefully, you can hear the music they played in Jaws when the shark is about to eat somebody.

Look who's here. Keith Michael is 34, looks a little like Greg Kinnear crossed with Jonathan Schaech, and unfortunately is on the short side. Still, I suppose those kiddies driven into terror by Jeffrey can find some succor in staring and sighing at his face. Keith says that he is a menswear designer who wants to cross over and he expects to win at the end even if he doesn't expect to win every week. And no, I don't know if he's Emmett's boyfriend. Why do you people keep 'Shipping up the contestants on this show? It's creepy. Stop that. Only I can do that, you hear?

Alison Kelly, 25, shows up at her apartment. She tells the camera that she has her own label which she designs, models, and more for. She hopes that this show will give her the exposure she craves. First to show up at Aparment 34G is Ulrike Herzner, a 35-year old German transplanted to Miami Beach. Just behind Ulrike is Bonnie Dominguez, the 31-year old who designed stuff for Serena Williams before. She dresses up and seems to want to look the image of a typical sportswear designer. Also bunking in at Apartment 34G is Katherine Gerdes, a 24-year old who tells the others that she is a light sleeper so as long as she doesn't sleep near people who snores, everything will be fine. Do you think Bonnie and Ulrike make her sleep in the bath tub?

The Fashionistas find a note in their apartments telling them to head up to the roof. As the Fashionistas in each apartment read the note, the montage reveals who will be rooming with who: Kayne, Keith, Vincent, and Jeffrey are conveniently ocstracized together; Alison, Laura, Stacey, and Angela; Malan, Robert, Bradley, and Michael; Ulrike, Bonnie, and Katherine. Guess who are waiting for them on the roof. Heidi and Tim welcome them. Tim delivers a cringe-inducing speech about how honored he is working with extremely talented people. As for Heidi, she sounds even younger than her most recent popped-out brat. What can I say? She's Heidi Klum. They all have a toast and then proceed to mingle around.

Vincent rhymes for the camera: "It's so insane/you get off the plane/and you get to Atlas/the next thing you do/you're toasting/and like... HERE WE GO!" I'm in love already. If he hasn't convinced me enough that he's crazy, he says that he doesn't respond well to pressure despite having been a designer for 25 years. He alludes to some kind of nervous breakdown that prevented him from going much further in his career. Now, he claims to have cashed out his retirement fund to take another stab at becoming a designer. Well, he's going to be in the final four since the formula this show and Top Chef (also by the same idiots behind this show) is to use its resident nutcase to string people on for as long as possible (while pretending to disapprove of the resident nutcase's actions, of course), so if things don't work out, he can always stand in the welfare line with Santino.

Robert tells Angela and Michael that working with Isaac Mizrahi is "the best and the worst" experience in his life. Ooh, how delicious. Hey, Robert, what does this devil wear, then, if not Prada? Calvins? Angela wants to hear some details from Robert but this show quickly cuts away to Robert's introductory clip. Maybe the show wants Isaac to be a guest judge somewhere down the line and it won't do to have this stumpy pipsqueak hurt Isaac's fragile ego on TV. Robert looks like he's somehow related to Vincent - they have some similar facial features, I find. He says that working with Isaac has taught him patience because sometimes he'd like to drive a stake through Isaac's heart. I think I can get used to liking Robert already. He explains that he designs outfits for Barbie for the last eleven years and he loves that job because Barbie can't complain when he puts her in what he calls "insane drag queen clothes". Okay, I'm in love now.

Heidi indulges with small chit-chat with the Fashionistas and asks them which Fashionista they have met that they love best. Stacey answers that she loves everybody because everybody is sweet. She laughs as she hopes that everybody stays sweet. To the camera, she explains that she's a forty-year who had a business background and ran a dotcom business until she decided that she should pursue fashion designing. Translation: her dotcom company went under.

