Team Lingerie
Project Runway 2: Episode 4


Accessorize, baby! Previously, Mattel paid a lot of money to get Barbie prominently placed as a central theme of the episode. Therefore, the Fashionistas had to come up with a design that they felt would suit My Scene Barbie. Many of them forgot that My Scene Barbie is supposed to be trendy and contemporary and designed instead costumes and gowns that weren't really suitable for My Scene Barbie. Nick's tutti-fruitti green gown bagged the first prize - which gave him bragging rights, I suppose, since there wasn't even immunity granted to first prize winners of this season - while Raymundo learned that there was a distinction between designing for supermarket check-out girls and wanting to tell young ladies to put more clothes on. He was sent home for being earnest but somewhat misguided. This week, will Santino's head finally explode? Is Chloe Dao capable of giving compliments that aren't even a little backhanded? All these and more in the fourth episode of this season.

Morning, the Apartments. Everyone is getting ready to face the day. Nick talks to the camera about how delighted he is to have won the Barbie challenge and he demonstrates that he is most likely incapable of saying anything without camping it up to the camera. I have an idea as to why his students wanted him to go on this show and therefore stay out of their classes for a long time. Santino and Nick have this somewhat awkward conversation about Nick's win where Nick is happy but Santino isn't. Santino tells the camera that he helped Nick "a little bit" in the Barbie challenge and now he doesn't want to help Nick anymore. He honestly believes that his "little help" made the difference in getting Nick to win that Barbie challenge, can you believe it? Nick already had the fabrics selected and the design all planned out before Santino advised Nick to not make any changes to the top so Santino's so-called help probably isn't such a big deal in the first place. But ah, if Santino has some self-awareness or at least a sense of perspective about his place in this world, he won't be called Santino the Great. Back to Santino, he lies on his bed and tells someone that "second place is not fucking good enough". The bleep actually manages to blank out that F word for once. I'm impressed with the editors. The ladies are getting ready too. Diana Eng tells the camera that she is excited to learn of their upcoming challenge because she feels like she's "living in a book". I can barely make out most of what she's saying to the camera but she's excited and looking forward to the upcoming challenge so I can't help but to cheer her on.

Parsons. The Fashionistas are seated at their usual places by the Runway when Heidi steps out wearing what seems like one of the maternity dresses of hers tucked into a pair of pants and says that she knows a lot about the next challenge. Why is this? That's because Heidi makes a name for herself modeling lingerie for Victoria Secret and such. Today's challenge involves designing of lingerie. Kara seems a little too excited upon hearing this task, hmm. Before they get down to business though, there's the matter of Raymundo's model Allison to settle. Heidi brings out Nick's model Tarah and Allison and asks Nick whether he'd rather keep Tarah as his model, pick Allison to replace Tarah, or choose another model from the other models currently affiliated to the other Fashionistas. Nick predictably doesn't want to rock the boat and keeps Tarah, thus sending Allison back to the wardrobe.

With that out of the way, Heidi informs the Fashionista how things will be done in this task. It's a group challenge, a kind of task on this show that I never really enjoy as much as individual challenges because this show's already contrived editorial attempts at creating drama become even more contrived in group challenges. But wait, it gets better. Heidi will give the Fashionistas thirty minutes to come up with their concepts for a lingerie line and make sketches for their concepts. She will then interview each of them personally and pick four team leaders after surveying their ideas and sketches. These team leaders will then pick two Fashionistas each to form a team that will work on the team leaders' concept. The team judged the best will be declared winners while one person from or the entire weakest team will be given the cut. I wonder whether anyone in the show's production crew, in coming up with this task realize that they will essentially punish one of the four people with the best designs in this bunch solely for being the weakest of the best among the lot. Does this task make sense to you, people, because it certainly doesn't to me, not when there are so many mediocre Fashionistas to be given the cut before the best of the best get culled down in numbers.

Anyway, the Fashionistas settle down in the Sweatshop with pens and markers all ready for their sketches. Nick unnecessarily repeats what they all have to do to the camera, trying to score brown-nose points by saying that Heidi is the perfect person to judge whether a piece of lingerie is good because she is a famous lingerie model with a "hot body". Daniel Franco wheezes to the camera that he doesn't want to just present sketches to Heidi, he wants to present "impressions". Yeah, I already can feel those impressions and they make me want to go, "Eeeeuw, go away!" At the end of thirty minutes, Tim Gun walks in and tells the Fashionistas to close their sketch books. He then calls out Dan's name and tells that man that he's the first person who will talk to Heidi one on one. Or, in Tim's own words, "sell her!"

Daniel's line is called "Revenge" and it's based on a woman cutting up her no-good ex-boyfriend's clothes and turning them into lingerie pieces. Guadalupe says that she is "influenced by superheroes" so she shows Heidi a page of a "Pow!", a small pair of underoos with a star at the crotch, "Zap!", and other miserable doodlings that suggest that either she wants to deliberately not be a leader or she is pretending that she has an idea when she clearly hasn't one. Andrať's theme is "Tie! Me! Up! Tie! Me!..." "Down?" Heidi finishes for him. His sketches look like rather frilly but ordinary undergarments though. Maybe he's tied down by his lack of imagination when it comes to lingerie. Chloe sketches a - surprise! - one-piece spaghetti-strapped slip dress that you can wear with jeans or without. Heidi thinks that the sketch is pretty. Santino is "thinking" of creating a line inspired by Heidi. Shockingly enough, his sketches look like designs that are similar to all his previous designs, with the only difference being that the butt has "Auf Wiedersehen" on it - and no, I am not joking. Santino is trying to flirt with Heidi in this scene and man, it feels so wrong to watch them, especially when Heidi has this forced polite expression on her face while Santino is leering like some homeless drunk bent on being a total sleaze.

