American Idol 5: Episode 19
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Good heavens, I just realize that this show is one hour long. That means plenty of awkward attempts at Q&A from Sleazie, ugh. Anyway, sixteen people are crammed on the Podium as Sleazie babbles about how there will be drama and "anything can happen" - yeah, right - so we should all stay tuned.
Oh look, Sleazie's wearing dark colors today. If he's taller, he can rightfully say, "Anderson Cooper, eat your heart out!" He's still pretty though. He reminds everyone that next week will see the Twelve performing at a bigger stage and all. He then introduces the judges and reveals that 46 million votes were cast for the previous two nights combined. Some people really have too much time on their hands, I tell you.
Sleazie appropriately spends a while recapping the previous two nights. And then it's time to introduce Bo who's here to promote his CD The Real Thing. Sleazie claims that the CD is "about to go platinum" which is true if by "about" he means "in a few years, maybe". Oh Bo, now that's a big example of how one can waste all his post-show goodwill by squandering it on consecutive series of bad decisions, suspicious illnesses, and inability to distance himself from his fans. Sleazie congratulates Bo for his becoming a father recently and Bo gushes about how his life has changed for the better after the show. To prove this, Bo launches into a lifeless and pretty bad performance of The Real Thing. The performance lasts for about five minutes but by the end of it I feel like I've been staring at Bo in horror for five hours. Oh, Bo. Oh, Bo.
The ladies are now trotted out on the stage where Sleazie reveals the lowest vote-getter. Not surprisingly, Kinnik turns out to be this person so she's quickly dragged off her seat onto the stage. Sleazie diplomatically says, "That's how it goes!" before asking her whether she's surprised by this development. If she has any brainpower and her eyes and ears are working, she shouldn't be. She tells Sleazie that she's a winner no matter what because she's come this far. Yes, and she's going to be a superstar one day, hurrah! After some pointless canned advice from Randy Randy and Miss Paula, Kinnik gets to sing If I Can't Have You as her swan song. She still doesn't sound any better this time around. She then thanks a million people before they push her off the show for good.
Sleazie now brings out the guys where the fellow with the lowest vote will get to leave, knowing that America cares more for Kevin Covais than he. I must confess that I'm surprised when Will turns out to be this person. I was thinking that Bucky would get the cut. I have clearly overestimated Will's teenybopper appeal. He probably shouldn't have flaunted his love affair with David so blatantly on this show. All those Baptist little girls must not have approved. Will thanks everyone for the experience and says that he's learned so much from everyone to have improved a lot. Miss Paula babbles and Randy Randy babbles some more. Sorry, should I care what they are saying? King Tut commends Will for being mature and says that with his attitude, Will will do well in anything he chooses. Will then performs his swan song, How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) and I sigh. I'm starting to find his boyish face pretty adorable and he's clearly one of the better teenyboppers on this show unlike a certain falsetto queen so I won't mind watching him on this show a little longer, really. But without David around, Will probably won't be as interesting as he could have been since there will be no matching shirts and pants anymore.
Now it's back to the ladies. Paris gets to be the first person admitted to the coveted Twelve. Goodness me, what is she wearing? It looks like a garbage bag with pleats. Katharine is also in the Twelve and even Sleazie isn't surprised. Oh look, Kellie gets through as well. Color me floored with surprise. Quickly, the parade of the expected and predicted continues with Mandisa and Lisa until the axe waits to fall on either Ayla or Melissa. Normally I'd bet on Melissa being the one getting cut but because King Tut issued a challenge daring Melissa's fans to keep her in two days ago, Ayla can send hate mail to King Tut as she's the one going home. Ayla quietly bursts into tears because clearly the poor gal is taking this hard. No doubt they have been telling her that she will be in the Twelve... until King Tut single-handedly pushed Melissa into the Twelve. Anyway, I'm happy for Melissa but I have this feeling that she's only delayed her leaving by a week or so, sigh. Ayla gives some canned babbles about basketball and learning so much with Randy Randy and Miss Paula contributing to the greeting card sloganeering taking place. King Tut blames the song (and not himself, of course). Before she gets written off for good, Ayla performs a tearful version of Unwritten. Listen to the words, Ayla, and feel the rain on your skin!
And now the guys. Again, it's a predictable roll call. Taylor is in, yawn. Ace is in. Chris is also in. Kevin is also in. After Sleazie reveals that the Brittenum twins are in the audience wearing what Sleazie correctly describes as moon spacesuits, Elliott is in. Using his mother and his multitude of physical ailments help in rallying the votes, I see. That leaves Gedeon and Bucky wondering who will get the ax. Hmm, this is a tough one but at least people have seen more of Bucky than Gedeon so Gedeon is the one going home. Three great performances and still Gedeon gets the cut, hmmph. Gedeon is the only one surprised, I'd say, poor Gedeon. At any rate, he reprises When A Man Loves A Woman, which is excellent and therefore exposes what a stupid joke this show is when we cut this fine fellow out while letting one-note jokes like Kevin through.
A special eulogy montage for all four - which pretty much shows more of them than all previous episodes combined - follows before Sleazie reveals that the following week will be Stevie Wonder Night and then the show is done.
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