Heidi asks the Fashionistas to gather around and listen to her. Jeffrey actually rubs his hands and does a little dance of excitement. To the camera, he talks about how excited he is to face the first challenge and I must say, I take back what I say about the hooded jacket. He should wear it as much as possible because my goodness, his neck is actually bigger than his head and he comes off like a mannequin with the wrong head attached to it. Jeffrey needs to keep his hair long or people will start mistaking him for an alien from a distant planet. Back to Heidi, she asks the Fashionistas how they like their apartments and of course the Fashionista unanimously talk about how much they love their apartments. That's good, because Heidi reveals that the first challenge involves creating a dress out of anything that can be found in their apartments. Tim talks about how this challenge tests one's "innovation" and the Fashionistas can use anything from sheets, curtains, bedsheets, lampshades, to even food. Angela tells the camera that she finds it "shocking" that the Fashionistas are expected to "rip up" their apartments. Alison reveals that she's a freak when she tells the camera that she loves this challenge because it has been her dream as a kid to cut anything up to make clothes. I hope they keep the sharp knives away from her.

Tim shows a black kit box and reveals that every Fashionista will be given one of these boxes. Each one contains a pair of scissors, a pair of pliers, and a laundry bag for use in their taking apart their apartment. To avoid any unsightly bitch-slap parties, Heidi furthermore lays down the law: the Fashionista that touches an item first gets to use it. Meanwhile, Malan tells the camera that he is "irritated" to be forced to use material like bedsheets to make a dress when he'd prefer material of "better quality". Like gold, perhaps. I can easily picture Malan as Rumpelstiltskin. Heidi tells the Fashionistas that they have only fifteen minutes to collect what they need and want from their apartments so people, chop-chop!

There is a mad dash down the stairs, although unfortunately nobody falls or breaks a bone, and Malan compares to the camera the situation to a cattle stampede for the feeder. As Keith starts ripping down curtains and grabbing bedsheets, he says that he knows what he wants because he knows everything that is in the apartment. And here I am thinking that he's grabbing sheets and other fabrics because it's the most logical, if unoriginal, thing to do in a situation like this. The other Fashionistas are grabbing whatever they think they need, with Kayne actually cutting the covering out of a barstool seat. Laura grabs for the rugs and the glittery thingies hanging from the ceiling, telling the camera that she knows she can create "fabulousness" with those material in her hands. I can see that - she's probably wearing a rug on her head in that very confessional.

Ten minutes left as the tearing and ripping continue. Angela says that she goes for the chaise covers and other leather material, preferably those brown in color. Stacey says that there are two strategies going in her head: to take what she needs and to hoard what she thinks the other Fashionistas need. In short, she wants to take everything, heh. As Angela grabs a pot of flower and everything else she can stuff into her laundry bag (including the dish rack!), Laura jokes that Angela looks like she's just come back from a yard sale. "Everything but the kitchen sink!" she says as the other women laugh with her. I am getting a Carrie Fisher vibe from Laura in the way she deadpans the one-liners. I can start to like her too.

Two minutes left. Rip! Snip! Crash! Bradley finds a pillow in the wardrobe and happily pulls off the cover. Robert however tells him that it is his pillow, literally, because he travels everywhere with that pillow so he actually brought it here with him. Don't laugh - my brother actually had his own favorite pillow that he owned since he was a teenager and he actually took it along with him on his business trips because he claims that he couldn't sleep in hotel rooms without, er, the comforting smell of his stale saliva or something, I suppose. Anyway, Bradley is not giving the pillowcase back though and Robert doesn't seem to really take offense to Bradley's action. Meanwhile, Malan voices his displeasure to the camera about how inappropriate he finds the behavior of the Fashionistas. Maybe he'd like it better if they determine who gets what via something like an auction at Sotheby's.

More trashing. Vincent actually folds into two a plastic ornament thingie he rips off the wall and forces into his laundry bag. The women are more gentle as they walk around their apartments looking for anything they have overlooked that they can stuff into their laundry bags. Unlike the men, they don't seem to be trying very hard to grab things that are nailed to the floor. And then the fifteen minutes are up and it's time for the Fashionistas to head over to the Sweatshop in the Parsons New School of Design - yes, it's still new, people. Robert takes one look at their apartment, which looks like a few tornados have hit it, and says that he doesn't want to live in this apartment now. Won't it be funny if they have to do just that with the people behind this show refusing to replace the things that the Fashionistas have taken down and dismantled? Vincent tells the camera that he has no idea what he wants to make and somehow he then goes on to say that "our" work is more than cut out for "us". Oi, don't assume that everyone doesn't know what to make, Vincent, just because you don't. As he and his apartment mates leave, the camera pans in on the words written on the blackboard hanging from a wall in that apartment: "Best room". Deep.