Zulema comes up with a one-piece lingerie, saying that she likes to work with "short proportions" and Heidi takes the opportunity to rib about Zulema's design on the second episode that showed poor Rachael's butt to everyone watching the show. Heidi teases Zulema by saying that this is the time where a little booty on the Runway is appropriate. Zulema laughs along with Heidi. I have to hand it to Heidi, she's really loosened up in this season and she banters with the Fashionistas with a spontaneity I never expected from her. Kara has this "Boudoir Babes" theme in mind. Nick produces "Asiana Nights", which looks more like a Playboy channel version of a Japanese opera than anything else. Marla proposes a corset-like design for a theme that she calls "Sweetie Pie" while Emmett proposes a blank page with only a fancy writing of "Heidi's Hollywood Honeymoon". Diana creates something like I suspect she would: an Aeon-Flux/bondage line with plenty of severe strips and flowing accessory scarves and what-not. She calls the line "Goddess" and talks about how the pieces of lingerie is supposed to move like a wind is blowing or something. Heidi looks intrigued and asks Diana in mock seriousness whether they will need a wind machine for the Runway. Diana giggles nervously because she doesn't know whether Heidi is joking or not.

Daniel Franco wants to create lingerie for newlyweds and engaged women. Because newlyweds and engaged couples don't have lingerie catering to their unusual needs, I suppose. As expected from the snake-oil swami that is Daniel Franco, the conversation wheezes and tweezes towards inept flirtation territory as he talks about love-making and how he has Heidi in his mind "a little bit" when he came up with the designs. "I'd love to show you something beautiful," he says, thinking that he will come off as so hip and debonair on camera. Heidi however has fun toying with him before giving the camera this knowing look that screams, "Puh-leese. I will laugh my head off when he whips out his puny pee-pee." The editors also have fun with deliberately corny porno-music tracks coming on to accompany Daniel Franco's Me Make Love To Heidi Plum And You And You Long Long Time segment.

Heidi meets the Fashionistas later in the Sweatshop and announces that her first pick as team leader is Dan because she thinks his "strong girl with a tie" theme will translate very well on the Runway. She also picks Daniel Franco because Daniel Franco's line, apparently called "Lovemaking", is sexy and she wants to see how the concept will turn out on the Runway. Daniel Franco happily voices over that Heidi has "got" his concept and adds that we can't all go wrong with lovemaking. Ding-ding-ding, foreshadowing alert, people! Diana Eng is also picked because Heidi thinks that "Goddess" is a sexy, flirty, but powerful idea. Santino is picked and he goes, "Wow!" so that people will hear him and marvel at his brilliance and how he knew all along that he would be picked. Whatever. Heidi likes his line, which is called "Heidi's Homeland". Again, I am not joking. That tells you something, isn't it, that I have to point out twice in a short time that I am not making up those bizarre aspects of Santino's idea? Santino tells the camera that he is a brilliant communicator, he has clearly been not taking his pills, and everyone is welcome to shoot on sight if he ever shows up at their doorstep. Heidi then takes her leave while Chloe tells the camera that she doesn't want to be a team leader because a team leader is a vulnerable position and she doesn't want to be vulnerable at this point of the competition. Of course, one could argue that a successful team leader will stand out to the judges and will probably benefit in the long run from such favorable impression in a competition that is actually very subjective, but I can see Chloe's point. This is another reason why I think it's silly to hold a team competition so early into the season.

Tim takes over from Heidi and tells them that the team leaders can choose their own team members but in the order that Tim pulls their names from what he calls the Magic Bag. Which has nothing to do with Daniel Franco's mouth in case you're wondering. Dan gets to choose first and he picks Andrať. Next is Daniel Franco and he picks Chloe whom he feels is someone who isn't afraid of "complex garment construction". Or last-minute frantic sewing. Chloe hopes that Daniel Franco knows what he is thinking and everyone chuckles weakly at her "joke". Santino of course chooses Nick. Both of them are wearing stupid hats, by the way, and look like embarrassing old uncles who are trying desperately to look like teenagers even when they are already balding and what-not. They deserve each other. Diana Eng picks Guadalupe. Dan picks Zulema next, Daniel Franco picks Kara, and it's now down to Emmett and Marla who have yet to be picked. Zulema tells the camera that Emmett and Marla are the last to be picked because those two, as she puts it, "(a) they can't pattern-make, 2) they're not the best sewers". What's item (iii), I wonder? As Emmett and Marla stand there and try not to look too embarrassed at being the last people to be picked, Santino picks Emmett because old ladies like Marla have cooties. Diana nicely says that she'd like Marla to join Diana's Goddesses and Marla tells the camera that she's not surprised that she is picked last since she barely made the cut in the previous episode. I like Marla, even more when she openly admits her shortcomings like this. Dang it, I hope she learns quickly how to drape and use nicer colors in her designs because I'd love to see her kick Santino's butt.

Tim now asks the team leaders to discuss things with their team mates before he takes them out to shop for fabric and other materials. Dan explains his ideas to Andrať and Zulema and Zulema is telling him to keep things simple because she thinks that they only need to make the lingerie "function". Like how her designs have functioned in the past, of course, just ask Rachael's butt. Santino is talking about how an outfit will have a girdle and an overlying layer of chiffon - shudder - and Emmett thinks that the whole concept will look like "Cher Goth". Maybe he means "sheer gauze" but I am positively sure he says "Cher Goth". Emmett says to the camera that Santino is a "capable but very hands-on" designer. Santino is also, I suspect, a hands-off bachelor, as in "Get your freaking hands off me, troll-face!" Emmett will be interested in seeing how Santino will manage the team. He seems to have inexplicable curiosity for unpleasant matters. Diana, meanwhile, is telling Guadalupe and Marla about how an outfit will have some bias cut to fit the model's butt. Overhearing them, Santino tells Emmett that Diana's Goddesses are "so fucking lame" because he doesn't think that all three women ever had sex in their lives. Emmett tells Santino, "Well, neither have you!" Nick who isn't a complete troll yet tries to get Santino back to the topic of Heidi's Homeland, which from the sketches looks like it's closer to hell than Santino would suspect. Meanwhile, Diana giggles when she realizes that she has sketched "again" using some purple pen. Ooh, Diana Eng is such a ditzy nerd! I want to buy plenty of nerd buttons from her website!

