The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Original Soundtrack, pop/rock (2010)
Chop Shop/Atlantic, $18.98, ASIN B003CFBQBW


While Stephenie Meyer may be an awful author who likes Muse too much for her own good, it can't be denied that the soundtracks to the movie versions of her books provide some decent background music for emo Goth teens everywhere to cut themselves and write poetry to.

Whether one is a socially awkward teenager who prefers black to an overweight housewife who should know better than to wear tight black threads and write pornographic poetry to Edward Cullen on their Livejournal blog, there is something in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse for everyone. Muse is here, boring as ever, but I guess it won't be a soundtrack for Stephenie Meyer's Mary Sue fantasies if Muse weren't included.

There's Metric with Eclipse (All Yours), where Emily Haines sings:

All the lives always tempted to trade
Will they hate me for all the choices I've made
Will they stop when they see me again?
I can't stop now I know who I am

Somewhere out there, there will be a woman who, after posting her heart out on the Twilight Moms forum about how her marriage is falling apart because she can't accept that her husband is not Edward Cullen, will hear this haunting and catchy tune as she cries onto the pages of her well-thumbed copy of Twilight. At the same time, some young lady will sleep to this song, dreaming of how she will run away into the woods with a shirtless Jacob Black.

The Bravery, channeling the best of wedding bands fronted by impersonators of Robert Smith of The Cure, triumphantly trumpets in Ours:

Gone like a dream that I have just awoken from
Fading away, just out of reach
And we are here, but I already miss you
Even as you're lying next to me

Somewhere out there, hairs will fly and claws will break as Team Jacob and Team Edward fight over which faction will own this song.

Sia, possessed by the ghost of Siouxsie Sioux, wails in My Love:

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

Don't die, Jacob! Oh, please don't die! I love you, even if that fickle bitch Bella doesn't!

You gave it all, into the call
You took a chance and
You took a fall for us

Jacob! Don't die and deprive us of your abs of pure sexiness!

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me my love

J-AAA-AAA-COB! NO-OOO-OOO!

Wait, he's not dead? Should I give him CPR just in case?

Meanwhile, women of the world swoon as they listen to the sexy duet between Beck and Bats for Lashes in Let's Get Lost and remember how Kristen Stewart gets to snuggle up to Taylor Lautner's impossibly chiseled bare body.

Touch me I'm cold, unable to control
Touch me I'm golden and wild as the wind blows
And tumbling tumbling, don't go fascination
If just for tonight darling, let's get lost
If just for tonight darling, let's get lost

Oh, I need a cigarette.

It is not always that an original soundtrack actually enhances the pornographic value of a guilty pleasure movie, so really, I'd recommend this soundtrack to fans of that movie that need something to tide them until the DVD release date.

Rating: 87


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