As the Fashionistas carry their big bags of goodies to Parsons looking like a procession of weirdos on their way to a Burn The Ugly Things bonfire, Malan repeats the nature of their challenge to the camera. Once the Fashionistas are in the Sweatshop looking over their material, Robert tells the camera that obviously some Fashionistas will have to do some serious "editing" of their material - the camera cuts to Michael's knives and spoons and Angela's plants - saying that obviously things like the plants will not make it to the Runway. Spoken like a boring unrevolutionary designer, really. Let me rephrase that: spoken like the future winner of this show, really. Then in walks Tim to do his usual "gather around" thing. He explains that the Fashionistas have until one in the morning to finish their work. The camera zooms in on the clock on the wall - it's now a little after five in the evening. Tim reminds the Fashionistas to be innovative. Also, each Fashionista is assigned a model and her measurements are listed on the Fashionista's worktable. Tim also reveals the return of the immunity in this season: the winner of this challenge will not be eliminated in the next challenge. That will give the Fashionistas some incentive not to regurgitate the same old thing week after week like they are the new Chloe Dao and Santino, I hope. Hearing this, Robert mouths a silent "Yes!" while Malan flicks his hair like he's in a shampoo commercial. Tim tells them to make things work and scram.

"Let the drama begin!" Angela tells the Fashionista working next to her, Robert, as she gets down to work. She tells the camera that she is worried about the eight hour time limit and she will be thrilled to finish in time. Kayne tells the camera that he usually deals with materials like silk chiffon and silk charmeuse so a doormat like what he is using is a "stretch" where he is concerned. Keith tells the camera that he is a menswear designer and he has never made a dress in his life, but he believes that he has better taste than everyone else in the Sweatshop so his design will be "really, really hot". Is that hot as in the hot seat, I wonder?

Bonnie has a bedspread and when she beats it, feathers fly everywhere, causing Bradley to laugh and her to say that this is her strategy to eliminate all the Fashionistas that are allergic to feathers. Bradley laughs and make chicken sounds while some people, like Keith, don't look too amused at having feathers flying at their faces. Bradley has his own bedspread too and it causes more feathers to fly everywhere as he laughs at someone off-camera asking him what he is doing and says that he's waiting to see if "it" comes through.

Well, the Fashionistas can't always be happy all the time. At around 7:50 pm, here's Stacey, providing some "Oh dearie me, I can't use a sewing machine!" drama. As she looks around her wild-eyed with confusion as the other Fashionistas get busy with their machines, she voices over that she is not used to using "industrial sewing machines" since she started designing only three years ago. I don't understand why these people don't at least try to learn before they come on this show. Haven't they seen this show before? Sheesh. She asks Keith for help. As he explains things to her, he says to the camera that every fashion designer really should know how to operate a sewing machine "like, instantly". In an ideal world, perhaps, because I don't think this is really the case with all designers. As poor Stacey uses what seems like a screwdriver on her sewing machine, Keith mockingly impersonates Stacey's complaining voice to the camera, pretty much saying that Stacey keeps saying that her machine is faulty when the fault actually lies in her inability to use it properly. Amusingly, the show then cuts to Stacey saying that the sewing machines have problems, they really do, so she's going to sew her dresses by hand.

At about two hours until deadline, Tim shows up for his usual "I'll just nitpick everything when you have barely any time left to make changes and people will love me for that" routine. He approaches Vincent first who is making a short dress and points out that the yellow fake rhinestones Vincent stuck over the pockets give a cartoonish effect. Vincent insists that he digs his own design and the rhinestones complement the dress very nicely. He and Tim end up speaking at the same time, with Tim trying to get a word in while Vincent just keep going on and on about how much he digs his own design. Jeffrey, who is working at the table behind Vincent's and therefore he can't avoid seeing and hearing everything, tells the camera that "poor Vincent" is "obviously nuts". So says the man who has a tattoo around his neck to emphasize how disproportionately small his head is compared to his neck. Meanwhile, Vincent shows off a bowl-like hat that he must have adapted from some wicker basket thingie and Tim merely says that the basket by itself is not enough to make the dress work. Vincent then pulls out a chain that is most likely previously attached to a sink plug and goes wow, he's having a great idea because the chain is "obviously working". Angela, working nearby, shudders and rolls up her eyes.

