by Carol Lynne, contemporary (2007)
Ellora's Cave, $2.99, ISBN 978-1-4199-0999-3
For a fellow with issues about his father not accepting him being gay, hero Austin Green - no relationship with that Beverly Hills, 90210 actor, I'm sure - decides to drop out of college and join the army.
Don't ask, don't tell, I suppose.
Then again, given how this author seems to love her openly gay men in uniform, I suspect that perhaps Carol Lynne is just doing her part to envision a better world for you and for me and the entire human race. Feels So Right tells the story of Austin coming back to attend his sister Houston's wedding only to end up going down - in an elevator, you perverts - with Tony Rumalati, the happy father of the bridegroom.
Oh fuck. It was just Austin’s luck to find what appeared to be the perfect male specimen only to find out he was his soon-to-be brother-in-law’s father. The elevator doors shut and Tony pushed the button for the lobby. Austin couldn’t help but notice Tony was staring right at Austin’s erection, clearly visible in his tight jeans.
Tony looked up and realized he’d been caught. “Excuse me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t mind telling you that I find you incredibly attractive.”
Austin’s eyebrow rose as he smiled. “Really? Well, I don’t mind telling you the same thing. Do you mind if I ask if your wife’s going to be joining you?”
Tony’s lips tilted up in a slow sexy smile. “Not married. Haven’t been since Neil’s mom and I divorced when he was just a baby. We’re friends though. She’ll be at the dinner of course, but with her husband of twenty years. Would you be interested in sitting with me?”
Now, you may be staring at the above four paragraphs and are wondering who on earth writes in this bizarre manner, as if she's just throwing jumbles of her thoughts together on paper. Why, the inimitable Carol Lynne, of course. The conversation described in the above four paragraphs is so absurd that I find myself giggling out loud.
The sex is unbearably erotic with the heat high enough to melt down the entire size of Pluto, as demonstrated by the following paragraph that describes the peak of a sexual interlude:
Without preamble, Austin thrust all three fingers as deep as they would go. Tony rode his hand for only seconds before he was shooting his seed down Austin’s throat. Austin milked Tony’s cock dry as he himself came against the front of Tony’s leather seat.
These two guys do it and shoot everywhere all over themselves in a car and then wander off into the church to chit-chat, mingle, and shake hands. Will it be any consolation if I say that at least they lick their fingers clean before they head back into the church? I have nothing against folks who like to stick their fingers back there and up here and all over, but I'm not going to be happy sharing the buffet with them.
The "conflict" in this story is pretty nonexistent as everyone except for Austin's evil homophobic father is happy for them. The author lays down a pro-gay and anti-prejudice message so thick here that... well, while her intention is commendable, I really wish she at the same time hasn't let me know in graphic detail that her noble and heroic gay men heroes don't wash their hands after a torrid fingering-and-licking "this ain't your Momma's KFC commercial" session. The message can be confusing. I can picture the poor confused reader going, "Gay men are so noble and sexy and so hot and so... EEUW, HAVE THEY CLEANED UP? I'M NOT SHARING MY FRIED CHICKEN WITH THEM! Hey, who are you calling homophobic? I have the entire collection of Carol Lynne's stories and I think hot boys having sex is the best so you can just stuff it. If you think you are so much better than me, why don't you go and share your fried chicken with them?"
Is this book terrible? Absolutely. But do I find this book hilarious? Absolutely. I admit that a part of me does feel guilty about enjoying these books so much for the sheer awfulness of them, especially when I keep picturing the author as this sweet old lady who just wants to write happy stories about hot boys having sex with each other. But hey, I suppose my money to her will go some way in soothing my conscience.
I'm just disappointed that this story is too short. If it's any longer, I bet the trainwreck will be glorious to behold. As it is, Feels So Right is just a mini-trainwreck that is most unsatisfactory in how little collateral damage it inflicts on one's senses. I want fireworks. I want howlers instead of mere boo-boo's. I want sex scenes that are physically impossible. Still, I'm not giving up on this author yet, especially when it seems like she's going to have one book out every month or so. Hurry up, Ms Lynne! Don't leave your number one fan hanging.
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