Meanwhile, Chloe is completely taking over Daniel Franco's role as team leader because, as she tells the camera, Daniel Franco doesn't consider how little time they have to work on the designs when it comes to his ambitious plans. The problem seems to be two-way from what I'm shown: Chloe has valid points about working with what (little) time they have but Daniel just doesn't listen, instead coming up with improvisations after improvisations. Daniel isn't discussing with his team like Tim asked the team leaders to, he's showing off what he thinks he can do with his concept. Chloe, however, also mocks Daniel, saying that a sketch of his looks like a cake, for example, and she doesn't let Daniel finish a sentence before she interrupts to scold him for not listening to her and Kara. Chloe tells the camera that Daniel Franco is so "overexcited" about his design that he often gives the wrong answers to her questions. The thing is, is she describing "wrong" as in Daniel Franco answering a question wrongly or he is answering in a way that she doesn't want to hear? Chloe doesn't want to be put in the spot of defending his collection. This is a truly odd statement to make, unless Chloe wants me to believe that she never wanted to play nice in a team in the first place, which I'm sure is certainly not her intention. Right? The next scene sees her berating Daniel Franco for not listening to her, with her telling him that his refusal to listen will be a problem. Well, she doesn't seem to be listening to him either. Maybe they will both work better if he lets her design another sphagetti-strapped dress since that is the only thing she seems to be happy doing.

Tim now calls the brainstorming session to a stop. He explains that the teams have only until midnight to work on the design. They had three days to come up with an outfit for My Scene Barbie but only one day to work on lingerie, hmm. Something doesn't compute here. Tim will give each team $200 to spend on Mood. They have only thirty minutes to shop, so this is like some Supermarket Sweep special where they have $200 to spend, provided that they can somehow rush through Mood like crazy to find enough material to spend all that money on. If I'm going to be a contestant in a future season, I'd take some time memorizing the layout of Mood first so that I know where to make a dash to the correct aisle without wasting too much time. Daniel Franco says that his team has a plan to determine who gets what but that doesn't seem to go too well when Daniel Franco looks for duchess satin that Kara has already bought. Dan, Zulema, and Andrať have a discussion over whether color or fabric is more important. Guadalupe waves a sheer pinkish-reddish fabric that reminds me of a boiled flamingo as she asks Diana what Diana thinks of the fabric. "Uh... I don't know. It makes me feel African," Diana answers. Guadalupe says that she always designed for herself following her own vision so she hopes that working in a team will teach her to compromise with other people. So far she's doing a good job at it, from what I see, when she ends up picking a whitish fabric instead.

Nick tells the camera that he and Santino let Emmett take care of the shopping because he is familiar with the store but Santino feels that he has to micromanage everything. Santino is seen pooh-poohing and overriding Emmett's choices in fabric to prove Nick's point. Nick diplomatically plays the mediator, although in this case it means, "Nick backs Santino, only he is nicer to Emmett in telling Emmett to bugger off and die." There are eight minutes left to shop and Daniel's fishwives whip him to move faster. As usual, he acts like they are just joking when they are being dead serious. Kara starts screaming Daniel's name while everyone else starts to hurry up in making their purchases. There is some mild drama when Santino realizes that he's dropped his sketches. He and Nick locate them strewn on the floor. To the camera, Nick proves that there is no end of his drama queen antics as he goes "Oh! My! God!" while cupping his cheeks to the camera. As they catch their breath by the exit, Nick announces to the camera, "Out of chaos comes beauty!" I look at those two men, pushing forty while wearing teen jackets, stupid hats, and shades, and shudder at their personal definition of "beauty".

Back at the Sweatshop, teams get to work. Daniel Franco tells the camera that his concept is "really beautiful, romantic lingerie". "People wear lingerie, it's because they're, like to, about, you know, get some action or something. At least I'm hoping, you know, for them," he says. He might actually be funny there if he isn't wheezing like the eighth dwarf named Unctuous and he doesn't put in a million "like" and "you know" interjections all over the place. Meanwhile, Daniel Franco is telling Kara about sewing some pieces of sheer fabric along the waistline but Kara points out that sewing all those small pieces of fabric will take a long of time and she doesn't think that she can complete everything in time. Kara tells the camera that she and Chloe know how Daniel works so they are determined to make sure that he is always "on step and on toe and on point." Even if, it seems, they have to take over his whole show and not give him a chance of breath without them deciding how much air he can inhale each time. As Zulema and Dan discuss how to cover the crotch in a particular design, Zulema says that Dan's leadership style is relaxed and he is always open to suggestions. Translation: she can make him do what she wants and she's so happy as a result.