Jeffrey shows off to Tim what he calls a "most difficult piece" that he has spent the most time on, a jacket, that is supposed to go over the sleeveless dress he is currently working on. He tells the camera that he wants to make something that is different but better than the other Fashionistas. Maybe his dress will light up like a Christmas tree? Tim however feels that the dress and the jacket don't really go well together because they will clash and compete for attention. 11:35 pm. Stacey tells Tim about her sewing machine woes as she shows off her design, a half-finished white dress. Tim doesn't say much as he studies the design other than not liking the way she designed the hem of the skirt. Stacey obviously tries to compensate by saying that she can add some gold-colored ornamentation to the sash around the waist to make the design better and Tim merely tells her not to add things to the point of making her design over-the-top. Oh, and to "make it work", an increasingly pointless phrase that has no meaning anymore because Tim is making it his mission to use that phrase at least two times in every scene he is in.

Keith comes up with a blue dress that is made entirely from a bedsheet and Tim wonders whether such a design can be considered innovative. Keith tells the camera that he doesn't necessarily agree with the styles of the people who will be judging him so, if you'll excuse him, he'll decide which criticism he will take to heart and which he will dismiss out of hand. I'm waiting with bated breath to see whether Keith will turn out to be an arrogant wunderkind worthy of his arrogance or he will just be another ridiculous blowhard like Santino who ultimately underneath his bluster just wants to be the show's biggest syncophant. Tim studies some bath mats on Keith's table and tells the man to "at least" try to incorporate something else to the man's design.

Tim then reminds the Fashionistas that they have an hour left to panic over his words and takes his leave. This reminds me, do the women on this show talk? I believe I have seen the confessionals made by all the men on this show while the women do not register at all other than Angela. I know, I know, it seems from the last season that the fans don't care about the female Fashionistas because they are too busy arguing whether Santino and Dan will be straight enough to fall in love with these fans... but really, can this show treat the female contestants like nothing more than fillers any more blatantly?

As Tim leaves and everyone gets back to doing the necessary, Jeffrey says to the camera that everyone else in the Sweatshop is doing "remedial intermediate bullshit". None of the designs he sees inspires him in any way other than, of course, his own. Sigh, everyone wants to be a Santino this season, it seems, because they realize that being a Santino is an easy surefire ticket to the final four without putting much effort into their work. Meanwhile, Robert tells the camera that Jeffrey is trying to do too much when he should be focusing on one aspect or two in his designs. Some shots of the women and that African-American guy follow to remind me that they are still on the show instead of having fallen completely off the face of the earth.

Oh, it's 1:00 am now. Time to pack up and leave for the day. As she cuts away to smoothen the hem of her skirt, Stacey tells the camera that she is hoping to do a second layer over her skirt but she has no time to do so. Therefore she has to adjust her design accordingly. She is now working just to have a completed design that can be sent down the Runway. As the Fashionistas leave in a single file - how many takes do you think they need to get this scene filmed right? - Laura tells the camera about what a hard day it has been. She and the others are ready to sleep but oops, their apartments are exactly in the condition when they left. Obviously the Fashionistas are hoping that they will return to a shiny and newly refurbished apartment, like Keith says to the camera, so in the end they just make do with they have and try to sleep. Ooh, for once the show has listened to my suggestion. Can we make sure that their apartments stay like that for the rest of the season?

