Boat Trip (2003)
Main cast: Cuba Gooding Jr (Jerry Robinson), Horatio Sanz (Nick Ragoni), Roselyn Sanchez (Gabriela), Vivica A Fox (Felicia), Maurice Godin (Hector), and Roger Moore (Lloyd Faversham)
Director: Mort Nathan


Fat jokes, gay jokes, all delivered with the creativity of a one-note flatulence. Sigh. Of all the movies I've bought from my fave pirated VCD dealer *ahem* why did I choose this movie first?

I'm too tired to even be annoyed by this movie. I'm filled with pity for Cuba Gooding Jr who seems to be on a one-man self-abuse trip to star in the worst movies imaginable. His agent must hate him. Or maybe he committed some really heinous crime when he was a kid - maybe he drowned kittens or something? - and now he must atone by starring in the worst eyeblights around. Or maybe he is punishing me.

This is the story of Jerry - recently dumped - and Horatio - annoying dump - who want to sign on a bisexual cruise to get hot chicks and see chick-on-chick action. Alas, the travel agent they annoy deliberately sign them onto the gay cruise instead. It takes them twenty minutes to learn that they are on a gay cruise, apparently because the music, the plethora of muscle men, and Roger Moore actually making the move on you aren't evidences enough. So they scream. They bumble. They fall down. We have gay and lesbian jokes, haw haw haw. We laugh at stupid straight fat and ugly men, haw haw haw. So the fat ugly one learns the hard way that the age-old stereotype of the loudest homophobe being one of the family rings true, much to the dismay of gay folks everywhere. The comparatively cute one finds love with the only straight woman aboard and has to pretend to be gay. Never seen that horrid Ryan O'Neal "pretend gay" movie has any straight man ever humiliate himself this way. Cuba, King of Self Abuse, we salute thee!

This movie is not offensive because it's so lame and unfunny. It drags out all the archaic gender jokes out like a dying horse being led out of the stable to be flogged to death. It's bad when it's trying to be offensive and it's lame when it's trying to be politically correct. In the end, this movie only succeeds in getting disowned by the community on both sides of the playing fence.

Rating: 22


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