Escapade
by Melissa Jackson, futuristic (2008)
Liquid Silver Books, $4.75, ISBN 978-1-59578-490-2


Melissa Jackson's Escapade is set in the 22nd century, where our heroine Ceres Buchanan decides that a "sexbot" is her solution when it comes to her cold and dateless nights. A "sexbot" manufactured by West Robotics and Technology will apparently make you get off so fast that you can't wait to get on again, if you know what I mean. Oh, and it will also do the housework for you. I approve, especially about the housework part, as long as the guy's robotic ding dong doesn't double as the hose for the vacuum clearner. That will put a new meaning to the phrase "Do you know where his, er, hands have been?"

Why would Ceres want a toy when she could have easily hired a maid to do her housework for her? You see, she is such a stereotype. She has a va-va-voom body, of course, but her last boyfriend cheated on her, she seems to meet only creeps and losers, so alas, the poor dear is convinced that she is doomed to a lifetime of being wedded to her battery-operated boyfriend unless she buys a... well, another battery operated boyfriend, only this one has a proper body to go with the... you know. She also believes that her "inexperience" dooms her to become a disappointment to future boyfriends. There is no winning with her - she is determined to believe the worst in herself. Ceres is your typical Dummy Wretch Heroine 101.

Galen West, creator of the SX3000, is attracted to Ceres the moment he spots her when she comes to pick up her new sexbot. Because Ceres is determined to believe that she can never please any living man, Galen decides that he has no way of getting into our heroine's pants other than to pose as the sexbot. I don't know which is more pathetic, the hero for pretending to be a tin can in order to score or the heroine for deciding that she's in love with what she believes to be a tin can. Or for not realizing that the hero isn't a tin can. My money is on Ceres, but that's because I find her more of a pathetic cliché of the delusional and pathetic heroine.

If you are looking for sex scenes, you will find plenty here, including a gratuitous threesome scene that is thrown in just because the author has the power to do so. But if you are looking for story... well, reread my synopsis of the story and think hard. Don't say that I never warned you.

Rating: 56


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