Santino bends over the table and says, "This is for you, Heidi Klum!" I'm afraid to ask what he wants Heidi to do to him while he's in that position. Santino explains his theme to the camera, calling it "Heidi Klum meets The Sound Of Music", and explaining that his design is inspired by lederhosen and the phrase "auf wiedersehen". What he's really explaining is that he has obviously forgotten to take his medication for that day. Meanwhile, he explains to Emmett how he wants a particular sleeve to be sewn and Emmett is like, yeah yeah, he gets what Santino is saying, but he needs some time to figure out what Santino is really saying. This leads Santino to tell the camera that Emmett can't sew or pattern-make so he has to explain every single stitch to Emmett. Emmett tells the camera that Santino and he have different styles and it's a "free-fall" for Emmett because Emmett designed menswear and therefore he is not used to dealing with "tubular stretch fabrics". As Emmett assembles what seems like an outfit for a really tacky Dutch version of Hooters, Nick tells Emmett that their work is going be "campy with a capital C". Nick thinks that being campy is a good thing, by the way, because he's pretty much cringe-inducing camp personified himself. Emmett doesn't do campy, or not unless you get him drunk first, perhaps, so he can only give Nick a pointed look and says dryly, "Don't fire the sewer!" Oh, Emmett should say that again a few more times in his dry gentlemanly accent!

As Diana asks Guadalupe for her opinions on Diana's idea, Diana explains to the camera that her line Goddess is inspired by bondage gear and she intends to have flowing chiffon over the black pieces of lingerie that her team is about to create. Guadalupe is puzzled by Diana's idea of having chiffon flowing from the inside of each the model's legs. Come to think of it, it will be hard to walk when there's chiffon fluttering between one's legs. Guadalupe is on to something when she tells the camera that Diana is "really young still" (Guadalupe is 49, remember) and sometimes she is set on her ideas which may be "a little bit conceptual". When she says "conceptual", Guadalupe makes this small grimace but on the whole, she isn't mocking Diana or anything, just stating what she thinks of Diana, and I think Guadalupe has some valid points there.

Elsewhere, Kara and Chloe are giving Daniel Franco a hard time when he wants to make some changes and they tell him that he's being anal and things are fine. See a problem there? Daniel Franco wants some things to be done but the two women decide that they know what's better for him. We have two different sides with fixed ideas on how things should be done and personally I feel that both sides are just not listening to each other. Chloe and Kara are so afraid of Daniel taking them down with him that they end up completely disrespecting his position as team leader. Daniel Franco on the other hand loves to hear himself more than he listens to other people, judging from his confessional about how when he makes executive decisions, he is making the right choices so they should just trust him. Yes, trust him to pick the worst possible team members to assist him in this task, really!

At another side of the Sweatshop, Dan and Andrať want the camera to know how they complete each other's sentences. Good, now all they need to do is to dress up in sequins (or a selection of prime outfits from the Heidi's Homeland line) and join a circus. Emmett tries to get a hang of Santino's vision as he assembles some fabrics together on a mannequin. Daniel Franco is still struggling with Kara and Chloe when he wants to add more and more fripperies or alterations while the two women have their eyes on the clock and want him to realize that they are working on a strict deadline. It's now five forty-five and Chloe wants a particular stitch to be completed by six. Daniel Franco, however, is marching to his own blissed-out beat in his head. Kara complains to the camera as she sews that Daniel is "overthinking his design" at the expense of time management. Daniel Franco smiles at his assembled design on a mannequin, unconcerned that his two team mates are casting him pointed looks as they sew and stitch. Santino doesn't like how Emmett did the front of one of Heidi's future hotpants. Emmett tells the camera that they are all stressed out by the tight deadline they have to follow. Santino tells Emmett to "drop the iron" because he's had enough and he's taking over.

The clock shows 10:25 pm while the caption says that it's one hour and thirty minutes until the end of day one. Tim makes his daily rounds of poking his nose into other people's business at about this time. He listens to Dan's explanation about why a bustiere isn't finished before wondering whether anyone's work has actually been finished. Dan assures him that it's "do-able" to finish everything by midnight. He then approaches Diana and funny music plays as Diana stammers and fails to explain the Goddess concept to a mystified Tim. He is especially puzzled at the idea of chiffon coming out from between the model's leg in a particular design. Obviously Tim isn't familiar with all those wicked tentacle monsters in bad Japanese pornographic cartoons that Diana seems to be designing costumes for here. Diana tells the camera that Tim always tells her how concerned he is about aspects of her designs whenever he makes his rounds. I'm glad she's finding it funny that no one seems to be on the same frequency as her. Weaker mortals would have quaked and looked up books to brush up their public speaking skills. Back at the Sweatshop, Tim tells her, Marla, and Guadalupe that he's worried about the Goddess line being too "gimmicky" and Diana assures him that it won't. Poor Diana. One use of magnets that failed causes everyone to label her as a "gimmicky" designer. Go figure, really. Back to Diana, she stammers and hesitates before completely trailing into silence when she realizes that she doesn't know how to explain why she doesn't think that her design is gimmicky. Guadalupe tells the camera that if you have a great idea and you can't sell it, you're "kinda in a boat by yourself". Again, she's right. Guadalupe is right very often in this episode and that scares me.

Santino explains to Tim that his designs are only half-finished and Tim tells him to get back to work. Tim tells a giggling Nick to help Santino, saying that Santino is really stressed out. Nick giggles again and says that he will. This guy must be the kind of guy who demands to be the center of attention, I suspect, judging from how there is nothing remotely restrained about him in actions and antics. That's not a bad thing, it's just tiring to watch him in that hyped-up mode constantly, especially when he's being buddies with Santino the Great. Tim then goes over to Daniel Franco's side where he critically studies an underwhelming black sheer lace half-finished outfit and wonders whether that outfit is "Hollywood wives". Daniel Franco is hoping for a "Desperate Housewives" effect but Tim tells him that the outfit is more like Joan Collins. Hey, don't knock Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan, Tim, she's fabulous and she can kick the butt of everyone in the Sweatshop, so there. "No! Like that? That bad? You kidding me?" goes Daniel Franco as Tim reminds him that there are about an hour and fifteen minutes to make that design work. Daniel Franco wraps a blue sash around Joan Collins' lingerie and says that he really likes his design. Well, someone has to, I suppose. Tim shrugs and says that well, if Daniel believes in his design, he can very well go ahead and go for gold. Daniel says that his team mates believe in his design too. The sad thing is, I think he is deluded enough to believe every word he is saying to Tim. To the camera, he insists, "I think we're basically gonna have the best quality garments Project Runway has ever seen." Tim asks Chloe and Kara for the "really and truly" report on the team's progress, heh. Chloe says that she is nervous but Daniel isn't, which isn't a compliment as she tells Tim that it isn't her style to work at the last minute, unlike Daniel. Tim tells them that Daniel is an "excellent designer" - for Joan Collins - but Tim thinks that Daniel's "mindset is like an artist" because Daniel doesn't seem to have any concept of deadlines. Chloe agrees and says that Daniel can't keep doing things the way he is doing if he wants to be in business.

