End Of Days (1999)
Main cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Jericho Cane), Gabriel Byrne (Satan), and Robin Tunney (Christine York)
Director: Peter Hyams


This movie is sick. Sadistic is what I would call it. Why are the Christian folks lobbying against Dogma? It is this crap they should be lobbying at.

1999 is here, and the Devil has taken over a man to go impregnate the Chosen Woman (Christine) to bear his child. Devil chose a man of Gabriel Byrne's class - good taste. He chooses Christine for the receptacle of his demonic seed. Bad taste. Christine is the shriekiest, most passive, and totally useless heroine whose favorite word is No screamed at an interval of every ten minutes. Usually while she's standing there, next to the villian, watching with wide-eyed fear as our hero Jericho is beaten bloody. It never occurred to her to run. She'd rather stand there and test her lungs, hoping maybe Satan bought a recording biz fellow along too, perhaps.

This movie pulls out all the cliches one can think of. Hero haunted over dead wife and kid (he wasn't there to protect them). Priests who, before plunging a blade through Christine's heart, have to spend half an hour praying for forgiveness. All in time for the hero to break down the door to rescue our Shrieky Heroine, of course. You'd think God would understand if they give an abbreviated plea for forgiveness, say, of only five minutes? Let's not forget the best one: Jericho gazes at the statue of Madonna for three seconds in the last half hour and miraculously regains his faith to defeat Satan. Only in Hollywood is life so easy.

Forget the mess of a plot and plot holes so wide one could fit a Mack truck through. For a story about faith, somehow the film makers forgot all about God. In this movie, God is one sadistic fellow who watches His priests get cut down in His own church. He never lifts a Finger to aid even when His worshippers, broken and battered, went on their knees to beseech for divine intervention. Satan mocks Him, saying that He delights in watching His worshippers grovel and beg. If it's something good, it's God will. If it's bad, it's "God works in mysterious ways." And this movie only emphasizes that. God is merciless, delights in our torment, and demands total sacrifices, this movie tells me. How nice.

And they're protesting over Dogma? Give me a break.

Rating: 06


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