Mistress Christmas
by Lorelei James, contemporary (2008)
Samhain Publishing, $3.50, ISBN 978-1-60504-274-9


Holly North, like every female accountant in romance novels, has a sexy body with killer curves and a natural affinity for having multiple orgasms when she's touched in all the right places. This Christmas, she has nothing better to do, so she does what every mousy accountant woman in romance novels do: she becomes a stripper. Oh, don't worry, it's not like she has taken up a drug habit and needs to get an extra source of income ASAP. Her friend Ivy, who owns a Christmas-themed strip club (insert your own jokes about candy canes and lollypops here), needs a favor. So Holly decides to wear a mask and some bustier that showcases her sugarplums and ta-da, Mistress Christmas is here.

Nick West, like every male cop in romance novels, is doing some side-investigation for a friend. His friend claimed that he was robbed while getting a lap dance in that very same club, you see, and Nick wants to catch Mistress Christmas in the act of drugging her clients and going through their wallets. While he has no idea that this current Mistress Christmas is not the same as the previous sticky-fingered one, his chubby isn't complaining when Holly demonstrates that she can pull off that kind of dance that Salma Hayek did in From Dusk Till Dawn on an impromptu basis without any training. Those late night accounting classes sure paid off!

I have to hand it to Nick. He's a lucky fellow or what? From his ridiculously half-assed apology at the end that only a romance heroine would accept without a "Hey, wait a minute..." at the very least to the fact that he scored effortlessly with a hot babe only to realize that she's not a skanky free-for-all but an accountant with natural talent for porn-star/stripper wiggle-piggle antics. Who says romance novels are strictly escapist fantasies for females?

The plot... well, sheesh. But you know what, the sex is hot. Oh, don't protest - it's alright. We know each other well so there is no shame to be felt. I'm sure Ms James won't mind if we both agree that we enjoy this story for one thing and only one thing.

Rating: 82


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