Don't Bore Us - Get To The Chorus!
by Roxette, pop (1996)
EMI, ASIN B000005RQV


Oh, Roxette. They are truly the epitome of cheesy pop music of the late 1980s and early 1990s, and it is hard to listen to them now without cringing in shame. The lyrics that don't make sense, the insanely catchy choruses, and the way these songs are played at the most uncool parties and lame supermarkets... ah, those memories.

It is with great furtiveness that I manage to get a copy of Roxette's greatest hits collection, the aptly named Don't Bore Us - Get To The Chorus! I have to hand it to Per and Marie of Roxette: at least they get the joke that they are crappy songwriters that happen to make songs with lethally infectious choruses.

I still want to bring out the lighters and sway my hands in the air like the inane Bon Jovi fan I will deny I am to the death whenever I hear the epic, swoonsome Listen To Your Heart. I still sigh whenever I hear It Must Have Been Love - what a heartfelt, beautiful song, even if I have no idea what nonsense Marie is singing! For the really whimsical and ethereal, I will put on my most garish yoga kimono and sway my hands in what I hope to be a Yoko Ono New Age Kodak Moment to the gorgeous Almost Unreal. I don't know what "Do the hocus pocus to me" means, but it sounds sexy. I can't believe I said that.

Roxette can rock too. "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" I screech to the craptastic fun that is Dressed For Success. I have no idea what "Another town where I get close to the bone" and "Whatcha gonna tell your father? Uh oh-oh!" mean, but I have great fine doing my bad Alice Cooper impersonation to it. Yeah, Dangerous - hold on tight, you know she's a lil' bit dangerous! Whatever that means too, but dang if this song isn't the perfect summer chill pill. Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave) makes no sense whatsoever too, but what the heck, I'm too busy having fun.

Who's up for a Joyride? Altogether now: "Hello you fool! I love you!" Don't forget their first hit, The Look, where Per actually admits to stringing phrases together, damn coherence and grammar, because "it sounds good". English teachers everywhere will want to spank that impertinent fellow, I'm sure. But first, we're all magic friends as we ride the beautiful balloon to baboon land. Or something.

Roxette. They're gloriously crap and they know it, bless their hearts.

Rating: 88


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