Highland Dream
by Tess Mallory, historical/time-travel (2001)
LoveSpell (Wink And A Kiss), $5.50, ISBN 0-505-52444-9


Highland Ditz, sorry, Highland Dream is yet another screwball comedy coming my way. And like all bad screwball romances, I am convinced that everyone in this story are aliens from some planet where one's mental age never progresses beyond ten.

I'm not sure how to tell the synopsis. I'll try. Jix Ferguson's dreams always come true. So when she dreams that her best friend Samantha is marrying the wrong guy, she decides the best idea is to -? What, sit down and talk to Sam and tell her where is going wrong? Are you crazy? That's such a retarded plan. No, the best and most sensible solution is to take Sam to Scotland under false pretenses and kidnap her!

That's Romance Heroine Genius 101 for you.

They meet Jamie McGregor, a sexy Scotsman whom Jix is sure Sam will marry. But gosh, she wants him for herself too. But she can't, because, like, well, her dream says so, and anyways, she is loyal to her friend, and it's so like not cool to have a guy in her life. Who has the time?

Lots of time, as it turns out. All three get sent back to Scotland, 17th century. In some convoluted twist, Jix must now marry some studmuffin guy called Griffin (sssh, he's actually a virgin). What will Jix do now?

Lots of stupid things. Screaming and running around in what the author must believe to be "feitsy behavior". But as it turns out, Jix is ultra-annoying. Sam is just as bad. She's so whiny and bratty that I am not surprised she married the wrong guy. Oh yeah, by the way, she is married to the wrong guy. This book seems to believe that by running away after the wedding ceremony, Sam can get magically unmarried. But then again, I did say I am convinced everyone in this story is an alien. Probably their culture is different.

I've given up trying to understand the characters' way of thinking by page 53. But even shutting my brain down, I still couldn't bring myself to enjoy this ridiculous story of dimwits behaving stupid. Maybe I'll try beating my head with a rolling pin until I see stars... nah, I'd rather watch TV instead.

Rating: 37


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