It's now the day for the Runway show. Cue a montage of the Fashionistas going about in their morning rituals. Jeffrey says that he has no fear of being eliminated and he can't wait to meet his model because, as he says, "models and runways are always cherry on the cake". I think the tattoo around his neck is demonic and it is controlling him and making him say bizarre things. Vincent also tells the camera that he feels confident. Of what? Getting cut? Vincent says that he has style that is very different from everyone else's. That is such a multilayered sentence with so many possible meanings and connotations, I don't even know where to begin. As he and his apartments leave, the camera zooms in on the blackboard, which miraculously enough hasn't been turned into a gladiator helmet by Vincent. Someone has written "Get us some beds!" on it. Obviously these Fashionistas expect to be waited hand and foot, how disgusting.

The Fashionistas are now in the Sweatshop and it's four hours till the Runway. Keith explains to the camera that he at first decided to listen to Tim and added some sash made from a bath mat and some chains of ringlets into his design but ugh, he can't stand how his design looks as a result and reverts back to his original vision. Why oh why do I feel like cheering him on as he rips off the chains with a vengeance? As the Fashionistas work to clean up their designs and put finishing touches to them, Malan compliments Linda's fur coat ensemble for being "so hot", saying that it reminds him of a "Clara Bow or something" design. Linda says that well, she's about to "glue on the glamor now" as she starts cutting up some silvery thingies that will be glued to her design. She tells the camera that her design is restrained yet glamorous in a "very New York" manner. Meanwhile, Robert suggests to Angela that she can use a hot glue gun to get what seems like a difficult seam to work and Angela seems surprised that a glue gun can be used in that manner. Oh yes, I forgot, she's from the farm in the middle of nowhere. Stacey, her eyes bugging out more and more each time she has a confessional, says to the camera that she has much to do while Michael and Kayne look at Michael's frilly white dress made out of coffee filters and talk about how it smells like Frebreze. Ah, a dress with an inbuilt perfume. I'm waiting for them to come up with something like this for a while now.

Tim now steps in to tell the Fashionistas that they have three hours to get their models, who will be coming in anytime now, all dolled up and ready for the Runway. The L'Oréal Paris Make-Up room and the TRESemmé Hair Salon are still in use but ah, the accessory wall is now called the Macy Accessory Wall. And... here are the models. Oh dear, apart from one or two exceptions, it looks like we are really using very obvious catalogue-quality models this time around instead of runway types. Then again, perhaps this show is just being realistic and settling on finding the next catalogue fashion designer rather than someone that can take the high fashion world by storm! As the models and the Fashionistas meet up, Bonnie realizes that she has overestimated the measurements of her model's chest because the dress won't stay up, if you know what I mean, while Stacey realizes that she needs to create some undergarment for her model. It's not that the model wants the undergarment as much as Stacey is uncomfortable about sending something so "provocative" down the Runway. She comes up with some still sheer boxers that she calls "sexy and couqettish".

Funny music plays as Vincent puts what he calls his "kooky hat" on his model and then a pair of large shades to match. I don't know, the overall effect isn't as bad as the show is drumming it up to be. The hat is probably kooky and the shades are eccentric at best but it's not like the overall effect makes the model look like she's about to be beamed up to outer space like Bonnie claims to the camera. Ulrike, or Uli as she apparently prefers to be called, gets to speak for the first time to the camera as she says that the hat really ruins the overall effect of Vincent's design but she doesn't know how to tell Vincent this since he is so proud of his design. And then comes Vincent wanting to add a garish red fabric to the hat so that the hat will look even more over-the-top. He wonders to the camera whether he should go ahead with this "last minute touch". I say yes, please do, I need some comedy come the Runway show.

Dolling up time in the hair salons and all. Jeffrey explains to the camera that he wants his model to have an "'80s New Age" look which involves thick black mascara work and a Mohawk-like hairstyle without the head-shaving part. Vincent has many ideas about how his model should look and isn't afraid to let the hairstylist know of these ideas. I hope he gets the hairstylist to turn the model into something resembling a clean-shaven Ewok. Then it's back to the Sweatshop for the fitting and last-minute adjustments. And then Tim comes in to call all activity to a halt. The Runway show is about to begin.