11:22 pm. The Fashionistas scurry around, spin the mannequins around, sew, stitch, and cut. Someone tells Santino that he's wasting too much time thinking over small details. I think it's Santino that person is talking to since he's on screen fitting a reddish frilly hem against a tube top thingie when this person says that. Kara protests at something she has sewn that Daniel wants to undo and complains about this, with some choice bleeped words to go with her whine, to someone while she's working at the sewing machine. Chloe tells Daniel that she can sew faster than him and tells him to hurry up. Eventually she tells him that he is driving her crazy and she wants to kill him. He tells her to kill him only after the show. Oh, Daniel. He thinks everyone is joking with him when everyone has a legitimate grouse that he really should address. Elsewhere, Emmett asks Santino to explain to him one more time how Santino wants the bustiere Emmett is working on to turn out. Santino says in exasperation that he doesn't care at this point and he just wants Emmett to finish his work. Santino tells the camera that Emmett is like a sack of potatoes that he has to drag around while he works. He also calls Emmett "dead weight". Maybe he's regretting right now that he didn't choose Marla to be on his team.

At 12:00 am, Santino sees what Emmett has come up with and I must say, I understand how Santino must be feeling because Santino's description of Emmett's hideous outfit - which looks like some pre-WW2 female swimsuit - as "a Christmas elf's costume or something" is somewhat accurate. Santino covers his face and seems to be howling in despair as Emmett puts a comforting arm around his shoulder. In an obvious voiceover because the words and the movement of Emmett's lips don't match, Emmett tells Santino to take a deep breath and don't cry. Tim tells Santino to chill out and leave the Sweatshop but Santino moans instead before crawling under the table to bury his face in his arms and moan some more. Emmett tells the camera that Santino is very tired and therefore he is "overwhelmed" and starts "doubting his vision". Yes, by Emmett's attempts to make lingerie unsexy. And the vision Santino is appalled by is the vision of Emmett's creation. Emmett, probably hoping to save his own butt now by getting Santino to pull together and keep working so that the team doesn't end up on the chopping block, assures Santino that things will be okay. "You're a very good designer. You have Nick and I dealing with it. We believed it from the first minute we sat down together to talk about it. This is not the time to be second-guessing your vision." Santino seems to be unmoved by Emmett's dramatic rallying speech.

The next day, as the Fashionistas get ready to leave their Apartments, Santino - who really looks like something flea-infested you people shouldn't be crawling into bed with so people, please don't - tells the camera that he is not happy with a particular team mate (guess who) and he is especially not pleased with how things are turning out to be something that he doesn't envision in the first place. He says that he hates churning out mediocre or imperfect works. I wonder what makes him think that he has attained perfection in his work before. Meanwhile, Kara hopes that she can find "trust" in her team leader and hope that they can "pull a miracle... pull a miracle" on the show.

At the Sweatshop, Tim once more uses the word "worried" when he berates them for not finishing their work on time and reminds them that they have plenty of things to finish up in the one hour before the models show up. Work, work, work. Kara tells Daniel to hurry up. Daniel tells her that they rushed the day before and the look "sucked" so right now he's going to take his time. Now that, people, is the perfect answer to give the already-harried prone-to-outbursts Kara. Zulema tells Andrať a way to sew faster - I can't catch what it is because she uses a bleeped word and the bleep sound covers nearly her entire sentence. Zulema tells the camera that everyone is racing against time to complete their designs. Nick asks Santino's opinion of Nick putting a fig leaf at the cleavage of an outfit and Santino tells him to just pin it on. He says that he wants to put "crap" on the outfits that will make them look awesome. So he does. Santino cuts and makes plenty of overly-decorative and even ornate hems and ribbons and other things that people usually put on birthday cakes or Christmas trees instead of lingerie. Nick tells the camera that he thinks Santino is overdoing the ornamentation bit a little. When Nick with his cockerel-comb overly-gelled hair and silly shades thinks that something is "tacky", that's when something is really, really tacky. Emmett tells the camera that he likes to have his garments finished the night before but Santino keeps adding "elements" to his designs until the very last minute. And Santino, he cuts and pastes and sews and stitches some more until his three lingerie all look like... well, I'll describe them when it's time for the Runway show. Let's just say for now that they look like someone has gone batcrap crazy with his grandmother's old-fashioned jewelry kit.

