Into The Lion's Den (2011)
Main cast: Ronnie Kroell (Michael), Jesse Archer (Johnny), Kristen-Alexzander Griffith (Ted), Michael Mcfadden (Frank), and Jodie Shultz-Young (Betty)
Director: Dan Lantz


Apparently there was a vacuum in gay cinema that had to be filled with a movie, any movie, so someone decided that it would be a fabulous idea to create a gay version of Hostel. Only, there's no money coming in, so the script is scaled down to limit the location to a redneck bar called the Lion's Den and the surrounding locales. Talent doesn't grow on trees in West Hollywood, and beggars can't be choosers, so the actors chosen to be in this movie are picked by... random, I guess, since talent isn't exactly shining out of their rear ends.

Three stereotypes are on their way from LA to New York City, and they decide to stop at a redneck bar and motel for a night. There's Michael or Mikey, the sensitive one who had recently broken up with some guy - he's the boring guy who flashes his willy in a desperate attempt to be remembered. Johnny is the promiscuous slut that screws anything that moves, and Ted is the girly one that has never done anything "risky". Ted also does double duty as the token Black dude. If they aren't bad enough, they just have to encounter a deranged couple that drug and manhandle gay boys for their sadistic pleasures. This couple is so over the top, they come off as clown school dropouts that can't act even if their lives depend on it. These two make the trio of bad WeHo stereotypes look like master thespians.

The acting aside, the rest of the movie isn't any better. In fact, there's plenty to mock and laugh at here, from the hilariously incompetent death scenes, the bad pacing, the plodding filler scenes, and Ronnie Kroell's failed attempt at being a sex symbol. There is hardly any violence here, as most of the movie focuses on the WeHo caricatures squealing (Johnny), prancing (Ted), and brooding (Mikey) to hide the fact that none of them can act their way out of a paper bag.

Oh, and speaking of paper bags, there is even less nudity than violence here, if that's your sort of thing. There are two glimpses of pee-pees, but come on, there are better movies with male nudity out there, and they won't rot the brain like this one.

Is there any point in watching this movie? Let me think for a second. Okay, no.

Rating: 37


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