Simply Divine
by Wendy Holden, contemporary (1999)
Headline, 5.99, ISBN 0-7472-6129-6


Poor Jane (surname unknown). She has been holding out in a most unsatisfactory relationship, only to be dumped by him. Her one night stand, her upstairs neighbor, disappears the morning after. Her boss underappreciates her, her job as an editor in a fashion magazine is boring her, and her best friend Tally, a member of the nobility, is facing a bankruptcy.

Then her boss asks her to be a ghostwriter for a column by Champagne D'Vyne, a dense, busty, loud, self-absorbed man-eating socialite. Jane rolls up her eyes and starts to drag herself into Champagne's daily routine. Bad mistake.

Soon Champagne is everywhere in her life. Jane could only watch in horrified fascination at Champagne's parade of old and rich lovers and studly, well-hung toyboys. Champagne starts calling her up at the most inconvenient times and pesters Jane to do trivial nonsense for her. Jane's new and glamorous job, she discovers, is only due to Champagne asking for her and not because of Jane's editing skills. Soon everyone wants Jane because of Champagne. No Champagne, no Jane. When Jane finally finds that missing one-night-stander once again, things seem better. But watch out, here comes Champagne...

This book is a big sensation, and the author gets megabucks for the screenplay deal, and I can see why. This book is wickedly funny. Nobody is spared from this author's really cheeky and really naughty sense of humor. Rich old geezers, dumb blondes, eccentric rich people, insecure whiny women, clueless fashionable people... watch out, Ms Holden's lingual scissors can be very sharp. I can't pack all the delicious jokes in here without painstakingly reproducing the whole book (then I'll get sued by everybody). The pace is frantic too, and the characters are so, shall we say, delightfully British in their sense of humor.

I had a great time reading this book. It's simply hilarious! It's a pity this book isn't a movie - I bet it would be a colorful bon-bon affair.

Having said that, for an undemanding comedy, this book is excellent. But I'm not too sure how I feel about Jane. Her romance with Mr Right is undercooked, but that's okay, I don't expect a grand affaire de couer in this sort of book. My daughter has one thing to say about Jane, and I'll quote her: Get a life. This woman has great legs, body, and bust. She has a high paying job. But she's unhappy. Why? She doesn't have a man. She keeps moaning that her life is one big disaster. Because she has no man. Honey, get a life. Her buddy Tally may go through Mr Wrongs like a kid going through a bucket of jelly babies, but at least Tally just shrugs and say Hey, c'est la vie. Jane would then feel Tally's desperation for her (I'm not kidding) and bemoan to me that their lives are ruined. Because they have no man.

Jane, they have mental doctors for people like you. Get a pet!

Rating: 83


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