Kara bitches to Chloe that she has done the sashes to a particular design three times already and Chloe agrees that things are becoming ridiculous. At this point it is becoming easier to sympathize with these two because Daniel is still calling for adjustments and readjustments to the point that they have not yet completed the outfits they are working on. Chloe tells Kara that they will all go down with Daniel. Kara tells the camera that she believes that an entire team will be cut at the end of the day. She clearly doesn't consider how cutting off three people in one show will cause the season to be shorter by two episodes and therefore two less episodes for Heidi and Friends to make money out of product placements. I don't think sweet Heidi will like that. Kara turns to the camera and snips the air with the scissors she is holding, vowing to snip Daniel's pee-pee off if he drags her down and out of the show with him. I confess I snigger at that confessional. It's all in the way she gives this crazy look at the camera before making her dramatic announcement. Elsewhere, Daniel tells Chloe to change something about the outfit she is working on. Chloe takes a deep steadying breath before telling Daniel that all she wants is one completed outfit. She then moodily pushes the mannequin wearing her work back to her workplace. Daniel promises her that there will be at least one finished outfit for the Runway. I'm sure Chloe is reassured. Chloe tells the camera that the elimination will be "ugly" because she will blame everything on Daniel.

Elsewhere, Daniel finds that Kara made some alterations on the outfit she is working on that he doesn't like and starts snipping away. Kara cries that Daniel will only make the outfit look "tacky and unfinished". Daniel insists that it will look "cool and pretty". Zulema sums up the situation on Daniel's team: the two women will sew something and he will pull everything apart and make them redo the outfits. Zulema thinks that she'd have gone crazy if she's on Daniel's team. I believe her. Back to Daniel, he is going to cut the sides of Kara's outfit as well. Kara shouts that they have no time or trim and the garment will look unfinished but he insists that he has an idea. He always has ideas, after all. Daniel tells the camera that they don't trust his time management skills but he can tell that they trust his concept and design because he can see that from how hard they are working. That's it. He's officially on crack. Chloe and Kara work hard because they don't want to be eliminated with him, duh. Daniel says that he is to blame when the team fails because the two women work hard and he's not going to "sell" them out. That's easy for him to say when there's nothing he can say or do to sell them out even if he wants to.

Ooh, the models are here. It's interesting that Diana apologizes to Lesley Anne for something when they meet and hug although I never know what she is apologizing for. Lots of pixellated boobies and unpixellated butts follow as the models change into their outfits. Diana's Goddess outfits are clearly really impractical to put on as it requires Guadalupe to painstakingly wrap the model's chest with straps after straps of black fabric. By the time the woman finishes donning the lingerie, the man will be fast asleep and dreaming of football. Diana explains to Marla's model Cara that there will only be thongs but Diana has picked the "most covered one" for Cara. Cara isn't placated however. Diana tells the camera that they let Cara choose which outfit she wants to wear but Cara doesn't want to wear any of it. She tells Diana that she doesn't think those outfits are "appropriate to wear". Diana tells the camera that she doesn't think that a model can afford to be so picky about what she wants to wear, and if she does, maybe the model should consider a different job altogether. That's true. Also, I'm puzzled as to why Cara doesn't seem to consider the fact that she may be wearing some revealing outfits when she signs up to be on this show. Marla commiserates with Diana, telling her that Cara in the past had given Marla problems as well because Cara didn't want her hair put up or have this certain make-up done to her face, et cetera. Diana laughs stiffly and says that she doesn't want to work with someone who is so disagreeable. Marla agrees, no doubt thinking, "Yeah, and you know what? Try living with Zulema!" Dan's models on the other hand are game for the lingerie they will be wearing.

Half-hour to the Runway. Santino tells the hairdressers and make-up artists that he wants the models for his Heidi's Homeland outfits to look like "deers in the face", complete with antlers. Ooh, that's a joke waiting to blow up on Santino's face, snigger. The models all end up looking like they're in Cats though.

I don't know why Daniel Franco is getting his hair done since he's not the one modeling his outfits but hey, there he is anyway. Chloe tells Daniel that the collection looks good thanks to the two women's sewing skills. Daniel insists that while working with him is tough, he has a reason for everything. And besides, he says that the passion is what counts in the end. Yes, Kara was passionately telling him to fuck off back there in the Sweatshop, I notice. Chloe says that she has to hand it to Daniel though, the concept works. Meanwhile, Cara's catchphrase seems to be "Do you know what I mean?", delivered in a manner that invites a bitchslap on her face, when she tells Diana that she wants her chest to be entirely covered up. "Do you know what I mean?" she asks Diana. Diana explains to the camera that she has to make a "giant bun" to cover up Cara's non-existent chest. Diana is upset about that because she feels that the "bun" spoiled the overall look she has in mind for her collection. Personally, I think the bun is an improvement because the outfit now looks less like strips of leather tied around the model's body. Over at Santino's side of the world, Nick tells the camera that while his team's work is weak, he feels that Diana's is even weaker. Of course. And Nick is never wrong, right? And... ooh. What is Emmett doing, pulling up the hotpants of a model with his hands like that, with the model looking like Emmett's fingers are doing things that they shouldn't be doing? And why is Emmett giving those models who are changing a look like that? He's supposed to be gay, right, since he wrote a book about coming out and all? Dang, I knew I should've signed up to be a model on this season! Tim finally comes in to call all work to a halt. It's time for the Runway show.

Heidi comes out to the Runway once the judges and the Fashionistas are seated at their usual places on each side of the Runway and gives her usual babble about ins and outs and yadda yadda yadda. She introduces the judges for this task. The Mighty Ogre has decided to absent himself today because he is allergic to the sight of fish in all its variety. Nina will be judging today along with a Victoria Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio (rumored real name: Alexis Anglewicker) and fashion designer Cynthia Rowley.