The Runway. Heidi steps out to say hello. Say hello to Heidi's voicover, people, as it details the prizes for the winner of this season: a spread in Elle magazine ("spread" as in "two pages if you're lucky", that is), a mentorship with INC International Concepts (eeuw, their clothes are even uglier than that of Banana Republic, if you ask me), a year's representation by the Designers Management Agency, a 2007 Saturn Sky Roadster, and the only prize component that is of any value, $100,000. In case you're wondering, the $100,000 is coughed up by TRESemmé. After more babble from Heidi, she introduces the judges: the Mighty Ogre, Nina Garcia, and the guest judge, fashion designer Kate Spade, she of the handbags and all. And with that, the show begins.

Katie - who actually looks like the most famous Scientologist with the same name from afar - comes out in Laura's design. It's made from a fur rug and those shiny thingies that this show calls "chandeliers". I don't think those things are chandeliers. Anyway, this design is a lavender-colored dress with a crowning fur-like collar to draw one's attention to as well as fur-like cuffs. The skirt has a split topped with a bow. Laura has those silver ornaments made from the "chandeliers" dangling from the hem of the skirt and some silvery patterns glued to the body of the dress. The whole ensemble looks clean and pretty if not too exciting or memorable. Laura thinks that her dress makes its wearer look like "the entire body was smiling".

Bradley's design is modeled by Camilla and is made from his matress and a comforter. The dress is a simple and short affair and what draws the eye is the shawl-like thing the model has on her shoulders. The shawl is asymmetrical, with one end actually being made into a sleeve for the model while the other end just hangs free. The colors are not very attractive in my opinion, but I think this dress has a nice edgy feel to it. Better fabrics and colors would have made it much better, I think.

Nazri, a tall and striking woman (or a boy if you want to be mean), models Keith's creation and I must say, it's a very pretty dress indeed. The dress looks simple and generic in its half-finished state but here, there are many interested and even complicated layers and pleats that create an effect that is far from boring like Tim suggested. The accessories are fabulous: Nazri wears several chains of beads and some really adorable furry bracelets. Keith says that his dress is the prettiest and it even looks like a dress unlike the other designs which he feels are too much like costumes. I don't know, there is a fine line between being innovative and being costumey, I suppose, and it also depends on what the designer wants to do. Keith makes to make a dress, and if that's what he wants to do, he has succeeded beautifully. Some Fashionistas may want to make a statement rather than a simple dress. But since we are talking about this show, Keith is on the right track in making clothes that aren't too edgy or outlandish for the masses. Despite Heidi and Tim constantly blabbing about innovation, this show just wants its Fashionistas to make pretty, pretty dresses that the audience can relate to.

Like Angela's design, modeled by Clarissa, for example. It can be considered hideous and unmarketable but it's something quite edgy and will be right at home in a high fashion runway. The short skirt is made from leather chaise cover while the bedsheets are transformed into a top that is actually a strip of cloth that is wrapped together at the back, exposing the model's cleavage (not that she has any, heh) and down to her waist. The top has pleated edges made from a more colorful fabric that gives it some color. The big belt is a nice touch. The flowers hanging out of the model's back create an interesting effect that I actually like.

Jia comes out next with Kayne's design which is made from floor mat, feathers, the cover of a vinyl stool, and bed sheets. The dress is another simple short affair with the main attraction being the red fabric that seems like a deceptively typical "let's swathe the bosom with red to draw your attention to it" motive until Jia turns and I get to see how the red fabric swirls out in the back to create a tail of ribbons that dangle to just a little below Jia's knee. I don't know if that ripple effect is enough to make this dress memorable to me, though. Kayne says that he has changed the bottom of the dress a few times yesterday but he is pleased with what he sends down the Runway.

How nice that this show pairs the only Chinese model, Moon, with a man born in Taiwan, snort. Moon steps out in Malan's design, made from rugs and Ottoman fabrics, which is a top and a skirt. The top looks like a rug and it is the main attraction since the skirt is a simple nondescript affair. I don't find this design too interesting but that's probably because the color of the top reminds me of a rug that hasn't been cleaned in a long time.

Bonnie's design is next and it is modeled by Toni. Made from duvet covers and sheets, this dress is something that Wonder Woman could have worn for a cocktail party, I suppose, what with those red and blue colors around the stiff cup-like bosom and all. Bonnie is worried that Toni will pop out of the dress but that never happens, of course.