First is Diana Eng's Goddess. The first outfit, modeled by Eliza, is a pair of bra and a slip thong bikini bottom with so many straps that I think some sort of device may just have to be invented to get people into those things. Guadalupe has persuaded Diana to remove the chiffon hentai tentacles, it seems, because the chiffon scarf is now tied along the neck before being slipped under the lingerie to emerge flowing behind the model like some skirt. Diana thinks that her designs worked in terms of being sexy and wearable. Um, did she say "wearable"? I don't think so. Cara's outfit looks like a space-age lingerie that manages to be pretty yet sexy. A red chiffon scarf is fastened to form a small cape around Cara's neck. It's a shame that Cara looks like she's being forced to walk the Runway with a gun pressed against her head. Guadalupe thinks that their overall design, color, and all are good and cohesive. Lesley Anne shows up wearing a slip thong bikini bottom and a bandeau with an intricate strap network connected to a band Lesley Anne is wearing around her neck. Two blue loose sleeves worn around the arms give a nice billowy effect to the outfit. Marla thinks that the concept is innovative and there is a good chance that they "won't lose". Why so pessimistic, Marla? By the way, she's very lucky this time to be in a team where the designs don't require too much intricate sewing and pattern making.

Next is "Heidi's Homeland". This is the first time I am getting a good look at the outfits and I actually laugh out loud when I do. These aren't lingerie as much as they are costumes for a sequel to Moulin Rouge. The first outfit with billowy skirt and at least a hundred fripperies and hems and ribbons and gee-gaws hanging over it makes the model Tarah look like a garish cake. Santino says that he is happy about getting across some "dramatic look" that he apparently has envisioned from the get go. But I thought lingeries are supposed to be sexy, not dramatic? I guess Santino, who must have had plenty of sex since he has the guts to make fun of people who don't, knows something I don't about the mysterious workings of Heidi's Homeland. Heather is next and she comes out looking like someone has forced that stupid cat that kept singing Memories through a paper shredder. The only entertainment one would get upon wearing this lingerie is the sight of one's partner laughing until the face turns blue and the paramedics have to be called in. Nick however thinks that Santino's work is hot. There is nothing about Santino that he doesn't think is less than godly. Emmett however feels that Santino overembellished until there is nothing sexy or delicate anymore about Heidi's Homeland. Thank you, Emmett! The next outfit, modelled by Shannon, is indeed "vaudeville" like Emmett charitably calls it. It looks like someone has stuck all of grandma's prayer necklace pearls, fake roses from her tartan hangbags, and the entire linoleum from the wallpaper in the attic to create a truly ghastly vision of bad taste and tackiness. Santino thinks that he can tell from the judges' expressions that they weren't amused and therefore they didn't "get" his vision. After all, a lingerie line called Heidi's Homeland - which sounds more like some German bunker in WW2 than a line of sexy intimate garments - with three designs that look so starchy and overembellished that they make the wearer look like they are blood kins to Andrew Lloyd Webber... how can that go wrong? Stupid judges. Thank heavens that Nick loves Santino still. Nick and Santino the Great forever!

Dan's Revenge is next. Rebecca comes out wearing what seems like a standard Playboy bunny outfit minus the rabbit tail and ears. Oh well. Dan says that he isn't satisfied with how his concept turned out but that's probably because there is always something that he can improve. Rachael steps out next with a typical-looking slip lingerie accessoried with collar and a tie. Andrať likes the outfits, saying that one can use them as underwear. Okay, although I don't know how the collar fits in under one's outerwear. Unless Andrať is referring to himself wearing Rachael's outfit under his shirt, that is. Danyelle, whose body is strikingly toned compared to the other two models, wears a pair of bra and hotpants. Wow, how exciting! Zulema says that she was concerned when so many people came out with "elaborate garments" while she feels that Revenge is the only line that looks like lingerie. Yes, it looks like any generic lingerie line out there! Where is the whole concept of revenge? Apart from that lame tie and collar, there is nothing in three designs that come close to the concept that Dan sold to Heidi at the start of the episode, unless Dan is saying that the ex-boyfriend wears female lingerie so the ex-girlfriend is right now wearing his lingerie as a form of revenge.

Finally, Daniel Franco's "Lovemaking". This collection is very easy to describe: it looks like his previous designs, only lacier, in black, and like Kara feared, looks unfinished with several parts of the outfits look like they're in danger of coming apart. The whole "strategic pattern to cover my nipples" see-through design of the tops has a cheap and tacky feel to it, as do the fabrics used (which look like the same thing they use to make pantyhose for dead hookers to wear in movies). Kara (the designs aren't bad but shame about the silhouettes) and Chloe (thank heavens that the outfits are sewn correctly - don't forget to take note that she's basically complimenting herself instead of the actual designs) are cautiously optimistic in their voiceovers while Daniel Franco as usual thinks that he can't ask for more in such wonderful team mates like Chloe and Kara. He's like the dog who will bark in joy when you kick him out of spite because he's basically thrilled to be given any kind of attention.

After the tallying's been done, Heidi without ado announces that Revenge is the winning lingerie line and Dan therefore scored much higher than the other teams. Dan tells the camera that he is so pleased to have pulled victory out of... well, he doesn't know where but he's just glad that everyone is glad. Or something. Diana's Goddess is deemed the second best. Diana, Marla, and Guadalupe are allowed to join Dan, Zulema, and Andrať backstage. Santino rolls up his eyes and mutters under his breath in disgust. The three women he called frigid creatures have beaten him in this task. Will he ever live down the shame?

That's assuming that he has any shame. Once their models rejoin them on the Runway and the grilling begins, Santino proves that he isn't just about the eyerolls, the mutterings under his breath, the lice-infested look, the dead date-rapist stare, and the venom in his bitchings that come out of nowhere, he is also the whole deal. He is The Asshole. He insists to Nina that his lingerie is not run-of-the-mill. Heidi, Cynthia, and Nina all pretty much agree that Santino put too much details in his work when lingerie is supposed to be sophisticated and sexy and Santino tells them that well, he doesn't see things that way. Nina says that Santino's designs are "not aesthetically pleasing". Santino retorts that lingerie is supposed to come off anyway. Yes, and one look at his works and I'm sure people will be doing their best to make sure that those hideous outfits come off. And are quickly burned subsequently. Nina now tells Santino that maybe he should have been more delicate in his work. Santino says that he's trying to do something that hasn't been done before. People, now you too can look like the cast of Cats Performing Moulin Rouge and scare the living daylights out of your love partner! Nina points out that what Santino doing isn't new anyway. Here Santino goes ballistic, insisting that he isn't copying anyone and he wants names from Nina. Nina is up for Santino's taunt, dropping names like McQueen and Galliano. Well, Santino insists that he doesn't copy anyone because his ideas came to him "organically". Hey, dung is organic too so Santino is making some sense here. Nina can go on and on about why Heidi's Homeland doesn't work but Santino cuts in with a rude, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay, Nina?"

Nina now asks Nick what he thinks of Santino the Great's tribute to the compost heap in Heidi's homeland. Nick of course says that he understands where Santino is coming from. He probably sees him and Santino as the new Thelma and Louise trying to flee evil corporate scums that don't understand their vision until they get the end they deserve when their bus rolls off the cliff while the credits roll. Emmett however agrees with Nina. Nina asks Santino and Nick who they think should leave among their team and as one, they point the finger at Emmett. Emmett says that Santino should go because Santino had a meltdown, couldn't lead, and besides, a leader should take responsibility over the team's failure. He's right but he's also saying these things because he doesn't want to be cut, heh.

Alessandra finally speaks as she tells Daniel Franco that his designs remind her of "an old woman". Who's chain-smoking, has too many tattoos, and too many face-lifts. Daniel insists that his designs are for women between thirty and fifty because apparently no newlyweds or newly-engaged people fall under or over these age brackets. Nina thinks that the three designs all look similar and she doesn't think she needs to see the same three designs over and over, heh. Chloe says that well, Daniel is the leader and the others can only follow. Yeah, and they followed Daniel right off the cliff like the meek little lemmings that they are, snort. Kara says that Daniel is stubborn when it comes to listening to people. Daniel, however, has a speech to make when Heidi starts asking them who they think is the one member who should be cut from their team. "I'd like to make a statement about that. That, um... Never before have I seen anyone..." Overcome by such beautiful emotions that he is feeling at that moment, awestruck by how magnanimous he is to his own eyes, he starts crying at his own beautiful soul. He blubbers on after stumbling over a few bleeped words, "... that's worked as passionately than these two. And, I told them, that if it goes down then I have to go. I go; I don't sell them out. I'll take the blame!" Chloe says that she's crying now. See, people, she's also as sweet and emotional as Daniel Franco!

Heidi thinks that the judges have heard all they need to hear and dismiss them. As the judges discuss matters, Heidi thinks that the team leaders are in a tougher spot than the others. Nina thinks that Santino's designs are too much like costumes and Alessandra says that Santino needs to consider marketability as well as artistry in his designing his works. Nina says that Santino is cowardly for not taking the blame for his team's failure. She obviously doesn't know Santino or watch The Apprentice on TV. Cynthia thinks that Santino is egostical because she doesn't think that it's right for Santino not to accept any responsibility for his team's failure. Heidi thinks that Santino is creative and has vision, which is a way of saying that Santino needs to stay around to keep people watching the show, while Nina thinks that Santino should go if any one of his team should go. Note that Nina never says outright that Santino should go - just that he should be the one to go if one of his team mates has to go. On the other hand, Daniel's designs are deemed pretty okay but they are also too similar and therefore not "creative". Nina likes the fact that Daniel Franco is willing to take responsibility for his team's failure, though.

So anyway, the six Fashionistas are called back in where Heidi pointlessly aims for suspense by having Nick, Emmett, Kara, and Chloe slowly leave the Runway one by one. As if they will eliminate the team members when they barely touch on anything but the team leaders in their discussion a few minutes earlier, really! Anyway, Santino is safe and Daniel Franco gets the cut. Backstage, Daniel Franco gets a special reception from everyone. Chloe weeps and tells him, "You're such a good person, and to me that's more important than being a great designer!" It's nice to see that she will probably never ever give an outright compliment to anyone else other than herself without inserting an insult in there somewhere. Tim even greets Daniel Franco with a hug. "Daniel, you leave here with tremendous dignity and integrity. I have a lot of respect for that," he says, because it's very important for this show to remind everyone that this show is not like those cheating no-good integrity-free shows like Survivor. I mean, sure, they keep Santino to keep people watching just like Burnetto would do so they cut off Daniel Franco as collateral damage but at the same time Daniel Franco is happy to play the martyr to the camera so OF COURSE he has integrity and heart. Just like how Chloe now can praise Daniel effusively because she is now safe and besides, she doesn't think that he's a good designer anyway, so... Daniel continues to play the martyr, talking about being redeemed after his stint in the first season and writing "Follow your bliss..." (abusing periods is always a great sign of deep thoughts and philosophical yammerings, as evidenced by countless poetry by little girls that goes "Follow your heart... and love...") on a card over his Joan Collins outfit that he will relinquish to the Sweatshop to join the outfits that got Kirsten and Raymundo cut.

Dang, I'm such a cynical person but that's what happens when this show tries to pretend that Daniel getting cut is a really good thing because Daniel Franco is leaving with integrity and heart and other woo-woo-wow's to hide the fact that it is at its very heart a cynical show that prefers to keep drama over merit. Daniel Franco hands this show to them for them to edit him as an idiotic martyr. He's got his wish: the wheezing unctuous fool leaves the show a happy martyr filled with a blissed-out PR that will make him live on and on in the hearts of gullible hausfraus while Santino gets to stay and keep people tuning in to see what nonsense he will do next.

Auf wiedersehen, Daniel Franco, and keep being that bumbling fool you are, as long as you do it far, far away from my TV screen.


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