Candace models Katherine's design, made from comforters and plastic bags. It's a blue strapless dress that I can't really see due to the camera's annoyingly erratic cuts and it is worn under a hooded jacket that covers the entire body although it is buttoned only at chest level in the front. I don't see anything particularly striking or memorable about this dress.

Michael's model, Alexandra, comes out with his design that is created from coffee filters. It looks interesting but it is also a Santino-esque design in that it is so frilly that it hides the model's physique underneath what seems like a big ball of ostrich feathers. Michael thinks he's going to win this Challenge with this design though.

Lindsay comes out with Vincent's design and really, it doesn't look that bad. It's funny, yes, especially because the helmet-like basket hat and the big shades make Lindsay look like a Ninja Turtle. The dress is actually very nicely done, kinda like a hip dress for a young lady in a club of some science-fiction movie. Uli is right, the helmet really ruins the whole space-agey effect that Vincent's dress could credibly protray. By the way, this design is made from a lamp, sheets, and of course, a basket. Meanwhile, the Mighty Ogre squints at the dress, looking like he's barely holding back a scream of terror, while some of the Fashionistas like Keith seem to be trying very hard not to laugh.

Alison's design is worn by Amanda and it seems to be as white as Alison is blonde. Using bed sheets and a beaded curtain, Alison has come up with a naughty little very short dress that ends just enough to prevent Amanda from being arrested for indecent exposure. There are some interesting pleating effects in the front and the dress is very nicely complemented by a necklace made from (I think) beads from the curtain.

Marilinda walks down the Runway in Stacey's design which is made from sheets and shower curtains. The skirt is sheer and everything seems white, but it's a very boring wedding gown thingie despite Stacey's claim that the dress is "ethereal" and what-not.

Robert's dress, worn by Danielle, is also white but there is a nice touch of color in the red sash around Danielle's waist that is tied into a large ribbon at the back. Made from duvet covers and jeweled wall-hangings, this dress is simple but also at the same time very elegant in the front while flamboyantly flirty at the back. What seems like a few strands of necklaces from the front turns out in the back to be the actual straps that holds the white fabric of the top in place. I like the dual properties of elegance and mischief that this dress possesses.

Uli uses beads and curtains for her design and her model, Katia (yes, let's pair the foreigners together!), comes out to show off the design: an empire-waisted long dress that is complemented by a sash of yellow beads around the waist and bead necklaces. What really makes this dress work is the movement of the sheer skirt as Katia walks on the Runway, but other than that, I don't find much about this design to be memorable.

And finally, Javi, comes out with Jeffrey's design that is made from felt, vinyl, towels, and bed sheets. Javi first throws a handful of feathers all over the place when she makes her entrance, as if she is Bonnie's disciple in a plan to rule the world through feathers. The dress is like a Santino design - sheesh, please don't tell me that Santino has asked all his disciples to infiltrate this season - just like Jeffrey without any sense of irony talk about how wonderful his design is. It isn't wonderful, it's a Santino rip-off, which is sad because what kind of sad fool will want to rip off a Santino design?

It's a tight fit on the Runway as all fifteen Fashionistas now stand to face Heidi and the judges for the judgment call. Alison, Bradley, Angela, Kayne, Malan, Bonnie, Katherine, Michael, and Uli are all called forward and told to be safe. This leaves Keith, Linda, Vincent, Jeffrey, Stacey, and Robert as the ones in the top three and the bottom three. I'm sure you can tell by now who is in the top three and who isn't just as you can also tell, I'm sure, at this point who the casting department as selected to be the final four and who are mere cannon fodders. The models of the six Fashionistas come out to join them and the Q&A session now begins.

Kate wants to know what Linda's dress is made of and Linda tells her that it's made from rugs and chandeliers. The Mighty Ogre praises the dress for being chic and well-tailored but points out that all those dangly bits will cause the dress to be noisy. Linda smoothly says that this dress is not for wallflowers and the Mighty Ogre agrees, saying that the dress is for a woman who wants to stand out. Especially in a PETA gathering, I'd say.

Heidi tells Vincent that the hat ruins everything. She asks the model to remove the hat. Kate also agrees with Heidi about the hat, saying that the hat threw her off "a little" and it prevents her from fully appreciating the dress. Nina wants to know why the hat is used, wondering whether Vincent believes that the use of the hat is innovative. Vincent says that he wants to "keep things interesting" by using the hat and the Mighty Ogre agrees with that, saying that the hat has him wondering how many drinks the wearer must have had, heh. Vincent now starts to talk bull about how he has doubts about the hat himself but he can't complete his sentences. The other Fashionistas and models turn to look at him as he stammers and babbles, like the way one would look at a chimpanzee acting funny in a cage. Heidi mercifully cuts in to end Vincent's babbling by saying that sometimes less is more when it comes to designing clothes.

Heidi tells Keith that his dress is "really well-made" and wants to know more about the dress. Keith talks about thinking of Gone With The Wind and his favorite episode of the Carol Burnnett Show where they parodied the movie. What he's trying to say is that in that Carol Burnett Show episode, it is obvious that Carol is wearing a shower curtain. Keith wants to show how "innovative" he can be in the sense that he can use cheap materials to make a fancy dress that doesn't look like it's made from cheap materials. Ooh, clever - he obviously listens to Tim Gunn but he doesn't follow the man's advice as much as he uses what Tim says to figure out a way to justify his design without compromising his ideals and visions. I like that. Nina loves the dress, especially the red duvet cover buttons at the back. Kate and the Mighty Ogre loves the dress as well.

Nina asks Stacey what her design asthetics are and Stacey talks about how important a sensuous silhouette is to her. Stacey applies this to her design, even bringing up the boxers she's made as an example of how she wants to make the dress more provocative. Heidi finds the dress a little naughty but questions its wearability. I'd think after two seasons these people would have the sense not to talk about wearability when they ask the Fashionistas to create something out of household material, sheesh. The Mighty Ogre doesn't think that a woman would want to show her underpants to everyone and adds that the dress looks rushed. Kate likes the idea behind Stacey's design but agrees with the Mighty Ogre about the poor execution of the dress. The Mighty Ogre also points out the unflattering fit of the top, saying that the top fits Marilinda "as if the pillows are still in the pillowcases". Ouch, that one is pretty mean.

Robert talks about how his dress is "a little Maria from West Side Story, ha ha, if she had, like, wall-hangings". The dress is a hit with the judges, especially the back. And now, Jeffrey. The judges all agree that there are many things going on in that design that are distracting and the feathers aren't a big hit with them as well despite Jeffrey's babble about the dress being a reconstructed "rock and roll motorcycle dress". Vincent has a long story to tell for every nitpick of the judges, causing Heidi to say ultimately that a dress shouldn't need to be explained this much. About more blather about overkills and too much stuff going on, the judges are finally done with Jeffrey.

Heidi temporarily sends the six Fashionistas off the Runway so that the judges can confer among themselves. Keith and Robert are the critical favorites. The judges then pretty much repeat what they have said about the other designs, although I laugh when Heidi goes, oh no, please don't let Jeffrey be another Santino.

Heidi now calls out the six Fashionistas again. Quickly, Laura is declared safe and Keith is announced the winner of this challenge. Keith's confessional is too adorable: he's trying so hard to be cool and flippant when it's clear that he wants to cry and hug everybody. Oh, Keith. I think I'll enjoy this season if he's a producers' favorite because I think I can really get to liking and rooting for him in this season. Robert is of course safe. Vincent is safe as well. So it's down to Jeffrey versus Stacey. But between doing too much and poorly executing a dress, the latter is deemed a worse crime, as anyone who have watched the previous seasons would know, so Stacey is cut.

Stacey tells the camera that she believes in and stands by her design. Meanwhile, Tim assures her that someone has to go and it's a touch decision to make to send her home. Yes, I really believe that. As she cleans up her workplace, she says that she doesn't know what she will do next but she believes that destiny will have a few surprises for her. Hopefully, a few good surprises rather than the one she has just experienced.

Oh, and welcome back Project Runway. And welcome back, you.

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